Is it creepy that a bartender remembered my drink after one visit three weeks ago?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It honestly made me feel uncomfortable. My drink was just a basic two ingredient cocktail. I think I look pretty normal and forgettable. I made sure to pay cash because I didn’t want him taking down my name and then social media or Google stalking me.

Only if you’re super hot, like a 10 out of 10.
And young mid 20s or less.

[Anonymous]

This is probably why some people stay single.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is nothing creepy about this.

Bartenders, however, deal with plenty of creeps. They are not being nice, or remembering you or your drink, because they like you or think you are special. It is to increase tips.

Why would I tip more because he remembered me and my drink? Who asked for or seeks such a thing?

Who the eff goes to a bar as a single person? Someone looking to socialize. And then goes back and complains that the bartender remembered their order (which is bartender for socialization; they're not really your friend)? It's ingratiating behavior in the service industry, and you should just accept your weirdnesses and either drink alone or sober up altogether.

You're a mess.

I have a work account in that area. I went once three weeks ago for one drink. I returned three weeks later for one drink. Zero interest in socializing. I don’t consider it good service to be talked to like a bar fly or remembered by a male bartender. It made me feel uncomfortable and I’m sure most solo women would agree.

No. Most people, including solo women, understand that bartenders are paid to be friendly. Most women likely do agree that you’re a basket case, though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is nothing creepy about this.

Bartenders, however, deal with plenty of creeps. They are not being nice, or remembering you or your drink, because they like you or think you are special. It is to increase tips.

Why would I tip more because he remembered me and my drink? Who asked for or seeks such a thing?

Who the eff goes to a bar as a single person? Someone looking to socialize. And then goes back and complains that the bartender remembered their order (which is bartender for socialization; they're not really your friend)? It's ingratiating behavior in the service industry, and you should just accept your weirdnesses and either drink alone or sober up altogether.

You're a mess.

I have a work account in that area. I went once three weeks ago for one drink. I returned three weeks later for one drink. Zero interest in socializing. I don’t consider it good service to be talked to like a bar fly or remembered by a male bartender. It made me feel uncomfortable and I’m sure most solo women would agree.

You are completely wrong and have some serious issues. No one spoke to you like a barfly, and your condescending attitude is unnecessary. Get over yourself. As a single female who travels for work, I would have zero issues having a bartender, male or female, remember my drink. That's what they do. As one PP said, more often than not, they will remember nothing more about you than your drink because their job is to serve you drinks. While there are a few bad seeds out there, bartenders are usually not the predators and help keep an eye on things and keep the people in their bars safe. Most bartenders get hit on so often that, trust me, they are not going to take your name from your credit card and stalk you on SM. They.do.not.care.about.you. Based on your responses to this thread, I would guess you were such a miserable patron that you made yourself memorable.

I suggest you stick to room service when you are traveling, as you apparently don't understand how the service industry works.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It honestly made me feel uncomfortable. My drink was just a basic two ingredient cocktail. I think I look pretty normal and forgettable. I made sure to pay cash because I didn’t want him taking down my name and then social media or Google stalking me.

Did you get drunk when you went to several weeks ago? Do you feel insecure about the amount of drinks that you ordered? I sense that some sort of specious element here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is nothing creepy about this.

Bartenders, however, deal with plenty of creeps. They are not being nice, or remembering you or your drink, because they like you or think you are special. It is to increase tips.

Why would I tip more because he remembered me and my drink? Who asked for or seeks such a thing?

Who the eff goes to a bar as a single person? Someone looking to socialize. And then goes back and complains that the bartender remembered their order (which is bartender for socialization; they're not really your friend)? It's ingratiating behavior in the service industry, and you should just accept your weirdnesses and either drink alone or sober up altogether.

You're a mess.

I have a work account in that area. I went once three weeks ago for one drink. I returned three weeks later for one drink. Zero interest in socializing. I don’t consider it good service to be talked to like a bar fly or remembered by a male bartender. It made me feel uncomfortable and I’m sure most solo women would agree.

Your assumption would be wrong. You sound crazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It honestly made me feel uncomfortable. My drink was just a basic two ingredient cocktail. I think I look pretty normal and forgettable. I made sure to pay cash because I didn’t want him taking down my name and then social media or Google stalking me.

Did you get drunk when you went to several weeks ago? Do you feel insecure about the amount of drinks that you ordered? I sense that some sort of specious element here.

Just one drink. Tipped normally, nothing too low or too high. Nothing about my brief visit was memorable. I do not want to be remembered and treated like a barfly on a first name basis with any server. I don’t want to be served like “oh, the usual?” It is not courteous, it is rude to conduct yourself like this to a woman in a drinking establishment. And it is a little creepy to remember woman and her drink when she briefly visited several weeks ago.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It honestly made me feel uncomfortable. My drink was just a basic two ingredient cocktail. I think I look pretty normal and forgettable. I made sure to pay cash because I didn’t want him taking down my name and then social media or Google stalking me.

Did you get drunk when you went to several weeks ago? Do you feel insecure about the amount of drinks that you ordered? I sense that some sort of specious element here.

Just one drink. Tipped normally, nothing too low or too high. Nothing about my brief visit was memorable. I do not want to be remembered and treated like a barfly on a first name basis with any server. I don’t want to be served like “oh, the usual?” It is not courteous, it is rude to conduct yourself like this to a woman in a drinking establishment. And it is a little creepy to remember woman and her drink when she briefly visited several weeks ago.

It is considered the sign of a good bartender to remember your drink.

Next time just drink along in your hotel room.

[Anonymous]

Who let the alcoholic troll in?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It honestly made me feel uncomfortable. My drink was just a basic two ingredient cocktail. I think I look pretty normal and forgettable. I made sure to pay cash because I didn’t want him taking down my name and then social media or Google stalking me.

Did you get drunk when you went to several weeks ago? Do you feel insecure about the amount of drinks that you ordered? I sense that some sort of specious element here.

Just one drink. Tipped normally, nothing too low or too high. Nothing about my brief visit was memorable. I do not want to be remembered and treated like a barfly on a first name basis with any server. I don’t want to be served like “oh, the usual?” It is not courteous, it is rude to conduct yourself like this to a woman in a drinking establishment. And it is a little creepy to remember woman and her drink when she briefly visited several weeks ago.

OP, you get to feel how you want to feel.

You don't get to decide what is commonly understood to be rude or creepy. As you have been told, nothing the bartender did was inappropriate. In fact, if not generally neutral behavior it is good service. You may not like it, that is fine. But the bartender did nothing wrong.

[Anonymous]

OP., you either don't get out of the house much or you're a paranoid narcissist. Maybe both.

It is literally the job of good bartenders and servers to remember things like this.

[Anonymous]

It's not creepy at all. I have a fantastic memory for things like this. It's part of why I was a good bartender and part of why I'm now good at my job, which involves a lot of partnerships and business development--I remember details about people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It honestly made me feel uncomfortable. My drink was just a basic two ingredient cocktail. I think I look pretty normal and forgettable. I made sure to pay cash because I didn’t want him taking down my name and then social media or Google stalking me.

Did you get drunk when you went to several weeks ago? Do you feel insecure about the amount of drinks that you ordered? I sense that some sort of specious element here.

Just one drink. Tipped normally, nothing too low or too high. Nothing about my brief visit was memorable. I do not want to be remembered and treated like a barfly on a first name basis with any server. I don’t want to be served like “oh, the usual?” It is not courteous, it is rude to conduct yourself like this to a woman in a drinking establishment. And it is a little creepy to remember woman and her drink when she briefly visited several weeks ago.

It is considered the sign of a good bartender to remember your drink.

Next time just drink along in your hotel room.

Is this an American thing? I truly do not understand why that makes for a good server you will see once or twice in your life. It’s not as if it was waiting for me when I walked in. It doesn’t save any time. It insinuates you drink a lot there. Which I don’t. And it startled me, so I switched my drink order. Maybe that’s something you want at your local cafe you visit with your family twice a week for years on end and they remember just how you like your steak frites. Or maybe men like this from bartenders. Not something a bartender should ever do to a random solo woman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It honestly made me feel uncomfortable. My drink was just a basic two ingredient cocktail. I think I look pretty normal and forgettable. I made sure to pay cash because I didn’t want him taking down my name and then social media or Google stalking me.

Did you get drunk when you went to several weeks ago? Do you feel insecure about the amount of drinks that you ordered? I sense that some sort of specious element here.

Just one drink. Tipped normally, nothing too low or too high. Nothing about my brief visit was memorable. I do not want to be remembered and treated like a barfly on a first name basis with any server. I don’t want to be served like “oh, the usual?” It is not courteous, it is rude to conduct yourself like this to a woman in a drinking establishment. And it is a little creepy to remember woman and her drink when she briefly visited several weeks ago.

It is considered the sign of a good bartender to remember your drink.

Next time just drink along in your hotel room.

Is this an American thing? I truly do not understand why that makes for a good server you will see once or twice in your life. It’s not as if it was waiting for me when I walked in. It doesn’t save any time. It insinuates you drink a lot there. Which I don’t. And it startled me, so I switched my drink order. Maybe that’s something you want at your local cafe you visit with your family twice a week for years on end and they remember just how you like your steak frites. Or maybe men like this from bartenders. Not something a bartender should ever do to a random solo woman.

OP how do you expect this thread to go?

Everyone, literally everyone, is telling you that what the bartender did was entirely appropriate and what you think it "insinuates" is not what anyone else would take from it.

You are entirely unmoved by the consensus answer to the QUESTION you asked in your subject line. Is your plan to just keep repeating yourself and ignoring everyone?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It honestly made me feel uncomfortable. My drink was just a basic two ingredient cocktail. I think I look pretty normal and forgettable. I made sure to pay cash because I didn’t want him taking down my name and then social media or Google stalking me.

Did you get drunk when you went to several weeks ago? Do you feel insecure about the amount of drinks that you ordered? I sense that some sort of specious element here.

Just one drink. Tipped normally, nothing too low or too high. Nothing about my brief visit was memorable. I do not want to be remembered and treated like a barfly on a first name basis with any server. I don’t want to be served like “oh, the usual?” It is not courteous, it is rude to conduct yourself like this to a woman in a drinking establishment. And it is a little creepy to remember woman and her drink when she briefly visited several weeks ago.

It is considered the sign of a good bartender to remember your drink.

Next time just drink along in your hotel room.

Is this an American thing? I truly do not understand why that makes for a good server you will see once or twice in your life. It’s not as if it was waiting for me when I walked in. It doesn’t save any time. It insinuates you drink a lot there. Which I don’t. And it startled me, so I switched my drink order. Maybe that’s something you want at your local cafe you visit with your family twice a week for years on end and they remember just how you like your steak frites. Or maybe men like this from bartenders. Not something a bartender should ever do to a random solo woman.

OP how do you expect this thread to go?

Everyone, literally everyone, is telling you that what the bartender did was entirely appropriate and what you think it "insinuates" is not what anyone else would take from it.

You are entirely unmoved by the consensus answer to the QUESTION you asked in your subject line. Is your plan to just keep repeating yourself and ignoring everyone?

+1. OP, I would feel differently if there was someone following something you did, and commenting on it (however innocuous it would seem to a common bystander) regularly, with inappropriate intent, and not owning up to it - but this situation is different: you were in the context of his profession (ie: a somewhat regular patron at a bar, whatever you wish to call it; where he works; and actually sitting at the bar; his comment was pertinent to the direct matter at hand; and it could be deemed a fair and reasonable transaction). It's not like you were sitting outside of his actual sightline, and he came flying across the restaurant and said "I know what she likes!" even.

There was nothing outside of the parameters of appropriate about it. This is not stalking. Stalking is different, stalking is repeated harassment: "pursue or approach stealthily; harass or persecute (someone) with unwanted and obsessive attention". What he did could not be brought to court, or even kept by record.

I mean, if you knew you would be some where, and he showed up repeatedly, and especially if he taunted you or was otherwise inappropriate, he would be screwed. I would be all for getting a lien on his house, and more. But this is not that.