DH has directed us to shovel off the deck - AITA

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He is home, at work.

I asked if he would mind explaining why this is needed, he replied,
"I'd rather the deck not become an ice rink. It's about safety".

But... no one is using the deck because it's winter and cold and snowy. So whose safety?

Again, just getting to the grill only requires a small path.

"Okay, thanks for sharing that. I have a different opinion about safety since no one is using the deck. It's not a priority for me, so I'm going pass on shoveling it."

[Anonymous]

^ and be reasonable. Don't, yourself, be mad and not do something or not do something well enough just because what he says bother you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is he physically disabled? That is a man's job.

No, he is strong. Much, much stronger than I am.

What kind was man asks a 16 year old girl and middle aged woman that do that. What a jerk.

Sounds like maybe a man who is at the office while his teenager and lazy wife lounge around the house.

So it's a punishment? A big FU? Here's a pointless, non sensical task because I'm mad that I had to go to the office today? That makes more sense than the idea that a few pounds per inch need to be moved off a deck that is engineered to code standards.

[Anonymous]

https://heattrak.com/pages/shop-residential?tw_source=google&tw_adid=666250276681&tw_campaign=11605405667&gad_source=1&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIpvyM2afigwMVpC3UAR0BpAcYEAAYASAAEgIwmfD_BwE

You can buy similar stuff from Amazon or Home depot aa well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe because I grew up in Canada with lots of snow, this doesnt seem like a big deal to me. We all take turns shovelling. And I dont do my entire deck, but I do try to get most of it off. We also bbq year round so I make a path there, and also to the stairs.

Just because your deck doesnt have any structural issues now, why would you willingly and knowingly leave 100s #s on top unnecessarily? Anyways, to me this isn't a big thing, and I'd encourage my 16 year old to do it and definitely go help out.

It’s 4” of snow. There will not be any structural issues from it.

- structural engineer

[Anonymous]

You all are being ridiculous focusing on The Deck. The deck is not the real problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:i would just ask "what are you worried about happening?"

if he sends a comment about the weight you can do a quick google of facts to see whose right. if he just says he'd like it done you can say "we have other things going on today but i can handle xyz tonight so you have time to do it when you're come"

My aspergers husband will see a random article or email (buy this stock, shovel at 8pm no matter what, replace the pool filter every month) and think it is gospel.

What he won’t ever do is the thinking required to take some random advice and apply it correctly to our situation, or climate, or house structure, or investment portfolio.

Everything is black and white. A rigid schedule, rules to follow. Set by his mother decades ago.

Just ignore him. But do your own homework. He will miss important things and be unreliable when it matters. And he will harp on noise, don’t get distracted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:https://heattrak.com/pages/shop-residential?tw_source=google&tw_adid=666250276681&tw_campaign=11605405667&gad_source=1&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIpvyM2afigwMVpC3UAR0BpAcYEAAYASAAEgIwmfD_BwE

You can buy similar stuff from Amazon or Home depot aa well.

I love these but they are pricey.

And coming up with work around solutions doesn't work because he finds something else to focus on. See the great paper cup compromise of 2023.

[Anonymous]

We only shove a path and the shady area that ice over.

Frankly everything in DC area melts within a day or two max. So you could easily do nothing if you’re staying in.

[Anonymous]

His tone is incredibly off putting. I would laugh in my DH's face if he talked to me that way. I'm not his employee. Though if he asked me nicely I would probably do it ("I'm worried about the desk freezing. Do you have time to get the snow off today?")

In addition to his tone, if you work from home it's also completely unclear why this is your job. You are busy with work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH texted myself and 16 YO DD..."I'd like you two to tag team to get the snow off the deck. It's going to freeze tonight so I'd like that taken care of. Thx"

We got about 4 inches of snow. The deck is fairly large.
The deck is perfectly strong, no structural issues.
We are generally not using the deck, as, you know, it's winter.
He might use a small area of the deck near the house to grill IF the weather is nice, which at this time it is not. I could see clearning that off in case the weather gets nice enough to grill. But then, the snow would melt by itself.

DH has a history of being overly picky and controlling. Can't put jeans in the dryer because "too noisy". Gets upset if there are dishes in the sink, or you haven't loaded the dishwasher the way he wants. He will unpack it and reload it. We are not "allowed" to put small bowls on the top shelf, those must be placed on the bottom. We started using paper cups to reduce dishwasher complaints and now he complains about the paper cups taking up space in the trash. It's endless. I could go on and on.

This seems like an insane request to me. Who goes outside to move 1000 pounds of snow around a perfectly sound, unused structure if it's not necessary for some reason? What am I missing?

DCUM, AITA?

Is this a joke?

Pack the dishwasher correctly and it holds a ton and it all gets clean.

There IS a correct way to load a dishwasher. Learn it and do it. Then you won’t hear the damn reminder or complaint over and over.

You have the power!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is he physically disabled? That is a man's job.

No, he is strong. Much, much stronger than I am.

What kind was man asks a 16 year old girl and middle aged woman that do that. What a jerk.

Sounds like maybe a man who is at the office while his teenager and lazy wife lounge around the house.

So it's a punishment? A big FU? Here's a pointless, non sensical task because I'm mad that I had to go to the office today? That makes more sense than the idea that a few pounds per inch need to be moved off a deck that is engineered to code standards.

No, it's not a punishment. It's not a big FU. It's a perfectly reasonable request to clear snow off a surface. Presumably the deck is an emergency exit of sorts for the house? I think the compromise here is clear a path for an exit in an emergency.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd divorce. He sounds like a nightmare. This will get worse as he ages.

You must have healthy relationships

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is he physically disabled? That is a man's job.

No, he is strong. Much, much stronger than I am.

What kind was man asks a 16 year old girl and middle aged woman that do that. What a jerk.

Sounds like maybe a man who is at the office while his teenager and lazy wife lounge around the house.

And, if they are good for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH texted myself and 16 YO DD..."I'd like you two to tag team to get the snow off the deck. It's going to freeze tonight so I'd like that taken care of. Thx"

We got about 4 inches of snow. The deck is fairly large.
The deck is perfectly strong, no structural issues.
We are generally not using the deck, as, you know, it's winter.
He might use a small area of the deck near the house to grill IF the weather is nice, which at this time it is not. I could see clearning that off in case the weather gets nice enough to grill. But then, the snow would melt by itself.

DH has a history of being overly picky and controlling. Can't put jeans in the dryer because "too noisy". Gets upset if there are dishes in the sink, or you haven't loaded the dishwasher the way he wants. He will unpack it and reload it. We are not "allowed" to put small bowls on the top shelf, those must be placed on the bottom. We started using paper cups to reduce dishwasher complaints and now he complains about the paper cups taking up space in the trash. It's endless. I could go on and on.

This seems like an insane request to me. Who goes outside to move 1000 pounds of snow around a perfectly sound, unused structure if it's not necessary for some reason? What am I missing?

DCUM, AITA?

Is this a joke?

Pack the dishwasher correctly and it holds a ton and it all gets clean.

There IS a correct way to load a dishwasher. Learn it and do it. Then you won’t hear the damn reminder or complaint over and over.

You have the power!

https://www.whirlpool.com/blog/kitchen/proper-way-to-load-a-dishwasher.html

See the salad bowls on the top shelf? This is what we are no longer allowed to do. But even the DISHWASHER MANUFACTURER seems to think, unlike my DH, that it is acceptable to put salad bowls on top.

But I am the one who needs to learn how to load a dishwasher?