DH has directed us to shovel off the deck - AITA

[Anonymous]

DH texted myself and 16 YO DD..."I'd like you two to tag team to get the snow off the deck. It's going to freeze tonight so I'd like that taken care of. Thx"

We got about 4 inches of snow. The deck is fairly large.
The deck is perfectly strong, no structural issues.
We are generally not using the deck, as, you know, it's winter.
He might use a small area of the deck near the house to grill IF the weather is nice, which at this time it is not. I could see clearning that off in case the weather gets nice enough to grill. But then, the snow would melt by itself.

DH has a history of being overly picky and controlling. Can't put jeans in the dryer because "too noisy". Gets upset if there are dishes in the sink, or you haven't loaded the dishwasher the way he wants. He will unpack it and reload it. We are not "allowed" to put small bowls on the top shelf, those must be placed on the bottom. We started using paper cups to reduce dishwasher complaints and now he complains about the paper cups taking up space in the trash. It's endless. I could go on and on.

This seems like an insane request to me. Who goes outside to move 1000 pounds of snow around a perfectly sound, unused structure if it's not necessary for some reason? What am I missing?

DCUM, AITA?

[Anonymous]

No.

“If it bothers you so much, do it yourself”

[Anonymous]

So when there is a lot of snow, you need to move it off the deck for safety. Especially as it melts bc it can get really heavy.

That doesn’t apply here, bc it isn’t much snow nor is it melting, but maybe he just knows the advice and is blindly following it?

[Anonymous]

It’s actually kind of fun to get out there and push snow around. I just got in from cleaning off 2 cars and half of our driveway. My DH would have done it but he had to get to work and I didn’t. I’ll get out there again after lunch to do more but just for the fun of it. Maybe you and your daughter can look at it that way.

[Anonymous]

Is he physically disabled? That is a man's job.

[Anonymous]

I'd divorce. He sounds like a nightmare. This will get worse as he ages.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is he physically disabled? That is a man's job.

No, he is strong. Much, much stronger than I am.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s actually kind of fun to get out there and push snow around. I just got in from cleaning off 2 cars and half of our driveway. My DH would have done it but he had to get to work and I didn’t. I’ll get out there again after lunch to do more but just for the fun of it. Maybe you and your daughter can look at it that way.

OP here, I just got in from cleaning off my own car, I did not find it fun, at all. But it is nice that you did! Glass half full right?

[Anonymous]

Ice-covered snow is significantly harder to move than plain snow. That’s the reason I stay on top of shoveling. But I do it myself. I don’t ask others to do it.

Is your DH disabled or injured? Is he working and you’re not? If one of those is true, I would say it’s ok to ask, but phrase it as a question, not an order.

Is your son your DH’s child? If it’s a stepparent situation, I could see why he reads you in when he makes requests.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is he physically disabled? That is a man's job.

No, he is strong. Much, much stronger than I am.

Maybe you two are lazy and don't do anything around the house and he's tired of doing all the work? Let me ask, who shoveled the driveway? Sidewalks? Who removed the snow off the cars? Did he go to work and you two get to stay home and play?

Hmmm....so much more to this story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH texted myself and 16 YO DD..."I'd like you two to tag team to get the snow off the deck. It's going to freeze tonight so I'd like that taken care of. Thx"

We got about 4 inches of snow. The deck is fairly large.
The deck is perfectly strong, no structural issues.
We are generally not using the deck, as, you know, it's winter.
He might use a small area of the deck near the house to grill IF the weather is nice, which at this time it is not. I could see clearning that off in case the weather gets nice enough to grill. But then, the snow would melt by itself.

DH has a history of being overly picky and controlling. Can't put jeans in the dryer because "too noisy". Gets upset if there are dishes in the sink, or you haven't loaded the dishwasher the way he wants. He will unpack it and reload it. We are not "allowed" to put small bowls on the top shelf, those must be placed on the bottom. We started using paper cups to reduce dishwasher complaints and now he complains about the paper cups taking up space in the trash. It's endless. I could go on and on.

This seems like an insane request to me. Who goes outside to move 1000 pounds of snow around a perfectly sound, unused structure if it's not necessary for some reason? What am I missing?

DCUM, AITA?

I asked my teenager to shovel a path across the deck, and the deck stairs, so my small very elderly dog could go outside comfortably. I didn't want him slipping on the stairs.

So, I guess I think there are circumstances when shoveling the deck, or at least part of the deck, makes sense.

But giving your spouse orders by text is totally out of line. Is he out of town? Is it possible he's texting the teen, and you're just on there and he wasn't thinking of it as texting you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH texted myself and 16 YO DD..."I'd like you two to tag team to get the snow off the deck. It's going to freeze tonight so I'd like that taken care of. Thx"

We got about 4 inches of snow. The deck is fairly large.
The deck is perfectly strong, no structural issues.
We are generally not using the deck, as, you know, it's winter.
He might use a small area of the deck near the house to grill IF the weather is nice, which at this time it is not. I could see clearning that off in case the weather gets nice enough to grill. But then, the snow would melt by itself.

DH has a history of being overly picky and controlling. Can't put jeans in the dryer because "too noisy". Gets upset if there are dishes in the sink, or you haven't loaded the dishwasher the way he wants. He will unpack it and reload it. We are not "allowed" to put small bowls on the top shelf, those must be placed on the bottom. We started using paper cups to reduce dishwasher complaints and now he complains about the paper cups taking up space in the trash. It's endless. I could go on and on.

This seems like an insane request to me. Who goes outside to move 1000 pounds of snow around a perfectly sound, unused structure if it's not necessary for some reason? What am I missing?

DCUM, AITA?

Too bad he is married to someone so lazy and useless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ice-covered snow is significantly harder to move than plain snow. That’s the reason I stay on top of shoveling. But I do it myself. I don’t ask others to do it.

Is your DH disabled or injured? Is he working and you’re not? If one of those is true, I would say it’s ok to ask, but phrase it as a question, not an order.

Is your son your DH’s child? If it’s a stepparent situation, I could see why he reads you in when he makes requests.

The child is our shared daughter.

DH is healthy and hale. Strong.

It was definitely not a question.

I work full time from home. Child is off school.

The thing is, even if the snow ices over, I don't understand why it has to be moved, at all. I could see a pathway being needed. But we are unlikely to get property-threatening levels of snow here this winter, or this coming week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So when there is a lot of snow, you need to move it off the deck for safety. Especially as it melts bc it can get really heavy.

That doesn’t apply here, bc it isn’t much snow nor is it melting, but maybe he just knows the advice and is blindly following it?

Snow doesn't get heavier when it melts. I mean, it gets more dense, but the total mass of the snow on your deck does not increase, unless more precipitation falls on it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH texted myself and 16 YO DD..."I'd like you two to tag team to get the snow off the deck. It's going to freeze tonight so I'd like that taken care of. Thx"

We got about 4 inches of snow. The deck is fairly large.
The deck is perfectly strong, no structural issues.
We are generally not using the deck, as, you know, it's winter.
He might use a small area of the deck near the house to grill IF the weather is nice, which at this time it is not. I could see clearning that off in case the weather gets nice enough to grill. But then, the snow would melt by itself.

DH has a history of being overly picky and controlling. Can't put jeans in the dryer because "too noisy". Gets upset if there are dishes in the sink, or you haven't loaded the dishwasher the way he wants. He will unpack it and reload it. We are not "allowed" to put small bowls on the top shelf, those must be placed on the bottom. We started using paper cups to reduce dishwasher complaints and now he complains about the paper cups taking up space in the trash. It's endless. I could go on and on.

This seems like an insane request to me. Who goes outside to move 1000 pounds of snow around a perfectly sound, unused structure if it's not necessary for some reason? What am I missing?

DCUM, AITA?

Too bad he is married to someone so lazy and useless.

You don't know what I do around the house.
I do pretty much all of the child related stuff, teaching driving, coordinating doctors, dentists, homework, etc.
I also work side jobs on weekends and at night to generate extra cash.
So while I'm not much of a shoveler I am pulling my weight.