DH has directed us to shovel off the deck - AITA

[Anonymous]

No way would I do anything that was asked of me in the way that he asked it. It's about how he talks to you. You are not his employee.

I understand people have preferences on how things are done. I sometimes forget to look in my DH's jeans pockets and things get washed when they shouldn't. He politely asked me "hey hon, would you mind looking before washing my jeans if you're doing laundry." No problem. It was a polite request. But if he had said, "I'd like such and such done, F NO!!!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is he physically disabled? That is a man's job.

No, he is strong. Much, much stronger than I am.

What kind was man asks a 16 year old girl and middle aged woman that do that. What a jerk.

Sounds like maybe a man who is at the office while his teenager and lazy wife lounge around the house.

So it's a punishment? A big FU? Here's a pointless, non sensical task because I'm mad that I had to go to the office today? That makes more sense than the idea that a few pounds per inch need to be moved off a deck that is engineered to code standards.

No, it's not a punishment. It's not a big FU. It's a perfectly reasonable request to clear snow off a surface. Presumably the deck is an emergency exit of sorts for the house? I think the compromise here is clear a path for an exit in an emergency.

So how many people on this thread clear a path on your deck for exit in case of emergency? When it's this amount of snow? Anyone?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So when there is a lot of snow, you need to move it off the deck for safety. Especially as it melts bc it can get really heavy.

That doesn’t apply here, bc it isn’t much snow nor is it melting, but maybe he just knows the advice and is blindly following it?

1" of water = 12" of DRY snow. Or maybe 6" of really damp snow. But it is the same about of mass. It doesn't get heavier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:i would just ask "what are you worried about happening?"

if he sends a comment about the weight you can do a quick google of facts to see whose right. if he just says he'd like it done you can say "we have other things going on today but i can handle xyz tonight so you have time to do it when you're come"

My aspergers husband will see a random article or email (buy this stock, shovel at 8pm no matter what, replace the pool filter every month) and think it is gospel.

What he won’t ever do is the thinking required to take some random advice and apply it correctly to our situation, or climate, or house structure, or investment portfolio.

Everything is black and white. A rigid schedule, rules to follow. Set by his mother decades ago.

Just ignore him. But do your own homework. He will miss important things and be unreliable when it matters. And he will harp on noise, don’t get distracted.

PS his brother is the same Dx and way. You should see the amount of scams they fall for, naively believing and doing what total strangers say or write, over their NT wife or kid or own parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is he physically disabled? That is a man's job.

No, he is strong. Much, much stronger than I am.

What kind was man asks a 16 year old girl and middle aged woman that do that. What a jerk.

Sounds like maybe a man who is at the office while his teenager and lazy wife lounge around the house.

So it's a punishment? A big FU? Here's a pointless, non sensical task because I'm mad that I had to go to the office today? That makes more sense than the idea that a few pounds per inch need to be moved off a deck that is engineered to code standards.

No, it's not a punishment. It's not a big FU. It's a perfectly reasonable request to clear snow off a surface. Presumably the deck is an emergency exit of sorts for the house? I think the compromise here is clear a path for an exit in an emergency.

That's absurd. In the very unlikely event there is an emergency, they can walk through the snow.

[Anonymous]

If you are both working from home, why is he assigning you tasks? That is bizarre. Why can’t he do it with your daughter? If he wants it done, he can do it. And if he does it, your daughter should help.
I like a PP’s language who asked for more explanation and then saying it’s not a priority for you so you’re going to focus on other things.

OP, why is he assigning you chores?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH texted myself and 16 YO DD..."I'd like you two to tag team to get the snow off the deck. It's going to freeze tonight so I'd like that taken care of. Thx"

We got about 4 inches of snow. The deck is fairly large.
The deck is perfectly strong, no structural issues.
We are generally not using the deck, as, you know, it's winter.
He might use a small area of the deck near the house to grill IF the weather is nice, which at this time it is not. I could see clearning that off in case the weather gets nice enough to grill. But then, the snow would melt by itself.

DH has a history of being overly picky and controlling. Can't put jeans in the dryer because "too noisy". Gets upset if there are dishes in the sink, or you haven't loaded the dishwasher the way he wants. He will unpack it and reload it. We are not "allowed" to put small bowls on the top shelf, those must be placed on the bottom. We started using paper cups to reduce dishwasher complaints and now he complains about the paper cups taking up space in the trash. It's endless. I could go on and on.

This seems like an insane request to me. Who goes outside to move 1000 pounds of snow around a perfectly sound, unused structure if it's not necessary for some reason? What am I missing?

DCUM, AITA?

Is this a joke?

Pack the dishwasher correctly and it holds a ton and it all gets clean.

There IS a correct way to load a dishwasher. Learn it and do it. Then you won’t hear the damn reminder or complaint over and over.

You have the power!

https://www.whirlpool.com/blog/kitchen/proper-way-to-load-a-dishwasher.html

See the salad bowls on the top shelf? This is what we are no longer allowed to do. But even the DISHWASHER MANUFACTURER seems to think, unlike my DH, that it is acceptable to put salad bowls on top.

But I am the one who needs to learn how to load a dishwasher?

WTF? Hand wash a big giant easy to wipe clean salad bowl and put 8-10 smaller bowls or cubs there instead.

There IS a correct way to load a dishwasher, not all helter skelter, not all a big lazy bowl taking up half a shelf.

Thx for confirming this is a DCUM troll thread tho.

[Anonymous]

This is not a "man's job." It was my job as a (female) child from age 10 onward. I paid a 9yo neighbor girl to shovel my driveway recently.

He does sound controlling, though. If you are both working from home, assign it to the 16yo. I bet it takes 15-20 min tops. This snow is fluffy and easy to shovel. Or wait until you're both finished work, and tag team it as a couple.

Or, my favorite idea, divorce him, let him do his own laundry and dishes. You and your daughter can have your own place not living under his thumb. That's what I do!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:i would just ask "what are you worried about happening?"

if he sends a comment about the weight you can do a quick google of facts to see whose right. if he just says he'd like it done you can say "we have other things going on today but i can handle xyz tonight so you have time to do it when you're come"

My aspergers husband will see a random article or email (buy this stock, shovel at 8pm no matter what, replace the pool filter every month) and think it is gospel.

What he won’t ever do is the thinking required to take some random advice and apply it correctly to our situation, or climate, or house structure, or investment portfolio.

Everything is black and white. A rigid schedule, rules to follow. Set by his mother decades ago.

Just ignore him. But do your own homework. He will miss important things and be unreliable when it matters. And he will harp on noise, don’t get distracted.

PS his brother is the same Dx and way. You should see the amount of scams they fall for, naively believing and doing what total strangers say or write, over their NT wife or kid or own parent.

Always gotta impress the new friends, the ones they haven’t unmasked for or shown their idiot side to yet!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH texted myself and 16 YO DD..."I'd like you two to tag team to get the snow off the deck. It's going to freeze tonight so I'd like that taken care of. Thx"

We got about 4 inches of snow. The deck is fairly large.
The deck is perfectly strong, no structural issues.
We are generally not using the deck, as, you know, it's winter.
He might use a small area of the deck near the house to grill IF the weather is nice, which at this time it is not. I could see clearning that off in case the weather gets nice enough to grill. But then, the snow would melt by itself.

DH has a history of being overly picky and controlling. Can't put jeans in the dryer because "too noisy". Gets upset if there are dishes in the sink, or you haven't loaded the dishwasher the way he wants. He will unpack it and reload it. We are not "allowed" to put small bowls on the top shelf, those must be placed on the bottom. We started using paper cups to reduce dishwasher complaints and now he complains about the paper cups taking up space in the trash. It's endless. I could go on and on.

This seems like an insane request to me. Who goes outside to move 1000 pounds of snow around a perfectly sound, unused structure if it's not necessary for some reason? What am I missing?

DCUM, AITA?

Too bad he is married to someone so lazy and useless.

You don't know what I do around the house.
I do pretty much all of the child related stuff, teaching driving, coordinating doctors, dentists, homework, etc.
I also work side jobs on weekends and at night to generate extra cash.
So while I'm not much of a shoveler I am pulling my weight.

Sounds like you are off then today. Is DH at the working at the office (an office that produces the household paycheck I gather) or sitting around home coordinating things?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is he physically disabled? That is a man's job.

No, he is strong. Much, much stronger than I am.

What kind was man asks a 16 year old girl and middle aged woman that do that. What a jerk.

Sounds like maybe a man who is at the office while his teenager and lazy wife lounge around the house.

So it's a punishment? A big FU? Here's a pointless, non sensical task because I'm mad that I had to go to the office today? That makes more sense than the idea that a few pounds per inch need to be moved off a deck that is engineered to code standards.

No, it's not a punishment. It's not a big FU. It's a perfectly reasonable request to clear snow off a surface. Presumably the deck is an emergency exit of sorts for the house? I think the compromise here is clear a path for an exit in an emergency.

That's absurd. In the very unlikely event there is an emergency, they can walk through the snow.

Not so easily if it ices over, which is what he said he concern is.

It's almost like OP is stamping her feet and demanding to be lazy. Is this request interrupting her viewing of the Price is Right or something? Does she need more bonbons? It was a perfectly reasonable request. I would absolutely task my teenager with chores on a snow day. Or maybe the teen is wasting time on the TikTok or some shit like that.

[Anonymous]

OP are you decently attractive? Maybe we could hook my wife up with your DH. They sound perfect for each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH texted myself and 16 YO DD..."I'd like you two to tag team to get the snow off the deck. It's going to freeze tonight so I'd like that taken care of. Thx"

We got about 4 inches of snow. The deck is fairly large.
The deck is perfectly strong, no structural issues.
We are generally not using the deck, as, you know, it's winter.
He might use a small area of the deck near the house to grill IF the weather is nice, which at this time it is not. I could see clearning that off in case the weather gets nice enough to grill. But then, the snow would melt by itself.

DH has a history of being overly picky and controlling. Can't put jeans in the dryer because "too noisy". Gets upset if there are dishes in the sink, or you haven't loaded the dishwasher the way he wants. He will unpack it and reload it. We are not "allowed" to put small bowls on the top shelf, those must be placed on the bottom. We started using paper cups to reduce dishwasher complaints and now he complains about the paper cups taking up space in the trash. It's endless. I could go on and on.

This seems like an insane request to me. Who goes outside to move 1000 pounds of snow around a perfectly sound, unused structure if it's not necessary for some reason? What am I missing?

DCUM, AITA?

Too bad he is married to someone so lazy and useless.

You don't know what I do around the house.
I do pretty much all of the child related stuff, teaching driving, coordinating doctors, dentists, homework, etc.
I also work side jobs on weekends and at night to generate extra cash.
So while I'm not much of a shoveler I am pulling my weight.

Sounds like you are off then today. Is DH at the working at the office (an office that produces the household paycheck I gather) or sitting around home coordinating things?

I'm off today.
I WFH. I make more money.
He is at an office.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH texted myself and 16 YO DD..."I'd like you two to tag team to get the snow off the deck. It's going to freeze tonight so I'd like that taken care of. Thx"

We got about 4 inches of snow. The deck is fairly large.
The deck is perfectly strong, no structural issues.
We are generally not using the deck, as, you know, it's winter.
He might use a small area of the deck near the house to grill IF the weather is nice, which at this time it is not. I could see clearning that off in case the weather gets nice enough to grill. But then, the snow would melt by itself.

DH has a history of being overly picky and controlling. Can't put jeans in the dryer because "too noisy". Gets upset if there are dishes in the sink, or you haven't loaded the dishwasher the way he wants. He will unpack it and reload it. We are not "allowed" to put small bowls on the top shelf, those must be placed on the bottom. We started using paper cups to reduce dishwasher complaints and now he complains about the paper cups taking up space in the trash. It's endless. I could go on and on.

This seems like an insane request to me. Who goes outside to move 1000 pounds of snow around a perfectly sound, unused structure if it's not necessary for some reason? What am I missing?

DCUM, AITA?

Is this a joke?

Pack the dishwasher correctly and it holds a ton and it all gets clean.

There IS a correct way to load a dishwasher. Learn it and do it. Then you won’t hear the damn reminder or complaint over and over.

You have the power!

https://www.whirlpool.com/blog/kitchen/proper-way-to-load-a-dishwasher.html

See the salad bowls on the top shelf? This is what we are no longer allowed to do. But even the DISHWASHER MANUFACTURER seems to think, unlike my DH, that it is acceptable to put salad bowls on top.

But I am the one who needs to learn how to load a dishwasher?

WTF? Hand wash a big giant easy to wipe clean salad bowl and put 8-10 smaller bowls or cubs there instead.

There IS a correct way to load a dishwasher, not all helter skelter, not all a big lazy bowl taking up half a shelf.

Thx for confirming this is a DCUM troll thread tho.

Sigh, no I'm talking about small side salad bowls. Anyway enough with the dishwasher....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is he physically disabled? That is a man's job.

No, he is strong. Much, much stronger than I am.

What kind was man asks a 16 year old girl and middle aged woman that do that. What a jerk.

Sounds like maybe a man who is at the office while his teenager and lazy wife lounge around the house.

So it's a punishment? A big FU? Here's a pointless, non sensical task because I'm mad that I had to go to the office today? That makes more sense than the idea that a few pounds per inch need to be moved off a deck that is engineered to code standards.

No, it's not a punishment. It's not a big FU. It's a perfectly reasonable request to clear snow off a surface. Presumably the deck is an emergency exit of sorts for the house? I think the compromise here is clear a path for an exit in an emergency.

That's absurd. In the very unlikely event there is an emergency, they can walk through the snow.

Not so easily if it ices over, which is what he said he concern is.

It's almost like OP is stamping her feet and demanding to be lazy. Is this request interrupting her viewing of the Price is Right or something? Does she need more bonbons? It was a perfectly reasonable request. I would absolutely task my teenager with chores on a snow day. Or maybe the teen is wasting time on the TikTok or some shit like that.

That’s absurd. If it ices over, you can stamp on it. His “concern” is ridiculous and not worth validating.

But I live where I currently have a foot of snow and it is below zero. I am used to the stuff and don’t lose my mind over a few inches of white stuff like OP’s DH.