Is divorce my final ruin? (Millennial edition)

[Anonymous]

There's no reason you had to get married or buy a house. Community college the first two years, state school the second two years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No judgment please, so step aside Gen X.

Elder millennial here who was sold (literally) the American dream. You have no other choice but to go to college and you will take out exorbitant loans. Marry in the Midwest by mid-20s. 3 kids by early 30s. On the back of highly taxed retirement withdrawal, somehow put a down payment on a decent home and now house and student loan poor. No chance for college savings for kids.

Add unhappy in marriage, blaming one another for ending up in *this* place. From coming to age in the era of 9/11, graduating college in an economic recession, attempting hope in Obama era to be shattered with Trump. Trying to raise a young family and being slammed with a pandemic. Everything has been terrible, silver lining coming only in the love I have for my kids. Dark cloud over everything post-Nintendo in the basement with my siblings - 1995.

Will a divorce be the final straw? Are elder millennials f**ked forever or am I the special kind that was hit with it all?

You made bad choice after bad choice.

I went to a state school. 1 kid, in my late 30s. Starter home at 30 that we stayed in until I was 45.

Did you never read a book of a newspaper growing up? It was clear to me from the time I was in junior high that having kids was incredibly expensive and made you terribly vulnerable. And having multiple kids stretches people very thin.

Kids are the ultimate indulgence. Don't have any until you have money in the bank and a rock solid marriage.

Your own choices led you to this place. If you were smart you would figure out how to be back on the team with your DH to tackle some of these issues.

I agree with the bit about knowing kids are extremely expensive. And please don’t act as if it is the fault of the Midwest. I grew up there and don’t know a single person who had three kids. Yes, some of us grew up in families of three or more, but no one thought that was feasible. Also, people got married in a range of ages.

[Anonymous]

op - i'm sorry you are getting shredded. this board can be ridiculously mean.
yes we all feel like this. it's freaking hard and exhausting and dispiriting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:op - i'm sorry you are getting shredded. this board can be ridiculously mean.
yes we all feel like this. it's freaking hard and exhausting and dispiriting.

According to the replies not ALL feel like this. Just you and Op.

[Anonymous]

Op in answer to your question with the decisions you’ve already made yes, divorce will really harm your finances. Also stop acting like all this was done TO you. You did it yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You made a lot of bad choices - most of which have nothing to do with your generation. I'm an older millennial and have none of these problems. I went to a college my parents could afford and graduated with no loans. Then I took out modest loans for grad school. Met my spouse in grad school. (They're technically the youngest Gen-x age but they also went to schools they could afford and had very modest loans post grad school.) We waited till late 20s to get married. Then waited a few years in our early 30s to have our one (by choice) kid. Our loans were paid off before we had kids and we owned our home. We have good paying jobs that are family friendly and we have no problem affording our small and happy family.

Yes, this. I was born in 1979, so on the cusp. I went to a flagship my parents could afford. Graduated with no loans. Bought in 2005, the smallest place I could. Didn't go to grad school until I found an employer to pay. Had one child, not really by choice, but financially, it's zero stress, even with private school. It's all about choices.

[Anonymous]

I've never understood people who need 3 kids to figure out their marriage/lifestyle is not working for them. That wasn't obvious after kid 1 or kid 2?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:op - i'm sorry you are getting shredded. this board can be ridiculously mean.
yes we all feel like this. it's freaking hard and exhausting and dispiriting.

According to the replies not ALL feel like this. Just you and Op.

Everyone is exhausted and overwhelmed - most of us don't chalk it up to our rotten luck at never being able to make a single choice for ourselves in our whole lives.

[Anonymous]

Kids with their stupid scheduled lives … money spent all over the place. We ran around the neighborhood free. Walked to school and rode our bikes to sports practice. You can’t breathe without dropping 50 bucks these days.

Hopefully this Biden inflation smacks the population back to sanity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You made a lot of bad choices - most of which have nothing to do with your generation. I'm an older millennial and have none of these problems. I went to a college my parents could afford and graduated with no loans. Then I took out modest loans for grad school. Met my spouse in grad school. (They're technically the youngest Gen-x age but they also went to schools they could afford and had very modest loans post grad school.) We waited till late 20s to get married. Then waited a few years in our early 30s to have our one (by choice) kid. Our loans were paid off before we had kids and we owned our home. We have good paying jobs that are family friendly and we have no problem affording our small and happy family.

Do you want a cookie? People like you who think they're perfect and their sh*t don't think are so annoying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have gazed way too far into your own navel.

+ Was about to say the same but you say it with so much wit! OP, don't be your own worst enemy. It's a choice to be happy. It's easy to make excuses, and blame everything else. I could blame the Great Recession, or whatever, but I have to put energy into it that takes away energy from making today better. You can spend all your time in 2010, or in today. You can't change 2010.

Seriously, OP, you are playing the victim card far too hard. YOU made these decisions. YOU are responsible. You weren't sold some goods. YOu made the choices now own them

[Anonymous]

Everyone is focusing on the wrong thing (i.e. blaming OP for the choices she made which have led to her unhappiness).

The real problem, IMO, is that it doesn’t sound like a bad life. Sure it can be stressful and overwhelming, but honestly OP I think you may be suffering from depression. I would try to book an appointment with a therapist or psychiatrist to get screened.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I love being Gen X.

That is all.

+1 I feel like having completely ambivalent parents and being able to do whatever the hell I wanted as a young child was a real boon to me as I grew older and needed that independence. I need to find a way to make sure my sheltered children gain that independence somehow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:op - i'm sorry you are getting shredded. this board can be ridiculously mean.
yes we all feel like this. it's freaking hard and exhausting and dispiriting.

No we don't. Some of us own our choices. We know life is tough but we're not blaming everyone and everything else about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:op - i'm sorry you are getting shredded. this board can be ridiculously mean.
yes we all feel like this. it's freaking hard and exhausting and dispiriting.

She is playing the victim card. over and over. She is blaming everyone and everything other than HER OWN DECISIONS. Why do you think that is OK? Go back and read her first post. She does not take responsibility for her own decisions