Is divorce my final ruin? (Millennial edition)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the replies in this thread sound closer to OP’s tone than the posters realize or intend. The vast majority of the posters here castigating OP for her whininess and self-absorption sound equally whiny and self-absorbed (you think YOU have it bad? Well let me tell you about ME! YOUR life is easy!).

Additionally, most of these posters seem as though they are just about boiling over with rage, which to me indicates that they are NOT handling their own lives as wonderfully as they would have OP believe.

Lashing out at random strangers on an anonymous mommy message board is not a healthy way to relieve stress, people.

We are just being honest. Sorry not sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the replies in this thread sound closer to OP’s tone than the posters realize or intend. The vast majority of the posters here castigating OP for her whininess and self-absorption sound equally whiny and self-absorbed (you think YOU have it bad? Well let me tell you about ME! YOUR life is easy!).

Additionally, most of these posters seem as though they are just about boiling over with rage, which to me indicates that they are NOT handling their own lives as wonderfully as they would have OP believe.

Lashing out at random strangers on an anonymous mommy message board is not a healthy way to relieve stress, people.

I don't get anyone boiling over with rage?

Exactly. We're being dismissive and basically saying OP's feelings aren't valid. I realize that is the WORST THING YOU COULD DO TO A MILLENNIAL -- invalidate feelings or whatever -- but it's truth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:You guys are all %&$Woles. While I'm not in this posters shoes, I'm a first generation college student, student loaned mom who moved to dc to do good. No PP, I couldn't call on my parents for help with loans or down payments, so my partner and I pieced together what we could, and we do...ok. We get by but we aren't getting ahead. I'm just glad we aren't buying under these new interest rates.

I also think there's a huge untapped UGH/GRIEF/TRAUMA whatever people are comfortable calling in about parents of young kids during the pandemic. Maybe I should start a new thread or ask some journalist to do an investigative operation, but the untapped marital and work stress of the pandemic on working moms who are the breadwinners has to be a trauma no one has read into (and I don't use trauma lightly).

I can’t agree more. We ourselves were lucky, but I know plenty of otherwise competent people who were incredibly stressed out and still digging out of those holes mentally. It’s no wonder social events have reduced in number.

Oh spare me the dramatics about Covid. That was such a nothingburger.

PP, you have multiple kids in daycare when they shut down for six months?

OP, I am two years older than you and never had an opportunity to buy a house so you were lucky! It also sounds like you didn't experience trouble having children or any major health issues for you or your kids. You are lucky. Please look at it from that perspective. Then try to evaluate your relationship on its own merits without the noise.

Oh no, taking care of your own children was so traumatizing.

Spare me.

Jesus, you ignorant people.

Taking care of your own children who are just learning to walk while you have a stressful job at a government agency dealing with the pandemic?

Shit happens. You deal. This was nothing compared to the actual traumas facing older generations. Nothing. NOTHING.

+1. My dad went hungry a lot as a kid. Please, OP, get a grip.

Seriously. My boomer dad had a dirt floor and no electricity on their farm, that my grandparents scratched out of the earth during the Depression. Then he was drafted for Vietnam. I grew up poor too but worked my way through college and made it to the middle class as a Gen-X-er but barely and it was damn hard.

But we all STILL had it better than every generation before them in human history.

Yes, Millennials and Gen-Z have problems too, not the least of which is their complete lack of knowledge of history, apparently.

Another GenX here and I agree with everything the PP said. We had our own struggles and complications but I have no doubt our lives were easier than our parents. And my own kids who are teenagers have advantages I could never have dreamed of. Self-pity is pointless and corrosive. Do your best, work hard, change what makes you unhappy instead of spinning some narrative that the world is against you.

I think this is where an understanding of human history is useful, or even an understanding of the last 200 years or so of American history.

Yes, white Americans had a period of unprecedented prosperity in the mid 20th century. There were a raft of government programs that were undertaken to lift up the entire (white) population, from the GI Bill, to highways projects, to the entire project of building out the suburbs and making sure people could afford to buy homes.

But not only were those gains unavailable to non-white Americans (look it up), but they were also pretty temporary. By the time we got around to extending all of those social welfare programs to Black and brown Americans, they were suddenly too expensive to continue funding.

It's absolutely true that Millennials as a group have a steeper road to climb to middle class prosperity than their parents, but their definition of "middle class" is also a heck of a lot more expensive. Because they themselves grew up in 3500 square foot McMansions in highly segregated suburbs, they think that's what middle class looks like and spurn integrated close-in neighborhoods that actually much more closely resemble what middle class looked like before the massive wealth transfers of the New Deal to white Americans.

GMAFB. Millennials as a generation will benefit from the biggest wealth transfer in American history from those Boomer parents who had it easier. They are just huge whiners.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the replies in this thread sound closer to OP’s tone than the posters realize or intend. The vast majority of the posters here castigating OP for her whininess and self-absorption sound equally whiny and self-absorbed (you think YOU have it bad? Well let me tell you about ME! YOUR life is easy!).

Additionally, most of these posters seem as though they are just about boiling over with rage, which to me indicates that they are NOT handling their own lives as wonderfully as they would have OP believe.

Lashing out at random strangers on an anonymous mommy message board is not a healthy way to relieve stress, people.

I don't get anyone boiling over with rage?

Exactly. We're being dismissive and basically saying OP's feelings aren't valid. I realize that is the WORST THING YOU COULD DO TO A MILLENNIAL -- invalidate feelings or whatever -- but it's truth.

I mean… exhibit A? Why are you so mad at millennials? You clearly have some sort of unresolved stress/anger/rage/unhappiness yourself to post something like this.

Everyone pushing back on my previous post is clearly triggered by it. As the saying goes: “The truth hurts. That’s how you know it’s true.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the replies in this thread sound closer to OP’s tone than the posters realize or intend. The vast majority of the posters here castigating OP for her whininess and self-absorption sound equally whiny and self-absorbed (you think YOU have it bad? Well let me tell you about ME! YOUR life is easy!).

Additionally, most of these posters seem as though they are just about boiling over with rage, which to me indicates that they are NOT handling their own lives as wonderfully as they would have OP believe.

Lashing out at random strangers on an anonymous mommy message board is not a healthy way to relieve stress, people.

I don't get anyone boiling over with rage?

Exactly. We're being dismissive and basically saying OP's feelings aren't valid. I realize that is the WORST THING YOU COULD DO TO A MILLENNIAL -- invalidate feelings or whatever -- but it's truth.

I mean… exhibit A? Why are you so mad at millennials? You clearly have some sort of unresolved stress/anger/rage/unhappiness yourself to post something like this.

Everyone pushing back on my previous post is clearly triggered by it. As the saying goes: “The truth hurts. That’s how you know it’s true.”

Gd you people are insufferable. Shouldn't you be out protesting a falafel stand or something?

[Anonymous]

What the actual hell? So dramatic and managing to make national and global events all about you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Kids with their stupid scheduled lives … money spent all over the place. We ran around the neighborhood free. Walked to school and rode our bikes to sports practice. You can’t breathe without dropping 50 bucks these days.

Hopefully this Biden inflation smacks the population back to sanity.

You forgot "We drank water out of garden hoses! Rode around without seatbelts in a station wagon filled with cigarette smoke! These kids today are so pampered."

[Anonymous]

I posted earlier but anyone who knows the signs of depression would see that OP is obviously depressed. Yea maybe OP sounds whiny but the broad generalization of life for a whole generation and that it won't get better is depression. He/she can't see past their own doom lenses. Telling OP to stop whining isn't going to help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the replies in this thread sound closer to OP’s tone than the posters realize or intend. The vast majority of the posters here castigating OP for her whininess and self-absorption sound equally whiny and self-absorbed (you think YOU have it bad? Well let me tell you about ME! YOUR life is easy!).

Additionally, most of these posters seem as though they are just about boiling over with rage, which to me indicates that they are NOT handling their own lives as wonderfully as they would have OP believe.

Lashing out at random strangers on an anonymous mommy message board is not a healthy way to relieve stress, people.

I don't get anyone boiling over with rage?

Exactly. We're being dismissive and basically saying OP's feelings aren't valid. I realize that is the WORST THING YOU COULD DO TO A MILLENNIAL -- invalidate feelings or whatever -- but it's truth.

I mean… exhibit A? Why are you so mad at millennials? You clearly have some sort of unresolved stress/anger/rage/unhappiness yourself to post something like this.

Everyone pushing back on my previous post is clearly triggered by it. As the saying goes: “The truth hurts. That’s how you know it’s true.”

Gd you people are insufferable. Shouldn't you be out protesting a falafel stand or something?

Oh yes, here’s a response from someone who is obviously NOT angry and just LOVES their own life. Stop projecting and try therapy and/or antidepressants.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the replies in this thread sound closer to OP’s tone than the posters realize or intend. The vast majority of the posters here castigating OP for her whininess and self-absorption sound equally whiny and self-absorbed (you think YOU have it bad? Well let me tell you about ME! YOUR life is easy!).

Additionally, most of these posters seem as though they are just about boiling over with rage, which to me indicates that they are NOT handling their own lives as wonderfully as they would have OP believe.

Lashing out at random strangers on an anonymous mommy message board is not a healthy way to relieve stress, people.

I don't get anyone boiling over with rage?

Exactly. We're being dismissive and basically saying OP's feelings aren't valid. I realize that is the WORST THING YOU COULD DO TO A MILLENNIAL -- invalidate feelings or whatever -- but it's truth.

I mean… exhibit A? Why are you so mad at millennials? You clearly have some sort of unresolved stress/anger/rage/unhappiness yourself to post something like this.

Everyone pushing back on my previous post is clearly triggered by it. As the saying goes: “The truth hurts. That’s how you know it’s true.”

"The fact that you disagree with me proves that what I said is true." Fascinating logic.

[Anonymous]

OP how hard have you pushed in your career to get ahead? Did you choose a field that pays well? Did you start interviewing elsewhere when your boss wouldn’t promote you? Did you continually refuse to settle for less than your worth or skill level? Did you invest into yourself?

Be honest. This is how people create financial stability and wealth for themselves and their families.

[Anonymous]

Trying to understand. If this place is too much debt, and family life exhausting try something else.

Sell the house and move in to a townhouse, maybe both become teachers so can live anywhere/ have a summer family time/have a pension/get some student loan relief.

The above is an example but think outside the box! Live your American dream.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You guys are all %&$Woles. While I'm not in this posters shoes, I'm a first generation college student, student loaned mom who moved to dc to do good. No PP, I couldn't call on my parents for help with loans or down payments, so my partner and I pieced together what we could, and we do...ok. We get by but we aren't getting ahead. I'm just glad we aren't buying under these new interest rates.

I also think there's a huge untapped UGH/GRIEF/TRAUMA whatever people are comfortable calling in about parents of young kids during the pandemic. Maybe I should start a new thread or ask some journalist to do an investigative operation, but the untapped marital and work stress of the pandemic on working moms who are the breadwinners has to be a trauma no one has read into (and I don't use trauma lightly).

I can’t agree more. We ourselves were lucky, but I know plenty of otherwise competent people who were incredibly stressed out and still digging out of those holes mentally. It’s no wonder social events have reduced in number.

Oh spare me the dramatics about Covid. That was such a nothingburger.

PP, you have multiple kids in daycare when they shut down for six months?

OP, I am two years older than you and never had an opportunity to buy a house so you were lucky! It also sounds like you didn't experience trouble having children or any major health issues for you or your kids. You are lucky. Please look at it from that perspective. Then try to evaluate your relationship on its own merits without the noise.

Oh no, taking care of your own children was so traumatizing.

Spare me.

Jesus, you ignorant people.

Taking care of your own children who are just learning to walk while you have a stressful job at a government agency dealing with the pandemic?

Shit happens. You deal. This was nothing compared to the actual traumas facing older generations. Nothing. NOTHING.

+1. My dad went hungry a lot as a kid. Please, OP, get a grip.

Seriously. My boomer dad had a dirt floor and no electricity on their farm, that my grandparents scratched out of the earth during the Depression. Then he was drafted for Vietnam. I grew up poor too but worked my way through college and made it to the middle class as a Gen-X-er but barely and it was damn hard.

But we all STILL had it better than every generation before them in human history.

Yes, Millennials and Gen-Z have problems too, not the least of which is their complete lack of knowledge of history, apparently.

Another GenX here and I agree with everything the PP said. We had our own struggles and complications but I have no doubt our lives were easier than our parents. And my own kids who are teenagers have advantages I could never have dreamed of. Self-pity is pointless and corrosive. Do your best, work hard, change what makes you unhappy instead of spinning some narrative that the world is against you.

I think this is where an understanding of human history is useful, or even an understanding of the last 200 years or so of American history.

Yes, white Americans had a period of unprecedented prosperity in the mid 20th century. There were a raft of government programs that were undertaken to lift up the entire (white) population, from the GI Bill, to highways projects, to the entire project of building out the suburbs and making sure people could afford to buy homes.

But not only were those gains unavailable to non-white Americans (look it up), but they were also pretty temporary. By the time we got around to extending all of those social welfare programs to Black and brown Americans, they were suddenly too expensive to continue funding.

It's absolutely true that Millennials as a group have a steeper road to climb to middle class prosperity than their parents, but their definition of "middle class" is also a heck of a lot more expensive. Because they themselves grew up in 3500 square foot McMansions in highly segregated suburbs, they think that's what middle class looks like and spurn integrated close-in neighborhoods that actually much more closely resemble what middle class looked like before the massive wealth transfers of the New Deal to white Americans.

Millennials don’t have a “steeper road to climb to middle class prosperity.” Most of them were born INTO it. But they lack the self-awareness to realize it. That’s what people mean when they talk about it being such an entitled generation. Yes, their Boomer parents provided that, but their starting baseline in life is so much better than any other generation in history.

They also stand inherit $72 trillion in The Great Wealth Transfer. But, they still want a trophy. I'm GenX OP, so you can have mine. Oh wait, I didn't get one.

[Anonymous]

OP blames everyone but their parents. Good parents would advise their kids against taking on huge debts.

[Anonymous]

My timing & luck were just enough different than yours that it has turned out well for us - graduated before the recession and worked through it, wasn't ready for a house until 2014, had kids later, was cautious in college and career choice.

The Obama hope followed by being slammed with Trump presidency was eye-opening, as was the feeling of "abandonment" of young families. during the pandemic. But also part of viewing the world through more mature eyes, more skepticism and cynicism. And other generations took their own lumps there too.

Everything has turned out well for my family, yet I don't believe in the American dream or American individualism. I think the boomers made a lot of mistakes, GenX and millennials have too and will make more (if we ever get to run the country....)