Is divorce my final ruin? (Millennial edition)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why all this is just a millennial problem. I agree, the boomers are hoarding jobs and resources, there is not doubt about that. The younger of the silent generation and older boomers created all this, and now hoard everything while the rest of us scramble and wait. But as a Gen X who had teens in high school during the pandemic, and witnessed horrible mental health, including multiple suicides and fentanyl deaths, scraping by to pay for college, and being way underpaid, I just don't see why we're better off. One thing I would never ever do is take on penalties for early withdrawal. That was just a dumb mistake that is not exclusive to millennials, but rather just the uneducated.

Young people always think they're the first to experience anything. Bad marriage? Older people have no idea! Financial stresses? No, older people always had it easy! They are myopic in their depression. Easier to blame on outside factors - the bad luck to have been born in 1981 instead of 1975 - instead of a mix of bad luck, and unfortunate choices.

There's so much passivity in these sorts of complaints, too. Describing a miserable a-turd spouse, and loans they don't feel capable of paying off, but then tossing in that they had THREE kids. Like you'd think after the first, you might think: hey, this is pretty hard, why don't we stop at two. Or stop at one! But NO! It's the misfortune of being born in the early 80s that literally compels one to keep procreating with a guy you don't like very much!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No judgment please, so step aside Gen X.

Elder millennial here who was sold (literally) the American dream. You have no other choice but to go to college and you will take out exorbitant loans. Marry in the Midwest by mid-20s. 3 kids by early 30s. On the back of highly taxed retirement withdrawal, somehow put a down payment on a decent home and now house and student loan poor. No chance for college savings for kids.

Add unhappy in marriage, blaming one another for ending up in *this* place. From coming to age in the era of 9/11, graduating college in an economic recession, attempting hope in Obama era to be shattered with Trump. Trying to raise a young family and being slammed with a pandemic. Everything has been terrible, silver lining coming only in the love I have for my kids. Dark cloud over everything post-Nintendo in the basement with my siblings - 1995.

Will a divorce be the final straw? Are elder millennials f**ked forever or am I the special kind that was hit with it all?

You sound clinically depressed and might benefit from therapy and medicine. I mean that kindly.

Don’t go down the “our generation had it so tough.” Gen X and Boomers lived every day with the threat of global nuclear annihilation. The Greatest Generation survived a Great Depression and two world wars. The things you’ve had to deal in your life are nothing.

Stop blaming others for your unhappiness. If you do, you WILL end up divorced and this will be a self-fulfilling prophecy.

threat of global nuclear annihilation? really?

yes, that really is what it was like

but i know, no one younger than 35 can know what it's like to be scared of an existential threat

- born in 1973

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lol the hope of Obama slashed by Trump. Please explain to us how you are going to explain this in the narrative of woe about your divorce to your kids. I am an 85 millennial and think this is a troll post . . . .

But, but, the hope of Obama was shattered by trump!

OMG, op, stay OFF social media and stop being so ridiculously dramatic!

Know what the problem with your marriage is?

It’s you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why all this is just a millennial problem. I agree, the boomers are hoarding jobs and resources, there is not doubt about that. The younger of the silent generation and older boomers created all this, and now hoard everything while the rest of us scramble and wait. But as a Gen X who had teens in high school during the pandemic, and witnessed horrible mental health, including multiple suicides and fentanyl deaths, scraping by to pay for college, and being way underpaid, I just don't see why we're better off. One thing I would never ever do is take on penalties for early withdrawal. That was just a dumb mistake that is not exclusive to millennials, but rather just the uneducated.

This is such bs. So they are supposed to give what they have to you? The narrative of how the Gen Z and millennials have it so much harder is garbage. Everyone had challenges.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No judgment please, so step aside Gen X.

Elder millennial here who was sold (literally) the American dream. You have no other choice but to go to college and you will take out exorbitant loans. Marry in the Midwest by mid-20s. 3 kids by early 30s. On the back of highly taxed retirement withdrawal, somehow put a down payment on a decent home and now house and student loan poor. No chance for college savings for kids.

Add unhappy in marriage, blaming one another for ending up in *this* place. From coming to age in the era of 9/11, graduating college in an economic recession, attempting hope in Obama era to be shattered with Trump. Trying to raise a young family and being slammed with a pandemic. Everything has been terrible, silver lining coming only in the love I have for my kids. Dark cloud over everything post-Nintendo in the basement with my siblings - 1995.

Will a divorce be the final straw? Are elder millennials f**ked forever or am I the special kind that was hit with it all?

In other words, you finished college, bought a home, have three children you love, survived a pandemic. Not bad.

OP, get off the internet and get some antidepressants. Things are not as bad as you have chosen to describe them to yourself.

[Anonymous]

The lack of agency in the language of this post is really notable. Everything was sold to you, done to you, thrust upon you. You were just buffeted about by the forces of nature apparently.

Maybe you need to think about how you can start to exert some control over your own life. Start with your marriage.

[Anonymous]

You also had record low interest rates when you bought op. It’s not all doom and gloom. I think you might be a bit depressed and I would seek personal therapy. As far as divorce goes, i strongly believe in sticking to the the three A’s: addiction, abuse, adultery as the only justifications. Doesn’t sound at all like it’s worth blowing up your family over your money issues which will get worse with divorce, not better. Your great grandparents fought in an apocalyptic world war and rationed food at home. Find some of the grit they passed down to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why all this is just a millennial problem. I agree, the boomers are hoarding jobs and resources, there is not doubt about that. The younger of the silent generation and older boomers created all this, and now hoard everything while the rest of us scramble and wait. But as a Gen X who had teens in high school during the pandemic, and witnessed horrible mental health, including multiple suicides and fentanyl deaths, scraping by to pay for college, and being way underpaid, I just don't see why we're better off. One thing I would never ever do is take on penalties for early withdrawal. That was just a dumb mistake that is not exclusive to millennials, but rather just the uneducated.

Young people always think they're the first to experience anything. Bad marriage? Older people have no idea! Financial stresses? No, older people always had it easy! They are myopic in their depression. Easier to blame on outside factors - the bad luck to have been born in 1981 instead of 1975 - instead of a mix of bad luck, and unfortunate choices.

There's so much passivity in these sorts of complaints, too. Describing a miserable a-turd spouse, and loans they don't feel capable of paying off, but then tossing in that they had THREE kids. Like you'd think after the first, you might think: hey, this is pretty hard, why don't we stop at two. Or stop at one! But NO! It's the misfortune of being born in the early 80s that literally compels one to keep procreating with a guy you don't like very much!

But she was literally sold the American dream! Literally!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No judgment please, so step aside Gen X.

Elder millennial here who was sold (literally) the American dream. You have no other choice but to go to college and you will take out exorbitant loans. Marry in the Midwest by mid-20s. 3 kids by early 30s. On the back of highly taxed retirement withdrawal, somehow put a down payment on a decent home and now house and student loan poor. No chance for college savings for kids.

Add unhappy in marriage, blaming one another for ending up in *this* place. From coming to age in the era of 9/11, graduating college in an economic recession, attempting hope in Obama era to be shattered with Trump. Trying to raise a young family and being slammed with a pandemic. Everything has been terrible, silver lining coming only in the love I have for my kids. Dark cloud over everything post-Nintendo in the basement with my siblings - 1995.

Will a divorce be the final straw? Are elder millennials f**ked forever or am I the special kind that was hit with it all?

You sound clinically depressed and might benefit from therapy and medicine. I mean that kindly.

Don’t go down the “our generation had it so tough.” Gen X and Boomers lived every day with the threat of global nuclear annihilation. The Greatest Generation survived a Great Depression and two world wars. The things you’ve had to deal in your life are nothing.

Stop blaming others for your unhappiness. If you do, you WILL end up divorced and this will be a self-fulfilling prophecy.

threat of global nuclear annihilation? really?

Uh, yeah. Maybe read up on the Cold War. We had regular nuclear bomb drills all throughout elementary school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Blah blah blah. This is not a generational thing, OP, this is you thing.

I disagree, in an older millennial and do think my generation is in a unique position.

Unlike prior generations, we grew up during a time of relative prosperity. I watched my parents who never went to college maintain a nice lifestyle with pension, able to send me to college, etc. while my mom was a SAHM. We were raised on the you can be whatever you want, higher education will lead you to success, etc. and now the rising income inequality, recession right as we graduated, school closures during our peak employment years, etc. has been this complete 180 to what we watched growing up.

Basically since watching my peers go off to fight after 9-11 my mind has gradually shifted from a mentality of life is usually good/easy with a few blips to get past to realizing that life is in fact a series of hardships and it’s those good moments in between that you have to savor.

We are also the first generation to truly come of age with internet access (back when our parents had no idea how to censor anything) and are now pioneering raising kids in an increasingly technological world. We have way more 24/7 access to content, including first hand social media accounts of horrific things going on all over the world at any given time that maybe the human brain was not really meant to be able to process.

It’s a weird position to be in to see the life expectancy and upward mobility of future generations decrease instead of having the optimism that each generation will be better off. I think that has left a lot of millennials feeling like the rug was pulled from beneath them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No judgment please, so step aside Gen X.

Elder millennial here who was sold (literally) the American dream. You have no other choice but to go to college and you will take out exorbitant loans. Marry in the Midwest by mid-20s. 3 kids by early 30s. On the back of highly taxed retirement withdrawal, somehow put a down payment on a decent home and now house and student loan poor. No chance for college savings for kids.

Add unhappy in marriage, blaming one another for ending up in *this* place. From coming to age in the era of 9/11, graduating college in an economic recession, attempting hope in Obama era to be shattered with Trump. Trying to raise a young family and being slammed with a pandemic. Everything has been terrible, silver lining coming only in the love I have for my kids. Dark cloud over everything post-Nintendo in the basement with my siblings - 1995.

Will a divorce be the final straw? Are elder millennials f**ked forever or am I the special kind that was hit with it all?

Not judging, as you have requested. But your post feels like recap of you taking stock and comparing yourself to some unattainable ideal. There’s no such thing. Comparing yourself to less fortunate, like few posters suggest is also useless. Might make you feel better for few minutes but that’s it. So my advice, stop comparing yourself to others, or some idea of happiness. You are in charge of your life. If you have to divorce, do that. If not, and it’s just a whine, see it for what it is. Financial struggles make everything look worse than it is. Recognize that. Then assess your marriage from objective pov.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No judgment please, so step aside Gen X.

Elder millennial here who was sold (literally) the American dream. You have no other choice but to go to college and you will take out exorbitant loans. Marry in the Midwest by mid-20s. 3 kids by early 30s. On the back of highly taxed retirement withdrawal, somehow put a down payment on a decent home and now house and student loan poor. No chance for college savings for kids.

Add unhappy in marriage, blaming one another for ending up in *this* place. From coming to age in the era of 9/11, graduating college in an economic recession, attempting hope in Obama era to be shattered with Trump. Trying to raise a young family and being slammed with a pandemic. Everything has been terrible, silver lining coming only in the love I have for my kids. Dark cloud over everything post-Nintendo in the basement with my siblings - 1995.

Will a divorce be the final straw? Are elder millennials f**ked forever or am I the special kind that was hit with it all?

Not judging, as you have requested. But your post feels like recap of you taking stock and comparing yourself to some unattainable ideal. There’s no such thing. Comparing yourself to less fortunate, like few posters suggest is also useless. Might make you feel better for few minutes but that’s it. So my advice, stop comparing yourself to others, or some idea of happiness. You are in charge of your life. If you have to divorce, do that. If not, and it’s just a whine, see it for what it is. Financial struggles make everything look worse than it is. Recognize that. Then assess your marriage from objective pov.

Anyone feel like OP is probably comparing her poor husband to some unattainable ideal, and that is likely a major source of OP’s problem?

You are sabotaging your marriage, OP.

[Anonymous]

I am an older millennial and have non of your issues. I come from LC family, so no family help, I even help my family. However, I live in a condo with an only child. The problem here is the decision that YOU have made over time. Once you realized that and have better judgement your life might improve.

[Anonymous]

It was your choice to take out loans. As a foreign student, I paid cash for college working long hours in a restaurant. Student loans to foreigners do not exist. I paid a lot more than out of state student would pay.
I know so many foreign students who all made it through college just fine. None of them had family help, and lived in cramped housing.
Retirement withdrawal? I never had a retirement offered at work. How do you take a good thing and turn it into bad?
I ran up credit during economic downturn. Imagine that interest. Got out of it nicely as I worked overtime.
Divorce? Try being abused physically while your kids screams in the other room. I can go on and on, but the good things in my life make me forget about all the bad that has happened.
By the way, there is so much money on the world for everyone. You just don't see yours, because you are too busy with the stuff you mentioned above.

[Anonymous]

Take a little responsibility for your actions and choices, OP. This whole millennial "everything bad is someone else's fault" trope is tiresome.