Is divorce my final ruin? (Millennial edition)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not sure why you HAD to get married and have three children in your twenties. I'm also a Millennial, and most of my peers are waiting until their thirties to start a family. Not saying there's anything wrong with your specific choices, but they were YOUR CHOICES and had nothing to do with being a Millennial.

This is the part I keep coming back to. I'm basically the youngest of the young Gen Xers and the cultural narrative was 100% to wait to have kids. The idea that we were, as a cultural group, pushed to have THREE ENTIRE CHILDREN by our early 30s is just not true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You guys are all %&$Woles. While I'm not in this posters shoes, I'm a first generation college student, student loaned mom who moved to dc to do good. No PP, I couldn't call on my parents for help with loans or down payments, so my partner and I pieced together what we could, and we do...ok. We get by but we aren't getting ahead. I'm just glad we aren't buying under these new interest rates.

I also think there's a huge untapped UGH/GRIEF/TRAUMA whatever people are comfortable calling in about parents of young kids during the pandemic. Maybe I should start a new thread or ask some journalist to do an investigative operation, but the untapped marital and work stress of the pandemic on working moms who are the breadwinners has to be a trauma no one has read into (and I don't use trauma lightly).

I can’t agree more. We ourselves were lucky, but I know plenty of otherwise competent people who were incredibly stressed out and still digging out of those holes mentally. It’s no wonder social events have reduced in number.

[Anonymous]

Elder millennial here and OP you sound miserable.

I did community college and a public state school for college. Didn’t live on campus but commuted from home. Graduated with no loans.

Bought what I could afford in the exurbs and locked in a once in a lifetime rate. Was able to spend time with my kids and husband during the pandemic while being able to work from home and move up.

For as much as I don’t like him, I wasn’t personally affected negatively by Trump.

You have a very woe is me, negative perspective on things and that may keep you from being able to find solutions for problems.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love being Gen X.

That is all.

+1 I feel like having completely ambivalent parents and being able to do whatever the hell I wanted as a young child was a real boon to me as I grew older and needed that independence. I need to find a way to make sure my sheltered children gain that independence somehow.

Haha. Same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No judgment please, so step aside Gen X.

Elder millennial here who was sold (literally) the American dream. You have no other choice but to go to college and you will take out exorbitant loans. Marry in the Midwest by mid-20s. 3 kids by early 30s. On the back of highly taxed retirement withdrawal, somehow put a down payment on a decent home and now house and student loan poor. No chance for college savings for kids.

Add unhappy in marriage, blaming one another for ending up in *this* place. From coming to age in the era of 9/11, graduating college in an economic recession, attempting hope in Obama era to be shattered with Trump. Trying to raise a young family and being slammed with a pandemic. Everything has been terrible, silver lining coming only in the love I have for my kids. Dark cloud over everything post-Nintendo in the basement with my siblings - 1995.

Will a divorce be the final straw? Are elder millennials f**ked forever or am I the special kind that was hit with it all?

You sound clinically depressed and might benefit from therapy and medicine. I mean that kindly.

Don’t go down the “our generation had it so tough.” Gen X and Boomers lived every day with the threat of global nuclear annihilation. The Greatest Generation survived a Great Depression and two world wars. The things you’ve had to deal in your life are nothing.

Stop blaming others for your unhappiness. If you do, you WILL end up divorced and this will be a self-fulfilling prophecy.

threat of global nuclear annihilation? really?

Yes. Absolutely. I knew the location of every fallout shelter in town. Watched "The Day After" when it was broadcast. The threat of mutual destruction was omnipresent and real until about 1989, even even then with the fall of the Iron Curtain there were concerns about the security of Russian nukes.

So similar to how kids today know every exit in school to get away from a potential school shooter, have quarterly drills to practice, etc? The closest weve been to another nuclear fallout since Cold War was last year so you arent the only generation to experience it.

Kids today have active shooter drills. We had duck and cover. Millennials like OP had neither. Whatever the hell is your point.

And no we weren’t close to nuclear Armageddon last year. Whatever are you prattling on about, you silly ninny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Basically since watching my peers go off to fight after 9-11 my mind has gradually shifted from a mentality of life is usually good/easy with a few blips to get past to realizing that life is in fact a series of hardships and it’s those good moments in between that you have to savor.

I hate to break it to you, but this is what happens to almost everyone as they grow up.

Not to mention that there was zero virtue in “going off to fight after 9-11.” The “War on Terror” was so stupid, there was no honor in it and anyone who signed up for it was a stupid moron.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You guys are all %&$Woles. While I'm not in this posters shoes, I'm a first generation college student, student loaned mom who moved to dc to do good. No PP, I couldn't call on my parents for help with loans or down payments, so my partner and I pieced together what we could, and we do...ok. We get by but we aren't getting ahead. I'm just glad we aren't buying under these new interest rates.

I also think there's a huge untapped UGH/GRIEF/TRAUMA whatever people are comfortable calling in about parents of young kids during the pandemic. Maybe I should start a new thread or ask some journalist to do an investigative operation, but the untapped marital and work stress of the pandemic on working moms who are the breadwinners has to be a trauma no one has read into (and I don't use trauma lightly).

I can’t agree more. We ourselves were lucky, but I know plenty of otherwise competent people who were incredibly stressed out and still digging out of those holes mentally. It’s no wonder social events have reduced in number.

Oh spare me the dramatics about Covid. That was such a nothingburger.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You guys are all %&$Woles. While I'm not in this posters shoes, I'm a first generation college student, student loaned mom who moved to dc to do good. No PP, I couldn't call on my parents for help with loans or down payments, so my partner and I pieced together what we could, and we do...ok. We get by but we aren't getting ahead. I'm just glad we aren't buying under these new interest rates.

I also think there's a huge untapped UGH/GRIEF/TRAUMA whatever people are comfortable calling in about parents of young kids during the pandemic. Maybe I should start a new thread or ask some journalist to do an investigative operation, but the untapped marital and work stress of the pandemic on working moms who are the breadwinners has to be a trauma no one has read into (and I don't use trauma lightly).

I can’t agree more. We ourselves were lucky, but I know plenty of otherwise competent people who were incredibly stressed out and still digging out of those holes mentally. It’s no wonder social events have reduced in number.

Oh spare me the dramatics about Covid. That was such a nothingburger.

PP, you have multiple kids in daycare when they shut down for six months?

OP, I am two years older than you and never had an opportunity to buy a house so you were lucky! It also sounds like you didn't experience trouble having children or any major health issues for you or your kids. You are lucky. Please look at it from that perspective. Then try to evaluate your relationship on its own merits without the noise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You guys are all %&$Woles. While I'm not in this posters shoes, I'm a first generation college student, student loaned mom who moved to dc to do good. No PP, I couldn't call on my parents for help with loans or down payments, so my partner and I pieced together what we could, and we do...ok. We get by but we aren't getting ahead. I'm just glad we aren't buying under these new interest rates.

I also think there's a huge untapped UGH/GRIEF/TRAUMA whatever people are comfortable calling in about parents of young kids during the pandemic. Maybe I should start a new thread or ask some journalist to do an investigative operation, but the untapped marital and work stress of the pandemic on working moms who are the breadwinners has to be a trauma no one has read into (and I don't use trauma lightly).

I can’t agree more. We ourselves were lucky, but I know plenty of otherwise competent people who were incredibly stressed out and still digging out of those holes mentally. It’s no wonder social events have reduced in number.

Oh spare me the dramatics about Covid. That was such a nothingburger.

PP, you have multiple kids in daycare when they shut down for six months?

OP, I am two years older than you and never had an opportunity to buy a house so you were lucky! It also sounds like you didn't experience trouble having children or any major health issues for you or your kids. You are lucky. Please look at it from that perspective. Then try to evaluate your relationship on its own merits without the noise.

Oh no, taking care of your own children was so traumatizing.

Spare me.

Jesus, you ignorant people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No judgment please, so step aside Gen X.

Elder millennial here who was sold (literally) the American dream. You have no other choice but to go to college and you will take out exorbitant loans. Marry in the Midwest by mid-20s. 3 kids by early 30s. On the back of highly taxed retirement withdrawal, somehow put a down payment on a decent home and now house and student loan poor. No chance for college savings for kids.

Add unhappy in marriage, blaming one another for ending up in *this* place. From coming to age in the era of 9/11, graduating college in an economic recession, attempting hope in Obama era to be shattered with Trump. Trying to raise a young family and being slammed with a pandemic. Everything has been terrible, silver lining coming only in the love I have for my kids. Dark cloud over everything post-Nintendo in the basement with my siblings - 1995.

Will a divorce be the final straw? Are elder millennials f**ked forever or am I the special kind that was hit with it all?

You went wrong by hoping on Obama!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not sure why you HAD to get married and have three children in your twenties. I'm also a Millennial, and most of my peers are waiting until their thirties to start a family. Not saying there's anything wrong with your specific choices, but they were YOUR CHOICES and had nothing to do with being a Millennial.

This is the part I keep coming back to. I'm basically the youngest of the young Gen Xers and the cultural narrative was 100% to wait to have kids. The idea that we were, as a cultural group, pushed to have THREE ENTIRE CHILDREN by our early 30s is just not true.

This. I am a young Gen X. No way anyone I knew was having even one child before 30. Like no one. I was the first among my friends and I was 34.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You guys are all %&$Woles. While I'm not in this posters shoes, I'm a first generation college student, student loaned mom who moved to dc to do good. No PP, I couldn't call on my parents for help with loans or down payments, so my partner and I pieced together what we could, and we do...ok. We get by but we aren't getting ahead. I'm just glad we aren't buying under these new interest rates.

I also think there's a huge untapped UGH/GRIEF/TRAUMA whatever people are comfortable calling in about parents of young kids during the pandemic. Maybe I should start a new thread or ask some journalist to do an investigative operation, but the untapped marital and work stress of the pandemic on working moms who are the breadwinners has to be a trauma no one has read into (and I don't use trauma lightly).

I can’t agree more. We ourselves were lucky, but I know plenty of otherwise competent people who were incredibly stressed out and still digging out of those holes mentally. It’s no wonder social events have reduced in number.

Oh spare me the dramatics about Covid. That was such a nothingburger.

PP, you have multiple kids in daycare when they shut down for six months?

OP, I am two years older than you and never had an opportunity to buy a house so you were lucky! It also sounds like you didn't experience trouble having children or any major health issues for you or your kids. You are lucky. Please look at it from that perspective. Then try to evaluate your relationship on its own merits without the noise.

Oh no, taking care of your own children was so traumatizing.

Spare me.

Jesus, you ignorant people.

Taking care of your own children who are just learning to walk while you have a stressful job at a government agency dealing with the pandemic?

[Anonymous]

GenX here - sorry your vantage point is too self indulgent - its that- not the circumstances.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You guys are all %&$Woles. While I'm not in this posters shoes, I'm a first generation college student, student loaned mom who moved to dc to do good. No PP, I couldn't call on my parents for help with loans or down payments, so my partner and I pieced together what we could, and we do...ok. We get by but we aren't getting ahead. I'm just glad we aren't buying under these new interest rates.

I also think there's a huge untapped UGH/GRIEF/TRAUMA whatever people are comfortable calling in about parents of young kids during the pandemic. Maybe I should start a new thread or ask some journalist to do an investigative operation, but the untapped marital and work stress of the pandemic on working moms who are the breadwinners has to be a trauma no one has read into (and I don't use trauma lightly).

I can’t agree more. We ourselves were lucky, but I know plenty of otherwise competent people who were incredibly stressed out and still digging out of those holes mentally. It’s no wonder social events have reduced in number.

Oh spare me the dramatics about Covid. That was such a nothingburger.

PP, you have multiple kids in daycare when they shut down for six months?

OP, I am two years older than you and never had an opportunity to buy a house so you were lucky! It also sounds like you didn't experience trouble having children or any major health issues for you or your kids. You are lucky. Please look at it from that perspective. Then try to evaluate your relationship on its own merits without the noise.

Oh no, taking care of your own children was so traumatizing.

Spare me.

Jesus, you ignorant people.

Taking care of your own children who are just learning to walk while you have a stressful job at a government agency dealing with the pandemic?

Shit happens. You deal. This was nothing compared to the actual traumas facing older generations. Nothing. NOTHING.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You guys are all %&$Woles. While I'm not in this posters shoes, I'm a first generation college student, student loaned mom who moved to dc to do good. No PP, I couldn't call on my parents for help with loans or down payments, so my partner and I pieced together what we could, and we do...ok. We get by but we aren't getting ahead. I'm just glad we aren't buying under these new interest rates.

I also think there's a huge untapped UGH/GRIEF/TRAUMA whatever people are comfortable calling in about parents of young kids during the pandemic. Maybe I should start a new thread or ask some journalist to do an investigative operation, but the untapped marital and work stress of the pandemic on working moms who are the breadwinners has to be a trauma no one has read into (and I don't use trauma lightly).

I can’t agree more. We ourselves were lucky, but I know plenty of otherwise competent people who were incredibly stressed out and still digging out of those holes mentally. It’s no wonder social events have reduced in number.

Oh spare me the dramatics about Covid. That was such a nothingburger.

PP, you have multiple kids in daycare when they shut down for six months?

OP, I am two years older than you and never had an opportunity to buy a house so you were lucky! It also sounds like you didn't experience trouble having children or any major health issues for you or your kids. You are lucky. Please look at it from that perspective. Then try to evaluate your relationship on its own merits without the noise.

Oh no, taking care of your own children was so traumatizing.

Spare me.

Jesus, you ignorant people.

Taking care of your own children who are just learning to walk while you have a stressful job at a government agency dealing with the pandemic?

Grow up. I had a stressful job and TWO kids in VIRTUAL SCHOOL during the pandemic. I was jealous of people with kids under 5. Managing work and childcare is easiest from 0-5 at any time, including a pandemic. (-young Gex X)