Not sexually fulfilled in otherwise great marriage

[Anonymous]

OP you are crazy to even consider divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP you are crazy to even consider divorce.

So judgey

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP you are crazy to even consider divorce.

Op here. I’m not considering it…yet. I’m worried that I will eventually though. That is my big issue. I worry that I can’t get over it. And it will just become a bigger and bigger issue over time. Are some women just ok not feeling sexually satisfied in their marriages? I don't know-it just seems kind of sad to me. Sex is literally like one of the good things in life given all the bad things.

[Anonymous]

Is he really wonderful in all the other ways?

You tell him something you want/need and he tells you 'the way we do it is fine.' That's really, really different than him explaining why it is hard for him.

That's dismissive and on the verge of outright gaslighting.

[Anonymous]

Given that everyone assumed it was oral and it was decidedly not that, it is really strange he won’t just bend you over every once in a while. That’s the position that does the least for me, but still keep it in the repertoire. C’mon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is he really wonderful in all the other ways?

You tell him something you want/need and he tells you 'the way we do it is fine.' That's really, really different than him explaining why it is hard for him.

That's dismissive and on the verge of outright gaslighting.

Op here. I mean, nobody’s perfect but I would say yes-he is pretty great. But I’m also not perfect and I’ll own that. But this issue bothers me so so much. And believe me, I wish it didn’t. I wish it didn’t mind/care. As it appears it wouldn’t matter to lots of women on this thread. I wish it didn’t matter to me either. But it does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is he really wonderful in all the other ways?

You tell him something you want/need and he tells you 'the way we do it is fine.' That's really, really different than him explaining why it is hard for him.

That's dismissive and on the verge of outright gaslighting.

Op here. I mean, nobody’s perfect but I would say yes-he is pretty great. But I’m also not perfect and I’ll own that. But this issue bothers me so so much. And believe me, I wish it didn’t. I wish it didn’t mind/care. As it appears it wouldn’t matter to lots of women on this thread. I wish it didn’t matter to me either. But it does.

Why do you wish your sexual life / desires and your sexual relationship with your DH didn’t matter? Of course it matters!!! And if your DH expects monogamy and also doesn’t see your dissatisfaction as his / your issue together as well … then you have a pretty fundamental problem.

[Anonymous]

OP, he might have trouble staying h*rd in other positions and doesn't want to admit it. If you're on t*p and in control, then he could worry that he will for sure go s*ft. (I have never replied on this particular forum, so not sure how much is explicit!)

Anyway, if this is the case, there also could be some depression involved and he doesn't want to talk about or admit to you or frankly himself either one of those things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is he really wonderful in all the other ways?

You tell him something you want/need and he tells you 'the way we do it is fine.' That's really, really different than him explaining why it is hard for him.

That's dismissive and on the verge of outright gaslighting.

OP - really pay attention to this and how you yourself are dismissive of your own desires.

[Anonymous]

What do you think he would say if you told him “unless we add some variety I just don’t see a need to do the same thing over and over.” We’ve been married a very long time and we started out very vanilla (lack of much prior experience) but as time went on my husband started complaining but he was very good about moving me along but in my comfort zone. It didn’t take very long for me to really enjoy the variety plus a bunch of other fun things. If your marriage is great otherwise, don’t blow it up. Keep working on it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you are crazy to even consider divorce.

Op here. I’m not considering it…yet. I’m worried that I will eventually though. That is my big issue. I worry that I can’t get over it. And it will just become a bigger and bigger issue over time. Are some women just ok not feeling sexually satisfied in their marriages? I don't know-it just seems kind of sad to me. Sex is literally like one of the good things in life given all the bad things.

You are getting too ahead. You need to have a lot more conversations before you have to decide if you are going to be dealing with a lifetime of this issue.

Also put me on the bench of people who suspect ED.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you are crazy to even consider divorce.

Op here. I’m not considering it…yet. I’m worried that I will eventually though. That is my big issue. I worry that I can’t get over it. And it will just become a bigger and bigger issue over time. Are some women just ok not feeling sexually satisfied in their marriages? I don't know-it just seems kind of sad to me. Sex is literally like one of the good things in life given all the bad things.

You are getting too ahead. You need to have a lot more conversations before you have to decide if you are going to be dealing with a lifetime of this issue.

Also put me on the bench of people who suspect ED.

ED meds really helped my husband physically and mentally. Once he knew he wasn’t going to fade we’d spend a lot more time doing different things.

[Anonymous]

Are toys to kinky, OP? Because I think others may be right that he could have performance anxiety. One way to test would be to ask if he would use a toy on you in other positions. Maybe if he saw you enjoying that he would decide to sub in. That said, I also picked up on your comment that he says other things are not done in marriage, so it could also be he has a Madonna whore complex. I don’t know what you do about that, but maybe others will chime in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you are crazy to even consider divorce.

Op here. I’m not considering it…yet. I’m worried that I will eventually though. That is my big issue. I worry that I can’t get over it. And it will just become a bigger and bigger issue over time. Are some women just ok not feeling sexually satisfied in their marriages? I don't know-it just seems kind of sad to me. Sex is literally like one of the good things in life given all the bad things.

You are getting too ahead. You need to have a lot more conversations before you have to decide if you are going to be dealing with a lifetime of this issue.

Also put me on the bench of people who suspect ED.

ED meds really helped my husband physically and mentally. Once he knew he wasn’t going to fade we’d spend a lot more time doing different things.

+1. ED meds helped me. Look for a blend of sildenafil (Viagra) and tadalafil (Cialis). There are a number of companies that sell blends with just an online appointment and sent via the mail.

[Anonymous]

If you made a list of things that are important to you is sex in the top 5? Top 10? I like sex but it doesn’t even crack my top 10 any more at the age of 48.