Disagree over where to spend Thanksgiving

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You never do thanksgiving with your side of the family. I think you rotate. Go with your family this year his next.

Then what about Christmas?

The ILs don’t celebrate Christmas. The fact that they don’t celebrate Christmas does not mean they get automatic dibs on Thanksgiving every year. Obviously the train has gone pretty far down the tracks for OP to start going to thanksgiving at the ILs every other year, but I think she would have been fine to do that from the outset. And I’m sorry but having great holiday memories is a thing, as opposed to a crappy Thanksgiving that your kids hate, which is something they hang onto through adulthood as the holiday they don’t like because it was never enjoyable. Life is too short for this martyrdom at the holidays. Visit ILs for another long weekend that isn’t tied to a holiday.

Why stop there? Just throw them off a cliff, then you never need to worry about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You never do thanksgiving with your side of the family. I think you rotate. Go with your family this year his next.

Then what about Christmas?

The ILs don’t celebrate Christmas. The fact that they don’t celebrate Christmas does not mean they get automatic dibs on Thanksgiving every year. Obviously the train has gone pretty far down the tracks for OP to start going to thanksgiving at the ILs every other year, but I think she would have been fine to do that from the outset. And I’m sorry but having great holiday memories is a thing, as opposed to a crappy Thanksgiving that your kids hate, which is something they hang onto through adulthood as the holiday they don’t like because it was never enjoyable. Life is too short for this martyrdom at the holidays. Visit ILs for another long weekend that isn’t tied to a holiday.

Why stop there? Just throw them off a cliff, then you never need to worry about it.

Hyperbolic much

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You never do thanksgiving with your side of the family. I think you rotate. Go with your family this year his next.

Then what about Christmas?

The ILs don’t celebrate Christmas. The fact that they don’t celebrate Christmas does not mean they get automatic dibs on Thanksgiving every year. Obviously the train has gone pretty far down the tracks for OP to start going to thanksgiving at the ILs every other year, but I think she would have been fine to do that from the outset. And I’m sorry but having great holiday memories is a thing, as opposed to a crappy Thanksgiving that your kids hate, which is something they hang onto through adulthood as the holiday they don’t like because it was never enjoyable. Life is too short for this martyrdom at the holidays. Visit ILs for another long weekend that isn’t tied to a holiday.

The two times towards the end of the year that people universally have time off work and school is Thanksgiving and Christmas. OP already claims the latter for her family. Is DH thrilled to use all his time off with OP’s family? Or is he supposed to put up and shut up? It’s not just about wha OP feels like doing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You never do thanksgiving with your side of the family. I think you rotate. Go with your family this year his next.

Then what about Christmas?

The ILs don’t celebrate Christmas. The fact that they don’t celebrate Christmas does not mean they get automatic dibs on Thanksgiving every year. Obviously the train has gone pretty far down the tracks for OP to start going to thanksgiving at the ILs every other year, but I think she would have been fine to do that from the outset. And I’m sorry but having great holiday memories is a thing, as opposed to a crappy Thanksgiving that your kids hate, which is something they hang onto through adulthood as the holiday they don’t like because it was never enjoyable. Life is too short for this martyrdom at the holidays. Visit ILs for another long weekend that isn’t tied to a holiday.

The two times towards the end of the year that people universally have time off work and school is Thanksgiving and Christmas. OP already claims the latter for her family. Is DH thrilled to use all his time off with OP’s family? Or is he supposed to put up and shut up? It’s not just about wha OP feels like doing.

Thanksgiving is a 4-day weekend. There are multiple fall/winter long weekends: Columbus Day/Indigenous People weekend, Veterans Day weekend, MLK weekend in January, President’s Day in February.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You never do thanksgiving with your side of the family. I think you rotate. Go with your family this year his next.

Then what about Christmas?

The ILs don’t celebrate Christmas. The fact that they don’t celebrate Christmas does not mean they get automatic dibs on Thanksgiving every year. Obviously the train has gone pretty far down the tracks for OP to start going to thanksgiving at the ILs every other year, but I think she would have been fine to do that from the outset. And I’m sorry but having great holiday memories is a thing, as opposed to a crappy Thanksgiving that your kids hate, which is something they hang onto through adulthood as the holiday they don’t like because it was never enjoyable. Life is too short for this martyrdom at the holidays. Visit ILs for another long weekend that isn’t tied to a holiday.

The two times towards the end of the year that people universally have time off work and school is Thanksgiving and Christmas. OP already claims the latter for her family. Is DH thrilled to use all his time off with OP’s family? Or is he supposed to put up and shut up? It’s not just about wha OP feels like doing.

Thanksgiving is a 4-day weekend. There are multiple fall/winter long weekends: Columbus Day/Indigenous People weekend, Veterans Day weekend, MLK weekend in January, President’s Day in February.

Great! OP can pick one to spend more time with her family.

Many employers don’t give off minor Federal holidays, and school systems often differ as well.

[Anonymous]

Plan some activities. Make some desserts. Build a big model. Play some games or puzzles. Go for a daily walk with a scavenger hunt. Bring bikes or scooters if you drive there. Adjust Christmas holiday things to autumn - make fall decorations or build a gingerbread house with fall colored candies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You never do thanksgiving with your side of the family. I think you rotate. Go with your family this year his next.

Then what about Christmas?

The ILs don’t celebrate Christmas. The fact that they don’t celebrate Christmas does not mean they get automatic dibs on Thanksgiving every year. Obviously the train has gone pretty far down the tracks for OP to start going to thanksgiving at the ILs every other year, but I think she would have been fine to do that from the outset. And I’m sorry but having great holiday memories is a thing, as opposed to a crappy Thanksgiving that your kids hate, which is something they hang onto through adulthood as the holiday they don’t like because it was never enjoyable. Life is too short for this martyrdom at the holidays. Visit ILs for another long weekend that isn’t tied to a holiday.

The two times towards the end of the year that people universally have time off work and school is Thanksgiving and Christmas. OP already claims the latter for her family. Is DH thrilled to use all his time off with OP’s family? Or is he supposed to put up and shut up? It’s not just about wha OP feels like doing.

Thanksgiving is a 4-day weekend. There are multiple fall/winter long weekends: Columbus Day/Indigenous People weekend, Veterans Day weekend, MLK weekend in January, President’s Day in February.

Great! OP can pick one to spend more time with her family.

Many employers don’t give off minor Federal holidays, and school systems often differ as well.

School systems differ but I don’t know of a single one that doesn’t give any of the above off. Why does OP have to pick another one, why can’t OP rotate Thanksgiving between her family and in-laws and on the year they do Thanksgiving with her family do another long weekend with ILs? You sound like one of those exhausting tit for tat ILs. You actually DGAF about the holiday, but what you do care about is your notion of “fairness” with your child’s spouse’s family. Hence the Thanksgiving is boring AF because all you care about is that they are at your house, not having the holiday be enjoyable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You never do thanksgiving with your side of the family. I think you rotate. Go with your family this year his next.

Then what about Christmas?

The ILs don’t celebrate Christmas. The fact that they don’t celebrate Christmas does not mean they get automatic dibs on Thanksgiving every year. Obviously the train has gone pretty far down the tracks for OP to start going to thanksgiving at the ILs every other year, but I think she would have been fine to do that from the outset. And I’m sorry but having great holiday memories is a thing, as opposed to a crappy Thanksgiving that your kids hate, which is something they hang onto through adulthood as the holiday they don’t like because it was never enjoyable. Life is too short for this martyrdom at the holidays. Visit ILs for another long weekend that isn’t tied to a holiday.

The two times towards the end of the year that people universally have time off work and school is Thanksgiving and Christmas. OP already claims the latter for her family. Is DH thrilled to use all his time off with OP’s family? Or is he supposed to put up and shut up? It’s not just about wha OP feels like doing.

Thanksgiving is a 4-day weekend. There are multiple fall/winter long weekends: Columbus Day/Indigenous People weekend, Veterans Day weekend, MLK weekend in January, President’s Day in February.

Great! OP can pick one to spend more time with her family.

Many employers don’t give off minor Federal holidays, and school systems often differ as well.

School systems differ but I don’t know of a single one that doesn’t give any of the above off. Why does OP have to pick another one, why can’t OP rotate Thanksgiving between her family and in-laws and on the year they do Thanksgiving with her family do another long weekend with ILs? You sound like one of those exhausting tit for tat ILs. You actually DGAF about the holiday, but what you do care about is your notion of “fairness” with your child’s spouse’s family. Hence the Thanksgiving is boring AF because all you care about is that they are at your house, not having the holiday be enjoyable.

LOL -I’m actually a DIL in an interfaith family. The optics on this would be terrible to my Jewish MIL. My MIL is older, has incontinence issues (so air travel is stressful for her on a good day), and really looks forward to seeing her only grandchildren on Thanksgiving every year. We are very different people, but she is still the mother of my DH and grandmother to my children -why would I want to hurt her or make her feel slighted? I’m sure it was not easy to have her son marry someone of a different faith (she is somewhat religious), so I tread carefully out of appreciation for the respect she has shown me over the years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You never do thanksgiving with your side of the family. I think you rotate. Go with your family this year his next.

Then what about Christmas?

The ILs don’t celebrate Christmas. The fact that they don’t celebrate Christmas does not mean they get automatic dibs on Thanksgiving every year.

It is if that was an early agreement between the interfaith couple, like it was for us. DH’s position here matters, and if he feels strongly then she should defer to him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You never do thanksgiving with your side of the family. I think you rotate. Go with your family this year his next.

Then what about Christmas?

The ILs don’t celebrate Christmas. The fact that they don’t celebrate Christmas does not mean they get automatic dibs on Thanksgiving every year.

It is if that was an early agreement between the interfaith couple, like it was for us. DH’s position here matters, and if he feels strongly then she should defer to him.

I would think that if OP had this type of agreement with her DH this wouldn’t even be a thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You never do thanksgiving with your side of the family. I think you rotate. Go with your family this year his next.

Then what about Christmas?

The ILs don’t celebrate Christmas. The fact that they don’t celebrate Christmas does not mean they get automatic dibs on Thanksgiving every year. Obviously the train has gone pretty far down the tracks for OP to start going to thanksgiving at the ILs every other year, but I think she would have been fine to do that from the outset. And I’m sorry but having great holiday memories is a thing, as opposed to a crappy Thanksgiving that your kids hate, which is something they hang onto through adulthood as the holiday they don’t like because it was never enjoyable. Life is too short for this martyrdom at the holidays. Visit ILs for another long weekend that isn’t tied to a holiday.

The two times towards the end of the year that people universally have time off work and school is Thanksgiving and Christmas. OP already claims the latter for her family. Is DH thrilled to use all his time off with OP’s family? Or is he supposed to put up and shut up? It’s not just about wha OP feels like doing.

Thanksgiving is a 4-day weekend. There are multiple fall/winter long weekends: Columbus Day/Indigenous People weekend, Veterans Day weekend, MLK weekend in January, President’s Day in February.

Great! OP can pick one to spend more time with her family.

Many employers don’t give off minor Federal holidays, and school systems often differ as well.

School systems differ but I don’t know of a single one that doesn’t give any of the above off. Why does OP have to pick another one, why can’t OP rotate Thanksgiving between her family and in-laws and on the year they do Thanksgiving with her family do another long weekend with ILs? You sound like one of those exhausting tit for tat ILs. You actually DGAF about the holiday, but what you do care about is your notion of “fairness” with your child’s spouse’s family. Hence the Thanksgiving is boring AF because all you care about is that they are at your house, not having the holiday be enjoyable.

This. Every time I see a poster complaining about fairness in these situations I see a toddler whining.

[Anonymous]

Oy vey!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You never do thanksgiving with your side of the family. I think you rotate. Go with your family this year his next.

Then what about Christmas?

The ILs don’t celebrate Christmas. The fact that they don’t celebrate Christmas does not mean they get automatic dibs on Thanksgiving every year.

It is if that was an early agreement between the interfaith couple, like it was for us. DH’s position here matters, and if he feels strongly then she should defer to him.

I would think that if OP had this type of agreement with her DH this wouldn’t even be a thread.

Huh? If the didn't have an agreement, why did OP go to the ILs for T-day for years- until it got boring, of course and she and her kids don't know how to entertain themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d go to the in-laws. But no need to spend all weekend sitting around reading the paper. Head home on Friday - or go to somewhere fun in between there & home for a night.

This. They’re elderly and not very active, but I guarantee they want to see your family. It sucks that Thanksgiving isn’t as fun with them, but your children should get to know them while they can. Buy a pack of conversation starters and see if you can elicit stories about their childhoods that would interest your kids. Do something fun on the back half of the weekend.

Bring a new toy or books for your kids, leave early and do something fun on way back for your kids to make an adventure. Is there any place you could take your in-laws when you visit? My mom hates driving into the city, but we try and take her in and do something fun with the kids when we visit. Fun memories for all. Last year we saw my in-laws on another weekend in November because the plane tickets were outrageous over T-Giving. It was still wonderful to be together and make memories.

I will say this as a child who was forced to go to my dad's parents for certain holidays (he passed away when I was young) and once every week until I was 18... I didn't like it as a kid for a variety of reasons. I was never allowed to skip. I sucked it up, was nice and polite. I ended up becoming a people please. I helped take care of my grandparents when they both got sick, but once they died I don't see the other paternal family anymore. They took no real interest in me as a kid or adult and made no real effort (and other things).

That being said I had and still have a very close relationship with my maternal grandparents. For many years we were the only kids, but we had TONS of fun.

Also, on a side note does your husband ever take the kids for a weekend to see his parents and you stay home? My DH wanted to visit his family more, but I don't want to go as often, so for one or two long weekends a year he takes the kids himself. We do go usually 2-3 times as a family. He makes a plan and does one fun thing a day with kids and his parents and the rest of the day is more relaxed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d go to the in-laws. But no need to spend all weekend sitting around reading the paper. Head home on Friday - or go to somewhere fun in between there & home for a night.

This. They’re elderly and not very active, but I guarantee they want to see your family. It sucks that Thanksgiving isn’t as fun with them, but your children should get to know them while they can. Buy a pack of conversation starters and see if you can elicit stories about their childhoods that would interest your kids. Do something fun on the back half of the weekend.

Bring a new toy or books for your kids, leave early and do something fun on way back for your kids to make an adventure. Is there any place you could take your in-laws when you visit? My mom hates driving into the city, but we try and take her in and do something fun with the kids when we visit. Fun memories for all. Last year we saw my in-laws on another weekend in November because the plane tickets were outrageous over T-Giving. It was still wonderful to be together and make memories.

I will say this as a child who was forced to go to my dad's parents for certain holidays (he passed away when I was young) and once every week until I was 18... I didn't like it as a kid for a variety of reasons. I was never allowed to skip. I sucked it up, was nice and polite. I ended up becoming a people please. I helped take care of my grandparents when they both got sick, but once they died I don't see the other paternal family anymore. They took no real interest in me as a kid or adult and made no real effort (and other things).

That being said I had and still have a very close relationship with my maternal grandparents. For many years we were the only kids, but we had TONS of fun.

Also, on a side note does your husband ever take the kids for a weekend to see his parents and you stay home? My DH wanted to visit his family more, but I don't want to go as often, so for one or two long weekends a year he takes the kids himself. We do go usually 2-3 times as a family. He makes a plan and does one fun thing a day with kids and his parents and the rest of the day is more relaxed.

I am a bit confused by what you are telling us. OP should take her kids and go. You were in this situation (but even moreso since it was weekly), and in the end you didn't end up being close with anyone you were forced to see and didn't naturally take an interest in you? But you think OP should have her children go?