Disagree over where to spend Thanksgiving

[Anonymous]

What about visit the IL for Hanukkah or fall Jewish holidays, and then your family for Thanksgiving and Christmas?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What about visit the IL for Hanukkah or fall Jewish holidays, and then your family for Thanksgiving and Christmas?

+1 to this, I was going to say that if you usually only see them once in the fall at Thanksgiving, switch it up to two long weekends.

[Anonymous]

Go to your in laws. I understand it’s not as fun but it’s the right thing to do. And you should be more understanding of them…it was nice of you/your family to offer but they are elderly and they don’t want to travel on the busiest travel weekend of the year to stay in a house full of people they probably don’t know that well w tons of kids running around. It sounds like a fun environment for your kids, not for your elderly in laws.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can alternate Thanksgiving. Go to your parents’ home this year, and DH’s parents next year. I’m sure they’ll be disappointed, but it’s unfair of them not to be understanding.

Go and enjoy!

This is the compromise. But I admit the "we dont want to travel over the holidays' would piss me off a little and they may be finding themselves at home a bit more often doing whatever they wanted. Alone. Why do parents think that they get to be catered to at the holidays? We nipped that sh-- in the bud years ago. We are the ones with kids (us and siblings) so you can come to us or we will see you at another time of the year. Take care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can alternate Thanksgiving. Go to your parents’ home this year, and DH’s parents next year. I’m sure they’ll be disappointed, but it’s unfair of them not to be understanding.

Go and enjoy!

This is the compromise. But I admit the "we dont want to travel over the holidays' would piss me off a little and they may be finding themselves at home a bit more often doing whatever they wanted. Alone. Why do parents think that they get to be catered to at the holidays? We nipped that sh-- in the bud years ago. We are the ones with kids (us and siblings) so you can come to us or we will see you at another time of the year. Take care.

Um, one of them is 82. Your punitive vitriol might be better saved for a 65yo.

[Anonymous]

Awww...
Bummer!

DH and I are only children so when our kids are older they will probably have this conversation with us. I hope we'll be able to handle it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Whats wrong with having them spend thanksgiving together with aunt? You invited them, they declined. You can still go to your parents. I dont see an issue with this.

She will want to go to her panthers for Christmas too is the issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What about visit the IL for Hanukkah or fall Jewish holidays, and then your family for Thanksgiving and Christmas?

If they aren’t religious those really are not the same as Thanksgiving.

Reading between the lines - these IL really cherish Thanksgiving. It would be pretty cruel to end that tradition just because the kids are a little bored.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can alternate Thanksgiving. Go to your parents’ home this year, and DH’s parents next year. I’m sure they’ll be disappointed, but it’s unfair of them not to be understanding.

Go and enjoy!

This is the compromise. But I admit the "we dont want to travel over the holidays' would piss me off a little and they may be finding themselves at home a bit more often doing whatever they wanted. Alone. Why do parents think that they get to be catered to at the holidays? We nipped that sh-- in the bud years ago. We are the ones with kids (us and siblings) so you can come to us or we will see you at another time of the year. Take care.

You sound…lovely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Awww...
Bummer!

DH and I are only children so when our kids are older they will probably have this conversation with us. I hope we'll be able to handle it.

Be active, interesting, flexible, and fun-loving. Don’t expect to watch Fox News and sit on the couch all day, yelling at the kids to be quiet every 5 minutes, and you’ll be fine. Be a helpful grandparent who doesn’t act like legitimate food allergies are “fads,” don’t push candy right before bedtime, and don’t act put-upon when no one wants to hear you talk about your neighbor’s garden or other boring crap. You’ll be fine as long as you don’t act super old and expect young people to be interested in that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Awww...
Bummer!

DH and I are only children so when our kids are older they will probably have this conversation with us. I hope we'll be able to handle it.

Be active, interesting, flexible, and fun-loving. Don’t expect to watch Fox News and sit on the couch all day, yelling at the kids to be quiet every 5 minutes, and you’ll be fine. Be a helpful grandparent who doesn’t act like legitimate food allergies are “fads,” don’t push candy right before bedtime, and don’t act put-upon when no one wants to hear you talk about your neighbor’s garden or other boring crap. You’ll be fine as long as you don’t act super old and expect young people to be interested in that.

Somehow I don’t think you are going to excel at this yourself when the time comes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Awww...
Bummer!

DH and I are only children so when our kids are older they will probably have this conversation with us. I hope we'll be able to handle it.

Be active, interesting, flexible, and fun-loving. Don’t expect to watch Fox News and sit on the couch all day, yelling at the kids to be quiet every 5 minutes, and you’ll be fine. Be a helpful grandparent who doesn’t act like legitimate food allergies are “fads,” don’t push candy right before bedtime, and don’t act put-upon when no one wants to hear you talk about your neighbor’s garden or other boring crap. You’ll be fine as long as you don’t act super old and expect young people to be interested in that.

We can try. Some of these things, I can't see us doing. But then again, we'll be old. And boring, I suspect, as we're a little boring now. With no cousins around to play with.
Oh well, no need to borrow trouble, I guess.

[Anonymous]

Don't deprive your elderly in-laws of the one holiday they get to spend with their only child and only grandchildren. If you miss your family, go up for Easter brunch and arrange an egg hunt.

[Anonymous]

ILs don't have Christmas and Easter (which usually trumps Passover with egg hunts and all). So TG is their holiday where people have extra days and time off for travel. My Jewish in laws felt this way and I can completely understand. Don't take this away from them. They won't be around much longer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:ILs don't have Christmas and Easter (which usually trumps Passover with egg hunts and all). So TG is their holiday where people have extra days and time off for travel. My Jewish in laws felt this way and I can completely understand. Don't take this away from them. They won't be around much longer.

I agree with you, but don’t play the “they won’t be around much longer.” My aunt and uncle have been holding this card over my cousins’ heads for 30+ YEARS. My uncle’s mother (cousins’ grandma) is *104* years old. And yet she “won’t be around much longer” since she was 70. Don’t do that. It’s so gross. It’s such a gross way to treat young people AND older adults. Just because you decide they have one foot in the grave doesn’t mean that’s true.

My cousins missed out on various college/early 20s vacations, holidays with other people, etc., etc., all because “grandma’s gonna die.”