Disagree over where to spend Thanksgiving

[Anonymous]

It astonishes me how many people throw up their hands and say “well you invited the 80 year olds to fly to you and they said no so you’re off the hook and can do whatever you want” - it’s just so incredibly inconsiderate. We’ll wax poetically about the needs of children but give no thought to the elderly. Some of you are selfish and shortsighted.

[Anonymous]

You get Christmas with your family, every year. Concentrate on that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What does your DH want to do?

This is the main concern. When your side of the family gets Christmas every year, which of course is understandable given the interfaith dynamic (my marriage is the same way), then you should defer to him on Thanksgiving.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why not propose somewhere midway, like a mountain resort?

I think it might make more sense to shorten the stay with the grandparents and take the kids to a mountain resort to finish up the long weekend in a more kid friendly way.

[Anonymous]

Chiming in to say you need to spend T-day with your ILs somewhere. If you can't manage to figure out how to entertain your kids, go to a resort with your ILs.

How shltty it must be for your DH to know you don't want to visit his family because it's boring. Of all the reasons.....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’d go to the in-laws. But no need to spend all weekend sitting around reading the paper. Head home on Friday - or go to somewhere fun in between there & home for a night.

This. They’re elderly and not very active, but I guarantee they want to see your family. It sucks that Thanksgiving isn’t as fun with them, but your children should get to know them while they can. Buy a pack of conversation starters and see if you can elicit stories about their childhoods that would interest your kids. Do something fun on the back half of the weekend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Chiming in to say you need to spend T-day with your ILs somewhere. If you can't manage to figure out how to entertain your kids, go to a resort with your ILs.

How shltty it must be for your DH to know you don't want to visit his family because it's boring. Of all the reasons.....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Chiming in to say you need to spend T-day with your ILs somewhere. If you can't manage to figure out how to entertain your kids, go to a resort with your ILs.

How shltty it must be for your DH to know you don't want to visit his family because it's boring. Of all the reasons.....

I 100% agree with this. It’s really not a good look, OP. Plus you get Christmas every year with your family. You sound really selfish.

[Anonymous]

I think it’s bad that the reason you don’t want to go is because “it’s boring” for your kids. What’s wrong with them? Can’t you teach them to find joy in spending time with family, even if it doesn’t look like child chaos? My only DS still spends a week every summer (and many other one off days) with his 80 year old grandparents and they have an awesome time together - it looks different than at home, but it’s so much fun: he and grandad watch nerd stuff for hours that no one else ever wants to watch, he and grandma do lots of jigsaw puzzles and talk so much. They go for a walk to the coffee shop and he gets a big donut every morning, I dunno it’s really wonderful memories for him. What messaging are you sending to your kids that spending 36 hours with their grandparents is boring?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s bad that the reason you don’t want to go is because “it’s boring” for your kids. What’s wrong with them? Can’t you teach them to find joy in spending time with family, even if it doesn’t look like child chaos? My only DS still spends a week every summer (and many other one off days) with his 80 year old grandparents and they have an awesome time together - it looks different than at home, but it’s so much fun: he and grandad watch nerd stuff for hours that no one else ever wants to watch, he and grandma do lots of jigsaw puzzles and talk so much. They go for a walk to the coffee shop and he gets a big donut every morning, I dunno it’s really wonderful memories for him. What messaging are you sending to your kids that spending 36 hours with their grandparents is boring?

This. It doesn’t sound like you dislike your in laws. It sounds like you were good with doing tgiving with them when there were 20 ppl. It just sounds like the new tgiving with them doesn’t live up to your idea of “fun”. I don’t understand why there’s an expectation that thanksgiving be “fun”. So long as the in-laws aren’t mean or rude or anti kid (doesn’t sound like they are) why does it have to be like a day at skyzone? Why can’t the pleasure be a different kind of enjoyment?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I celebrated holidays with just my parents. 3 of us total.

You are not being a good role model for your kids, OP. Teach them that small gatherings have just as much meaning as big ones. For all you know, they might get married late, have kids even later, and as a result, their holidays might get really small...

You can bring games and books, or make it into a screen-fest and install a video gaming console, and you have to get your husband on board to not let the adults conduct long interrogations of your kids. That's a big no-no.

Make it fun.

As for forcing 80 year olds to travel on Thanksgiving... WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?!? Idiot. My father's 72 and he refuses to travel on major holidays.

The part above about kids understanding that small holidays can be good rang true for me. I’m the youngest in my entire extended family, as is my husband, my parents were older when I was born and I had my kids when I was older. This means, to be frank, that pretty much everyone was dead or close to it by the time my kids were born. Our holidays are much smaller than mine were growing up. We don’t point it out or dwell on it, we just enjoy the time we have with our smaller group.

[Anonymous]

Agree you go to your in laws. They are elderly and it appears they love you.

Bring a new game or two for the kids. DVD’s of a new movie or some classic holiday movies for that age. Pop some popcorn and excuse them from the table while the adults chat over dessert.

You or DH take the kids for a walk or in the backyard for a game of tag or something else a few times per day to get some fresh air and exercise.

It’s okay for your kids to be a bit bored.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like my own family and it’s gotten worse with time. And we never had a period with big Thanksgivings. My kids are teens now so they help in this but DH and I have worked to find common activities and things to do together. We bring card games and board games that have gotten more complex over the years. Small puzzles that can be finished over the weekend. Word puzzles. Recent news articles that are of interest to my parents so we can discuss. Look up movies in their town, scan and hold off on interesting on Netflix for a couple weeks before the visit. We have already started planning for this year and one DC has picked out doing a recipe together. They also bring books and electronics. At your kids age, I’d focus on games, books, and movies.

To be clear, I find this level of work super annoying. Their parents (my grandparents) were not like this at all and were really engaged. But this is my family so this is how it goes for a few weekends a year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like my own family and it’s gotten worse with time. And we never had a period with big Thanksgivings. My kids are teens now so they help in this but DH and I have worked to find common activities and things to do together. We bring card games and board games that have gotten more complex over the years. Small puzzles that can be finished over the weekend. Word puzzles. Recent news articles that are of interest to my parents so we can discuss. Look up movies in their town, scan and hold off on interesting on Netflix for a couple weeks before the visit. We have already started planning for this year and one DC has picked out doing a recipe together. They also bring books and electronics. At your kids age, I’d focus on games, books, and movies.

To be clear, I find this level of work super annoying. Their parents (my grandparents) were not like this at all and were really engaged. But this is my family so this is how it goes for a few weekends a year.

Oh, the hardship…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like my own family and it’s gotten worse with time. And we never had a period with big Thanksgivings. My kids are teens now so they help in this but DH and I have worked to find common activities and things to do together. We bring card games and board games that have gotten more complex over the years. Small puzzles that can be finished over the weekend. Word puzzles. Recent news articles that are of interest to my parents so we can discuss. Look up movies in their town, scan and hold off on interesting on Netflix for a couple weeks before the visit. We have already started planning for this year and one DC has picked out doing a recipe together. They also bring books and electronics. At your kids age, I’d focus on games, books, and movies.

To be clear, I find this level of work super annoying. Their parents (my grandparents) were not like this at all and were really engaged. But this is my family so this is how it goes for a few weekends a year.

Oh, the hardship…

Well I have avoided posting specifics on why it is difficult to deal with my parents, but keep on keeping on with your sarcastic self that doesn't know much!