Disagree over where to spend Thanksgiving

[Anonymous]

DH is an only child and has a tiny family - he has no cousins (his mom also has no siblings and his dad has a sibling who never married or had kids). DH’s family is Jewish, so we fell into a groove spending Thanksgiving with his family and Christmas with mine. Prior to COVID they used to host a big dinner with 20-25 people which included some of their close friends and their kids, and eventually all the grandkids. It was loud and fun. However, post-COVID, Thanksgiving became much smaller and now just includes DH’s parents and aunt (ages 79-82). Honestly, it’s not fun at all for our kids as all they want to do is have typical grown up conversations at the table vs. engaging our 2 kids who are 4 and 8. Plus, they always want to host which means 4+ hours of travel for a pretty subdued weekend that frankly my kids find boring (parents just sit around reading the paper and there isn’t much to do where they live).

After doing that for the past two years, I would love to change things up. My parents have graciously invited DH’s parents and aunt to come to their house for Thanksgiving - they could stay with my parents and the only expense would be a flight (which DH offered for us to cover). I have 2 siblings who also have kids and many cousins with kids, so my kids always have the best time running around.

Of course DH’s parents said they don’t want to change the plans and come to my parents’ house - they don’t like to travel over holidays, and they said they think it will be a “zoo” which is not their style.

Obviously we aren’t going to leave DH’s parents alone with just his aunt, but I am annoyed they won’t even consider it. I have no choice but to suck it up and keep our current tradition going, right?

[Anonymous]

Yes. You go. They are nearly 80. Bring some new legos or puzzles for the kids to do there.

[Anonymous]

I can understand why nearly 80 year olds dont want to fly over Thanksgiving weekend, sleep in your son's inlaw's house, possibly get covid, spend less time with the grandkids, etc.

This is the deal with being married. You don't always get to see your family of origin even if you like them better. Sometimes you have to go see your inlaws.

Your kids should learn it's not all about them. Just because they aren't as "fun" doesn't mean they get to skip holidays with their grandparents.

Sorry

[Anonymous]

Whats wrong with having them spend thanksgiving together with aunt? You invited them, they declined. You can still go to your parents. I dont see an issue with this.

[Anonymous]

Tell me where this is and I promise I can find something for you to do with your kids.

[Anonymous]

I celebrated holidays with just my parents. 3 of us total.

You are not being a good role model for your kids, OP. Teach them that small gatherings have just as much meaning as big ones. For all you know, they might get married late, have kids even later, and as a result, their holidays might get really small...

You can bring games and books, or make it into a screen-fest and install a video gaming console, and you have to get your husband on board to not let the adults conduct long interrogations of your kids. That's a big no-no.

Make it fun.

As for forcing 80 year olds to travel on Thanksgiving... WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?!? Idiot. My father's 72 and he refuses to travel on major holidays.

[Anonymous]

What does your husband think?

I get your point but I think you need to just suck it up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Whats wrong with having them spend thanksgiving together with aunt? You invited them, they declined. You can still go to your parents. I dont see an issue with this.

+1. Are you sure they WANT you to come if they don’t engage your kids? Sounds like they want a nice, quiet holiday at home.

That said, staying for the weekend is much too long. Drive up Thursday and return Friday, if you must.

[Anonymous]

You can alternate Thanksgiving. Go to your parents’ home this year, and DH’s parents next year. I’m sure they’ll be disappointed, but it’s unfair of them not to be understanding.

Go and enjoy!

[Anonymous]

No sucking it up and going.
Life is short.

[Anonymous]

+1 to figuring out if they really want you over for Thanksgiving anyway. Would another long weekend do just as well, perhaps during a better weather month so you can at least take the kids outside? You could make it a Memorial or Labor Day tradition

[Anonymous]

I’d go to the in-laws. But no need to spend all weekend sitting around reading the paper. Head home on Friday - or go to somewhere fun in between there & home for a night.

[Anonymous]

Why not propose somewhere midway, like a mountain resort? We did Thanksgiving at Oglebay one year, and it was great. Maybe making a mini-vacation of it would change it up and be fun. Is there some type of compromise where travel wouldn’t be burdensome for any party, but it also wouldn’t be the same boring dynamic?

Or you can invite them to your place. If they accept, great. If not, you are free to invite friends or to end up with your family.

[Anonymous]

What does your DH want to do?

[Anonymous]

Yes, you need to suck it up assuming your DH wants to do this.