Disagree over where to spend Thanksgiving

[Anonymous]

Your attitude is nauseating. It's not graciousness if they don't want to go. It would be gracious if your inlaws want to come out this way, want to stay in a hotel but are worried about logistics, you can't host, and your parents open their home -- that would be gracious.

This whole attitude of BUT it's SO kind why wouldn't they accept is really out of place. Apply that logic to examples from your own life. They are not feeble beings. Displacing them from their home and traditions isn't gracious. It might be nice to extend the invite if your parents actually want to invite your inlaws over.

But the while attitude and reason for this isn't gracious at all. It's to benefit you not them. Don't sell it as some amazing thing, your in-laws aren't dumb.

If you don't want to go, don't, but at their ages, why wouldn't you just go. Be a better parent to your kids snd come prepared with games and activities that fit in with your in-laws style.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes. You go. They are nearly 80. Bring some new legos or puzzles for the kids to do there.

This

[Anonymous]

I get it, OP. Our family Thanksgivings are with 20-40 people, lots of food, chatter, games and lasts into the night from a typical 1pm start. So much fun. To go from that to just 3 older adults would definitely be a change. I do agree that as long as DH wants to, they probably still want to see your family. I like the idea of switching each year?

[Anonymous]

You have a responsibility to your kids. Taking them someplace they’re largely ignored and seems like weak parenting to me. I’m assuming your side has cousins etc?

I think you have a choice between two awkward conversations— “MIL/FIL we’ll see you for thanksgiving dinner but we’ll be staying in *closest town with something legitimately fun or enriching for your children*” or “We’re so sorry you can join us this year! Let’s try to get together for MLK weekend”

[Anonymous]

Somewhat similar story. We don't go to ILs anymore. DH didn't care and me and the kids would rather be home. We normally end up doing Thanksgiving at our house with friends. We have a great weekend baking, cooking, playing games, shopping and doing things around town. If DH cared I'd probably suck it up every other year but no way would I do it every year. We visit ILs at other times.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Whats wrong with having them spend thanksgiving together with aunt? You invited them, they declined. You can still go to your parents. I dont see an issue with this.

+1

try to spend another weekend with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Whats wrong with having them spend thanksgiving together with aunt? You invited them, they declined. You can still go to your parents. I dont see an issue with this.

I agree with this. Make sure to see them another time, but go to the fun Thanksgiving.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes. You go. They are nearly 80. Bring some new legos or puzzles for the kids to do there.

This. You are being selfish. Asking people who re nearly 80 to fly to stay with strangers is a jerk move. Thanksgiving is a boring holiday for many people. Rent some movies, bring a video game console, bring some board games or a puzzle. Find a park nearby and make part of the tradition to go to the park (older folks invited but OK for them to stay home).

[Anonymous]

It’s interesting the title is “Disagree over where to spend thanksgiving” and OP has not responded to any posts asking about her DH’s preference.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have a responsibility to your kids. Taking them someplace they’re largely ignored and seems like weak parenting to me. I’m assuming your side has cousins etc?

I think you have a choice between two awkward conversations— “MIL/FIL we’ll see you for thanksgiving dinner but we’ll be staying in *closest town with something legitimately fun or enriching for your children*” or “We’re so sorry you can join us this year! Let’s try to get together for MLK weekend”

“Enriching” for the kids? You ppl are insufferable. Just go and spend some nice and quiet quality time with the in-laws. Op still hadn’t said what’s wrong with them other than it’s “boring” compared to the 20 person option.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have a responsibility to your kids. Taking them someplace they’re largely ignored and seems like weak parenting to me. I’m assuming your side has cousins etc?

I think you have a choice between two awkward conversations— “MIL/FIL we’ll see you for thanksgiving dinner but we’ll be staying in *closest town with something legitimately fun or enriching for your children*” or “We’re so sorry you can join us this year! Let’s try to get together for MLK weekend”

It really is ok if children aren’t the center of attention. It doesn’t mean they aren’t loved and cared for. It’s not weak parenting to have the children spend the holiday with their elderly grandparents!

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:You never do thanksgiving with your side of the family. I think you rotate. Go with your family this year his next.

Then what about Christmas?

The ILs don’t celebrate Christmas. The fact that they don’t celebrate Christmas does not mean they get automatic dibs on Thanksgiving every year.

It is if that was an early agreement between the interfaith couple, like it was for us. DH’s position here matters, and if he feels strongly then she should defer to him.

I would think that if OP had this type of agreement with her DH this wouldn’t even be a thread.

Huh? If the didn't have an agreement, why did OP go to the ILs for T-day for years- until it got boring, of course and she and her kids don't know how to entertain themselves.

“She and HER kids”?
It’s really hard to keep kids entertained in someone’s else house when you aren’t comfortable just using the kitchen and grabbing stuff, like many of us at our ILs. I think you need to suck it up and go but I’d consider cutting a day off the trip. I’d also make sure my DH (since they are also HIS kids) wasn’t just sitting and talking and making me do all the work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Whats wrong with having them spend thanksgiving together with aunt? You invited them, they declined. You can still go to your parents. I dont see an issue with this.

I agree with this. Make sure to see them another time, but go to the fun Thanksgiving.

For sure. Family is only important when they're fun. Make sure they know that, too. "We know you love Thanksgiving, and you feel it's your holiday because we go to my parents' house for Christmas. But you're just a bunch of entitled, well I am not going to use the J word but I could. Why would you ever get any time with us in December? And more to the point you leave us SNOOZING. SNOOZING."

[Anonymous]

Meh, I'd be bored by this too.

[Anonymous]

Wow. Your kids have to endure one weekend where it's not all about them (or you).

All 3 of you need to grow up.