Mother surprised DD with tickets to a concert she doesn’t want to go to

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's rude to give a gift that imposes obligations on the recipient (travel, pet, gym membership) without confirming the gift is welcome. So no. I wouldn't make her go.

I’m OP.

When I turned 12 I wanted a very specific board game that probably cost $18. Instead she got me a horse and riding lessons despite my never showing an interest and it ended up being something I was suppose to devote my time and energy to. If I didn’t I was guilt tripped.

I told DD this story. I said I had to live with the consequences for 6 years. DD just has to devote a day and a half. I’m gonna stop pushing it for now but DD wants a “I don’t have to go, right?” From me now. I’d really rather her wait to see how she feels 13 months from now.

Was the board game Girl Talk? Because I really wanted that one but my mom said it was trashy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This seems like an easy one. Decline the gift because it's an out of town concert on a school night. Suggest that grandma take the younger cousin super fan. At that point, what grandma does is up to her. But you're not even leaving grandma with no one to go with, you're just not letting her manipulate your daughter into pretending to be the granddaughter she wishes she had.

Or OP's daughter can ask her cousin if she wants the tickets.

[Anonymous]

You really need to stand up for your DD on this one. If you don't want to have a big conversation about why the gift wasn't appropriate, just tell your mom that DD can't miss school. But this kind of a gift can make a kid feel like she isn't seen or appreciated for who she is.

[Anonymous]

We are in the same situation with DD. We surprised her with expensive tickets to a really hip, edgy band - The Fixx- at wolf trap in November, even though hard rock like that isn’t really our thing.

She was totally unappreciative.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I’d force her to go. It’s a concert not a prison sentence, and I think it’s important for teens to try new experiences.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Complaining about gifts being too expensive is a whole mood. As someone who grew up LMC I just can’t imagine being this out of touch.

Just because you haven't experienced it doesn't mean it isn't a thing. It is.

[Anonymous]

She should absolutely go. I’m concerned on your hesitation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Has your daughter watched Miss Americana on Netflix? It might give her a different perspective on TS.

Jesus. Taylor Swift fans are something else. No one “needs” to be a fan of Taylor Swift. She has plenty. It’s ok if people don’t like things you do.

I am not at all a Taylor Swift fan, but these shows are a huge deal. I would go to people watch and experience the “event” that they are.

OP, I also have a HFA kid, and I know he stresses about things but when I can get him to,actually do the thing, he enjoys it. I would have her watch some videos and read up on TS to have her get a feel for it. I wouldn’t commit one way or another at this point.

Those of us who aren't interested, simply aren't interested. Not interested in the "event."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Tell your daughter to buck up and enjoy the concert. We make sacrifices and accommodations for family. Grandma isn’t perfect, but she won’t be around forever and let’s humor her and make some memories. If your daughter is truly distressed over this gift, then she is either too sensitive or too sheltered- either way going will be excellent for building resilience.

She is autistic so things that are no big deal for most people tend to be a bit more challenging for her.

But I know she’s capable.

I actually just read this OP and I was one of the posters who said to have her go. This changes my opinion because I know how hard crowds and stimulating experiences can be for those with autism. Because of this and the need to travel, uproot her everyday schedule, I would kindly tell your mom that this won’t work.

In a normal situation I would have made the concert happen.

[Anonymous]

What?

Forcing my teen to travel to a concert she doesn't want to go to would never even cross my mind.

What's wrong with you, OP? You must have greatly suffered during your childhood with this mother of yours for you to entertain that idea.

You have to tell your mother that DD cannot use this gift, and that next time she'd prefer something that pertains to her interests, so your mother should ask her what she wants. And if your mother is angry, well that's just too bad for her, isn't it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I’d force her to go. It’s a concert not a prison sentence, and I think it’s important for teens to try new experiences.

I'd buy Grandma a trip to a nudist resort, and guilt trip her if she doesn't want to go. It's not a prison sentence, and it's important for old people to try new experiences!

Utterly bizarre forcing a child to attend an event she doesn't want to, and claim that it's "a gift."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Tell your daughter to buck up and enjoy the concert. We make sacrifices and accommodations for family. Grandma isn’t perfect, but she won’t be around forever and let’s humor her and make some memories. If your daughter is truly distressed over this gift, then she is either too sensitive or too sheltered- either way going will be excellent for building resilience.

Why does a kid have to “build resilience” over a b-day gift? That’s ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are in the same situation with DD. We surprised her with expensive tickets to a really hip, edgy band - The Fixx- at wolf trap in November, even though hard rock like that isn’t really our thing.

She was totally unappreciative.

You bought these tickets because she loves that band, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gosh OP that is such a cool and generous gift from your mom. Your 14 year old is lucky!

I know why OP didn’t go out and immediately tell people it was a Taylor Swift concert because for some reason Taylor Swift fans can’t understand that not everyone is dying to go to her concert.

I'm a fan and certainly can understand why some people don't like her. I don't know why people who don't like Taylor Swift feel the need to knock down fans. It really isn't necessary.

Op Does your dd not like your mom? There has to be more to the story...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
What?

Forcing my teen to travel to a concert she doesn't want to go to would never even cross my mind.

What's wrong with you, OP? You must have greatly suffered during your childhood with this mother of yours for you to entertain that idea.

You have to tell your mother that DD cannot use this gift, and that next time she'd prefer something that pertains to her interests, so your mother should ask her what she wants. And if your mother is angry, well that's just too bad for her, isn't it?

Me again. I'm surprised so many posters would force their teen to go to a concert they didn't want to go to. So it's not just you, OP, unless you're sock-puppetting

Regarding autism, I have a teen son on the spectrum and a teen daughter not on the spectrum. Neither of them would enjoy that sort of thing. You don't need to be autistic to not like loud music and dense crowds, for goodness' sakes! We like classical music and go to those concerts.