Mother surprised DD with tickets to a concert she doesn’t want to go to

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
What?

Forcing my teen to travel to a concert she doesn't want to go to would never even cross my mind.

What's wrong with you, OP? You must have greatly suffered during your childhood with this mother of yours for you to entertain that idea.

You have to tell your mother that DD cannot use this gift, and that next time she'd prefer something that pertains to her interests, so your mother should ask her what she wants. And if your mother is angry, well that's just too bad for her, isn't it?

Agree. I would never force my teen to go to concert. Add in it is with grandma, on a school night , in another state- no way. In fact, my default to this would be a no unless she REALLY wanted to go. Cannot believe your mom didn’t even ask you. Seems manipulative to me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Gosh OP that is such a cool and generous gift from your mom. Your 14 year old is lucky!

Disagree. It would be a great gift for many 14 year old girls, but not OP’s DD! And if grandmother paid attention AT ALL, she would know that!

[Anonymous]

I’m torn on this. At this point Taylor Swift is a cultural experience rather than just a concert. I don’t know any of her songs or maybe just a couple. I’m not a fan and my kids aren’t fans, but if I were to get a concert ticket for them, you bet we’d be going.

I’m not saying force your daughter to go, but it’s nearly a once in a lifetime opportunity.

But I understand what you mean because I would be OK with a $20 gift and so would my kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gosh OP that is such a cool and generous gift from your mom. Your 14 year old is lucky!

Disagree. It would be a great gift for many 14 year old girls, but not OP’s DD! And if grandmother paid attention AT ALL, she would know that!

+1 my 14 year old would not like it either. She is not into Taylor Swift at all. But for the sake of the grandmother's feelings, she would probably be willing to go and make the best of it. As a parent, I would probably tell the grandma that DD was not into Taylor Swift or big crowds, but was looking forward to spending this special time with her, so she would know who the gift was REALLY for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How many tickets? Who would she go with? There are many artists I wouldn’t pay for, but few that I wouldn’t go to if free. And if it’s Taylor Swift, go for the experience. She will give a good show and it should be interesting to see all they hype in person. No way she can’t get someone to go with her who wouldn’t have a blast.

Just her and my mom and yes, it’s Taylor Swift.

She says she’s not interested in seeing anyone in concert but really has never cared for Taylor Swift as an artist.

She says it seems overwhelming and just “not her thing” and she seems genuinely stressed.

If it was something like going an opera with her grandmother at the Kennedy Center that she would find boring, I'd force her.

But going to Miami, on a school night, for something that she's not just neutral about but actually stressed about? Absolutely not. Explain to your mother that it's great that she wants to give a gift of a show together, but that this isn't the right one. She can resell the tickets and find something that they can both enjoy: a local concert, play, sporting event, etc.

[Anonymous]

It is crazy to me that people are suggesting having your kid miss school for something she doesn't even want to do just to appease her grandmother, who shouldn't have bought the gift in the first place. Telling your daughter she has to go or encouraging her to go will likely make her feel like her family doesn't care about seeing her for who she is really is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How many tickets? Who would she go with? There are many artists I wouldn’t pay for, but few that I wouldn’t go to if free. And if it’s Taylor Swift, go for the experience. She will give a good show and it should be interesting to see all they hype in person. No way she can’t get someone to go with her who wouldn’t have a blast.

Just her and my mom and yes, it’s Taylor Swift.

She says she’s not interested in seeing anyone in concert but really has never cared for Taylor Swift as an artist.

She says it seems overwhelming and just “not her thing” and she seems genuinely stressed.

This doesn't seem like a sweet gift to me. Grandma seems like a huge narcissist. She's giving huge expensive gifts to people who don't want them as a way of getting attention. The gifts are a way for her to say "Look at me! Look how generous I am!" Taylor Swift tickets let her show off for other people. It's for her, not for her granddaughter. I would absolutely let my daughter say that she doesn't want to go. I would be the person to tell my mother "No" so that my daughter doesn't have to tell her grandmother "no." I would be willing to make up an excuse -- "She can't miss school" and "It's too far." This far in advance Grandma can easily resell the tickets with no loss.

[Anonymous]

I think you need to deal with your mom. But I would try to work with your DD to come up with an alternate "hey grandma, this would be fun" type of thing.

But if your mom doesn't care about your kid's feelings, I would stop caring so much about grandma's feelings. That goes both ways and this sounds like a pattern.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Tell your daughter to buck up and enjoy the concert. We make sacrifices and accommodations for family. Grandma isn’t perfect, but she won’t be around forever and let’s humor her and make some memories. If your daughter is truly distressed over this gift, then she is either too sensitive or too sheltered- either way going will be excellent for building resilience.

She is autistic so things that are no big deal for most people tend to be a bit more challenging for her.

But I know she’s capable.

I actually just read this OP and I was one of the posters who said to have her go. This changes my opinion because I know how hard crowds and stimulating experiences can be for those with autism. Because of this and the need to travel, uproot her everyday schedule, I would kindly tell your mom that this won’t work.

In a normal situation I would have made the concert happen.

Forcing a kid with autism to go to a huge concert? Oh, hell no. That's just cruel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is crazy to me that people are suggesting having your kid miss school for something she doesn't even want to do just to appease her grandmother, who shouldn't have bought the gift in the first place. Telling your daughter she has to go or encouraging her to go will likely make her feel like her family doesn't care about seeing her for who she is really is.

+1.

I have a 14 year old niece who is not into Taylor Swift and would not be thrilled with this gift either. She's into other things and is a terrific kid! But this "peak pop culture" thing is not for her. I think ignoring that would be so incredibly rude. Grandma messed up here.

[Anonymous]

If the concert was local and it was just an evening, I'd consider having DD go.

But if it requires travel to another city and an overnight, that's way too long to feign enthusiasm.

[Anonymous]

If this has been a gift to a DS, would folks still be recommending having the kid go?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you need to deal with your mom. But I would try to work with your DD to come up with an alternate "hey grandma, this would be fun" type of thing.

But if your mom doesn't care about your kid's feelings, I would stop caring so much about grandma's feelings. That goes both ways and this sounds like a pattern.

THIS!!! Of course OP's mom will pout and fuss and maybe even cry about how she thought it would just be the best gift and she was trying to do something special, blah, blah, blah. But does she have any reason to believe OP's daughter is interested in this at all? I'm guessing anyone who has bothered to get to know this kid would know this is not her thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is crazy to me that people are suggesting having your kid miss school for something she doesn't even want to do just to appease her grandmother, who shouldn't have bought the gift in the first place. Telling your daughter she has to go or encouraging her to go will likely make her feel like her family doesn't care about seeing her for who she is really is.

+1 But people are responding this way because it's Taylor Swift, and they're superimposing their own desire and/or their own DD's desire to see this particular show.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are in the same situation with DD. We surprised her with expensive tickets to a really hip, edgy band - The Fixx- at wolf trap in November, even though hard rock like that isn’t really our thing.

She was totally unappreciative.

You bought these tickets because she loves that band, right?

Well, not them specifically. But I do know that kids like that sort of hard rock music, even if I don’t care for it.

In truth, I am not exactly sure what her favorite band is. But it would have probably spoiled the surprise if I started asking about that.

It’s so much harder now; you can’t just look at the records in kids rooms to know. All their music is electronically stored on their private phones, and they only listen with those pod-things in their ears.