Mother surprised DD with tickets to a concert she doesn’t want to go to

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just tell her your DD doesn't want to go. Grandma won't have any trouble reselling those tickets.

Seriously.

Your (somewhat ungrateful) DD doesn’t want them. Return them to grandma and let her sell them for a huge profit.

The dd is autistic per the op. Going to a crowded Taylor Swift concert would be a nightmare for such a child. The dd isn’t ungrateful. This is an event that is simply beyond her ability to handle.

Op should be protecting her daughter from all of this, but she’s been so browbeaten by her mother that she’s not capable of breaking the cycle. It’s sad and I hope op can come around on the issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stop pinning this on autism, people. No one should be forced into a trip like this.
And certainly not as a "gift" for the victim. If DD wants to do a trip as a gift for Grandma, that's cool.

True, but it’s worse for person with autism. The sheer sensory overload is worse. And Grandma should be more considerate of her grand daughter’s diagnosis.

[Anonymous]

Didn't read all 10 pages, but no I would not force my kid to go to a concert they weren't interested in.

I'd keep the tickets for a while in case DD changes her mind and if she doesn't I'd sell them. Then reimburse mom and make an excuse why she can't go. Maybe mom will be more thoughtful when purchasing gifts in the future.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Because it's an outing with her grandma, I would tell my child to go.

If it were just the tickets, I would have her sell them and do something else.

My teen wanted to go to a kpop concert. I got us tickets and dreaded it. Guess what? I danced the whole time and made a great memory with my kid.

Completely different scenario. You would go to the concert because your kid WANTS to go and it would be a nice outing with them even if you're not into concerts. (I'd do the same with my kid by the way and I loathe crowds.)

But OPs daughter doesn't want to go and, as well, big crowds might be detrimental to her well being.

[Anonymous]

I can totally relate to how your daughter feels.

Does she like hanging out with Grandma and is she comfortable with her? If so, tell your daughter to think of it more like SHE is giving her grandma a gift in going on this trip with her. It's a year away so dd won't even be thinking about it like a crappy birthday gift by then.

But If it's going to cause too much stress and anxiety, tell Grandma to take a different relative.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Didn't read all 10 pages, but no I would not force my kid to go to a concert they weren't interested in.

I'd keep the tickets for a while in case DD changes her mind and if she doesn't I'd sell them. Then reimburse mom and make an excuse why she can't go. Maybe mom will be more thoughtful when purchasing gifts in the future.

Not that I would do this, but technically since it's a gift, mom could return/resell the gift and keep the money, as with any other gift. That would be hiliarious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Didn't read all 10 pages, but no I would not force my kid to go to a concert they weren't interested in.

I'd keep the tickets for a while in case DD changes her mind and if she doesn't I'd sell them. Then reimburse mom and make an excuse why she can't go. Maybe mom will be more thoughtful when purchasing gifts in the future.

I thought Grandma wanted to take Granddaughter. After all, it's for the instagram!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Tell your daughter to buck up and enjoy the concert. We make sacrifices and accommodations for family. Grandma isn’t perfect, but she won’t be around forever and let’s humor her and make some memories. If your daughter is truly distressed over this gift, then she is either too sensitive or too sheltered- either way going will be excellent for building resilience.

This is good advice.

It’s not only the concert but it’s the time spent with grandma. The hotel, dinners out, maybe beach. My daughter would rather go to the dentist for 12 hours than go see Taylor Swift. But she would go because she loves both grandmas and would never want to hurt their feelings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can totally relate to how your daughter feels.

Does she like hanging out with Grandma and is she comfortable with her? If so, tell your daughter to think of it more like SHE is giving her grandma a gift in going on this trip with her. It's a year away so dd won't even be thinking about it like a crappy birthday gift by then.

But If it's going to cause too much stress and anxiety, tell Grandma to take a different relative.

She does love her Grandma. They go to museums together fairly often.

I don’t know exactly why she’s worked up but she’s really does not want to go. She doesn’t want to travel and she doesn’t want to attend the concert and it’s caused stressed so I went ahead and told her she doesn’t have to but we will give it some time before letting Grandma know (because I guess she could change her mind).

Another thing my DH brought up that really hurts my heart if it’s true. We also wonder if she’s taking my daughter to stick it to my brothers wife. Her daughter (12) is a huge fan who would love to go. My brother has been in her life for about 6 years but my mother disliked her mother and therefor remains distant with her only other granddaughter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can totally relate to how your daughter feels.

Does she like hanging out with Grandma and is she comfortable with her? If so, tell your daughter to think of it more like SHE is giving her grandma a gift in going on this trip with her. It's a year away so dd won't even be thinking about it like a crappy birthday gift by then.

But If it's going to cause too much stress and anxiety, tell Grandma to take a different relative.

She does love her Grandma. They go to museums together fairly often.

I don’t know exactly why she’s worked up but she’s really does not want to go. She doesn’t want to travel and she doesn’t want to attend the concert and it’s caused stressed so I went ahead and told her she doesn’t have to but we will give it some time before letting Grandma know (because I guess she could change her mind).

Another thing my DH brought up that really hurts my heart if it’s true. We also wonder if she’s taking my daughter to stick it to my brothers wife. Her daughter (12) is a huge fan who would love to go. My brother has been in her life for about 6 years but my mother disliked her mother and therefor remains distant with her only other granddaughter.

That's a weird thing to jump to. Not knowing any of you, my guess would be grandma is a bit out of touch and since the 12 yr old is a big fan thought this must be what girls are into, including your daughter. So she probably thought she was getting a really cool gift that would be appreciated, since she otherwise doesn't know what girls that age are in to. Little did she know that your daughter, unlike so many other similar aged girls, isn't a fan.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can totally relate to how your daughter feels.

Does she like hanging out with Grandma and is she comfortable with her? If so, tell your daughter to think of it more like SHE is giving her grandma a gift in going on this trip with her. It's a year away so dd won't even be thinking about it like a crappy birthday gift by then.

But If it's going to cause too much stress and anxiety, tell Grandma to take a different relative.

She does love her Grandma. They go to museums together fairly often.

I don’t know exactly why she’s worked up but she’s really does not want to go. She doesn’t want to travel and she doesn’t want to attend the concert and it’s caused stressed so I went ahead and told her she doesn’t have to but we will give it some time before letting Grandma know (because I guess she could change her mind).

Another thing my DH brought up that really hurts my heart if it’s true. We also wonder if she’s taking my daughter to stick it to my brothers wife. Her daughter (12) is a huge fan who would love to go. My brother has been in her life for about 6 years but my mother disliked her mother and therefor remains distant with her only other granddaughter.

I'm glad you told your daughter that. She must be relieved.

Your mother sounds quite manipulative, so I wouldn't be surprised. I mean, if she's so rich, and she knows your daughter's cousin loves TS, she could have bought 3 tickets.

[Anonymous]

But also - don't assume your daughter will change her mind. It sounds like you are scared of your mom's reaction. Just rip the band aid off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can totally relate to how your daughter feels.

Does she like hanging out with Grandma and is she comfortable with her? If so, tell your daughter to think of it more like SHE is giving her grandma a gift in going on this trip with her. It's a year away so dd won't even be thinking about it like a crappy birthday gift by then.

But If it's going to cause too much stress and anxiety, tell Grandma to take a different relative.

She does love her Grandma. They go to museums together fairly often.

I don’t know exactly why she’s worked up but she’s really does not want to go. She doesn’t want to travel and she doesn’t want to attend the concert and it’s caused stressed so I went ahead and told her she doesn’t have to but we will give it some time before letting Grandma know (because I guess she could change her mind).

Another thing my DH brought up that really hurts my heart if it’s true. We also wonder if she’s taking my daughter to stick it to my brothers wife. Her daughter (12) is a huge fan who would love to go. My brother has been in her life for about 6 years but my mother disliked her mother and therefor remains distant with her only other granddaughter.

I'm glad you told your daughter that. She must be relieved.

Your mother sounds quite manipulative, so I wouldn't be surprised. I mean, if she's so rich, and she knows your daughter's cousin loves TS, she could have bought 3 tickets.

+1 Since your DH actually knows your mother in real life, I’d bet he’s right. Manipulative sounds like a kind word for her. You really need to reevaluate your relationship with her and I don’t say that lightly. Have you ever talked with a therapist about your relationship? It seems like you are still trying to appease her and this is just another version of the horse. Now you are the mom and you need to protect your daughter from your mother’s disappointment in who she is v who she wants her to be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because it's an outing with her grandma, I would tell my child to go.

If it were just the tickets, I would have her sell them and do something else.

My teen wanted to go to a kpop concert. I got us tickets and dreaded it. Guess what? I danced the whole time and made a great memory with my kid.

That is wild to me. Force a kid on an airplane and missing school for a non essential event she doesn't want to go to?

No no and no. Tell her she has choices, and control over her own life. She should not be forced to go.

I don’t agree with this perspective. Family is important, and we emphasize the value of having loving grandparents in our lives. I would have agreed with PP that because it’s her grandma and she would be spending time with her, I’d have her go…except for the fact that DD has autism and this is a unique case. As for school, to me it just isn’t a big deal to miss a day for family.

A grandma who manipulates with fancy gifts isn’t loving.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can totally relate to how your daughter feels.

Does she like hanging out with Grandma and is she comfortable with her? If so, tell your daughter to think of it more like SHE is giving her grandma a gift in going on this trip with her. It's a year away so dd won't even be thinking about it like a crappy birthday gift by then.

But If it's going to cause too much stress and anxiety, tell Grandma to take a different relative.

She does love her Grandma. They go to museums together fairly often.

I don’t know exactly why she’s worked up but she’s really does not want to go. She doesn’t want to travel and she doesn’t want to attend the concert and it’s caused stressed so I went ahead and told her she doesn’t have to but we will give it some time before letting Grandma know (because I guess she could change her mind).

Another thing my DH brought up that really hurts my heart if it’s true. We also wonder if she’s taking my daughter to stick it to my brothers wife. Her daughter (12) is a huge fan who would love to go. My brother has been in her life for about 6 years but my mother disliked her mother and therefor remains distant with her only other granddaughter.

Jesus Christ. OP your mother sucks. Have your daughter gift her ticket to her cousin. If grandma doesn’t throw a fit I’ll take back what I said.