Mother surprised DD with tickets to a concert she doesn’t want to go to

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Tell your daughter to buck up and enjoy the concert. We make sacrifices and accommodations for family. Grandma isn’t perfect, but she won’t be around forever and let’s humor her and make some memories. If your daughter is truly distressed over this gift, then she is either too sensitive or too sheltered- either way going will be excellent for building resilience.

She is autistic so things that are no big deal for most people tend to be a bit more challenging for her.

But I know she’s capable.

Whoa! Talk about burying the lede!! Of course you should not make her go.

The term is dated, I know but she’s very high functioning. I am also on the AS. It has a minimal affect on our life, but things can become overwhelming quicker than for most people.

Please, OP, for all that is good tell your DD now she doesn’t have to go. I can only imagine the stress this will cause her not to have that clarity now. When you say things could change in a year, she feels a total loss of control. Of course she doesn’t have to go. Tell her that now so she can relax. And maybe if the pressure is off she will change her mind in a year. Or maybe not. But don’t force her to make herself uncomfortable for this weird gift. Especially with the whole horse thing as history. Break the cycle.

[Anonymous]

I would stop tiptoeing around your mother and tell her that it was not an appropriate gift. Does everyone try to protect grandmom's feelings to the detriment of healthy family dynamics?

[Anonymous]

Is your mom a narcissist?

[Anonymous]

Has your daughter watched Miss Americana on Netflix? It might give her a different perspective on TS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:More deets needed.

Travel to NYC for the night, yes.

Fly to LA for the weekend no.

Miami and it looks like it will be a school night.

Be honest with your mother and don’t force your daughter to go. There are plenty of others who will buy the tickets. It’s right around the time of my daughter’s birthday and we have family there so I tried to get them but couldn’t. We would fly there only because we would also see my parents and she loved Taylor Swift more than anything. I would never force my kids to fly to a concert that didn’t want to attend, that also cost thousands.

[Anonymous]

We’ll be at the Sunday Miami show and can’t wait! It’s a long ways away. Unless your mom got a presale code, she paid dearly for these tickets.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's rude to give a gift that imposes obligations on the recipient (travel, pet, gym membership) without confirming the gift is welcome. So no. I wouldn't make her go.

I’m OP.

When I turned 12 I wanted a very specific board game that probably cost $18. Instead she got me a horse and riding lessons despite my never showing an interest and it ended up being something I was suppose to devote my time and energy to. If I didn’t I was guilt tripped.

I told DD this story. I said I had to live with the consequences for 6 years. DD just has to devote a day and a half. I’m gonna stop pushing it for now but DD wants a “I don’t have to go, right?” From me now. I’d really rather her wait to see how she feels 13 months from now.

Wow ok. So she gives extravagant gifts! But unfortunately, not at all based on the interests of the recipient. That is exceedingly generous but also just kinda sucks. Better to select gifts with thought to the recipient - NOT the giver.

[Anonymous]

Do not make DD go. Just tell your mom no. It’s great it’s on a school night and you don’t have to get into all the other reasons. Protect your daughter from this toxic cycle with your mother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:More deets needed.

Travel to NYC for the night, yes.

Fly to LA for the weekend no.

This. Also, who is she going with? Your mom? Or are you expected to take her?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m OP.

When I turned 12 I wanted a very specific board game that probably cost $18. Instead she got me a horse and riding lessons despite my never showing an interest and it ended up being something I was suppose to devote my time and energy to. If I didn’t I was guilt tripped.

I told DD this story. I said I had to live with the consequences for 6 years. DD just has to devote a day and a half. I’m gonna stop pushing it for now but DD wants a “I don’t have to go, right?” From me now. I’d really rather her wait to see how she feels 13 months from now.

Wow. Ask yourself why you told your DD this story. Are you actively trying to poison her relationship with her grandmother?

[Anonymous]

Your mother sounds like a narcissist and you, her co-dependent.


Tell your mom the truth about how your daughter feels. For the love god, don’t make her go and tell your mom next time to give a gift that is considerate of your daughter’s actual interests.

[Anonymous]

OP, this telling this tale does not put you in the best light. You seem prickly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Has your daughter watched Miss Americana on Netflix? It might give her a different perspective on TS.

Jesus. Taylor Swift fans are something else. No one “needs” to be a fan of Taylor Swift. She has plenty. It’s ok if people don’t like things you do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Has your daughter watched Miss Americana on Netflix? It might give her a different perspective on TS.

Jesus. Taylor Swift fans are something else. No one “needs” to be a fan of Taylor Swift. She has plenty. It’s ok if people don’t like things you do.

I am not at all a Taylor Swift fan, but these shows are a huge deal. I would go to people watch and experience the “event” that they are.

OP, I also have a HFA kid, and I know he stresses about things but when I can get him to,actually do the thing, he enjoys it. I would have her watch some videos and read up on TS to have her get a feel for it. I wouldn’t commit one way or another at this point.

[Anonymous]

This seems like an easy one. Decline the gift because it's an out of town concert on a school night. Suggest that grandma take the younger cousin super fan. At that point, what grandma does is up to her. But you're not even leaving grandma with no one to go with, you're just not letting her manipulate your daughter into pretending to be the granddaughter she wishes she had.