Jealous of Big Law partner spouses?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My dads a retired big law partner. HYP degree. He worked all the time until he retired. Missed birthdays, recitals, had to stay in a hotel room working while we were on vacation at times, etc. he felt badly about those things but he couldn’t change them. We were well off, but he slaved away at a job he didn’t particularly like. And my mom dealt with everything at home while maintaining her own career, which was stressful for their marriage.

The money certainly provided a nice lifestyle for our family. I would just be clear that it comes with trade offs. Other lucrative careers with more consistent hours.

He told you he felt bad but obviously he didn't care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would like to know how much orthodontists and oral surgeons make. Braces are 4K and wisdom tooth extraction is almost 5k. My kid’s recent procedure took 20 minutes. Both of the doctors my family used seem relaxed and non-stressed plus work doesn’t follow you home.

No way you can get braces for under $5K.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would like to know how much orthodontists and oral surgeons make. Braces are 4K and wisdom tooth extraction is almost 5k. My kid’s recent procedure took 20 minutes. Both of the doctors my family used seem relaxed and non-stressed plus work doesn’t follow you home.

Always best to get a job where competition is illegal.

[Anonymous]

It's a lot of money but your spouse would never be around.

[Anonymous]

My spouse is around all the time. He takes calls in the car and on vacation. He picks up one kid every day. He’s an incredibly hard worker also. But he’s around, and he’s engaged. He manages it. He has his own clients. That’s key. It’s harder if you’re servicing firm clients or other other partners. It’s a lot of money. It’s not like OMG money. It’s private school and $2 million house money in your 40s, basically. It’s not baller.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you fine if they're stuck working and on calls on holidays and in the middle of family vacations? With having them come home after 10pm many nights?

LOL, I am working on a holiday and make pittance compared to Big Law. There are many professionals that have to do this, doctors (esp. OBGYN, ER, etc), IT, Finance and Accounting (when it's crunch time at regular intervals). They don't make 7 figure incomes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My spouse is around all the time. He takes calls in the car and on vacation. He picks up one kid every day. He’s an incredibly hard worker also. But he’s around, and he’s engaged. He manages it. He has his own clients. That’s key. It’s harder if you’re servicing firm clients or other other partners. It’s a lot of money. It’s not like OMG money. It’s private school and $2 million house money in your 40s, basically. It’s not baller.

Doesn’t he have to do research and write memos? I find it hard to believe that someone in big law is fully engaged with their family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How much money does a typical Biglaw partner in a top 10 or 20 law firm in DC bring home in a month? I keep asking and nobody tells me. Am I right that it’s like $200,000 a month?

It doesn't work that way. Assuming you are just looking at equity partners (many firms have non-equity partners who are paid more like associates or counsel), it varies dramatically by firm. In the top 20 AmLaw firms, profits per equity partner can range from 1.1m to 7.1m. Per partner draw will loosely track this, but firms have a variety of ways for determining partner compensation, and at a given firm the actually annual draw could be well above or below that depending on whether the partner is a major rainmaker, very senior or junior, etc. Most firms have a compensation committee that makes these determinations and it's one of the most political processes at a law firm.

And then, of course, law firm profits can vary at these firms as well, and that will impact annual draw. Add to that that many firms issue draws on a quarterly basis, instead of monthly. Also, new partners must purchase their equity in the firm and that will impact your draw as well. So the "typical" monthly income of a BigLaw partner in DC can vary quite a bit. If you asked me what I think the annual income of a certain kind of partner at a specific firm was, I could probably ballpark it for you. But I can't tell you what the typical salary is for partners across a pretty wide range of firms without knowing anything about that partner or the firm they are with. The range would be huge.

I’m at the DC office of NY biglaw. I make about $4m (and should make in the $4m-$5m range for the next 3-5 years). I get a monthly draw of about $40k, and quarterly distributions to cover estimated taxes. Then profit distribs when the firm has the cash to pay them. So it’s not like a fixed salary per month (except for the monthly draw). The biggest months are Nov and Dec. In total I clear about 50% of the gross (so $2m), after retirement plan contributions. So averaged out that’s like $167,000 per month net.

And I work a lot. 60 hours per week, every week, between billables, client development, admin, travel. When I’m not working I’m spending time with kids and wife. I make almost all BTS, weekend sports, most weekday sports, but I have NO PERSONAL HOBBIES or free time. But that’s the choice I made.

I’m 50 and a set to retire at 54 with about $15m. College is paid for (3 kids, oldest is 16). Mortgage on primary home. One investment property.

[Anonymous]

My best friend is a big law spouse. The money is obviously very nice but I think you have to have a certain personality to handle it. They have a ton of hired help as she didn't want to completely give up her career (she works 2 12 hr shifts a week as a nurse) but her biggest complaint is she feels like she's parenting solo. Her husband is a great guy and tries to be around as much as he can, but when he's around he wants to be fun dad. I can admit to being jealous of their money at times, but I can also admit that my marriage would have ended in divorce if that was DHs career.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My spouse is around all the time. He takes calls in the car and on vacation. He picks up one kid every day. He’s an incredibly hard worker also. But he’s around, and he’s engaged. He manages it. He has his own clients. That’s key. It’s harder if you’re servicing firm clients or other other partners. It’s a lot of money. It’s not like OMG money. It’s private school and $2 million house money in your 40s, basically. It’s not baller.

Doesn’t he have to do research and write memos? I find it hard to believe that someone in big law is fully engaged with their family.

No, what? He’s on the phone and e-mail mainly. There are many very well paid associates who research and write. He edits, does hearings, edits slide decks, etc.

[Anonymous]

I was a big law partner in DC before retiring early about a decade ago. When I was a partner I used to joke that the only thing worse than being a Biglaw partner was being a Biglaw associate. It was absolutely true.

When I left I was making close to $900k, which put me at the lower end of the compensation range. Again, this was close to a decade ago. I’m certain the pay is considerably higher now for equity partners in the major DC firms.

It provided a very nice but not over the top life for our fiscally conservative family. Very nice house, vacation homes, colleges paid for, etc. Not private school though - we had no interest.

I was definitely around my kids more than most partners, but I paid a price for that professionally which was fine. My kids (all adults now) would likely agree that I wasn’t an absent father, but they’d certainly credit their mother for doing the great bulk of the work. There is no way we could have done it with my spouse working.

[Anonymous]

Big Law Partner here and I am a bit jealous of my spouse. I would trade in a heartbeat!

[Anonymous]

Don't be. My DH was in biglaw and it sucked. I'd be essentially a single mom right now. Not sure how I'd work, and I prefer working to staying home. He's in gov now and it's awesome.

[Anonymous]

As an actual single parent, can I ask what people mean when they say that they wouldn’t be able to work with a big law spouse?

People work and parent with zero help from a spouse all the time. The Big Law families I know have enough money to pay for a lot of help, and they show up for the most important things. How is that not far easier than what single parents do every day?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As an actual single parent, can I ask what people mean when they say that they wouldn’t be able to work with a big law spouse?

People work and parent with zero help from a spouse all the time. The Big Law families I know have enough money to pay for a lot of help, and they show up for the most important things. How is that not far easier than what single parents do every day?

You are overlooking subtle dynamics.

First off, what kind of single parent are you? Are you a widow/widower? Divorce but share custody? Divorced but other parent is a deadbeat? Or single parent by choice via donor/surrogate? These are all very different dynamics. Well, so is being the "solo parent" in a marriage with a partner who works all the time.

A widow, single parent with a deadbeat ex-partner, or single parent by choice is going to have it toughest, especially if they have to rely entirely on their income (no life insurance, family help etc.) because they are truly doing it all. Though in individual cases they may have considerable help from family, it just depends. One overlooked advantage of this situation is the ability to make all family choices unilaterally. You can move if you want to move. You can pull your kid from their preschool you don't think is a good fit because you want to, with no discussion with anyone else. You don't have to accommodate another person's opinions, needs, complaints, etc. You are still a parent and carry a heavy weight as the one person your kids fully rely on. But there is some liberty there that married parents don't have.

Meanwhile, a divorced parent with joint custody is not ACTUALLY a single parent, assuming both parents are involved (no deadbeats). You just co-parent from different homes. This is really different from being a parent who is 100% responsible for the kids all the time, whether because your spouse died or ran off, or you were never married, OR because they work insane hours with no days off and even if they show up for kid events as much as they can, they aren't actually responsible for any aspect of taking care of the children.

This isn't me advocating for one situation or another. Agree BigLaw spouses have lots of financial resources and that's going to make their lives a lot easier than other situations (like a middle class single parent whose ex never pays child support, or a married couple where one of them is going through their medical residency, or any of a number of situation where one parent does the vast majority of the parenting with limited financial resources). But just saying "well I'm a single mom, this is harder" is meaningless without providing details. I know a number of single moms who have it pretty good, to be honest -- they can afford their lifestyle, their kids ware with their ex 3 nights a week, and they don't have to support a spouse emotionally or financially, or clean up after them or cook for them. That sounds easier to me than being a BigLaw spouse who must support a spouse in a high-stress, high-stakes job while ALSO doing almost 100% of the parenting, plus most people will be like "whatever, you're rich" and so you won't get much support or empathy from friends or family either. That sounds pretty darn isolating to me.