Jealous of Big Law partner spouses?

[Anonymous]

Man, seems like a lot of people on this forum have transactional relationships with their spouses.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:The best part of having a biglaw or other high earning spouse is that you don’t have to worry about college for your kids or worry about money. We can pay 400k each easily for our 3 kids for college and then also easily pay for their grad school tuition, weddings, etc.

If I worked all those years and could not pay for my kids college or they couldn’t attend a private university, that would bother me more than division of labor.

I think it's much worse seeing parents paying 50K (per kid) a year for private school only to have them end up at mediocre universities which they could've gotten into just going to a public HS.

What if 50k to them was like 2500 to you? That is the way I think about it. I do not miss the 50k. Just extra money floating around. Could it be spent somewhere else? Not really. Could I save for retirement? Already put aside 400k a year. Don't need more.

Regardless of it being nothing to them, I think it's rather embarrassing to spend that much only for your kid to end up at like Dickinson. Of course, it's much worse if you're faking pictures of your kid on the rowing team and paying off coaches just to get them into USC.

[Anonymous]

I'm only jealous because my dh is in law but not big law, still works very long hours with a lot of stress and much less money. Big law is a better deal!

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:My spouse makes 1/20 of big law partner salary but works the same hours. She is a scientist. The society is really really fair. What does big law partner contribute to society? Do they generate new knowledge?

DH helps protect American workers and industries. To me that’s a contribution, but I’m not sure the need to compare. It all depends on who your client is. There are scientists who make bank. There are also govt lawyers who don’t. Also, I might argue that a lot of science is behind paywalls, so it doesn’t always benefit the public.

We definitely need good lawyers in many field including immigration. But most of these big law partners seem only to cater to rich people. I found the salary insanely inappropriate. They outsource childcare to black and latino nannies. What a great life!?

This is a thread about spouses married to big law partners. These women often don’t work.

For the women who married rich men and don't work, what do they want their daughters to be? Educated at GDS/Yale and marry someone rich? So 1950s?

Truly wealthy people, like women married to a Wacthell partner who has done well in the market, have trust funds already established for their daughters. They want them to be kind and happy and pursue meaningful work. They have the luxury of getting a degree from Yale and then staying home with their children if that brings them the most fulfillment.

Exactly. It gives our kids the luxury of choice. They start life with no loans and can pick a career based on what they want to do.

Sounds very boring.

And stay at home moms of rich men.... are not good role models for girls.

I have a very good friend whose mom was a CFO. She had a grandmother, nanny and housekeeper take care of her. The mom never cooked. My friend has a trust fund and is a SAHM. She is the best cook and does everything for her children.

Your childhood shapes what kind of mother you want and strive to be.

My mother also worked but we didn’t have money. So my mom worked all the time but didn’t have time or money for any extras. She raised me to study hard and work hard for everything I ever wanted. I did study hard, went to Harvard, met my husband and had a career. I now stay home with my children and do everything with them that I never got to do as a child.

I asked my boys what kind of wife they wanted and they both said they want a nice pretty smart wife who takes care of their kids.

Hopefully they were just dutifully giving you the affirmation you were seeking. I can’t imagine what kind of parent would ask this question, and would find it really sad if boys were being raised with the idea that it’s fine to just dump the care of children on their future wives.

Being the ideal wife and mother isn’t a one-size-fits-all journey. I’m fortunate to have a fulfilling, flexible, and well-paying career. With my husband as an equal partner in household responsibilities, we’re able to give our daughters a wonderful life. I hope you teach your boys that raising children should not be left entirely to their wives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The best part of having a biglaw or other high earning spouse is that you don’t have to worry about college for your kids or worry about money. We can pay 400k each easily for our 3 kids for college and then also easily pay for their grad school tuition, weddings, etc.

If I worked all those years and could not pay for my kids college or they couldn’t attend a private university, that would bother me more than division of labor.

I think it's much worse seeing parents paying 50K (per kid) a year for private school only to have them end up at mediocre universities which they could've gotten into just going to a public HS.

What if 50k to them was like 2500 to you? That is the way I think about it. I do not miss the 50k. Just extra money floating around. Could it be spent somewhere else? Not really. Could I save for retirement? Already put aside 400k a year. Don't need more.

Regardless of it being nothing to them, I think it's rather embarrassing to spend that much only for your kid to end up at like Dickinson. Of course, it's much worse if you're faking pictures of your kid on the rowing team and paying off coaches just to get them into USC.

If a parent is a biglaw partner with a SAHM wife who also attended Harvard or Princeton, the likelihood of the kid going to a crap school after attending Sidwell or NCS is low. It is much more likely that the kid will attend a better school than someone who went to public school.

I say this as a parent of a child who is currently at a good public (Langley in McLean). The parents who went to Ivy+ schools, making millions and sending their kids to 50k private schools is much more likely to have a kid go to a top school than two average parents sending their kids to public.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The best part of having a biglaw or other high earning spouse is that you don’t have to worry about college for your kids or worry about money. We can pay 400k each easily for our 3 kids for college and then also easily pay for their grad school tuition, weddings, etc.

If I worked all those years and could not pay for my kids college or they couldn’t attend a private university, that would bother me more than division of labor.

I think it's much worse seeing parents paying 50K (per kid) a year for private school only to have them end up at mediocre universities which they could've gotten into just going to a public HS.

What if 50k to them was like 2500 to you? That is the way I think about it. I do not miss the 50k. Just extra money floating around. Could it be spent somewhere else? Not really. Could I save for retirement? Already put aside 400k a year. Don't need more.

Regardless of it being nothing to them, I think it's rather embarrassing to spend that much only for your kid to end up at like Dickinson. Of course, it's much worse if you're faking pictures of your kid on the rowing team and paying off coaches just to get them into USC.

You seem to be confusing tv celebrities with biglaw partners in dc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:The best part of having a biglaw or other high earning spouse is that you don’t have to worry about college for your kids or worry about money. We can pay 400k each easily for our 3 kids for college and then also easily pay for their grad school tuition, weddings, etc.

If I worked all those years and could not pay for my kids college or they couldn’t attend a private university, that would bother me more than division of labor.

I think it's much worse seeing parents paying 50K (per kid) a year for private school only to have them end up at mediocre universities which they could've gotten into just going to a public HS.

What if 50k to them was like 2500 to you? That is the way I think about it. I do not miss the 50k. Just extra money floating around. Could it be spent somewhere else? Not really. Could I save for retirement? Already put aside 400k a year. Don't need more.

Regardless of it being nothing to them, I think it's rather embarrassing to spend that much only for your kid to end up at like Dickinson. Of course, it's much worse if you're faking pictures of your kid on the rowing team and paying off coaches just to get them into USC.

You seem to be confusing tv celebrities with biglaw partners in dc.

No, I'm not. I'm saying that it's far worse what the TV celeb did (at least Huffman tried to get her kid into an Ivy), but that doesn't change the fact that I've seen a lot of private school kids of UMC parents, get into some pretty mediocre universities. It doesn't matter if you can afford to send them to PS and that it doesn't in any way put a dent into your bank account, the point is that the return on your investment is not much if they end up getting into anything less than prestigious universities.

I went to private school and ended up at meh NYU, My cousin didn't go to PS and he ended up at Yale and HLS. So understand I'm also putting myself down for wasting my parents' money.

[Anonymous]

Correction: I know the Full House one tried to get her kid into USC which is why I said it was even worse. She didn't even do it to get the kid into an Ivy like Huffman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Correction: I know the Full House one tried to get her kid into USC which is why I said it was even worse. She didn't even do it to get the kid into an Ivy like Huffman.

What does this have to do with big law partners?

[Anonymous]

Wife #1 - no

Wife #2 - yes

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Correction: I know the Full House one tried to get her kid into USC which is why I said it was even worse. She didn't even do it to get the kid into an Ivy like Huffman.

What does this have to do with big law partners?

Why are you so pedantic when I simply added that comment to my overall comment in response to the someone talking about paying for private schools? You're obsessed with one line from my overall comment. This whole thread is about living a particular lifestyle when married to a HIE.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I’m jealous of their money. Not jealous of their spouses. Most of my law school classmates who stayed in big law are honestly the most obnoxious and insufferable people I know.

+1 I think it takes a huge ego to make it in big law. Would be tough to be married to that.

+1 and they think they work harder and are more important than anyone in the whole wide world. I have never met people who complain about work more than big law attorneys. You would think they were working in a coal mine. Could not be married to that, especially if I were single-handedly shouldering 95% of the parenting, which is basically a given. I will take my and my DH's middling but adequate non-profit pay any day.

OK but your post is off. Yes they think they work harder because they do. Your coal mine example is nonsense. Yes I would rather be a Biglaw Partner than a coal miner. Of course. But the Biglaw Partner is working way more hours at a much higher stress level for bigger stakes. And they are more important that most people. And today in 2024 who gives 95% of the parenting to the stay at home wife? Almost no one including Biglaw partners. Is it more than 50% on the wife? Sure. But most Biglaw partners are pretty heavily involved in children's lives. This is not 1970 or 1980.

The guy who handles my plumbing, police officers, teachers, and the nurse practitioner I see for checkups are WAY more important than any biglaw partner (many of whom are actually making the world WORSE.)

Oh and also, based on my time in biglaw as an associate, approximately 0% of partners were “pretty heavily involved in children’s lives.” Though some of them did at least know what grades their kids were in.

I don’t think you know as much about these partners’ lives as you think you do.

I know that they never left the office, and that they complained about how their wives complained that they don’t know their own kids.

See its comments like this that show you are off. Since the pandemic most partners are not in the office much --- and they would not complain about what you said to anyone.

Bingo. I haven’t been to the office once since late July/early August. When I do go in it’s typically for a group lunch or something, so I’ll arrive 10 or 11, eat with the associates, check in around the office afterward, then leave in time to beat traffic and HOV hours.

Most (though not all) of my partners are the same. Everyone’s at home whenever we have Zoom calls. One spends about 50% of his time at a beach house.

Sure, I work hard/late occasionally, but that’s fairly rare. Our average partner utilization is sub-60%. The challenging period in biglaw is much earlier—mid/senior associate through income partner. After that it’s pretty good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Correction: I know the Full House one tried to get her kid into USC which is why I said it was even worse. She didn't even do it to get the kid into an Ivy like Huffman.

What does this have to do with big law partners?

Why are you so pedantic when I simply added that comment to my overall comment in response to the someone talking about paying for private schools? You're obsessed with one line from my overall comment. This whole thread is about living a particular lifestyle when married to a HIE.

I went to Harvard and I went to public school. You seem bitter about your private school education. For some people, this tuition makes no difference. We have a seven figure income. My child chose to stay in public. I expect he will end up at a top college. He would have done well in private as well. We gave him the choice. The 50k tuition doesn’t matter to us at all.