Spouse is discouraging me from working out

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So when does she get 1.5 hours a day to work out? You have conveniently avoided commenting on whether or not you have kids and are shirking your responsibilities to be with them. When she has 1.5 hours a day every day where you are 💯 doing stuff for the kids and she doesn't have to, I will be on your side.

This is such a valid point.

OP - think about two things - how can you do exercise with childcare so that your wife isn't burdened with watching the kids while you work out, and how can you fit exercise into your normal routine?

Two things I do for this - bike commuting and gym with childcare. Country clubs offer this too if that is in the budget. But something as simple/cheap as the Y does, too.

-mom with an intense fitness hobby

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So when does she get 1.5 hours a day to work out? You have conveniently avoided commenting on whether or not you have kids and are shirking your responsibilities to be with them. When she has 1.5 hours a day every day where you are 💯 doing stuff for the kids and she doesn't have to, I will be on your side.

This is such a valid point.

OP - think about two things - how can you do exercise with childcare so that your wife isn't burdened with watching the kids while you work out, and how can you fit exercise into your normal routine?

Two things I do for this - bike commuting and gym with childcare. Country clubs offer this too if that is in the budget. But something as simple/cheap as the Y does, too.

-mom with an intense fitness hobby

He said no kids on page1.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So when does she get 1.5 hours a day to work out? You have conveniently avoided commenting on whether or not you have kids and are shirking your responsibilities to be with them. When she has 1.5 hours a day every day where you are 💯 doing stuff for the kids and she doesn't have to, I will be on your side.

I did not avoid it.

Can you read? We. Do.Not. Have. Kids. She could exercise whenever she wants. She’s just not motivated enough to do it on a regular basis.

[Anonymous]

If you don't have kids, what is she so mad about?

[Anonymous]

People here seem fixated on the bodybuilder look and how gross it is but I am pretty sure what they have in mind is the dudes on roids on stage day. No one looks like that outside of the few days around the show. If OP is not on gear he likely does not look anything like that. He is probably just very lean with muscle definition. If the wife’s issue really is the appearance, adding some fat might help. Looking strong without showing the outline of every muscle and vein is a very attractive look. I am someone very serious about lifting myself and can definitely appreciate muscle, but also prefer men who are not ultra lean. That said, if it this is the OP’s preference, then he should feel free to look that way and see if this is something his wife can get over.

My husband also constantly complains about my muscular arms and shoulders which I love (and often get complimented on by others). It is annoying and it sucks feeling unattractive to your partner, but I just love lifting and refuse to become a yoga chick to fit his preferences. The main reason I stay is our son. Without kids, OP, I would be thinking really hard whether to stay in this relationship. Definitely evaluate whether there are other things than your physique she is really upset about, but if this is purely about your appearance I would be reconsidering. Life is too short to spend it with people who drag you down instead of lifting you up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So when does she get 1.5 hours a day to work out? You have conveniently avoided commenting on whether or not you have kids and are shirking your responsibilities to be with them. When she has 1.5 hours a day every day where you are 💯 doing stuff for the kids and she doesn't have to, I will be on your side.

My questions too. Plus, how long is your workday including commute?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So when does she get 1.5 hours a day to work out? You have conveniently avoided commenting on whether or not you have kids and are shirking your responsibilities to be with them. When she has 1.5 hours a day every day where you are 💯 doing stuff for the kids and she doesn't have to, I will be on your side.

I did not avoid it.

Can you read? We. Do.Not. Have. Kids. She could exercise whenever she wants. She’s just not motivated enough to do it on a regular basis.

how long is your workday? Do yo7 work from home or do you have a commute? How are the home chores divided?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So when does she get 1.5 hours a day to work out? You have conveniently avoided commenting on whether or not you have kids and are shirking your responsibilities to be with them. When she has 1.5 hours a day every day where you are 💯 doing stuff for the kids and she doesn't have to, I will be on your side.

I did not avoid it.

Can you read? We. Do.Not. Have. Kids. She could exercise whenever she wants. She’s just not motivated enough to do it on a regular basis.

how long is your workday? Do yo7 work from home or do you have a commute? How are the home chores divided?

Except the part on the chores, OP answered all of these already. No kids and he does his workouts while she sleeps or before she gets home from work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So when does she get 1.5 hours a day to work out? You have conveniently avoided commenting on whether or not you have kids and are shirking your responsibilities to be with them. When she has 1.5 hours a day every day where you are 💯 doing stuff for the kids and she doesn't have to, I will be on your side.

I did not avoid it.

Can you read? We. Do.Not. Have. Kids. She could exercise whenever she wants. She’s just not motivated enough to do it on a regular basis.

how long is your workday? Do yo7 work from home or do you have a commute? How are the home chores divided?

Except the part on the chores, OP answered all of these already. No kids and he does his workouts while she sleeps or before she gets home from work.

then maybe she is frustrated that she has to work longer hours

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So when does she get 1.5 hours a day to work out? You have conveniently avoided commenting on whether or not you have kids and are shirking your responsibilities to be with them. When she has 1.5 hours a day every day where you are 💯 doing stuff for the kids and she doesn't have to, I will be on your side.

I did not avoid it.

Can you read? We. Do.Not. Have. Kids. She could exercise whenever she wants. She’s just not motivated enough to do it on a regular basis.

You come across as feeling morally superior and judgey of her, which is almost certainly what’s actually bothering her

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:I get the feeling you are prioritizing working out over everything else in your life, including your wife. She's probably like "whoop-dee-doo" you are muscular.

Cool it bro. Get some balance back and show your wife some attention.

Wow, who knew taking care of your health would draw so much negativity.

I'm into fitness and exercise daily OP, but you're annoying. I'd be annoyed if I were your wife. You sound obsessed. Agree on finding some balance. Maybe run every other day, strength work on the non-run days, and one totally free/off day?

Literally tell me how doing fitness annoys my wife. I get up quietly at 445 AM. Run my 3-5 miles in 30-45 minutes. By the time I'm back in prep her breakfast before she and I even go to work. I then workout after work for 1 hour and get home at the same time because of traffic for her. So how exactly am I annoying her when my routine almost never affects her daily life? And no, me getting up early has never bothered her in over 2 years of me doing it.

She thinks you look gross and doesn't care about your bulk, muscles and veins. You know what she thinks. You're just insulted that she doesn't find your new bod as exciting as you do.

No, I’m insulted for being criticized snd bodily shamed for taking care of my health. Maybe you should start a weight training program to stave off age related diseases yourself. The benefits can be tremendous, like new research showing that strength training can help resist age relegated dementia and cognitive declines long term when you commit to training regularly:

https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S2213158220300206?via%3Dihub


https://www.health.harvard.edu/mind-and-mood/weight-training-may-boost-brain-power

"One group did weight training twice a week for six months, lifting 80% of the maximum amount they could. "

Doesn't sound like 2hr/day

Can you read?

It’s 3-5 mile runs in mornings starting around 5 AM followed by 1 hour of weight training after work.


You all act like that is an insane program. What a bunch of lazy couch potatoes.

You sound pleasant. I work out 5 days a week and I’m not lazy or fat. I also think men who look (and act) like you are incredibly unattractive. Your ego seems to be overinflated and you’re probably just butthurt that you think you look soooo good, but your wife and every other woman (beside body builder women) think you give them the ick.

Huge +1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So when does she get 1.5 hours a day to work out? You have conveniently avoided commenting on whether or not you have kids and are shirking your responsibilities to be with them. When she has 1.5 hours a day every day where you are 💯 doing stuff for the kids and she doesn't have to, I will be on your side.

I did not avoid it.

Can you read? We. Do.Not. Have. Kids. She could exercise whenever she wants. She’s just not motivated enough to do it on a regular basis.

how long is your workday? Do yo7 work from home or do you have a commute? How are the home chores divided?

Except the part on the chores, OP answered all of these already. No kids and he does his workouts while she sleeps or before she gets home from work.

then maybe she is frustrated that she has to work longer hours

Ok, and? That’s a good reason to tear down your partner for taking care of their health?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So when does she get 1.5 hours a day to work out? You have conveniently avoided commenting on whether or not you have kids and are shirking your responsibilities to be with them. When she has 1.5 hours a day every day where you are 💯 doing stuff for the kids and she doesn't have to, I will be on your side.

I did not avoid it.

Can you read? We. Do.Not. Have. Kids. She could exercise whenever she wants. She’s just not motivated enough to do it on a regular basis.

how long is your workday? Do yo7 work from home or do you have a commute? How are the home chores divided?

Except the part on the chores, OP answered all of these already. No kids and he does his workouts while she sleeps or before she gets home from work.

then maybe she is frustrated that she has to work longer hours

Ok, and? That’s a good reason to tear down your partner for taking care of their health?

Well, when my DH was working many more hours than me, I picked up more of the household chores, so we both had free time and more together time. For example, I made the dinner so we could eat shortly after he came home. That gave us time to walk together after dinner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So when does she get 1.5 hours a day to work out? You have conveniently avoided commenting on whether or not you have kids and are shirking your responsibilities to be with them. When she has 1.5 hours a day every day where you are 💯 doing stuff for the kids and she doesn't have to, I will be on your side.

I did not avoid it.

Can you read? We. Do.Not. Have. Kids. She could exercise whenever she wants. She’s just not motivated enough to do it on a regular basis.

how long is your workday? Do yo7 work from home or do you have a commute? How are the home chores divided?

Except the part on the chores, OP answered all of these already. No kids and he does his workouts while she sleeps or before she gets home from work.

then maybe she is frustrated that she has to work longer hours

Ok, and? That’s a good reason to tear down your partner for taking care of their health?

Well, when my DH was working many more hours than me, I picked up more of the household chores, so we both had free time and more together time. For example, I made the dinner so we could eat shortly after he came home. That gave us time to walk together after dinner.

Like I said. I already make breakfast everyday for us because I’m up first because I exercise. I pack our lunches. I also iron our clothes before work. I take care of all of our finances and bills, home/yard/car maintenance, trash, cook dinner and do the dishes half the time, and we alternate cleaning the bathrooms while I’m often vacuuming the floors on the weekends. She’s in charge of the laundry because she cares a lot about how her clothes are washed. So that’s the only real chore she takes on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So when does she get 1.5 hours a day to work out? You have conveniently avoided commenting on whether or not you have kids and are shirking your responsibilities to be with them. When she has 1.5 hours a day every day where you are 💯 doing stuff for the kids and she doesn't have to, I will be on your side.

I did not avoid it.

Can you read? We. Do.Not. Have. Kids. She could exercise whenever she wants. She’s just not motivated enough to do it on a regular basis.

how long is your workday? Do yo7 work from home or do you have a commute? How are the home chores divided?

Except the part on the chores, OP answered all of these already. No kids and he does his workouts while she sleeps or before she gets home from work.

then maybe she is frustrated that she has to work longer hours

Ok, and? That’s a good reason to tear down your partner for taking care of their health?

I think the point - for both of you - is that it’s not about taking care of your health. Being healthy doesn’t require 1.5 hours of daily exercise. So what is it really about?