Spouse is discouraging me from working out

[Anonymous]

I've been working out for a while now and am in some of the best shape of my life at the moment. My wife, however, now constantly critiques my physique because she doesn't 'like how musclely' I've gotten, plus the vascularity. I mean I don't take fitness to the extreme. I go everyday after work and lift weights and do cardio in the mornings. Fwiw I am now quite strong and can lift heavy weights for size, and yes, I have added bulk and defined muscle mass. I don't take performance enhancing drugs, no roids, and not even supplements. I am just a man who works out, so it is inevitable I will get 'shredded'. Like yes, I get it, many women do not like the body builder look, but I can't help that in add bulk after lifting weights and challenging myself at the gym. I just find it very discouraging that my spouse basically body shames me for working out. Especially with all of the news and science coming out describing all of the fantastic benefits weight training provides to stave off age related disease. Anyone ever have this issue if you're way more in shape than your spouse and they try to torpedo your enthusiasm for your fitness? How'd you handle it?

[Anonymous]

Likely she's projecting and feels bad about her body.

When she "body shames you" just deflect and move the conversation to another topic, preferably one where you can compliment her!

And keep working out if it makes you feel good!

[Anonymous]

I don't know any women that find "vascularity" attractive. It's a dude thing. Women generally find it and the body builder look really gross.

Fit is great, strong is great, being healthy is great.

Ultimately... do you want your spouse to find you attractive? Or is your fitness regimen (which goes beyond being fit, strong, and healthy) more important to you? Can you find a middle ground?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't know any women that find "vascularity" attractive. It's a dude thing. Women generally find it and the body builder look really gross.

Fit is great, strong is great, being healthy is great.

Ultimately... do you want your spouse to find you attractive? Or is your fitness regimen (which goes beyond being fit, strong, and healthy) more important to you? Can you find a middle ground?

But you can't control it. If you get in shape you get vascular. My fitness regimen is focused on health and keeping body mass as I age. Cardio (4-5 miles in the morning) with 1 hour of weights after work. I just get vascular without trying. When you add muscle mass and lose body fat you get vascular.

[Anonymous]

Are you sure it's not about the amount of time you spend at the gym?

I haven't had this issue per se. DH thinks I am a bit one-note about my fitness hobby but he is coming from a caring place - I had a severe athletic injury from another sport that was very hard on me so cross-training is important.

But never a "I don't want you to be fit" issue.

[Anonymous]

I'm going to guess there's a lot more going on here. How much time are you spending at the gym "getting shredded?" Is that taking time away from your spouse? Do you have kids? If you do whose watching them when you're bulking up? What other lifestyle or diet changes have you made?

[Anonymous]

She’s either insecure about her own body or resentful of how much time the working out is taking from family/household time. The latter really is likely if you have kids.

Is she out of shape?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know any women that find "vascularity" attractive. It's a dude thing. Women generally find it and the body builder look really gross.

Fit is great, strong is great, being healthy is great.

Ultimately... do you want your spouse to find you attractive? Or is your fitness regimen (which goes beyond being fit, strong, and healthy) more important to you? Can you find a middle ground?

But you can't control it. If you get in shape you get vascular. My fitness regimen is focused on health and keeping body mass as I age. Cardio (4-5 miles in the morning) with 1 hour of weights after work. I just get vascular without trying. When you add muscle mass and lose body fat you get vascular.

Every day? So like 2 hours a day? And take it easy, because that's not going to be sustainable.

You need to manage your time better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She’s either insecure about her own body or resentful of how much time the working out is taking from family/household time. The latter really is likely if you have kids.

Is she out of shape?

We get home at the same time after work after I'm done at the gym because of how much further she works from the home.

I mean yes, she's out of shape. Not obse, but out of shape, yes. She'd definitely struggle to run 3 miles.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She’s either insecure about her own body or resentful of how much time the working out is taking from family/household time. The latter really is likely if you have kids.

Is she out of shape?

We get home at the same time after work after I'm done at the gym because of how much further she works from the home.

I mean yes, she's out of shape. Not obse, but out of shape, yes. She'd definitely struggle to run 3 miles.

Kids or no?

[Anonymous]

You say you're not extreme, but you're working out twice a day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She’s either insecure about her own body or resentful of how much time the working out is taking from family/household time. The latter really is likely if you have kids.

Is she out of shape?

We get home at the same time after work after I'm done at the gym because of how much further she works from the home.

I mean yes, she's out of shape. Not obse, but out of shape, yes. She'd definitely struggle to run 3 miles.

Harsh, bro. Plenty of in shape people can't run 3 miles. Can she run 1?

[Anonymous]

I get the feeling you are prioritizing working out over everything else in your life, including your wife. She's probably like "whoop-dee-doo" you are muscular.

Cool it bro. Get some balance back and show your wife some attention.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She’s either insecure about her own body or resentful of how much time the working out is taking from family/household time. The latter really is likely if you have kids.

Is she out of shape?

We get home at the same time after work after I'm done at the gym because of how much further she works from the home.

I mean yes, she's out of shape. Not obse, but out of shape, yes. She'd definitely struggle to run 3 miles.

Kids or no?

No

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I get the feeling you are prioritizing working out over everything else in your life, including your wife. She's probably like "whoop-dee-doo" you are muscular.

Cool it bro. Get some balance back and show your wife some attention.

Wow, who knew taking care of your health would draw so much negativity.