Strange comment

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You shouldn’t have said anything in front of her. It was a gift to him. If you want marital finances to be a private matter, discuss them privately.

Exactly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I understand why you are annoyed and I understand why MIL responded the way she did. Your comment was unnecessary and awkward in the moment. That could have been a private suggestion to your husband later on.

(And it should be left to him to decide how he wanted to use the money. If my parents give me money for my birthday, they would expect me to use it to treat myself to something nice/fun, not for household expenses. I could see them being upset if my husband made a comment like you did in front of them.)

If I'm going to make the comment to my husband what difference does it make if I wait 5 seconds or 5 hours later?

The difference is avoiding scenarios like this one.

This. OP, if your MIL had given your husband a really shitty gift, would you have said to him "well, we'll definitely be throwing this out!" in front of her? I bet not. But by your logic, what's the difference between saying it then and saying it privately? I think you see the difference.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You shouldn’t have said anything in front of her. It was a gift to him. If you want marital finances to be a private matter, discuss them privately.

This is really the best advice. If you don’t want your MIL to think she has grounds to discuss your marital finances (which she does not) you can’t open the conversation by having it in front of her. You say “oh that’s nice!” and then eat some cake. She only gets as much say in your marriage as you let her, so I don’t think you’re doing yourself any favors by telling her what happens behind the scenes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She wanted to treat just him to something special. Has he seemed stressed lately?

Just him? Why would she want to leave his wife out? Her DIL?

It.was.his.birthday. Jesus, not everyone gets a present just because one person gets a present. Kids understand this, but an adult can't?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm glad your husband is backing you up, but I think you overstepped here. Your MIL may feel that your husband doesn't have enough say or that you are domineering, and you affirmed that when you announced when he would be doing with his birthday present. She was giving the cash in lieu of a physical gift, so that he could pick his own. And you basically announced it would go towards household expenses instead.

Why would my MIL get a say on that though? It isn't her business to have opinions on our marriage or to insert her opinion our marriage is between my husband and I not his mother, my husband, and I.

Of course she is entitled to have options on your marriage. And right now I would bet that her opinion isn't very positive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP you are totally out of line. Also, wrong. Gifts from parents aren't marital property. Nor are inheritances if you were hoping to cash in some day.

You sound like your husband's affair partner who became his second wife.



Showing your overt greed is not a good look. You better be prepared to grovel to his MIL and make it look sincere to put things right. But she will likely never trust you. Nor should she. Your entitlement level is "11".

So a good relationship I had with MIL for years is shattered because of one comment?? That's not how family works.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you often feel like people look down on your behaviors? I'm assuming so, from your defensiveness and sticking to the tiny point that she commented on your side conversation as the most offensive thing here. You just have bad manners.

Isn't that kind of the point though.? It'd a conversation I had with my husband not her so not her business to comment on

It comes off as the badly behaved school kid who tries to paint themselves as the victim because of some random sticking point they don't let go of. He just received the gift and you spent it in front of her so of course she is part of that conversation. She wouldn't be once she had left.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yikes OP. Agree with everyone that in a nice moment between mother and son, you jumped in with a greedy comment having already decided what to do with your husbands gift before he had the chance. Then doubled down!

What would your mil even apologize for?her comment was just factual. Not nasty. You should apologize or at very least tell your husband not to raise it with his mom.

Even when spouses share things, come on - if your mil had given him a slice of cake would you have jumped forward and bitten it immediately before he had a chance?

She would have put it in the garbage disposal to feed the house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I also think your comment was rude. When my mom gives me money she always makes a big deal about me spending on myself. Now, I may use it for bills or household stuff, but I wouldn't say that to her face. I think you comment was rude in two ways: you announced what someone else would be doing with their birthday present and you dampened the joy of the gift giver who should be able to maintain the illusion that the recipient is spending the funds on something fun.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your MIL owes you nothing sweetie.

+1

I never understood women who feels entitled to their IL's money - particularly if you don't even like them. OP, don't be THAT DIL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you often feel like people look down on your behaviors? I'm assuming so, from your defensiveness and sticking to the tiny point that she commented on your side conversation as the most offensive thing here. You just have bad manners.

Isn't that kind of the point though.? It'd a conversation I had with my husband not her so not her business to comment on

You made it in front of her. I thought finances were private?

The fact is, you aren't going to admit you were wrong. You were rude, and then you doubled down.

[Anonymous]

YDTFA and a money hungry one at that.

[Anonymous]

YTA, as someone said. Save that for a private conversation later. You overstepped. Please don't have her apologize.

[Anonymous]

Welp, we know who won't be receiving generous cash gifts anymore.

[Anonymous]

Tell your MIL:
Sorry about my outburst. I got excited about your generous gift to DH and got offended you wanted to have a say in our finances but it was his birthday gift, not mine.