Strange comment

[Anonymous]

My MIL gave my husband a $1000 for his birthday. Just to be clear we have been married for 10 years not just long term dating or engaged. I have always considered MIL and I to have a good relationship. We aren't best friends but it's not awkward if we ever end up in a situation where we are alone together. My point in saying this is to say that as far as I know we have no issues between us.

We have been getting home renovations done so when my husband opened his card and it was $1000 in there I said, "oh great we can use it towards our home renovations." My MIL gave me a nasty look and said back to me in a rude tone, "that's money is meant for my son for his birthday it's up to him to decide how it's spent." I said back a little snarky back I will admit, "we are a married couple and we always considered money we get to be family money as I thought it was normal for married couples to share money."

It got very quiet which honestly I'm more annoyed with my husband that he didn't jump in and let me get hammered by his mother but whatever that's besides the point.

Since the whole mood and tone changed I left the house to go for a walk and let them have time together.

I don't know I feel like this is so out of character given that his mom and I have always gotten along well and in the 10+ years I've been with her son I have never seen her act like this.

You would have thought I said oh great we can use the money for me to go on a girl's weekend or for me to get my nails done. But this is OUR house as a married couple this benefits him just as much as me. Besides we are a married couple do married couples not share money typically especially large amounts??

Not to mention it shouldn't be up to the gift giver to determine how the money is spent. For us we are married so it's more of a we are a unit and make these decisions together we are one in the married sense.

I want my husband to talk to his mother about making comments that are out of line and quite frankly none of her business what I say to my husband a married couple and I think she owes me an apology.

He said he is going to talk to her because it's out of character for her. And ask her to talk to me and to apologize.

I guess I'm just really hurt and taken a back because this type of comment doesn't just come out of no where if you are typically pretty close with someone.

[Anonymous]

You got between her and her son for no good reason. Your comment was overstepping and rude.

[Anonymous]

She wanted to treat just him to something special. Has he seemed stressed lately?

[Anonymous]

He is not likely to get any other nice gifts if he asks her to apologize

[Anonymous]

I also think your comment was rude. When my mom gives me money she always makes a big deal about me spending on myself. Now, I may use it for bills or household stuff, but I wouldn't say that to her face. I think you comment was rude in two ways: you announced what someone else would be doing with their birthday present and you dampened the joy of the gift giver who should be able to maintain the illusion that the recipient is spending the funds on something fun.

[Anonymous]

YTA

[Anonymous]

You shouldn’t have assumed the money was going to be used for your renovation - that was a gift for him. Your MIL was right. Let your husband decide.

[Anonymous]

I understand why you are annoyed and I understand why MIL responded the way she did. Your comment was unnecessary and awkward in the moment. That could have been a private suggestion to your husband later on.

(And it should be left to him to decide how he wanted to use the money. If my parents give me money for my birthday, they would expect me to use it to treat myself to something nice/fun, not for household expenses. I could see them being upset if my husband made a comment like you did in front of them.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You got between her and her son for no good reason. Your comment was overstepping and rude.

+1

TBH, it really is his money to do as he wishes. My ILs always cut big checks for my husband. I don't sweat him for it.

[Anonymous]

Your MIL owes you nothing sweetie.

[Anonymous]

It was a gift to him. I can understand why she was annoyed with you.

[Anonymous]

You were rude. Normally I'd be all married couples are one unit, but in this case you didn't even wait to have a little discussion with your H and decided unilaterally that's how you're going to spend the money, money that was a gift from his mother to him. It's breathtakingly rude. Of course your H was quiet--he's probably upset with your pre-emptively calling the shot here.

[Anonymous]

I'm glad your husband is backing you up, but I think you overstepped here. Your MIL may feel that your husband doesn't have enough say or that you are domineering, and you affirmed that when you announced when he would be doing with his birthday present. She was giving the cash in lieu of a physical gift, so that he could pick his own. And you basically announced it would go towards household expenses instead.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I also think your comment was rude. When my mom gives me money she always makes a big deal about me spending on myself. Now, I may use it for bills or household stuff, but I wouldn't say that to her face. I think you comment was rude in two ways: you announced what someone else would be doing with their birthday present and you dampened the joy of the gift giver who should be able to maintain the illusion that the recipient is spending the funds on something fun.

+1 Just keep you mouth shut next time OP. You took all the fun out of a nice gift. I'd feel the same way if I gave a gift like that to my kids (even though I know money is fungible).

[Anonymous]

I also think you were rude and I don't think your mother in law was at all out of line in pointing that out. Even if you are 1000% certain that he would want to use that money for that purpose, it wasn't your place to declare it so.