Strange comment

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your comment sounds weird and inappropriate, actually. You either say nothing or you say thank you. Guessing m-i-l doesn’t like you as much as you think she does. It’s not your gift.

So then all those many years she was just faking it. We always gotten along fine. In fact we hung out just the 2 of us before. So I highly doubt if she didn't like me she wouldn't have done that. Yes it was initiated by her.

Families argue and have disagreements it doesn't mean they don't like each other. If everytime family members disagreed it meant they don't like each other we would all be screwed.

Not quite, OP. All these years, you are the one who has been faking it. What you just did in that post is projection. Now your MIL is clear about who you really are, if she was in doubt about that.

If you wish to try to continue the charade, you need to apologize to your MIL and make it a good one. Also to your husband. Thats probably not possible for you based on the attitude in all your posts.

It is unbelievable that one could see ones spouse be the recipient of such a generous gift and yet work so hard to create an ongoing family conflict between mother and son out of sheer jealousy or avarice.

It doesnt matter WHAT MIL said or didnt say, her ACTIONS speak for themselves-- SHE GAVE YOUR HUSBAND $1,000!!!!

You are an ungrateful, rude twerp.

Plus any benefit of the doubt in this sich goes to MIL because YOUR HUSBAND CAME OUT OF HER BODY. She carried him for 9 months. Without her, you dont have a husband from whom to cadge his birthday gift in the first place.

You are toxic AF. You dont mention any other marital issues but surely this is merely the tip of a huge iceberg.

I hereby christen your marriage as "The Titanic."

So why should the husband give the benefit of the doubt to his mom over his own wife? I could understand the MIL obviously viewing her own son as more important than the DIL but her own husband should certainly view his wife as more important than his mother and put her first.

But he didn’t even back her up. He, too, was probably embarrassed by her rudeness.

He didnt back OP up because she was wrong. That has nothing to do with putting anyone first. OP would be just as wrong had a complete stranger given him a $1000 birthday gift and she acted the same way.

This really has nothing to do with the MIL. It is about OP's inappropriate behavior and refusal to acknowledge it and now doubling down by trying to manipulate her husband into getting the gift giver an apology to Op

[Anonymous]

MIL is in the right. What if she had bought him an iPad for his birthday. Would you consider it half yours? Would you feel free to go return it for cash to use on your home renovations. Of course not. You’re the one who was unreasonable, but you can salvage this relationship by acknowledging you were wrong and apologizing to DH and MIL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My MIL gave my husband a $1000 for his birthday. Just to be clear we have been married for 10 years not just long term dating or engaged. I have always considered MIL and I to have a good relationship. We aren't best friends but it's not awkward if we ever end up in a situation where we are alone together. My point in saying this is to say that as far as I know we have no issues between us.

We have been getting home renovations done so when my husband opened his card and it was $1000 in there I said, "oh great we can use it towards our home renovations." My MIL gave me a nasty look and said back to me in a rude tone, "that's money is meant for my son for his birthday it's up to him to decide how it's spent." I said back a little snarky back I will admit, "we are a married couple and we always considered money we get to be family money as I thought it was normal for married couples to share money."

It got very quiet which honestly I'm more annoyed with my husband that he didn't jump in and let me get hammered by his mother but whatever that's besides the point.

Since the whole mood and tone changed I left the house to go for a walk and let them have time together.

I don't know I feel like this is so out of character given that his mom and I have always gotten along well and in the 10+ years I've been with her son I have never seen her act like this.

You would have thought I said oh great we can use the money for me to go on a girl's weekend or for me to get my nails done. But this is OUR house as a married couple this benefits him just as much as me. Besides we are a married couple do married couples not share money typically especially large amounts??

Not to mention it shouldn't be up to the gift giver to determine how the money is spent. For us we are married so it's more of a we are a unit and make these decisions together we are one in the married sense.

I want my husband to talk to his mother about making comments that are out of line and quite frankly none of her business what I say to my husband a married couple and I think she owes me an apology.

He said he is going to talk to her because it's out of character for her. And ask her to talk to me and to apologize.

I guess I'm just really hurt and taken a back because this type of comment doesn't just come out of no where if you are typically pretty close with someone.

If you want to spoil your kid for his/her birthday, that's what money is meant for. You aren't getting out money from your retirement account so her husband/his wife can repaint cabinets to a shade they prefer. If It was an anniversary gift, your input would be more acceptable.

[Anonymous]

*spouse's input

[Anonymous]

You're all acting like she gave him 100 bucks and it's no big deal. This is clearly a big deal to them.
What if she gave the birthday boy a check for $10000? Should the wife still smile and say "Have fun spending it honey."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You're all acting like she gave him 100 bucks and it's no big deal. This is clearly a big deal to them.
What if she gave the birthday boy a check for $10000? Should the wife still smile and say "Have fun spending it honey."

She isn't required to say anything when he gets it. She doesn't need to say "have fun spending it" any more than she needs to earmark it for something else out loud as soon as she sees it. All of that is for after MIL leaves. Some of you really struggle in social situations don't you? Never seem to know what to say or how to behave.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You're all acting like she gave him 100 bucks and it's no big deal. This is clearly a big deal to them.
What if she gave the birthday boy a check for $10000? Should the wife still smile and say "Have fun spending it honey."

Yes. Absolutely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're all acting like she gave him 100 bucks and it's no big deal. This is clearly a big deal to them.
What if she gave the birthday boy a check for $10000? Should the wife still smile and say "Have fun spending it honey."

She isn't required to say anything when he gets it. She doesn't need to say "have fun spending it" any more than she needs to earmark it for something else out loud as soon as she sees it. All of that is for after MIL leaves. Some of you really struggle in social situations don't you? Never seem to know what to say or how to behave.

then the MIL struggles equally because Ms Manners would have told her to hold her tongue!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You're all acting like she gave him 100 bucks and it's no big deal. This is clearly a big deal to them.
What if she gave the birthday boy a check for $10000? Should the wife still smile and say "Have fun spending it honey."

She can smile and say thank you to her MIL. Later, she can say whatever she wants to her husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're all acting like she gave him 100 bucks and it's no big deal. This is clearly a big deal to them.
What if she gave the birthday boy a check for $10000? Should the wife still smile and say "Have fun spending it honey."

Yes. Absolutely.

+1 yes, or no comment at all.

Then later in the privacy of your home if there is a specific financial concern you want to bring up with you DH then you do and hear what he has to say.
Same applies if it is $100,000 or more.

The only time when your response can be different than this and not be rude is when in law say hands over a check for a large sum and says “I wanted to contribute to your new house/baby nurse/renovation etc…” then you can respond “wow, thank you. This will help so much with our renovation.”

[Anonymous]

I had (keyword, HAD) a SIL who was all about "all money gifts are MUTUAL money", same went for gift cards. She would determine how money would be spent and it drove my brother bonkers. No fun whatsoever. Thank God they had no kids; he divorced her after 5 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're all acting like she gave him 100 bucks and it's no big deal. This is clearly a big deal to them.
What if she gave the birthday boy a check for $10000? Should the wife still smile and say "Have fun spending it honey."

She isn't required to say anything when he gets it. She doesn't need to say "have fun spending it" any more than she needs to earmark it for something else out loud as soon as she sees it. All of that is for after MIL leaves. Some of you really struggle in social situations don't you? Never seem to know what to say or how to behave.

then the MIL struggles equally because Ms Manners would have told her to hold her tongue!

But then OP doubled down and gave the MIL a condescending speech. So she really went for it then. No impulse control whatsoever.

[Anonymous]

You're the one who needs to apologize, not him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You're the one who needs to apologize, not him.

Meant, not her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're all acting like she gave him 100 bucks and it's no big deal. This is clearly a big deal to them.
What if she gave the birthday boy a check for $10000? Should the wife still smile and say "Have fun spending it honey."

Yes. Absolutely.

So you think it's acceptable for one spouse to be given $10,000 which is a lot of money and to say blow it all on something just for them and not think of their spouse at all. I mean yes technically it is "their" birthday money but c'mon your spouse is supposed to be your life partner why wouldn't you want to share with the person you made vows to? I just think it's shitty to be like, "oh well you're my husband/wife but too bad you aren't seeing a dime of this money."

Even if you know your spouse is possibly suffering financially you would really let them go without? It's kind of like an unspoken rule that large sums of money while it's technically "yours" you should still consider your spouse because they are they other member of your team.

I think it's super weird to still have a "mine" vs "yours" in a marriage with large sums of money. It all comes out in the ash anyways..