Boyfriend is upset/sad that I am taking a bucket list trip with my sister

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My sister invited me on a trip to Japan with her, leaving at the end of March, for 2 weeks. Initially, her husband was supposed to go with her, but he has to take an international business trip for 2 months to Germany. He found out that he had to travel there last week and is leaving March 15. So he obviously can't go on their Japan trip. My sister asked me if I wanted to go with her - and HELL YES I DO! Not only have I always wanted to go Japan, but I'm likely going to be there during CHERRY BLOSSOM SEASON!! (Can you tell how excited I am??!!!) She just simply asked me to pay her cancellation fee on the ticket and she will use the credit she got to re-book a ticket in my name.

When she offered this to me, I told her yes and she went ahead and re-booked the ticket in my name. I told my boyfriend (of 6 months) about this last minute trip to Japan and he looked crushed. His main points of contention -

1.) He said he wished that my sister would've invited him along too --even though he also mentioned that Japan wasn't high on his list - "She should've invited us both, not just you. I would've paid my own way."
I mean, WHAT? Plus, the hotel situation - rooms are all booked for 2 people and my sister and I are likely going to have to share a bed, which is fine. There is no room for another person, or she'd have to re-plan the whole trip to get three adults in a room (which I imagine might not be easy in Japan)

2.) We haven't been on a vacation yet and now I'm using most of my 2023 PTO on this trip. "When will we have time for a trip for US?"
I can understand this but we've only been dating for 6 months. What if I had planned this trip with her before I met him?

3.) We won't see each other for 2 weeks!!!!
Oh noes.

I think he's acting like a baby and a little bit controlling. Life is short - chances like this don't come up that often and I'm taking it. I feel like dumping him but he might just have overreacted in the moment. Any thoughts?

If I was your boyfriend I would be super excited for you! To me this is a big red flag. Is there anything worse than a man-baby? Go on that trip and dump this guy!!!

[Anonymous]

I mean I wouldn't necessarily dump him immediately. But he is being ridiculous and unreasonable. Have a wonderful time in Japan, OP, and deal with his drama (or don't) when you get home! So jealous you're getting to go!

[Anonymous]

OP: Your boyfriend seems to be a bit possessive & controlling based on what you wrote. However, I am experienced enough to know that there are at least two sides to every story.

Maybe he is more willing to be in a committed long-term relationship than you are at this time.

Maybe there is a lack of trust.

Maybe he sees you as choosing your sister and freedom over a committed relationship with him.

My best guess is that you and your boyfriend are at different stages in your relationship. I understand why he is hurt & I understand why you are excited.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like your bf is afraid you will cheat on him because what happens in Japan stays in Japan. I have no idea why any guy would actually want to be the third wheel on a trip with his gf and her sister though. That would be like nails scratching a blackboard to any normal male.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like your bf is afraid you will cheat on him because what happens in Japan stays in Japan. I have no idea why any guy would actually want to be the third wheel on a trip with his gf and her sister though. That would be like nails scratching a blackboard to any normal male.

While I agree that cheating is the concern, it is not cheating in a physical sense, but, rather, cheating in an emotional sense that concerns the boyfriend. Cheating on the relationship, not necessarily cheating on him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like your bf is afraid you will cheat on him because what happens in Japan stays in Japan. I have no idea why any guy would actually want to be the third wheel on a trip with his gf and her sister though. That would be like nails scratching a blackboard to any normal male.

While I agree that cheating is the concern, it is not cheating in a physical sense, but, rather, cheating in an emotional sense that concerns the boyfriend. Cheating on the relationship, not necessarily cheating on him.

DP, not the OP, but -- the two posters suddenly bringing up "it sounds like he's afraid you will cheat" on the trip--wow. He didn't tell OP that, per her first post, so where are you getting this idea? Possibly projecting from something in your own experience? Because you're interpreting cheating concerns into a post where OP didn't bring that up as something he raised. Why did your minds even go there?

Even if he IS concerned about cheating, well, he's nuts. They're supposedly still in the "honeymoon phase" when things should be positive and happy, but if he can't bear the thought of her taking a mere two-week trip without him and HE thinks that means she'll cheat--then he's as possessive and immature as many of us here think he is, with a huge dose of mistrust into the bargain. He should be pleased for her. Period.

And to PP above talking about "cheating on the relationship, not necessarily cheating on him," what on Earth do you mean? That if she takes a trip without him at this stage, she is...not putting "the relationship" ahead of everything else in her life, and that's a form of cheating?

Utter nonsense. That's A-1, top grade possessive talk. That's essentially, "If you do this without me or without my approval, you're not fully invested in the relationship like I am." Are you the same person who posted earlier that OP must not be that into him and might be "meant" to be alone all her life? That was a peach of a post too.

I hope that is not what you really meant -- but that sure is how it reads.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP: Your boyfriend seems to be a bit possessive & controlling based on what you wrote. However, I am experienced enough to know that there are at least two sides to every story.

Maybe he is more willing to be in a committed long-term relationship than you are at this time.

Maybe there is a lack of trust.

Maybe he sees you as choosing your sister and freedom over a committed relationship with him.

My best guess is that you and your boyfriend are at different stages in your relationship. I understand why he is hurt & I understand why you are excited.

The bold is correct. His stage is called childhood.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP: Your boyfriend seems to be a bit possessive & controlling based on what you wrote. However, I am experienced enough to know that there are at least two sides to every story.

Maybe he is more willing to be in a committed long-term relationship than you are at this time.

Maybe there is a lack of trust.

Maybe he sees you as choosing your sister and freedom over a committed relationship with him.

My best guess is that you and your boyfriend are at different stages in your relationship. I understand why he is hurt & I understand why you are excited.

The bold is correct. His stage is called childhood.

Precisely and we don't date children

[Anonymous]

He's not your husband but he wants to be treated as such.

Does he want that? Do you?

Trip sounds awesome. Enjoy!

[Anonymous]

If this was his very first initial thought, maybe give it a couple days to see if he comes around. I can see myself being caught off guard and feeling jealous and initially saying things without thinking them through. If he has been pouting for a week, dump him. He sounds controlling and whiney.

His only understandable complaint is that you won’t have much PTO to take a trip with him. Maybe you can go somewhere for a long weekend or take a day or two unpaid or work out some other way to get away with him. But given his selfish reaction (totally unreasonable for him to expect to join you!) it sounds like he is not worth the effort.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If this was his very first initial thought, maybe give it a couple days to see if he comes around. I can see myself being caught off guard and feeling jealous and initially saying things without thinking them through. If he has been pouting for a week, dump him. He sounds controlling and whiney.

His only understandable complaint is that you won’t have much PTO to take a trip with him. Maybe you can go somewhere for a long weekend or take a day or two unpaid or work out some other way to get away with him. But given his selfish reaction (totally unreasonable for him to expect to join you!) it sounds like he is not worth the effort.

No he's not made any serious commitment to op. If he wanted to have a trip he should have asked and planned with her. He didn't.

He's a big ol man baby with controlling and manipulative tendencies. There have probably been other warning signs but this is a huge one and op needs to heed it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like your bf is afraid you will cheat on him because what happens in Japan stays in Japan. I have no idea why any guy would actually want to be the third wheel on a trip with his gf and her sister though. That would be like nails scratching a blackboard to any normal male.

While I agree that cheating is the concern, it is not cheating in a physical sense, but, rather, cheating in an emotional sense that concerns the boyfriend. Cheating on the relationship, not necessarily cheating on him.

Sounds like a him problem bandbop needs to drop him

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok so I had a similar situation within the first year of dating my DH. A friend had planned this epic trip with her boyfriend, and then they broke up. Last minute she asked me if I wanted to go. I said HELL YES.

The reason that new boyfriend is my DH now is because his only response was "that sounds awesome, have fun".

Your bf is whiny baby at best, or a controlling psycho at worst.

+a million. Smart man!!

Exactly

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If he’s this sad he can’t go with you he should be proposing ASAP. But do you want to marry him is the question???

If my husband had proposed to me in an effort to control my actions, I would not have accepted. Gross.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I'm back.

To answer a few questions:

He's only met my sister twice - at Christmas and we did a double date with her husband last month. So no, he does not know here that well, but he does know that we are close. My sister and I have taken a lot of trips together over the years, so we are compatible traveling partners. She's a blast to travel with.

The new BF? IDK if he is fun to travel with. Traveling with BFs reveals a lot about someone and at 6 months, I'm not ready to take a trip to Japan with him. A long weekend trip to New York, sure. But Japan, no! Not yet anyway.

My sister and her husband paid for this trip already. I'm paying a couple hundred bucks to my sister for the airline fees. They are pretty well-off with no children. Some of these hotels were paid for in points by my sister.

I told my sister what my BF's reaction to this trip was - about how he wanted to tag along and she couldn't believe he had the balls to crash her vacation to Japan (which he has no interest in seeing!) - she laughed and said his reaction is a huge red flag.

Yes, he is both upset and sad at this. He is still acting mopey and moody today (well, over text, I haven't seen him today).

I am 35 and my sister is 40. BF is 40 as well. I do enjoy spending time with him but as these 6 months have went on, I have noticed him being mopey whenever he doesn't get his way, which is annoying.