Boyfriend is upset/sad that I am taking a bucket list trip with my sister

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My sister invited me on a trip to Japan with her, leaving at the end of March, for 2 weeks. Initially, her husband was supposed to go with her, but he has to take an international business trip for 2 months to Germany. He found out that he had to travel there last week and is leaving March 15. So he obviously can't go on their Japan trip. My sister asked me if I wanted to go with her - and HELL YES I DO! Not only have I always wanted to go Japan, but I'm likely going to be there during CHERRY BLOSSOM SEASON!! (Can you tell how excited I am??!!!) She just simply asked me to pay her cancellation fee on the ticket and she will use the credit she got to re-book a ticket in my name.

When she offered this to me, I told her yes and she went ahead and re-booked the ticket in my name. I told my boyfriend (of 6 months) about this last minute trip to Japan and he looked crushed. His main points of contention -

1.) He said he wished that my sister would've invited him along too --even though he also mentioned that Japan wasn't high on his list - "She should've invited us both, not just you. I would've paid my own way."
I mean, WHAT? Plus, the hotel situation - rooms are all booked for 2 people and my sister and I are likely going to have to share a bed, which is fine. There is no room for another person, or she'd have to re-plan the whole trip to get three adults in a room (which I imagine might not be easy in Japan)

2.) We haven't been on a vacation yet and now I'm using most of my 2023 PTO on this trip. "When will we have time for a trip for US?"
I can understand this but we've only been dating for 6 months. What if I had planned this trip with her before I met him?


3.) We won't see each other for 2 weeks!!!!
Oh noes.

I think he's acting like a baby and a little bit controlling. Life is short - chances like this don't come up that often and I'm taking it. I feel like dumping him but he might just have overreacted in the moment. Any thoughts?

Just go to Japan and have fun. AMAZING!!

It's clear you really aren't really that interested in your boyfriend or you'd just want to stay or just naturally want to include him. Be free and also set him free so he can find someone who is ready for the next level like he is. Although he'll likely decide this for himself - men have short windows when it comes to agreeing to commit...

On a side note, you may be a single-by-choice lifer. This is becoming more common. In the lifestyle, you can do what you want and when you want! You can buy your own flowers as Miley would say...

Shut up!

+1
I've been married many decades. His behavior doesn't indicate that he would be mature enough for a long term commitment. Sometimes these types if litmus tests come into your life. OP would be wise to keep an eye on her relationship and move on if she needs to. That's being smart in seeking out a long term partner, not as you snidely put it choosing to be a "single-by-choice lifer."

Respectfully you are likely multiple generations ahead of OP. You are very lucky to have had such a wonderful marriage/relationship. You go girl!! However, keep in mind your experience is dated, and nowadays fewer people feel the need to be in a relationship, INCLUDING MEN. Thus, OP may be taking a risk. There are fewer men out there who want what you have..Maybe not. Just thoughts.

Not all thoughts need to be shared. Your thoughts are not novel or intelligent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Major red flag to be pouting about this at all, let alone after only being together 6 months. I’d start reconsidering the relationship.

And congrats on going to Japan! That’s one of my bucket list trips too, so I get it 😍

+1000000

+1000000

This is a major red flag.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My sister invited me on a trip to Japan with her, leaving at the end of March, for 2 weeks. Initially, her husband was supposed to go with her, but he has to take an international business trip for 2 months to Germany. He found out that he had to travel there last week and is leaving March 15. So he obviously can't go on their Japan trip. My sister asked me if I wanted to go with her - and HELL YES I DO! Not only have I always wanted to go Japan, but I'm likely going to be there during CHERRY BLOSSOM SEASON!! (Can you tell how excited I am??!!!) She just simply asked me to pay her cancellation fee on the ticket and she will use the credit she got to re-book a ticket in my name.

When she offered this to me, I told her yes and she went ahead and re-booked the ticket in my name. I told my boyfriend (of 6 months) about this last minute trip to Japan and he looked crushed. His main points of contention -

1.) He said he wished that my sister would've invited him along too --even though he also mentioned that Japan wasn't high on his list - "She should've invited us both, not just you. I would've paid my own way."
I mean, WHAT? Plus, the hotel situation - rooms are all booked for 2 people and my sister and I are likely going to have to share a bed, which is fine. There is no room for another person, or she'd have to re-plan the whole trip to get three adults in a room (which I imagine might not be easy in Japan)

2.) We haven't been on a vacation yet and now I'm using most of my 2023 PTO on this trip. "When will we have time for a trip for US?"
I can understand this but we've only been dating for 6 months. What if I had planned this trip with her before I met him?


3.) We won't see each other for 2 weeks!!!!
Oh noes.

I think he's acting like a baby and a little bit controlling. Life is short - chances like this don't come up that often and I'm taking it. I feel like dumping him but he might just have overreacted in the moment. Any thoughts?

Just go to Japan and have fun. AMAZING!!

It's clear you really aren't really that interested in your boyfriend or you'd just want to stay or just naturally want to include him. Be free and also set him free so he can find someone who is ready for the next level like he is. Although he'll likely decide this for himself - men have short windows when it comes to agreeing to commit...

On a side note, you may be a single-by-choice lifer. This is becoming more common. In the lifestyle, you can do what you want and when you want! You can buy your own flowers as Miley would say...

Shut up!

+1
I've been married many decades. His behavior doesn't indicate that he would be mature enough for a long term commitment. Sometimes these types if litmus tests come into your life. OP would be wise to keep an eye on her relationship and move on if she needs to. That's being smart in seeking out a long term partner, not as you snidely put it choosing to be a "single-by-choice lifer."

Respectfully you are likely multiple generations ahead of OP. You are very lucky to have had such a wonderful marriage/relationship. You go girl!! However, keep in mind your experience is dated, and nowadays fewer people feel the need to be in a relationship, INCLUDING MEN. Thus, OP may be taking a risk. There are fewer men out there who want what you have..Maybe not. Just thoughts.

Maybe, but you can be pretty miserable working to stay together with someone who is not fit for you. It's like synchronized swimming. Pretty on top, paddling furiously underneath. From my "experience," it's better to be alone.

[Anonymous]

Dump boyfriend, find new one in Japan.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dump boyfriend, find new one in Japan.

!!!!!!!!!!!

[Anonymous]

You don't need him. Miley sings it best:


Lyrics:
We were good, we were gold
Kinda dream that can't be sold
We were right 'til we weren't
Built a home and watched it burn
Mm, I didn't wanna leave you
I didn't wanna lie
Started to cry but then remembered I
I can buy myself flowers
Write my name in the sand
Talk to myself for hours
Say things you don't understand
I can take myself dancing
And I can hold my own hand
Yeah, I can love me better than you can
Can love me better
I can love me better, baby
Can love me better
I can love me better, baby
Paint my nails, cherry red
Match the roses that you left
No remorse, no regret
I forgive every word you said
Ooh, I did not wanna leave you, baby
I didn't wanna fight
Started to cry but then remembered I
I can buy myself flowers
Write my name in the sand
Talk to myself for hours, yeah
Say things you don't understand
I can take myself dancing, yeah
I can hold my own hand
Yeah, I can love me better than you can
Can love me better
I can love me better, baby
Can love me better
I can love me better, baby
Can love me better
I can love me better, baby
Can love me better
Oh, I
I did not wanna leave you
I didn't wanna fight
Started to cry but then remembered I
I can buy myself flowers (oh)
Write my name in the sand (mmh)
Talk to myself for hours (yeah)
Say things you don't understand (never will)
I can take myself dancing, yeah
I can hold my own hand
Yeah, I can love me better than
Yeah, I can love me better than you can
Can love me better
I can love me better, baby (oh)
Can love me better
I can love me better (than you can), baby
Can love me better
I can love me better, baby
Can love me better

Songwriters: Gregory Aldae Hein / Michael Ross Pollack
[size=12]Performer: Miley Ray Cyrus[/size]

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My sister invited me on a trip to Japan with her, leaving at the end of March, for 2 weeks. Initially, her husband was supposed to go with her, but he has to take an international business trip for 2 months to Germany. He found out that he had to travel there last week and is leaving March 15. So he obviously can't go on their Japan trip. My sister asked me if I wanted to go with her - and HELL YES I DO! Not only have I always wanted to go Japan, but I'm likely going to be there during CHERRY BLOSSOM SEASON!! (Can you tell how excited I am??!!!) She just simply asked me to pay her cancellation fee on the ticket and she will use the credit she got to re-book a ticket in my name.

When she offered this to me, I told her yes and she went ahead and re-booked the ticket in my name. I told my boyfriend (of 6 months) about this last minute trip to Japan and he looked crushed. His main points of contention -

1.) He said he wished that my sister would've invited him along too --even though he also mentioned that Japan wasn't high on his list - "She should've invited us both, not just you. I would've paid my own way."
I mean, WHAT? Plus, the hotel situation - rooms are all booked for 2 people and my sister and I are likely going to have to share a bed, which is fine. There is no room for another person, or she'd have to re-plan the whole trip to get three adults in a room (which I imagine might not be easy in Japan)

2.) We haven't been on a vacation yet and now I'm using most of my 2023 PTO on this trip. "When will we have time for a trip for US?"
I can understand this but we've only been dating for 6 months. What if I had planned this trip with her before I met him?


3.) We won't see each other for 2 weeks!!!!
Oh noes.

I think he's acting like a baby and a little bit controlling. Life is short - chances like this don't come up that often and I'm taking it. I feel like dumping him but he might just have overreacted in the moment. Any thoughts?

Just go to Japan and have fun. AMAZING!!

It's clear you really aren't really that interested in your boyfriend or you'd just want to stay or just naturally want to include him. Be free and also set him free so he can find someone who is ready for the next level like he is. Although he'll likely decide this for himself - men have short windows when it comes to agreeing to commit...

On a side note, you may be a single-by-choice lifer. This is becoming more common. In the lifestyle, you can do what you want and when you want! You can buy your own flowers as Miley would say...

Shut up!

+1
I've been married many decades. His behavior doesn't indicate that he would be mature enough for a long term commitment. Sometimes these types if litmus tests come into your life. OP would be wise to keep an eye on her relationship and move on if she needs to. That's being smart in seeking out a long term partner, not as you snidely put it choosing to be a "single-by-choice lifer."

Respectfully you are likely multiple generations ahead of OP. You are very lucky to have had such a wonderful marriage/relationship. You go girl!! However, keep in mind your experience is dated, and nowadays fewer people feel the need to be in a relationship, INCLUDING MEN. Thus, OP may be taking a risk. There are fewer men out there who want what you have..Maybe not. Just thoughts.

Maybe, but you can be pretty miserable working to stay together with someone who is not fit for you. It's like synchronized swimming. Pretty on top, paddling furiously underneath. From my "experience," it's better to be alone.

That's my point (PP here) which is being misunderstood. Its just fine to be single by choice. So if he's not vibeing with you, its okay.

[Anonymous]

DTMF. He should be happy for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My sister invited me on a trip to Japan with her, leaving at the end of March, for 2 weeks. Initially, her husband was supposed to go with her, but he has to take an international business trip for 2 months to Germany. He found out that he had to travel there last week and is leaving March 15. So he obviously can't go on their Japan trip. My sister asked me if I wanted to go with her - and HELL YES I DO! Not only have I always wanted to go Japan, but I'm likely going to be there during CHERRY BLOSSOM SEASON!! (Can you tell how excited I am??!!!) She just simply asked me to pay her cancellation fee on the ticket and she will use the credit she got to re-book a ticket in my name.

When she offered this to me, I told her yes and she went ahead and re-booked the ticket in my name. I told my boyfriend (of 6 months) about this last minute trip to Japan and he looked crushed. His main points of contention -

1.) He said he wished that my sister would've invited him along too --even though he also mentioned that Japan wasn't high on his list - "She should've invited us both, not just you. I would've paid my own way."
I mean, WHAT? Plus, the hotel situation - rooms are all booked for 2 people and my sister and I are likely going to have to share a bed, which is fine. There is no room for another person, or she'd have to re-plan the whole trip to get three adults in a room (which I imagine might not be easy in Japan)

2.) We haven't been on a vacation yet and now I'm using most of my 2023 PTO on this trip. "When will we have time for a trip for US?"
I can understand this but we've only been dating for 6 months. What if I had planned this trip with her before I met him?


3.) We won't see each other for 2 weeks!!!!
Oh noes.

I think he's acting like a baby and a little bit controlling. Life is short - chances like this don't come up that often and I'm taking it. I feel like dumping him but he might just have overreacted in the moment. Any thoughts?

Just go to Japan and have fun. AMAZING!!

It's clear you really aren't really that interested in your boyfriend or you'd just want to stay or just naturally want to include him. Be free and also set him free so he can find someone who is ready for the next level like he is. Although he'll likely decide this for himself - men have short windows when it comes to agreeing to commit...

On a side note, you may be a single-by-choice lifer. This is becoming more common. In the lifestyle, you can do what you want and when you want! You can buy your own flowers as Miley would say...

Shut up!

+1
I've been married many decades. His behavior doesn't indicate that he would be mature enough for a long term commitment. Sometimes these types if litmus tests come into your life. OP would be wise to keep an eye on her relationship and move on if she needs to. That's being smart in seeking out a long term partner, not as you snidely put it choosing to be a "single-by-choice lifer."

Respectfully you are likely multiple generations ahead of OP. You are very lucky to have had such a wonderful marriage/relationship. You go girl!! However, keep in mind your experience is dated, and nowadays fewer people feel the need to be in a relationship, INCLUDING MEN. Thus, OP may be taking a risk. There are fewer men out there who want what you have..Maybe not. Just thoughts.

Maybe, but you can be pretty miserable working to stay together with someone who is not fit for you. It's like synchronized swimming. Pretty on top, paddling furiously underneath. From my "experience," it's better to be alone.

That's my point (PP here) which is being misunderstood. Its just fine to be single by choice. So if he's not vibeing with you, its okay.

Your point that she was "taking a risk" by not realizing how few men want what she has is that you think "just fine." Sure, Jan.

[Anonymous]

Okay so I wouldn't dump him, but I would be cautious. He's allowed to have feelings, right? And he's allowed to express them. I would be jealous if my dh went on an amazing two week trip and then didn't have time to vacation with me.

[Anonymous]

Some couples have to do everything together and would never go to a concert/on vacation/do anything fun without the other. Which is fine for them. We know a couple like this who have been happily married for 20-some years. Not my thing, but works for them.

Is this the way he is? Would you be ok w/this? If your BFF gets 2 tickets to a good concert or show of some kind and invites you, will he be upset that you didn't invite him? If you guys are engaged, is he going to be ok w/you going on a trip for your bachelorette party? When you are married and have kids, will he be ok w/you leaving the kids w/him and going on a trip w/your friends?

[Anonymous]

Ok so I had a similar situation within the first year of dating my DH. A friend had planned this epic trip with her boyfriend, and then they broke up. Last minute she asked me if I wanted to go. I said HELL YES.

The reason that new boyfriend is my DH now is because his only response was "that sounds awesome, have fun".

Your bf is whiny baby at best, or a controlling psycho at worst.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Okay so I wouldn't dump him, but I would be cautious. He's allowed to have feelings, right? And he's allowed to express them. I would be jealous if my dh went on an amazing two week trip and then didn't have time to vacation with me.

Not when you'd only known him 6 months. I was not planning my vacation days around someone I'd been dating only a few months. NOPE.

OP, life is short. Once kids come, you can't do things like this. DO IT NOW! Always go to Japan! (or Paris, who remembers The Hills when Lauren didn't go to Paris?!!!)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Okay so I wouldn't dump him, but I would be cautious. He's allowed to have feelings, right? And he's allowed to express them. I would be jealous if my dh went on an amazing two week trip and then didn't have time to vacation with me.

Not when you'd only known him 6 months. I was not planning my vacation days around someone I'd been dating only a few months. NOPE.

OP, life is short. Once kids come, you can't do things like this. DO IT NOW! Always go to Japan! (or Paris, who remembers The Hills when Lauren didn't go to Paris?!!!)

Or do both! FYI: I'd add Brazil to the list for sure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some couples have to do everything together and would never go to a concert/on vacation/do anything fun without the other. Which is fine for them. We know a couple like this who have been happily married for 20-some years. Not my thing, but works for them.

Is this the way he is? Would you be ok w/this? If your BFF gets 2 tickets to a good concert or show of some kind and invites you, will he be upset that you didn't invite him? If you guys are engaged, is he going to be ok w/you going on a trip for your bachelorette party? When you are married and have kids, will he be ok w/you leaving the kids w/him and going on a trip w/your friends?

this.

Plus, as many others have said, he seems immature, self-centered, and controlling. I have a friend whose DH throws tempertantrums after her business trips, does not allow her to visit me (or other friends) alone, and guilt trips her for spending time with her family.