Boyfriend is upset/sad that I am taking a bucket list trip with my sister

[Anonymous]

You and BF have can take a 3-day weekend (1 PTO) as your first trip. By this summer you would have been dating a year, so that sounds about right.

I think he may have over-reacted in the moment. as a test to his feelings after he has had time to think about it, I would see if he is open to helping you shop, offering advice on outfits, or dropping you off at the airport . If he is not open to this, then he is a being unreasonably jeolous. This is your sister - not even "just a friend". You will likely spend a lot of one-on-one time with her and your parents that he would need to be open to if this is going to be a happy long term relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My sister invited me on a trip to Japan with her, leaving at the end of March, for 2 weeks. Initially, her husband was supposed to go with her, but he has to take an international business trip for 2 months to Germany. He found out that he had to travel there last week and is leaving March 15. So he obviously can't go on their Japan trip. My sister asked me if I wanted to go with her - and HELL YES I DO! Not only have I always wanted to go Japan, but I'm likely going to be there during CHERRY BLOSSOM SEASON!! (Can you tell how excited I am??!!!) She just simply asked me to pay her cancellation fee on the ticket and she will use the credit she got to re-book a ticket in my name.

When she offered this to me, I told her yes and she went ahead and re-booked the ticket in my name. I told my boyfriend (of 6 months) about this last minute trip to Japan and he looked crushed. His main points of contention -

1.) He said he wished that my sister would've invited him along too --even though he also mentioned that Japan wasn't high on his list - "She should've invited us both, not just you. I would've paid my own way."
I mean, WHAT? Plus, the hotel situation - rooms are all booked for 2 people and my sister and I are likely going to have to share a bed, which is fine. There is no room for another person, or she'd have to re-plan the whole trip to get three adults in a room (which I imagine might not be easy in Japan)

2.) We haven't been on a vacation yet and now I'm using most of my 2023 PTO on this trip. "When will we have time for a trip for US?"
I can understand this but we've only been dating for 6 months. What if I had planned this trip with her before I met him?


3.) We won't see each other for 2 weeks!!!!
Oh noes.

I think he's acting like a baby and a little bit controlling. Life is short - chances like this don't come up that often and I'm taking it. I feel like dumping him but he might just have overreacted in the moment. Any thoughts?

Just go to Japan and have fun. AMAZING!!

It's clear you really aren't really that interested in your boyfriend or you'd just want to stay or just naturally want to include him. Be free and also set him free so he can find someone who is ready for the next level like he is. Although he'll likely decide this for himself - men have short windows when it comes to agreeing to commit...

On a side note, you may be a single-by-choice lifer. This is becoming more common. In the lifestyle, you can do what you want and when you want! You can buy your own flowers as Miley would say...

Shut up!

[Anonymous]

I kind of get his thinking, depending on your relationship. By 6 months DH and I were talking marriage and would have run something like this by the other before jumping on it. It wouldn't have changed the outcome (I'd still probably go!) but it would have brought him into the conversation. We'd probably have started to plan an "us" vacation as soon as I had enough PTO saved back up to balance this one out.

If you guys are still casual then he's being stupid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My sister invited me on a trip to Japan with her, leaving at the end of March, for 2 weeks. Initially, her husband was supposed to go with her, but he has to take an international business trip for 2 months to Germany. He found out that he had to travel there last week and is leaving March 15. So he obviously can't go on their Japan trip. My sister asked me if I wanted to go with her - and HELL YES I DO! Not only have I always wanted to go Japan, but I'm likely going to be there during CHERRY BLOSSOM SEASON!! (Can you tell how excited I am??!!!) She just simply asked me to pay her cancellation fee on the ticket and she will use the credit she got to re-book a ticket in my name.

When she offered this to me, I told her yes and she went ahead and re-booked the ticket in my name. I told my boyfriend (of 6 months) about this last minute trip to Japan and he looked crushed. His main points of contention -

1.) He said he wished that my sister would've invited him along too --even though he also mentioned that Japan wasn't high on his list - "She should've invited us both, not just you. I would've paid my own way."
I mean, WHAT? Plus, the hotel situation - rooms are all booked for 2 people and my sister and I are likely going to have to share a bed, which is fine. There is no room for another person, or she'd have to re-plan the whole trip to get three adults in a room (which I imagine might not be easy in Japan)

2.) We haven't been on a vacation yet and now I'm using most of my 2023 PTO on this trip. "When will we have time for a trip for US?"
I can understand this but we've only been dating for 6 months. What if I had planned this trip with her before I met him?


3.) We won't see each other for 2 weeks!!!!
Oh noes.

I think he's acting like a baby and a little bit controlling. Life is short - chances like this don't come up that often and I'm taking it. I feel like dumping him but he might just have overreacted in the moment. Any thoughts?

Just go to Japan and have fun. AMAZING!!

It's clear you really aren't really that interested in your boyfriend or you'd just want to stay or just naturally want to include him. Be free and also set him free so he can find someone who is ready for the next level like he is. Although he'll likely decide this for himself - men have short windows when it comes to agreeing to commit...

On a side note, you may be a single-by-choice lifer. This is becoming more common. In the lifestyle, you can do what you want and when you want! You can buy your own flowers as Miley would say...

Shut up!

+1
I've been married many decades. His behavior doesn't indicate that he would be mature enough for a long term commitment. Sometimes these types if litmus tests come into your life. OP would be wise to keep an eye on her relationship and move on if she needs to. That's being smart in seeking out a long term partner, not as you snidely put it choosing to be a "single-by-choice lifer."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You and BF have can take a 3-day weekend (1 PTO) as your first trip. By this summer you would have been dating a year, so that sounds about right.

I think he may have over-reacted in the moment. as a test to his feelings after he has had time to think about it, I would see if he is open to helping you shop, offering advice on outfits, or dropping you off at the airport . If he is not open to this, then he is a being unreasonably jeolous. This is your sister - not even "just a friend". You will likely spend a lot of one-on-one time with her and your parents that he would need to be open to if this is going to be a happy long term relationship.

Are you for real?

[Anonymous]

Six months and he's got an issue with you taking a trip with your sister? HELL NO, this wold be a huge red flag for me. Tread carefully. He's either insecure or controlling. Worse yet, he's both.

[Anonymous]

I would be so annoyed if I invited my sister to join me on a trip and her short-term bf tried to crash.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You and BF have can take a 3-day weekend (1 PTO) as your first trip. By this summer you would have been dating a year, so that sounds about right.

I think he may have over-reacted in the moment. as a test to his feelings after he has had time to think about it, I would see if he is open to helping you shop, offering advice on outfits, or dropping you off at the airport . If he is not open to this, then he is a being unreasonably jeolous. This is your sister - not even "just a friend". You will likely spend a lot of one-on-one time with her and your parents that he would need to be open to if this is going to be a happy long term relationship.

Are you for real?

LMAO. I'd rather just break up with him now. It would be such a turn-off to have to coddle him like a child. No way I would set a precedent like this.

[Anonymous]

He seems very needy already this is a major red flag and this problem will get worse with time not better.

Go on the trip.

Dump the BF.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would be so annoyed if I invited my sister to join me on a trip and her short-term bf tried to crash.

NO way in HELL I'd ever invite a boyfriend of six months to join us on such a big trip. Nope.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My sister invited me on a trip to Japan with her, leaving at the end of March, for 2 weeks. Initially, her husband was supposed to go with her, but he has to take an international business trip for 2 months to Germany. He found out that he had to travel there last week and is leaving March 15. So he obviously can't go on their Japan trip. My sister asked me if I wanted to go with her - and HELL YES I DO! Not only have I always wanted to go Japan, but I'm likely going to be there during CHERRY BLOSSOM SEASON!! (Can you tell how excited I am??!!!) She just simply asked me to pay her cancellation fee on the ticket and she will use the credit she got to re-book a ticket in my name.

When she offered this to me, I told her yes and she went ahead and re-booked the ticket in my name. I told my boyfriend (of 6 months) about this last minute trip to Japan and he looked crushed. His main points of contention -

1.) He said he wished that my sister would've invited him along too --even though he also mentioned that Japan wasn't high on his list - "She should've invited us both, not just you. I would've paid my own way."
I mean, WHAT? Plus, the hotel situation - rooms are all booked for 2 people and my sister and I are likely going to have to share a bed, which is fine. There is no room for another person, or she'd have to re-plan the whole trip to get three adults in a room (which I imagine might not be easy in Japan)

2.) We haven't been on a vacation yet and now I'm using most of my 2023 PTO on this trip. "When will we have time for a trip for US?"
I can understand this but we've only been dating for 6 months. What if I had planned this trip with her before I met him?


3.) We won't see each other for 2 weeks!!!!
Oh noes.

I think he's acting like a baby and a little bit controlling. Life is short - chances like this don't come up that often and I'm taking it. I feel like dumping him but he might just have overreacted in the moment. Any thoughts?

Just go to Japan and have fun. AMAZING!!

It's clear you really aren't really that interested in your boyfriend or you'd just want to stay or just naturally want to include him. Be free and also set him free so he can find someone who is ready for the next level like he is. Although he'll likely decide this for himself - men have short windows when it comes to agreeing to commit...

On a side note, you may be a single-by-choice lifer. This is becoming more common. In the lifestyle, you can do what you want and when you want! You can buy your own flowers as Miley would say...

Shut up!

+1
I've been married many decades. His behavior doesn't indicate that he would be mature enough for a long term commitment. Sometimes these types if litmus tests come into your life. OP would be wise to keep an eye on her relationship and move on if she needs to. That's being smart in seeking out a long term partner, not as you snidely put it choosing to be a "single-by-choice lifer."

"...a 2020 survey from Pew Research Center that found half of single Americans said they weren’t looking to date or be in a relationship. The most common reasons they cited: They were prioritizing other parts of their lives at the moment, or were simply enjoying the single life..."

Sounds like OP to me. That's all.

Source: https://qz.com/work/2086874/why-more-people-a...orkplaces-can-adjust

[Anonymous]

There’s one in every thread 🙄

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My sister invited me on a trip to Japan with her, leaving at the end of March, for 2 weeks. Initially, her husband was supposed to go with her, but he has to take an international business trip for 2 months to Germany. He found out that he had to travel there last week and is leaving March 15. So he obviously can't go on their Japan trip. My sister asked me if I wanted to go with her - and HELL YES I DO! Not only have I always wanted to go Japan, but I'm likely going to be there during CHERRY BLOSSOM SEASON!! (Can you tell how excited I am??!!!) She just simply asked me to pay her cancellation fee on the ticket and she will use the credit she got to re-book a ticket in my name.

When she offered this to me, I told her yes and she went ahead and re-booked the ticket in my name. I told my boyfriend (of 6 months) about this last minute trip to Japan and he looked crushed. His main points of contention -

1.) He said he wished that my sister would've invited him along too --even though he also mentioned that Japan wasn't high on his list - "She should've invited us both, not just you. I would've paid my own way."
I mean, WHAT? Plus, the hotel situation - rooms are all booked for 2 people and my sister and I are likely going to have to share a bed, which is fine. There is no room for another person, or she'd have to re-plan the whole trip to get three adults in a room (which I imagine might not be easy in Japan)

2.) We haven't been on a vacation yet and now I'm using most of my 2023 PTO on this trip. "When will we have time for a trip for US?"
I can understand this but we've only been dating for 6 months. What if I had planned this trip with her before I met him?


3.) We won't see each other for 2 weeks!!!!
Oh noes.

I think he's acting like a baby and a little bit controlling. Life is short - chances like this don't come up that often and I'm taking it. I feel like dumping him but he might just have overreacted in the moment. Any thoughts?

Just go to Japan and have fun. AMAZING!!

It's clear you really aren't really that interested in your boyfriend or you'd just want to stay or just naturally want to include him. Be free and also set him free so he can find someone who is ready for the next level like he is. Although he'll likely decide this for himself - men have short windows when it comes to agreeing to commit...

On a side note, you may be a single-by-choice lifer. This is becoming more common. In the lifestyle, you can do what you want and when you want! You can buy your own flowers as Miley would say...

Shut up!

+1
I've been married many decades. His behavior doesn't indicate that he would be mature enough for a long term commitment. Sometimes these types if litmus tests come into your life. OP would be wise to keep an eye on her relationship and move on if she needs to. That's being smart in seeking out a long term partner, not as you snidely put it choosing to be a "single-by-choice lifer."

"...a 2020 survey from Pew Research Center that found half of single Americans said they weren’t looking to date or be in a relationship. The most common reasons they cited: They were prioritizing other parts of their lives at the moment, or were simply enjoying the single life..."

Sounds like OP to me. That's all.

Source: https://qz.com/work/2086874/why-more-people-a...orkplaces-can-adjust

OP is in a relationship, you simpleton. Being in a relationship doesn't mean you subsume every other aspect of your life to that person. And being in a new relationship doesn't bestow the same rights and responsibilities as being married. If she won the lottery would you say she "clearly isn't really interested in him" if she didn't immediately hand him half her winnings? No, because he's just her boyfriend. A person she likes but is still getting to know better. And what she's learning is not all flattering.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My sister invited me on a trip to Japan with her, leaving at the end of March, for 2 weeks. Initially, her husband was supposed to go with her, but he has to take an international business trip for 2 months to Germany. He found out that he had to travel there last week and is leaving March 15. So he obviously can't go on their Japan trip. My sister asked me if I wanted to go with her - and HELL YES I DO! Not only have I always wanted to go Japan, but I'm likely going to be there during CHERRY BLOSSOM SEASON!! (Can you tell how excited I am??!!!) She just simply asked me to pay her cancellation fee on the ticket and she will use the credit she got to re-book a ticket in my name.

When she offered this to me, I told her yes and she went ahead and re-booked the ticket in my name. I told my boyfriend (of 6 months) about this last minute trip to Japan and he looked crushed. His main points of contention -

1.) He said he wished that my sister would've invited him along too --even though he also mentioned that Japan wasn't high on his list - "She should've invited us both, not just you. I would've paid my own way."
I mean, WHAT? Plus, the hotel situation - rooms are all booked for 2 people and my sister and I are likely going to have to share a bed, which is fine. There is no room for another person, or she'd have to re-plan the whole trip to get three adults in a room (which I imagine might not be easy in Japan)

2.) We haven't been on a vacation yet and now I'm using most of my 2023 PTO on this trip. "When will we have time for a trip for US?"
I can understand this but we've only been dating for 6 months. What if I had planned this trip with her before I met him?


3.) We won't see each other for 2 weeks!!!!
Oh noes.

I think he's acting like a baby and a little bit controlling. Life is short - chances like this don't come up that often and I'm taking it. I feel like dumping him but he might just have overreacted in the moment. Any thoughts?

Just go to Japan and have fun. AMAZING!!

It's clear you really aren't really that interested in your boyfriend or you'd just want to stay or just naturally want to include him. Be free and also set him free so he can find someone who is ready for the next level like he is. Although he'll likely decide this for himself - men have short windows when it comes to agreeing to commit...

On a side note, you may be a single-by-choice lifer. This is becoming more common. In the lifestyle, you can do what you want and when you want! You can buy your own flowers as Miley would say...

Shut up!

+1
I've been married many decades. His behavior doesn't indicate that he would be mature enough for a long term commitment. Sometimes these types if litmus tests come into your life. OP would be wise to keep an eye on her relationship and move on if she needs to. That's being smart in seeking out a long term partner, not as you snidely put it choosing to be a "single-by-choice lifer."

"...a 2020 survey from Pew Research Center that found half of single Americans said they weren’t looking to date or be in a relationship. The most common reasons they cited: They were prioritizing other parts of their lives at the moment, or were simply enjoying the single life..."

Sounds like OP to me. That's all.

Source: https://qz.com/work/2086874/why-more-people-a...orkplaces-can-adjust

She should prioritize her BF's juvenile feelings?
If he is not okay with this (going with her sister, sudden bucket list trip) he is not generous enough of a personality to be in a relationship. Sounds like a high school boy friend. It's a mismatch and wouldn't have worked anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My sister invited me on a trip to Japan with her, leaving at the end of March, for 2 weeks. Initially, her husband was supposed to go with her, but he has to take an international business trip for 2 months to Germany. He found out that he had to travel there last week and is leaving March 15. So he obviously can't go on their Japan trip. My sister asked me if I wanted to go with her - and HELL YES I DO! Not only have I always wanted to go Japan, but I'm likely going to be there during CHERRY BLOSSOM SEASON!! (Can you tell how excited I am??!!!) She just simply asked me to pay her cancellation fee on the ticket and she will use the credit she got to re-book a ticket in my name.

When she offered this to me, I told her yes and she went ahead and re-booked the ticket in my name. I told my boyfriend (of 6 months) about this last minute trip to Japan and he looked crushed. His main points of contention -

1.) He said he wished that my sister would've invited him along too --even though he also mentioned that Japan wasn't high on his list - "She should've invited us both, not just you. I would've paid my own way."
I mean, WHAT? Plus, the hotel situation - rooms are all booked for 2 people and my sister and I are likely going to have to share a bed, which is fine. There is no room for another person, or she'd have to re-plan the whole trip to get three adults in a room (which I imagine might not be easy in Japan)

2.) We haven't been on a vacation yet and now I'm using most of my 2023 PTO on this trip. "When will we have time for a trip for US?"
I can understand this but we've only been dating for 6 months. What if I had planned this trip with her before I met him?


3.) We won't see each other for 2 weeks!!!!
Oh noes.

I think he's acting like a baby and a little bit controlling. Life is short - chances like this don't come up that often and I'm taking it. I feel like dumping him but he might just have overreacted in the moment. Any thoughts?

Just go to Japan and have fun. AMAZING!!

It's clear you really aren't really that interested in your boyfriend or you'd just want to stay or just naturally want to include him. Be free and also set him free so he can find someone who is ready for the next level like he is. Although he'll likely decide this for himself - men have short windows when it comes to agreeing to commit...

On a side note, you may be a single-by-choice lifer. This is becoming more common. In the lifestyle, you can do what you want and when you want! You can buy your own flowers as Miley would say...

Shut up!

+1
I've been married many decades. His behavior doesn't indicate that he would be mature enough for a long term commitment. Sometimes these types if litmus tests come into your life. OP would be wise to keep an eye on her relationship and move on if she needs to. That's being smart in seeking out a long term partner, not as you snidely put it choosing to be a "single-by-choice lifer."

Respectfully you are likely multiple generations ahead of OP. You are very lucky to have had such a wonderful marriage/relationship. You go girl!! However, keep in mind your experience is dated, and nowadays fewer people feel the need to be in a relationship, INCLUDING MEN. Thus, OP may be taking a risk. There are fewer men out there who want what you have..Maybe not. Just thoughts.