Son and DIL insulting vacation we paid for

[Anonymous]

If it were my son I’d tell him to shut up or pack up and go home. Nobody wants to be around a constant whiney complainer. But also, I wouldn’t care if they wanted to call it a “trip” instead of a vacation. They can call it what the want; aren’t they basically the same thing anyway?

[Anonymous]

Obviously the haven't joined you at the beach house in years because they don't enjoy it. Some people find the beach boring ND being on the same house for a week with relatives is stressful.

My DHs family rents a house at OBX every year. There are 20 + people in the house. People are drinking, there is nothing much to do other than sit and talk and drink and fight and get burned and bit by huge flies
The women cook and clean and take care of the kids and play movies and board games, and on the last day we clean the house and drive 5 hours with cranky kids- it’s exhausting and dull.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If it were my son I’d tell him to shut up or pack up and go home. Nobody wants to be around a constant whiney complainer. But also, I wouldn’t care if they wanted to call it a “trip” instead of a vacation. They can call it what the want; aren’t they basically the same thing anyway?

I bet they’ll be thrilled!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If it were my son I’d tell him to shut up or pack up and go home. Nobody wants to be around a constant whiney complainer. But also, I wouldn’t care if they wanted to call it a “trip” instead of a vacation. They can call it what the want; aren’t they basically the same thing anyway?

It's not a fun vacation for them. OP doesn't get it.

[Anonymous]

Next time, don’t invite them. How incredibly rude

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Next time, don’t invite them. How incredibly rude

Oh no! They’ll be so disappointed!

[Anonymous]

They sound rude, but I'm wondering if this is even real. Are you kind to your DIL? Or do you view her as the one who took your baby boy away? Do you comment on their parenting?

Or are you the anti-DIL troll who created wild stories about villainous DILs?

[Anonymous]

You know, this hits home to me. My parents bought a beach house 30 years ago. They always made it feel like "our" house . . . we even got to vote on which house to put an offer on. And my dad always said, even if other people are using it, it's your house first and foremost.

Anyway, now I have chronic health problems and every time I go to the beach house I have a relapse. So I'm always telling my mom, "Maybe it's the mold on the wood panels in the bathroom. Maybe the air ducts need to be cleaned. I don't sleep well because the sun comes in so bright in the morning." These comments are in the context of my mom asking how I'm feeling but I realize I probably sound very ungrateful. The other day I took my tweens to an amusement park which isn't easy with my health problems, and they didn't say thank you and just took it for granted, and it made me think more about my mom's perspective. Hmmm . . .

All this is to say, they probably don't realize they are coming across as cranky. They probably still adultify you and assume that your interest is in their comfort. It's not my personality to make big waves, but I think speaking your truth is important. "I know this place isn't perfect, but we went to a lot of expense and trouble to spend time with you all. Your comments have me concerned that you're not having a good time. I don't think we can afford the kind of beach house you're hoping for without contributions from you kids." Etc. Basically, invite them to approach their feelings as adults, not as kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think context is important. If they are truly eager to do a big family vacation and they cannot afford to stay at the beach on their own, they should be gracious.

If there is family pressure and guilt trips and they feel like to keep the peace, they must come, then of course they will be resentful. It's up to them to take the high road and decide they will not do this again and they will plan and pay for their own vacations.

Just don't be the parents who manipulate everyone into coming and one no amount of "thank yous" is enough. If they are doing you a favor by giving in then now you see the resentment drips out.

This. They didn't want to go. They probably have a limited amount of free time. Going to the beach w/ young kids can be exhausting. They were probably told when and where and what to bring. If they declined, mom would be "so hurt" that they couldn't accept her wonderful gift.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think context is important. If they are truly eager to do a big family vacation and they cannot afford to stay at the beach on their own, they should be gracious.

If there is family pressure and guilt trips and they feel like to keep the peace, they must come, then of course they will be resentful. It's up to them to take the high road and decide they will not do this again and they will plan and pay for their own vacations.

Just don't be the parents who manipulate everyone into coming and one no amount of "thank yous" is enough. If they are doing you a favor by giving in then now you see the resentment drips out.

This. They didn't want to go. They probably have a limited amount of free time. Going to the beach w/ young kids can be exhausting. They were probably told when and where and what to bring. If they declined, mom would be "so hurt" that they couldn't accept her wonderful gift.

So what if they don't want to go. OP is the glue that is keeping this family together. Of all the things someone has to "suck up" to participate in family, I think a "trip" to a beach house once a year with family members is a pretty easy one to swallow.

Such spoiled brats on DCUM.

[Anonymous]

What a great vacation idea. OP rents a house for a week and everyone comes and spends a week cooking and cleaning for them AND hanging out eith them 24/7. Sound like a whole lot of mo fun.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our son and DIL haven’t joined us for our annual beach house vacation since before COVID, so we were thrilled that the came along this year and brought their two boys. DH and I pay for the rental, which is several thousand. We think it’s a very nice house and location. Our kids and their spouses contribute groceries and meals.

The son/DIL who haven’t joined in years have been complaining nonstop, calling it a “trip” and saying things like “these curtains are so flimsy, we can’t sleep in the morning” and saying “anytime you have to make up the bed and bring your own toilet paper, it’s not a vacation, it’s a trip.” They some of it jokingly, but have real complaints and annoyances about the house. No rental is perfect, but what can you expect? Should we ask them to stop?

Didn't you post before and we told you not everyone likes the beach nor finds a shared house comfortable. That is not really a vacation if you have to cook and clean. Did you take their needs and feelings into consideration?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think context is important. If they are truly eager to do a big family vacation and they cannot afford to stay at the beach on their own, they should be gracious.

If there is family pressure and guilt trips and they feel like to keep the peace, they must come, then of course they will be resentful. It's up to them to take the high road and decide they will not do this again and they will plan and pay for their own vacations.

Just don't be the parents who manipulate everyone into coming and one no amount of "thank yous" is enough. If they are doing you a favor by giving in then now you see the resentment drips out.

This. They didn't want to go. They probably have a limited amount of free time. Going to the beach w/ young kids can be exhausting. They were probably told when and where and what to bring. If they declined, mom would be "so hurt" that they couldn't accept her wonderful gift.

So what if they don't want to go. OP is the glue that is keeping this family together. Of all the things someone has to "suck up" to participate in family, I think a "trip" to a beach house once a year with family members is a pretty easy one to swallow.

Such spoiled brats on DCUM.

Maybe OP is like my mom where she is really nasty and controlling and everything has to be her way. There is a reason why we always decline anything with her. Trips like this are not fun or relaxing especially with kids and having to cook and clean. I'd rather go to a hotel and eat out (except with covid).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think context is important. If they are truly eager to do a big family vacation and they cannot afford to stay at the beach on their own, they should be gracious.

If there is family pressure and guilt trips and they feel like to keep the peace, they must come, then of course they will be resentful. It's up to them to take the high road and decide they will not do this again and they will plan and pay for their own vacations.

Just don't be the parents who manipulate everyone into coming and one no amount of "thank yous" is enough. If they are doing you a favor by giving in then now you see the resentment drips out.

This. They didn't want to go. They probably have a limited amount of free time. Going to the beach w/ young kids can be exhausting. They were probably told when and where and what to bring. If they declined, mom would be "so hurt" that they couldn't accept her wonderful gift.

So what if they don't want to go. OP is the glue that is keeping this family together. Of all the things someone has to "suck up" to participate in family, I think a "trip" to a beach house once a year with family members is a pretty easy one to swallow.

Such spoiled brats on DCUM.

Maybe op should punish them by not doing it ever again!

[Anonymous]

Could be they felt pressured or guilted into using their vacation time in a way they wouldn’t choose. We get guilted into family cruises that are definitely not our thing. So while the cruise is paid for it’s not at all how I would choose to spend my limited PTO