Son and DIL insulting vacation we paid for

[Anonymous]

Our son and DIL haven’t joined us for our annual beach house vacation since before COVID, so we were thrilled that the came along this year and brought their two boys. DH and I pay for the rental, which is several thousand. We think it’s a very nice house and location. Our kids and their spouses contribute groceries and meals.

The son/DIL who haven’t joined in years have been complaining nonstop, calling it a “trip” and saying things like “these curtains are so flimsy, we can’t sleep in the morning” and saying “anytime you have to make up the bed and bring your own toilet paper, it’s not a vacation, it’s a trip.” They some of it jokingly, but have real complaints and annoyances about the house. No rental is perfect, but what can you expect? Should we ask them to stop?

[Anonymous]

Say nothing. Just change the subject when they start complaining.

[Anonymous]

you are generous to pay for the week at the beach.

I can't imagine them spontaneously clarifying that it's a trip (it is, btw). Are you making a big deal about having paid for "a vacation" and expecting a week of non stop gratitude? How young are any kids? It's can be a lot of work at the beach with kids in a rental.

[Anonymous]

He's your kid, you can correct him. "Sorry this free house at the beach doesn't meet your expectations!" is mild but still pointed enough. Or just tell him he's being rude.

[Anonymous]

Most rentals have flimsy curtains. We still vastly prefer them to hotels. I also wouldn't say anything and try not to be too hurt. If they don't enjoy it they don't have to come next year, but also please don't give them a guilt trip about that.

[Anonymous]

Yes, you should ask them to stop complaining.

[Anonymous]

It’s rude but I’d just ignore, change the subject, and try to enjoy the time with the grandkids

[Anonymous]

“Sorry to hear it’s not your type of vacation! This is what we find fun and relaxing.”

And then if you want to let them know it bothers you: “If it truly isn’t a vacation for you, I won’t be offended if you choose to move to a hotel for the rest of your stay. But if you choose to stay here, I ask that you keep the “trip” comments to people who aren’t me, as DH and I like this kind of vacation.”

If there continues to be pushback, spell it out: “Sucking it up and bringing TP and making beds is the price you/the other kids pay for having a free rental. I think that’s a pretty easy ‘string attached’, but if you don’t like it you don’t have to stay with us in the future.”

And if all these options are horrifying to you or make you think “I’d never risk my kids not coming back!”, you have your answer — say nothing and it’s your turn to suck it up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He's your kid, you can correct him. "Sorry this free house at the beach doesn't meet your expectations!" is mild but still pointed enough. Or just tell him he's being rude.

This. There would be no problem saying this in our family.

[Anonymous]

Just get through the week, and remember for next year. Your vacation styles are not compatible.

Hugs, as I am sure you were looking forward to having your family all together. I can imagine leading up to this you were thinking how lovely it would be. Quite disappointing!

[Anonymous]

Did you guilt and pressure them about coming on your beach vacation and then expect them to be grateful for it?
When I'm on PTO I'd like to have it be my choice or have some perks that makes it worth my while.
If your son doesn't want to visit you of his own volition, there's not much you can do about it. He's a jerk, but then, maybe so are you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:you are generous to pay for the week at the beach.

I can't imagine them spontaneously clarifying that it's a trip (it is, btw). Are you making a big deal about having paid for "a vacation" and expecting a week of non stop gratitude? How young are any kids? It's can be a lot of work at the beach with kids in a rental.

OP here. The comments are to each other, but “in public” if that makes sense, like when we’re all out in the main room when we were all setting up on the first day. Like one person would ask who brought hand soap for the bathrooms and one of them would make a comment. Or they say things like look at these ancient pots and pans, which yes is true but again, what do you expect?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did you guilt and pressure them about coming on your beach vacation and then expect them to be grateful for it?
When I'm on PTO I'd like to have it be my choice or have some perks that makes it worth my while.
If your son doesn't want to visit you of his own volition, there's not much you can do about it. He's a jerk, but then, maybe so are you.

OP here. We invited them every year. We understood the first year of COVID when vaccines weren’t out yet. But after vaccines everyone else came and we invited, not pressured just invited and made it clear we were all vaccinated. I want them to feel included but if they don’t like being here I wouldn’t say anything if they just declined.

[Anonymous]

I would mostly ignore, but occasionally say something like "I'm sorry it does not meet your expectations."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He's your kid, you can correct him. "Sorry this free house at the beach doesn't meet your expectations!" is mild but still pointed enough. Or just tell him he's being rude.

No, the vacation was not free for your son and his spouse as they had to provide groceries and meals.

Your son and spouse may think that they are offering constructive criticism, but they are doing so to excess. Just tell them that you understand their criticism and would prefer that any further discussion focus on positive thoughts about the vacation.