Son and DIL insulting vacation we paid for

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They’re clearly being rude but the sentiments are fine. We occasionally cave to intense pressure and guilt trips to go on a vacation my in laws pay for (at their insistence) to a place we don’t enjoy, staying in accommodations that they like but we would never choose. We would never say out loud what your son and dil do but the fact is we are there as a favor to them, using our precious vacation time and it in no way feels like vacation.

Say something if you like but be prepared for them to never join you again.

A more constructive approach might be discussing some type of rotating of who gets final say on family vacation plan-when it’s your year you pick beach, their year they can pick lake house if they prefer, etc.

Or maybe son/DIL can quit the moaning and wait until after the trip to talk about what would work better next time. In the mean time they're being rude jerks. They accepted the invite that doesn't make voicing their "sentiments" at every turn appropriate or necessary. If you have nothing nice to say.....

[Anonymous]

I think you can address it by simply letting them know how you feel. “Hey guys, I know this place isn’t perfect, but your father and I worked hard to find a place to rent for everyone to enjoy this week. I know you don’t mean for your comments to feel personal to me, but they do. Would you please stop?”

[Anonymous]

How old are the kids? If they’ve been up with a toddler since 4:30 because they woke up from the light, then I’d cut them some slack. I’m a really light sleeper and one of my kids is too so decent curtains can be the difference between a horrible day and a nice one. The other stuff does sound rude and like they are accusing you of being cheap.

[Anonymous]

I’d have an honest conversation about whether people ever want to do this vacation again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“I didn’t raise you to be so ungracious about gifts, and inviting you to this quite costly beach rental was a gift. I can’t imagine what or who has taught you to be so hurtful and rude. Please remember you are setting an example for your children.”

I wouldn't say any of that.

For me, that point isn't that it's a "gift." It's that they're whiners. I certainly didn't raise my kids to be whiners. I would ask my son to keep his complaints between him and his wife where they aren't being overheard by everyone. They are allowed their own thoughts but it's also okay for them not to air them out in public spaces.

This is how I’d approach it too. I would work hard not to take it personally and would also give them some grace for being tired parents of young children. But it’s a bummer that they don’t have enough self awareness not to be so negative on what’s meant to be a fun trip.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you can address it by simply letting them know how you feel. “Hey guys, I know this place isn’t perfect, but your father and I worked hard to find a place to rent for everyone to enjoy this week. I know you don’t mean for your comments to feel personal to me, but they do. Would you please stop?”

I think this is very well stated!

[Anonymous]

They may think they're being funny, even though they're being rude. I think someone probably needs to clarify that to them.

[Anonymous]

The trip vs. vacation thing is a pretty common joke between parents of young kids since it can never be totally relaxing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They may think they're being funny, even though they're being rude. I think someone probably needs to clarify that to them.

+1

[Anonymous]

You invited them on vacation and asked htem to bring TP and hand soap? Why didn't you just bring enough for everyone?

[Anonymous]

They're complaining about the house, not you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you can address it by simply letting them know how you feel. “Hey guys, I know this place isn’t perfect, but your father and I worked hard to find a place to rent for everyone to enjoy this week. I know you don’t mean for your comments to feel personal to me, but they do. Would you please stop?”

Or just don’t take things personally? You didn’t pick the pots or curtains so I’m not sure why it upsets you so much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You invited them on vacation and asked htem to bring TP and hand soap? Why didn't you just bring enough for everyone?

Not OP but -- because they're adults and should be glad to contribute something?

[Anonymous]

It depends on how much you want them to join them in the future. They’re bring rude but they are also attending something you invited them yo despite their clear lack of interest in it. Be honest with yourself -have you been pressuring them snd they’re their reluctantly?

Also, when you invite adults someplace they have not had any input in choosing paying is not some wonderful favor. If you want them to split the bill they get equal say in destination snd lodging.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They’re clearly being rude but the sentiments are fine. We occasionally cave to intense pressure and guilt trips to go on a vacation my in laws pay for (at their insistence) to a place we don’t enjoy, staying in accommodations that they like but we would never choose. We would never say out loud what your son and dil do but the fact is we are there as a favor to them, using our precious vacation time and it in no way feels like vacation.

Say something if you like but be prepared for them to never join you again.

A more constructive approach might be discussing some type of rotating of who gets final say on family vacation plan-when it’s your year you pick beach, their year they can pick lake house if they prefer, etc.

Or maybe son/DIL can quit the moaning and wait until after the trip to talk about what would work better next time. In the mean time they're being rude jerks. They accepted the invite that doesn't make voicing their "sentiments" at every turn appropriate or necessary. If you have nothing nice to say.....

I completely agree they are bring rude but I also know they (especially the dil!) likely have a very different version of events.