Son and DIL insulting vacation we paid for

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
OP TELL US THE OTHER COMPLAINTS.

I mean, beside the new mom had no sleep and you refused a solution.

Drama. Is son capable of hanging up a dark sheet over the window? Vacation with a baby is rough but that doesn’t mean you get to drag everyone else down with you.

Where was he supposed to get this magical "dark sheet" at someone else's lake house at 5:00AM?

Neither here nor there to your comment, but when my kiddo was real little and we would stay places without heavy curtains, I would put the bassinet/pack n' play in the closet. Worked like a champ (assuming you had a big enough closet).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous[b wrote:]It’s honestly sad when you realize that you won’t have another relaxing, fun vacation until your kids are older. Traveling with little kids is so exhausting. Your DIL probably doesn’t realize how much she’s complaining, but you should try not to take it personally and give them a lot of slack.[/b] And if it’s too stressful or unfun for YOU to have them as guests when they’re stressed by their little kids, just don’t invite them for a few years.

+1

I'm surprised that parents thought children wouldn't change their lives, including their vacations a bit. Our vacations with our (now grown) kids were so much fun, a little different than pre-kids, but I wouldn't have missed those for the world. Especially as we were both working demanding jobs, those vacations were precious bonding time.

We did have limited vacation time, so I understand that not all adult kids want to spend it with the grandparents. We never got to do that as young parents, so I'm a little envious. It does seem that the trips with extended family give the parents some extra hands when it comes to entertaining the little ones. I guess that's a trade-off, even if the accommodations are not luxurious.

I would guess that some of the grown children invited to these weeks do not have parents/grandparents who are involved and engaged - but rather, some just like bragging rights of "I took them to the beach". They leave out that there wasn't enough room for everyone, and the son and DIL got a room where they could not sleep.

If it really isn't a big deal, as so many MIL posters seem to think, why don't they switch rooms with the DIL and son?

This question has been asked multiple times on this thread and the response is...crickets. Very telling.

+1

MIL would never even have considered being a good hostess and switching rooms, and we all know that.

MIL, don't be so gross - act like you have parents, yourself.

Who are you talking to? OP hasn't visited this thread in days. Let it die already. Or seek help for your barely contained rage against MILs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous[b wrote:]It’s honestly sad when you realize that you won’t have another relaxing, fun vacation until your kids are older. Traveling with little kids is so exhausting. Your DIL probably doesn’t realize how much she’s complaining, but you should try not to take it personally and give them a lot of slack.[/b] And if it’s too stressful or unfun for YOU to have them as guests when they’re stressed by their little kids, just don’t invite them for a few years.

+1

I'm surprised that parents thought children wouldn't change their lives, including their vacations a bit. Our vacations with our (now grown) kids were so much fun, a little different than pre-kids, but I wouldn't have missed those for the world. Especially as we were both working demanding jobs, those vacations were precious bonding time.

We did have limited vacation time, so I understand that not all adult kids want to spend it with the grandparents. We never got to do that as young parents, so I'm a little envious. It does seem that the trips with extended family give the parents some extra hands when it comes to entertaining the little ones. I guess that's a trade-off, even if the accommodations are not luxurious.

I would guess that some of the grown children invited to these weeks do not have parents/grandparents who are involved and engaged - but rather, some just like bragging rights of "I took them to the beach". They leave out that there wasn't enough room for everyone, and the son and DIL got a room where they could not sleep.

If it really isn't a big deal, as so many MIL posters seem to think, why don't they switch rooms with the DIL and son?

This question has been asked multiple times on this thread and the response is...crickets. Very telling.

+1

MIL would never even have considered being a good hostess and switching rooms, and we all know that.

MIL, don't be so gross - act like you have parents, yourself.

Who are you talking to? OP hasn't visited this thread in days. Let it die already. Or seek help for your barely contained rage against MILs.

Whoa - talk about rage - maybe stop projecting.

It sounds like OP does not want her DIL there on vacation with her.

Much like you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
OP TELL US THE OTHER COMPLAINTS.

I mean, beside the new mom had no sleep and you refused a solution.

Drama. Is son capable of hanging up a dark sheet over the window? Vacation with a baby is rough but that doesn’t mean you get to drag everyone else down with you.

Where was he supposed to get this magical "dark sheet" at someone else's lake house at 5:00AM?

Neither here nor there to your comment, but when my kiddo was real little and we would stay places without heavy curtains, I would put the bassinet/pack n' play in the closet. Worked like a champ (assuming you had a big enough closet).

And assuming you don't asphyxiate the kid

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP would you be happier if your son/DIL left early? Because if I was expected to share a room that let in light at 4:45 AM with my toddler, I would immediately relocate to a hotel. My husband would be racing me out the door. If someone called that experience a “free vacation” I would laugh.

How much input did you get into this trip? How much care and consideration did you put into the accommodations for anyone other than yourself? You’re not coming back but I’m hoping other posters of your age who like to travel this way will think this through: if you invite people to a rental you are offering them your hospitality. Giving people sub-par accommodations and then expecting them to be grateful reflects on you as the host.

Manners are manners. You don’t have to be “grateful” but you can refrain from multiple complaints.

Manners apply to the host/ess, too - it is not one way, much as you want it to be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous[b wrote:]It’s honestly sad when you realize that you won’t have another relaxing, fun vacation until your kids are older. Traveling with little kids is so exhausting. Your DIL probably doesn’t realize how much she’s complaining, but you should try not to take it personally and give them a lot of slack.[/b] And if it’s too stressful or unfun for YOU to have them as guests when they’re stressed by their little kids, just don’t invite them for a few years.

+1

I'm surprised that parents thought children wouldn't change their lives, including their vacations a bit. Our vacations with our (now grown) kids were so much fun, a little different than pre-kids, but I wouldn't have missed those for the world. Especially as we were both working demanding jobs, those vacations were precious bonding time.

We did have limited vacation time, so I understand that not all adult kids want to spend it with the grandparents. We never got to do that as young parents, so I'm a little envious. It does seem that the trips with extended family give the parents some extra hands when it comes to entertaining the little ones. I guess that's a trade-off, even if the accommodations are not luxurious.

I would guess that some of the grown children invited to these weeks do not have parents/grandparents who are involved and engaged - but rather, some just like bragging rights of "I took them to the beach". They leave out that there wasn't enough room for everyone, and the son and DIL got a room where they could not sleep.

If it really isn't a big deal, as so many MIL posters seem to think, why don't they switch rooms with the DIL and son?

This question has been asked multiple times on this thread and the response is...crickets. Very telling.

+1

MIL would never even have considered being a good hostess and switching rooms, and we all know that.

MIL, don't be so gross - act like you have parents, yourself.

Who are you talking to? OP hasn't visited this thread in days. Let it die already. Or seek help for your barely contained rage against MILs.

BAHAHAHAHAHHAHAA - RAGE. Hilarious!

MIL look, if your attitude is anything like on this board. NO WONDER DIL does not want to be trapped in the same house as you.

You don't like people having an opinion? Maybe you should examine that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
OP TELL US THE OTHER COMPLAINTS.

I mean, beside the new mom had no sleep and you refused a solution.

Drama. Is son capable of hanging up a dark sheet over the window? Vacation with a baby is rough but that doesn’t mean you get to drag everyone else down with you.

Where was he supposed to get this magical "dark sheet" at someone else's lake house at 5:00AM?

Neither here nor there to your comment, but when my kiddo was real little and we would stay places without heavy curtains, I would put the bassinet/pack n' play in the closet. Worked like a champ (assuming you had a big enough closet).

And assuming you don't asphyxiate the kid

Dafuq? Have you ever been inside a walk-in closet? It’s like…a room. With air.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
OP TELL US THE OTHER COMPLAINTS.

I mean, beside the new mom had no sleep and you refused a solution.

Drama. Is son capable of hanging up a dark sheet over the window? Vacation with a baby is rough but that doesn’t mean you get to drag everyone else down with you.

Where was he supposed to get this magical "dark sheet" at someone else's lake house at 5:00AM?

Neither here nor there to your comment, but when my kiddo was real little and we would stay places without heavy curtains, I would put the bassinet/pack n' play in the closet. Worked like a champ (assuming you had a big enough closet).

And assuming you don't asphyxiate the kid

Dafuq? Have you ever been inside a walk-in closet? It’s like…a room. With air.

And no ventilation.

[Anonymous]

MIL/OP - it sounds like you came to this board to rally hate against "terrible" DILs, only to have it blow up in your face.

Let it be a lesson to you.

You are never (ever) too old to learn!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:MIL/OP - it sounds like you came to this board to rally hate against "terrible" DILs, only to have it blow up in your face.

Let it be a lesson to you.

You are never (ever) too old to learn!

Unhinged.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MIL/OP - it sounds like you came to this board to rally hate against "terrible" DILs, only to have it blow up in your face.

Let it be a lesson to you.

You are never (ever) too old to learn!

Unhinged.

You are correct. MIL seems unhinged.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think context is important. If they are truly eager to do a big family vacation and they cannot afford to stay at the beach on their own, they should be gracious.

If there is family pressure and guilt trips and they feel like to keep the peace, they must come, then of course they will be resentful. It's up to them to take the high road and decide they will not do this again and they will plan and pay for their own vacations.

Just don't be the parents who manipulate everyone into coming and one no amount of "thank yous" is enough. If they are doing you a favor by giving in then now you see the resentment drips out.

This. They didn't want to go. They probably have a limited amount of free time. Going to the beach w/ young kids can be exhausting. They were probably told when and where and what to bring. If they declined, mom would be "so hurt" that they couldn't accept her wonderful gift.

So what if they don't want to go. OP is the glue that is keeping this family together. Of all the things someone has to "suck up" to participate in family, I think a "trip" to a beach house once a year with family members is a pretty easy one to swallow.

Such spoiled brats on DCUM.

Having been on a beach "trip" with my in-laws with four-month old twins and a house that was way too small ("our treat!" said the in-laws, and refused our offer for us to stay elsewhere or get a bigger house for everyone on our dime), that had NO curtains, that had paper-thin doors to the bedroom we were ASSIGNED that was right next to the living room so we could hear BIL and oldest nephew stay up until 1 am every night talking and playing games loudly - yeah no, I'm not a spoiled brat, and neither is my husband. But it's not a "vacation" when people rudely keep your babies up until the early morning hours, the sun blares in your room a few hours later (tried beach towels and other solutions - short of actually nailing them into the wall how do you think they'd stay up?), and, oh by the way, you and your husband end up doing all the cooking and cleaning because no one else wants to participate (and they didn't want to eat out because it was too expensive, but then they didn't buy groceries and since our kids ate earlier we would cook dinner just for us and they would come into the kitchen and help themselves before we could sit down). If you haven't been on a truly awful trip with inconsiderate in-laws, I don't think you can understand. But acting like you do and then shaming the people who are saying they were unhappy is rude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our son and DIL haven’t joined us for our annual beach house vacation since before COVID, so we were thrilled that the came along this year and brought their two boys. DH and I pay for the rental, which is several thousand. We think it’s a very nice house and location. Our kids and their spouses contribute groceries and meals.

The son/DIL who haven’t joined in years have been complaining nonstop, calling it a “trip” and saying things like “these curtains are so flimsy, we can’t sleep in the morning” and saying “anytime you have to make up the bed and bring your own toilet paper, it’s not a vacation, it’s a trip.” They some of it jokingly, but have real complaints and annoyances about the house. No rental is perfect, but what can you expect? Should we ask them to stop?

Didn't you post before and we told you not everyone likes the beach nor finds a shared house comfortable. That is not really a vacation if you have to cook and clean. Did you take their needs and feelings into consideration?

It's an opportunity for the family to spend time in the same house. That's the point of it -- mature people like OP get this. Immature people like you and OP's son are still childish and think a family vacation should include roller coaster rides and cotton candy.

It's spending time together. They're lucky OP and their father care enough to do this for the family.

This is wonderful satire. Well-done.

I'm sure there are well adjusted, healthy, loving and emotionally functional adults who can see that it's not satire. Bitterness and sarcasm is a red flag, PP....

OP would do well to ask herself if she is as generous and well-intentioned as she claims, or if her gift comes with strings attached and a side of guilt. I agree her kid and DIL should keep their comments to themselves, but it still wouldn't hurt OP to consider if maybe there are other ways to spend time with family that meet everyone's needs and terms. Not just "I pay for this and I want this."

Well she's a human being so of course it comes with strings attached. Is wanting to spend time with her kids and their spouses really such a bad thing? I really wonder why people with attitudes like many on this thread even bother having children themselves. It's a huge amount of work and apparently there is no love so what's the point? I think people who are not even connected to their own family are sick and represent the end of society. It used to be, wow, we're not even connected to our neighbors. Now there's not even a connection to someone's mother or their spouse's mother.

That's f'd up.

I am genuinely happy for you that you don't have abusive parents. For you to think that it's f'd up that people don't spend time with their moms is disgustingly myopic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Try taking a sleep mask next year…..

They might be annoyed that the sun is waking up their children. Babies don't do well with sleep masks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Complaining is terrible hobby, usually picked up by dull people with not much else to talk about.. It's just like gossiping.

They both can be stopped but only if the people doing it realize how ugly they sound, and that it represents bad character.

If people are complaining, other people should listen, instead of telling them to stop complaining. OP can't tell people how to feel. She is shutting them down and telling them should feel differently. Don't complain, you should be grateful to spend your vacation time in a house with me - cooking and cleaning. I enjoy it, you should too.

It's called manners.

That's fine, and I don't disagree that manners would call for not saying anything while on a trip, but after taking three miserable trips to the Outer Banks with our in-laws, and trying to voice our thoughts before the second and third in an attempt to make things better/address the issues of the past (kindly!), we gave up and stopped going. Now we're rude and ungrateful and they'd say we have no manners. Sometimes you can't win at all.