Son and DIL insulting vacation we paid for

[Anonymous]

They are being rude but are probably oblivious to it. My DH used to do this -- he'd complain about the hotel or rental I booked, a restaurant we went to, the cost or quality of a tour I booked, etc. He did not think of it as rude to me -- he thought he was just complaining about the house or the service, and did not understand that as the person who booked these things, these felt like complaints about my efforts. I explained to him that it was one thing if he was genuinely dissatisfied with something and thought we needed to get money back or complain for inferior service, but all these little complaints about small details (like the curtains in the rental or the fact we need to bring spare toilet paper to the beach) just made him seem. ungrateful for my efforts.

I would gently bring it up at your next meal. Explain that you put effort into planning a vacation that will enjoyable for the whole family, and while nothing is ever perfect, their comments are hurtful and are diminishing your own enjoyment of a vacation you planned AND paid for. This is what I did with my DH, and he stopped with the minor complaints and apologized -- he really did not realize how his comments were hurtful and annoying to me.

[Anonymous]

Next time either of them speaks up -

“Yes next year we should get a better rental with everyone contributing”.

Look directly at them.

[Anonymous]

I would have kicked them out.

[Anonymous]

They should not be rude but you should also stop getting so easily offended. I mean you raised him, right?

To me it sounds like they are on the vacation for you. So you can have some time with them and your grandkids. This isn’t the type of vacation they like but they’re there with you. Focus on that, the together time.

I think it’s nice you rented the place. Maybe next time, you and your son and DIL can pick a place out together that they can pitch in for some of the cost for to find a place they find more suitable.

Have they ever vacationed or rented a home? Maybe they don’t understand how much it costs when you start adding up all the ‘niceties’ they prefer.

Maybe they’d like to be included in picking out the place they’re going to be staying in.

[Anonymous]

My In-laws paid for us all to go to Disney. It was luxury accommodations, upgrades etc, cost a fortune. But for me it was miserable. I dont like crowds, heat and we had a 3yo who they took on a few rides but it was still parenting 24/7. They wanted us to be grateful and appreciative the whole time and I tried, but it was rough. I wouldn’t go on vacation with them again.

[Anonymous]

They sound annoying, OP. This a type of people. The type of people who like to run things down and don't see the need to contribute to the positive atmosphere of the group. It's a family trip and it's nice when people pitch in with good spirits.

An ex-boyfriend and his brother always split the cost for a beach vacation for their family, including his mom. His mom was a complainer. If the beach house wasn't up to her standards, she complained nonstop. It was annoying. These were guys in their 20s getting a beach house, primarily for their mom, and they couldn't afford top of the line.

If you want, you could give them a role in picking the house next year. Maybe if they have some ownership of the decision, they'll be less likely to be annoying about it.

Until then, just ignore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He's your kid, you can correct him. "Sorry this free house at the beach doesn't meet your expectations!" is mild but still pointed enough. Or just tell him he's being rude.

No, the vacation was not free for your son and his spouse as they had to provide groceries and meals.

Your son and spouse may think that they are offering constructive criticism, but they are doing so to excess. Just tell them that you understand their criticism and would prefer that any further discussion focus on positive thoughts about the vacation.

The house at the beach is free, as PP pointed out. They are being rude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did you guilt and pressure them about coming on your beach vacation and then expect them to be grateful for it?
When I'm on PTO I'd like to have it be my choice or have some perks that makes it worth my while.
If your son doesn't want to visit you of his own volition, there's not much you can do about it. He's a jerk, but then, maybe so are you.

The choice is whether to come. The perk is free lodging. Ì mean....

When people say stuff like this to me I am direct that it is the best I can afford and I'm sorry it doesn't measure up to their standards. (Like if my parents and adult brother want to visit, we can put brother in the guest/tv room and my parents in our room and bunk with the kids or in the couch, but it's true that our 1500 Sq foot house doesn't offer the space or privacy of an empty airbnb home, or even their larger home with twice as many bedrooms. It is the house we could afford, take it or leave it.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My In-laws paid for us all to go to Disney. It was luxury accommodations, upgrades etc, cost a fortune. But for me it was miserable. I dont like crowds, heat and we had a 3yo who they took on a few rides but it was still parenting 24/7. They wanted us to be grateful and appreciative the whole time and I tried, but it was rough. I wouldn’t go on vacation with them again.

At all or just not to Disney? Was it the heat and the crowds and the 3 year old or your in-laws?

I'm not a Disney fan but I would have kept a pleasant demeanor with my in-laws, for sure.

[Anonymous]

“I didn’t raise you to be so ungracious about gifts, and inviting you to this quite costly beach rental was a gift. I can’t imagine what or who has taught you to be so hurtful and rude. Please remember you are setting an example for your children.”

[Anonymous]

I’m wondering how many beach rentals they have been to, especially as adults where you are more cognizant of the planning and prep? They could just be ignorant and surprised at the amount of work and add in young kids and it’s likely not as fun for them as it is for you.

If I were you I would pull my kid aside, sans spouse and say something. Doesn’t need to be a blow up, but they would get the point and knock it off.

I wouldn’t expect them to return next year, and it sounds like you are okay with that.

My mother is planning a similar trip for us next year and I made it clear that it needed to be a fully serviced rental to take some of the pressure off, and she agreed and she likes ‘service’ too. Not everyone vacations the same, bringing TP and nasty pots is off putting if you weren’t expecting it.

Hope everyone can turn the trip around! Enjoy your time with your grandkids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He's your kid, you can correct him. "Sorry this free house at the beach doesn't meet your expectations!" is mild but still pointed enough. Or just tell him he's being rude.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:“I didn’t raise you to be so ungracious about gifts, and inviting you to this quite costly beach rental was a gift. I can’t imagine what or who has taught you to be so hurtful and rude. Please remember you are setting an example for your children.”

I wouldn't say any of that.

For me, that point isn't that it's a "gift." It's that they're whiners. I certainly didn't raise my kids to be whiners. I would ask my son to keep his complaints between him and his wife where they aren't being overheard by everyone. They are allowed their own thoughts but it's also okay for them not to air them out in public spaces.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My In-laws paid for us all to go to Disney. It was luxury accommodations, upgrades etc, cost a fortune. But for me it was miserable. I dont like crowds, heat and we had a 3yo who they took on a few rides but it was still parenting 24/7. They wanted us to be grateful and appreciative the whole time and I tried, but it was rough. I wouldn’t go on vacation with them again.

Disney with a 3 year old is no fun. Too young for many rides and still so little as to need constant babying. Much better to wait until 7+ years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did you guilt and pressure them about coming on your beach vacation and then expect them to be grateful for it?
When I'm on PTO I'd like to have it be my choice or have some perks that makes it worth my while.
If your son doesn't want to visit you of his own volition, there's not much you can do about it. He's a jerk, but then, maybe so are you.

The choice is whether to come. The perk is free lodging. Ì mean....

When people say stuff like this to me I am direct that it is the best I can afford and I'm sorry it doesn't measure up to their standards. (Like if my parents and adult brother want to visit, we can put brother in the guest/tv room and my parents in our room and bunk with the kids or in the couch, but it's true that our 1500 Sq foot house doesn't offer the space or privacy of an empty airbnb home, or even their larger home with twice as many bedrooms. It is the house we could afford, take it or leave it.)

They have free lodging at home.
It comes down to whether or not they want to spend their free time with you.
Sounds like the son and DIL didn't really want to blow their free time on this trip. So back to the original point - could be a jerk son, or jerk parent or both as the apple usually doesn't fall far from the tree.