Teenage daughter troubles

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is there any way you can get counseled by an international or German lawyer?

The DD asking you to please send the money to her mom sounds shady, and like she's a cash cow for the mom and is under pressure.

Yes I will be doing that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men who think the mom should do 100% of the work raising their children but also think THEY are equals as parents are idiots. One parent is doing the work of parenting -- the other is not. Of course the one doing the parenting gets to call the shots. But no, the one only cutting the check from a distance thinks it's fine to tell the other parent how to run their household, demand contact on their schedule and then say it's "brainwashing and turning the child against the father" if the one doing the parenting gets to decide when it makes sense to have contact in the actual, real-life household in which the child lives and is being cared for in real life by the actual parent (i.e., not egg or sperm donor).

Unreal. I don't see anywhere in the OP's posts that the mom turned his DD against him. She was just struggling to raise her kid.

OP you should say "Thank you for raising our daughter on your own. I admire you and appreciate what you've done. I know it must have been hard and I sure as hell couldn't have done it." See if that gets you somewhere instead of complaining about how you didn't get to talk to your DD when YOU wanted to, from the other side of the planet, and now she's not interested in you. Boo hoo hoo.

Thank you for what?! Stop projecting.
If I read correctly the ex wife didn't want to move here. So what was he to do?

"Thank you for raising our daughter on your own." The fact is, the mom RAISED her. That's the reality. It doesn't matter if the OP was trapped, had to move, couldn't convince the mom to move -- whatever!! The mom did everything to raise OP's child. She deserves his gratitude, not grief and insisting he has rights. His right was to help raise the child. He didn't avail himself of that "right" and yet he wants to be treated like a parent. He wants something for nothing.

Don't alienate your DD further. Be nice, OP. Have gratitude toward her mother -- her mother is her HOME. You are not. Start small.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is there any way you can get counseled by an international or German lawyer?

The DD asking you to please send the money to her mom sounds shady, and like she's a cash cow for the mom and is under pressure.

Yes I will be doing that.

LOL perfect. Get a lawyer. Add stress and animosity to your DD's family life. She'll love you for that.

No lawyer is going to get involved. Your DD is an adult now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is there any way you can get counseled by an international or German lawyer?

The DD asking you to please send the money to her mom sounds shady, and like she's a cash cow for the mom and is under pressure.

Yes I will be doing that.

LOL perfect. Get a lawyer. Add stress and animosity to your DD's family life. She'll love you for that.

No lawyer is going to get involved. Your DD is an adult now.

her mother is the one who is threatening to go to court so yes naturally i have to get a lawyer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is there any way you can get counseled by an international or German lawyer?

The DD asking you to please send the money to her mom sounds shady, and like she's a cash cow for the mom and is under pressure.

Yes I will be doing that.

Cut the mom and her off. Cut her out of your will if you have one. Of she wants a relationship she can have one when she can think for herself. Save your assets for your 3 year old. And no need to be grateful to a woman who commits parental alienation. Guess what dad's can be victims too

[Anonymous]

OP, you’re just an atm to these people. That’s the reality. They can’t even fake being to keep the wheels greased. She’s part of a different culture yours and seem to value the relationship differently than you do. Speaking as a woman and a mom, cut your loses.

[Anonymous]

OP, Child Support ends at 18 in Germany, unless the child is enrolled in school Full-time, then it goes until 23. Not necessarily enforced.

Paying the mom is not going to bring your daughter closer to you. It hasn't already!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would let her know that it’s hurtful that she doesn’t call or contact you, but otherwise wouldn’t lay down too much of a guilt trip. Teenagers are selfish. Instead let natural consequences happen and just say no more often to her money requests if that’s the only reason she calls you.

As for paying support, what is she doing as an 18 year old? Going to college?

I am have to pay till she is 27. She lives in Germany and high school ends at 19.
I sent the support to my daughter directly and it triggered the mom. My daughter stopped talking to me two weeks prior because I called her out for not messaging.
The only message I got from my daughter was after her mom sent me a threatening email about child support needing to go to her and not my daughter. I daughter said she was not in a good mood to speak to me and wanted time alone and how the money needs to go to her mom and not her as she will be living at home. After 18 child support has to be split between two parents there and goes to the child directly.

But you're not in Germany. I'm confused why you feel obligated to do the German way.

Paying until 27 is crazy!

How about mom follows the U.S. way and be done by 18?

This. Since the money is coming out of the US and she’s 18, It stops today.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ask for a DNA test.cut off all relations with the mother daughter duo.

Good idea. If the mom start getting angry at you for non payment ask for a DNA test. You don’t owe them anymore money. They’re both adults

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is there any way you can get counseled by an international or German lawyer?

The DD asking you to please send the money to her mom sounds shady, and like she's a cash cow for the mom and is under pressure.

Yes I will be doing that.

Cut the mom and her off. Cut her out of your will if you have one. Of she wants a relationship she can have one when she can think for herself. Save your assets for your 3 year old. And no need to be grateful to a woman who commits parental alienation. Guess what dad's can be victims too

What evidence do you have of that? OP was not in the child's life. You really think being absent her entire childhood has nothing to do with how little she feels for him? Oh, must be parental alienating. Oh brother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is there any way you can get counseled by an international or German lawyer?

The DD asking you to please send the money to her mom sounds shady, and like she's a cash cow for the mom and is under pressure.

Yes I will be doing that.

Cut the mom and her off. Cut her out of your will if you have one. Of she wants a relationship she can have one when she can think for herself. Save your assets for your 3 year old. And no need to be grateful to a woman who commits parental alienation. Guess what dad's can be victims too

What evidence do you have of that? OP was not in the child's life. You really think being absent her entire childhood has nothing to do with how little she feels for him? Oh, must be parental alienating. Oh brother.

Read again he said she cut him out the daughter's life till the kid was three- I think that is alienation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is there any way you can get counseled by an international or German lawyer?

The DD asking you to please send the money to her mom sounds shady, and like she's a cash cow for the mom and is under pressure.

Yes I will be doing that.

Cut the mom and her off. Cut her out of your will if you have one. Of she wants a relationship she can have one when she can think for herself. Save your assets for your 3 year old. And no need to be grateful to a woman who commits parental alienation. Guess what dad's can be victims too

What evidence do you have of that? OP was not in the child's life. You really think being absent her entire childhood has nothing to do with how little she feels for him? Oh, must be parental alienating. Oh brother.

Read again he said she cut him out the daughter's life till the kid was three- I think that is alienation.

And in those three years did he try to get custody? Did he contact a lawyer about visitation? Or did he just say "huh" and move on with his life?

You don't have to think that the mom was doing everything right to be aware that dad was uninvolved. He could have fought to be in the child's life at that time and he didn't. He could have made visitation a condition of paying child support but he didn't. Now he's paid child support for a while from the other side of the world and he wants the kid to call him Daddy, and reach out to him on Father's Day (is it even the same day in Germany?) but that's not how it works. He'll always be the guy that divorced mom when she was born and was never around. It doesn't make the daughter a brat or mercenary or ungrateful - she didn't invent any narrative and she doesn't have to have been force-fed any lies by mom to see the reality of her family life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm divorced too and I'm sure my ex-husband has a sob story that leaves out a lot of info. So I take your account with a boulder of salt. To answer your question, no, I would not tell a teenager that I did not raise to make more of an effort with me.

I'm also divorced and no matter what relationship I had with my ex I made sure my kids had a healthy one with their dad. You seem bitter

+1 Always sad when parents use their children as ammunition.

Issues are usually not one sided -- both parties have some culpability to some degree. However, your daughter is almost an adult, and will need to put her big girl panties on soon, and take some ownership of her relationship with OP.

If legally OP is supposed to pay for the child's education till 27, then you are on the hook. Or OP could completely sever the relationship and not pay any child support after 18.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm divorced too and I'm sure my ex-husband has a sob story that leaves out a lot of info. So I take your account with a boulder of salt. To answer your question, no, I would not tell a teenager that I did not raise to make more of an effort with me.

I'm also divorced and no matter what relationship I had with my ex I made sure my kids had a healthy one with their dad. You seem bitter

+1 Always sad when parents use their children as ammunition.

Issues are usually not one sided -- both parties have some culpability to some degree. However, your daughter is almost an adult, and will need to put her big girl panties on soon, and take some ownership of her relationship with OP.

If legally OP is supposed to pay for the child's education till 27, then you are on the hook. Or OP could completely sever the relationship and not pay any child support after 18.

This is backwards. It's on the parent to build a relationship with their kids, not the other way around. OP didn't do that, and as a result he doesn't have a relationship with his daughter. That's on him, although he thinks child support should absolve him of this responsibility. Sure he might have complaints against the mom, and some might even be reasonable. But the only person who could make that relationship happen was OP, and he didn't, and now he is now switching from blaming his ex to blaming his daughter for not creating a relationship with *him,* a guy she's never even lived on the same continent as. I guess they don't sell big boy pants in this scenario.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is there any way you can get counseled by an international or German lawyer?

The DD asking you to please send the money to her mom sounds shady, and like she's a cash cow for the mom and is under pressure.

Yes I will be doing that.

Cut the mom and her off. Cut her out of your will if you have one. Of she wants a relationship she can have one when she can think for herself. Save your assets for your 3 year old. And no need to be grateful to a woman who commits parental alienation. Guess what dad's can be victims too

What evidence do you have of that? OP was not in the child's life. You really think being absent her entire childhood has nothing to do with how little she feels for him? Oh, must be parental alienating. Oh brother.

Read again he said she cut him out the daughter's life till the kid was three- I think that is alienation.

And in those three years did he try to get custody? Did he contact a lawyer about visitation? Or did he just say "huh" and move on with his life?

You don't have to think that the mom was doing everything right to be aware that dad was uninvolved. He could have fought to be in the child's life at that time and he didn't. He could have made visitation a condition of paying child support but he didn't. Now he's paid child support for a while from the other side of the world and he wants the kid to call him Daddy, and reach out to him on Father's Day (is it even the same day in Germany?) but that's not how it works. He'll always be the guy that divorced mom when she was born and was never around. It doesn't make the daughter a brat or mercenary or ungrateful - she didn't invent any narrative and she doesn't have to have been force-fed any lies by mom to see the reality of her family life.

I fought for custody in German court and I lost.