Teenage daughter troubles

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP with the husband in the military here again.

Look, I get that it's hard for you to understand if you didn't live through what it was like for military families January 2002-2007 or so...Most military personnel that I knew did MULTIPLE tours of Iraq. Sometimes you knew in advance, sometimes you only knew a few days before--and sometimes (especially in the early part) you had no idea when/if your military member would come back.

January 2002 my husband got 3 days notice, with ZERO idea of when he'd come home. It ended up being September. I got pregnant that night.
Then, 2 weeks before that baby was born, he was notified he was leaving again---at least this time he got several weeks notice, and left when the baby was 3 weeks old. He was gone 6 months.
OP was in a tough position for arguing for any type of custody (in a German court, no less!) as a military member in the early-mid 2000s.

We get it. If this was OPs lifestyle at the time, he should have been more careful not to get a 23 yr old formerly married foreign national pregnant.

[Anonymous]

Face it, OP was perfectly happy to let someone else raise his child, giving him all the freedom he wanted or needed to do other things. This is not hard to understand. He also wants to trash the person who did all the work of raising his child, and now he's trashing his own daughter -- that's the part that's hard to swallow. That's not cool, OP.

[Anonymous]

IMHO the absent father has no claim on the daughter's emotions and behavior, regardless of whose fault it was, therefore, OP, you need to be above the haggling and nonsense your ex is putting you through.

First I would suspend all direct communication between you and the ex, and if it were me, also the daughter, explain that going forward all communication has to go through a website such as TalkingParents, which can be used in court if it ever came to that. Have a lawyer prepare a written document that spells out how payments will be treated (half to daughter, half to ex, maybe?). The terms should also give ex your commitment to not kidnap, and any other things you could agree she is entitled to. The terms should also spell out your availability for visits with your daughter that is optional for the daughter, no pressure. If the terms are more than fair, your ex won't have a leg to stand on. When the daughter is older she will understand and value what you have done to bring order to this messy situation. I can pretty much assure you that making everything clear is going to help all concerned immensely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:IMHO the absent father has no claim on the daughter's emotions and behavior, regardless of whose fault it was, therefore, OP, you need to be above the haggling and nonsense your ex is putting you through.

First I would suspend all direct communication between you and the ex, and if it were me, also the daughter, explain that going forward all communication has to go through a website such as TalkingParents, which can be used in court if it ever came to that. Have a lawyer prepare a written document that spells out how payments will be treated (half to daughter, half to ex, maybe?). The terms should also give ex your commitment to not kidnap, and any other things you could agree she is entitled to. The terms should also spell out your availability for visits with your daughter that is optional for the daughter, no pressure. If the terms are more than fair, your ex won't have a leg to stand on. When the daughter is older she will understand and value what you have done to bring order to this messy situation. I can pretty much assure you that making everything clear is going to help all concerned immensely.

The woman raised the kid. It really bugs some people that a woman who is raising a child herself should have any control over the situation. Sorry, that's the way it works.

She should have let him have the DD to raise himself, for all the thanks she gets. Too bad that's too late. But it's not too late to have her live with him now. I already posted, I hope she does move in with him and his new DW and DD. He can put his money where his mouth is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Face it, OP was perfectly happy to let someone else raise his child, giving him all the freedom he wanted or needed to do other things. This is not hard to understand. He also wants to trash the person who did all the work of raising his child, and now he's trashing his own daughter -- that's the part that's hard to swallow. That's not cool, OP.

The irony of lecturing an OIF veteran about "freedom."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP with the husband in the military here again.

Look, I get that it's hard for you to understand if you didn't live through what it was like for military families January 2002-2007 or so...Most military personnel that I knew did MULTIPLE tours of Iraq. Sometimes you knew in advance, sometimes you only knew a few days before--and sometimes (especially in the early part) you had no idea when/if your military member would come back.

January 2002 my husband got 3 days notice, with ZERO idea of when he'd come home. It ended up being September. I got pregnant that night.
Then, 2 weeks before that baby was born, he was notified he was leaving again---at least this time he got several weeks notice, and left when the baby was 3 weeks old. He was gone 6 months.
OP was in a tough position for arguing for any type of custody (in a German court, no less!) as a military member in the early-mid 2000s.

We get it. If this was OPs lifestyle at the time, he should have been more careful not to get a 23 yr old formerly married foreign national pregnant.

1) Yes, but it sounds like he was tricked into getting her pregnant.
2) Accepting that mistakes were made, what would you have him do differently after that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP with the husband in the military here again.

Look, I get that it's hard for you to understand if you didn't live through what it was like for military families January 2002-2007 or so...Most military personnel that I knew did MULTIPLE tours of Iraq. Sometimes you knew in advance, sometimes you only knew a few days before--and sometimes (especially in the early part) you had no idea when/if your military member would come back.

January 2002 my husband got 3 days notice, with ZERO idea of when he'd come home. It ended up being September. I got pregnant that night.
Then, 2 weeks before that baby was born, he was notified he was leaving again---at least this time he got several weeks notice, and left when the baby was 3 weeks old. He was gone 6 months.
OP was in a tough position for arguing for any type of custody (in a German court, no less!) as a military member in the early-mid 2000s.

We get it. If this was OPs lifestyle at the time, he should have been more careful not to get a 23 yr old formerly married foreign national pregnant.

1) Yes, but it sounds like he was tricked into getting her pregnant.
2) Accepting that mistakes were made, what would you have him do differently after that?

LOL, what else? Does the ex practice voodoo or use magic charms to lure men? Or is she selling body parts on the black market? Bonus points if she's tricking men into getting her pregnant then selling body parts of their own child.

What else can we come up with to vilify her?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Face it, OP was perfectly happy to let someone else raise his child, giving him all the freedom he wanted or needed to do other things. This is not hard to understand. He also wants to trash the person who did all the work of raising his child, and now he's trashing his own daughter -- that's the part that's hard to swallow. That's not cool, OP.

OP's ex was not forced into doing any of that. Clearly OP wanted her to go with him to his next duty station and remain a family. She also could have chosen to abort the baby if she didn't feel she wanted to raise a baby. The ex CHOSE "to do all the work."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP with the husband in the military here again.

Look, I get that it's hard for you to understand if you didn't live through what it was like for military families January 2002-2007 or so...Most military personnel that I knew did MULTIPLE tours of Iraq. Sometimes you knew in advance, sometimes you only knew a few days before--and sometimes (especially in the early part) you had no idea when/if your military member would come back.

January 2002 my husband got 3 days notice, with ZERO idea of when he'd come home. It ended up being September. I got pregnant that night.
Then, 2 weeks before that baby was born, he was notified he was leaving again---at least this time he got several weeks notice, and left when the baby was 3 weeks old. He was gone 6 months.
OP was in a tough position for arguing for any type of custody (in a German court, no less!) as a military member in the early-mid 2000s.

We get it. If this was OPs lifestyle at the time, he should have been more careful not to get a 23 yr old formerly married foreign national pregnant.

1) Yes, but it sounds like he was tricked into getting her pregnant.
2) Accepting that mistakes were made, what would you have him do differently after that?

LOL, what else? Does the ex practice voodoo or use magic charms to lure men? Or is she selling body parts on the black market? Bonus points if she's tricking men into getting her pregnant then selling body parts of their own child.

What else can we come up with to vilify her?

Didn't the OP say that she had told him she was on birth control? Would you react the same way about a man who secretly removed a condom during sex after agreeing to wear one?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP with the husband in the military here again.

Look, I get that it's hard for you to understand if you didn't live through what it was like for military families January 2002-2007 or so...Most military personnel that I knew did MULTIPLE tours of Iraq. Sometimes you knew in advance, sometimes you only knew a few days before--and sometimes (especially in the early part) you had no idea when/if your military member would come back.

January 2002 my husband got 3 days notice, with ZERO idea of when he'd come home. It ended up being September. I got pregnant that night.
Then, 2 weeks before that baby was born, he was notified he was leaving again---at least this time he got several weeks notice, and left when the baby was 3 weeks old. He was gone 6 months.
OP was in a tough position for arguing for any type of custody (in a German court, no less!) as a military member in the early-mid 2000s.

We get it. If this was OPs lifestyle at the time, he should have been more careful not to get a 23 yr old formerly married foreign national pregnant.

1) Yes, but it sounds like he was tricked into getting her pregnant.
2) Accepting that mistakes were made, what would you have him do differently after that?

Did she trick him into marrying her? This isn't someone who stole sperm out of a condom in a hotel trashcan - they were married, she got pregnant. Unless he didn't know how babies are made you have to be pretty credulous to chalk that up to trickery.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP with the husband in the military here again.

Look, I get that it's hard for you to understand if you didn't live through what it was like for military families January 2002-2007 or so...Most military personnel that I knew did MULTIPLE tours of Iraq. Sometimes you knew in advance, sometimes you only knew a few days before--and sometimes (especially in the early part) you had no idea when/if your military member would come back.

January 2002 my husband got 3 days notice, with ZERO idea of when he'd come home. It ended up being September. I got pregnant that night.
Then, 2 weeks before that baby was born, he was notified he was leaving again---at least this time he got several weeks notice, and left when the baby was 3 weeks old. He was gone 6 months.
OP was in a tough position for arguing for any type of custody (in a German court, no less!) as a military member in the early-mid 2000s.

We get it. If this was OPs lifestyle at the time, he should have been more careful not to get a 23 yr old formerly married foreign national pregnant.

1) Yes, but it sounds like he was tricked into getting her pregnant.
2) Accepting that mistakes were made, what would you have him do differently after that?

LOL, what else? Does the ex practice voodoo or use magic charms to lure men? Or is she selling body parts on the black market? Bonus points if she's tricking men into getting her pregnant then selling body parts of their own child.

What else can we come up with to vilify her?

Didn't the OP say that she had told him she was on birth control? Would you react the same way about a man who secretly removed a condom during sex after agreeing to wear one?

In his fifth post, yes. If a female OP posted about how her ex ripped her off for child support for three pages before mentioning that the child in question was conceived in rape because she wasn't getting support she expected, I'd take that with a grain of salt too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP with the husband in the military here again.

Look, I get that it's hard for you to understand if you didn't live through what it was like for military families January 2002-2007 or so...Most military personnel that I knew did MULTIPLE tours of Iraq. Sometimes you knew in advance, sometimes you only knew a few days before--and sometimes (especially in the early part) you had no idea when/if your military member would come back.

January 2002 my husband got 3 days notice, with ZERO idea of when he'd come home. It ended up being September. I got pregnant that night.
Then, 2 weeks before that baby was born, he was notified he was leaving again---at least this time he got several weeks notice, and left when the baby was 3 weeks old. He was gone 6 months.
OP was in a tough position for arguing for any type of custody (in a German court, no less!) as a military member in the early-mid 2000s.

We get it. If this was OPs lifestyle at the time, he should have been more careful not to get a 23 yr old formerly married foreign national pregnant.

1) Yes, but it sounds like he was tricked into getting her pregnant.
2) Accepting that mistakes were made, what would you have him do differently after that?

LOL, what else? Does the ex practice voodoo or use magic charms to lure men? Or is she selling body parts on the black market? Bonus points if she's tricking men into getting her pregnant then selling body parts of their own child.

What else can we come up with to vilify her?

Didn't the OP say that she had told him she was on birth control? Would you react the same way about a man who secretly removed a condom during sex after agreeing to wear one?

In his fifth post, yes. If a female OP posted about how her ex ripped her off for child support for three pages before mentioning that the child in question was conceived in rape because she wasn't getting support she expected, I'd take that with a grain of salt too.

All three of them suck