Offended over hand-me-downs

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh oops, OP is long gone because no one thinks she did the right thing by not asking and simply trying to shove stuff off on SIL.

Nah. I just think it’s a troll trying to stir up another anti-SIL thread. Drops a post about something that supposedly happened 3 days ago (when a cook-out would’ve happened). Doesn’t give any details to support SIL being offended. Hasn’t returned. Just leaves the indignation to sit here and fester. This never happened.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh oops, OP is long gone because no one thinks she did the right thing by not asking and simply trying to shove stuff off on SIL.

Nah. I just think it’s a troll trying to stir up another anti-SIL thread. Drops a post about something that supposedly happened 3 days ago (when a cook-out would’ve happened). Doesn’t give any details to support SIL being offended. Hasn’t returned. Just leaves the indignation to sit here and fester. This never happened.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh oops, OP is long gone because no one thinks she did the right thing by not asking and simply trying to shove stuff off on SIL.

Nah. I just think it’s a troll trying to stir up another anti-SIL thread. Drops a post about something that supposedly happened 3 days ago (when a cook-out would’ve happened). Doesn’t give any details to support SIL being offended. Hasn’t returned. Just leaves the indignation to sit here and fester. This never happened.

+1

Agree, this sounds like all the other fake in-law trolls lately. The same person posts them and it's so obvious.

[Anonymous]

I was offended for my first child. Extremely grateful and appreciative by the time I got to my third,

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can’t think of anyone UMC who wouldn’t be offended by gifting their kids used kid clothes. Just no.

LOL this isn't landing how you wanted it to. We're UMC and run in largely UMC circles and everything cycles through friends as long as it's still usable. Minimal waste is the end goal, not displaying wealth through kids' clothes.

[Anonymous]

I can not imagine being offended even if I did not want them. Thanks Barb but we are well stocked. I love to shop.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh oops, OP is long gone because no one thinks she did the right thing by not asking and simply trying to shove stuff off on SIL.

Nah. I just think it’s a troll trying to stir up another anti-SIL thread. Drops a post about something that supposedly happened 3 days ago (when a cook-out would’ve happened). Doesn’t give any details to support SIL being offended. Hasn’t returned. Just leaves the indignation to sit here and fester. This never happened.

Why is 3 days ago "when a family cookout would have happened"? Some people have family cookouts on the 4th but it's not like it's the only time.

I'm also a little confused by the comments that they should have asked before boxing them up. I box up my kids clothing as soon as they outgrow it. I had boxes of washed baby clothes in my basement for 10 years before the next boy in my family was born. I would absolutely throw them in my car and tell the baby's parent "Hey, I put a box of Larlo's baby clothes in my car in case you wanted them. Any interest?" I wouldn't be offended by "yes please!" or "no thank you!" or "sure, but my trunk is full, can you bring them when you come over next time?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Casually mentioned? I don’t believe it.

Sounds like she didn’t ask for it and you’re trying to dump your junk on her.

You sound like you have zero friends or relatives. Hand me downs are a time-honored tradition. It's so nice to feel connected to other families in this way. What a shriveled heart someone must have to see it as "trying to dump junk on her." Really sad!

OP, I don't know what your SIL is like but wanting to pass on hand-me-downs is a sweet and normal thing to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would not have wanted your second hand stuff. The last thing I need is a box of them.

Agree. You should have asked. Now you made more work for her to either have to pick through the whole box and sort out what she wants and/or carve out time to have to drive them to a donation center. You ALWAYS ask before unloading a box of your stuff to someone else.

[Anonymous]

some folks are not into used clothes. my MiL shudders when my older teen kids go to Goodwill.

i grew up in a large family with lots of older cousins and we always got hand me downs, probably because we needed them more than anyone else. frankly I thought that was how everyone grew up. my SiL clearly didn't and made a huge production out of giving them to us, then commenting whenever our kids wore the clothes. i found both off putting, but also predictable so I just kept taking them, then trying to keep the eyeroll in check whenever she would start in on how her kids looked really adorable in the clothes, but perhaps that may be because they wore them when they were new.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t have thought to ask. My sisters and I used to send each other kids’ hand-me-downs all the time. Our kids are grown now, and now their kids get hand-me-downs. No one asks. It’s just what we do in our family. Oh, we are also UMC, PP.

[Anonymous]

It's good to ask if someone is interested.

I am with you OP, I love giving and receiving gently used clothes from relatives or friends. My son grew out of things so quickly and I enjoy buying him high quality items. It was nice to see my friends' or cousins' kids enjoying the clothes.

I have a family member who does make far less income than we do. I ask before I offer clothes because I don't want her to think it's charity on our part. It's not...her kids are so sweet and I love to see them enjoying the clothes.

[Anonymous]

My older sister and SIL would give me their hand-me-downs which I happily accepted because there is NOTHING worse than shopping for a kid with a little sibling toddler in tow.
My younger sister, who is insecure and really shouldn't be spending this kind of money on stuff that can be free gets all bent out of sorts with hand-me-downs. She has always had a streak of needing to buy status.

My older sister had married well, my SIL and I married into a social register family. Nobody batted an eye about hand-me-downs - we understood what a time-saver it was.

[Anonymous]

Did you announce in front of everyone that you had “hand me downs” in the car for her?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I honestly don’t see what’s so generous about castoffs. Textiles are stupidly cheap and any org that collects used clothing is completely overwhelmed. They ship donated clothes to India, and now it’s a common myth that Americans throw their clothes out after one wear because laundry is more expensive here than new clothes.

+1. It’s polluting their country.