Ever leave the DMV and see successful people who aren't this T20 college obsessed and wonder?

Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:I grew up near Villanova and had an idyllic childhood without the obsession of DC, so know exactly what you're talking about. My husband grew up here, went to Big 3 and an Ivy League school. I begged for years to move to PA where we could live normally, but he would not consider it. For him, it's top 20 for our kids or they have failed. He actually said once, something along the lines of: "that way they never have to be embarrassed about telling anybody where they went to college. They can always hold their head high." I let him know that I have never once felt embarrassed about where I went and did he not realize that I am not remotely impressed by where he went either (I'm actually the main bread winner). It's insane. I hear you.


FWIW, there are a number of T20 alum in this bracket who cleave onto their BAs as they feel they have nothing left to brandish - they are average professionals making far less than their parents (in proportion to current costs for housing, etc) while working more hours to do it. I've now started replying when getting the shade about attending a school they've "never heard about" - "well, either my life has turned out spectacularly or yours hasn't given that we are now in same milieu."
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:I don’t think you need to leave DMV to see this. We chose not to send our kids to private schools because we are avoiding this culture. They are at public schools.
But the other thing going on is the regional effect. If you know you want to live in a particular place—be it ohio, Arizona or New Jersey, yes you might as well go to one of the regional schools that has a tight alum network.
But going to a T20 will give you more flexibility. I don’t want my kids getting jobs in the region that I’m from—because I don’t think it is an economically viable region in another 20 years.


Yeah, there are plenty of people in the DMV who don't think a top college is the end-all-be-all. And their kids are fine.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:OP, there are plenty of us in the DC area who already know this and haven’t bought into the “Big 3” or top 20 or bust mentality. Life is (hopefully) long and I hope my kids continue to learn, have fun and be happy.

[also I am pretty sure I would never be accepted in the group you described — it sounds pretty insular].


+1

My mother somehow thinks I’ve failed because I grew up in Bethesda and now live in Silver Spring. I have zero desire to move back or to send my kids to the high school I attended. My kids have a MUCH happier childhood than I did. I hope that sticks with them.
Anonymous
Wow, OP you mean born rich kids who attended selective private universities that aren’t Ivy League are successful (and/or live lavish lifestyles off trusts and inheritance)?

Thanks for teaching us rubes a thing or two. I mean who knew Villanova was a laughing stock degree mill…………
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:lol. So which is it. OP is hanging out with rich people who are "connected in ways she cannot possibly imagine", whose kids are so set they don't need to think about where they go to college...or OP is hanging out with lowly middle class schmucks?


Middle middle class schmucks. Ocean City is fine, nice -- really! -- but the well to do Philadelphians don't summer there.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP, there are plenty of us in the DC area who already know this and haven’t bought into the “Big 3” or top 20 or bust mentality. Life is (hopefully) long and I hope my kids continue to learn, have fun and be happy.

[also I am pretty sure I would never be accepted in the group you described — it sounds pretty insular].


+1

My mother somehow thinks I’ve failed because I grew up in Bethesda and now live in Silver Spring. I have zero desire to move back or to send my kids to the high school I attended. My kids have a MUCH happier childhood than I did. I hope that sticks with them.


Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:OP is spending the ENTIRE summer at the beach in her DH mom’s beach house, telling us don’t worry about our kids they will be fine. Likely many of those relaxed folks also are staying in their parents beach house too.

This is some serious let them eat cake nonsense.


Absolutely. 100 percent.
Anonymous
Villanova is a very selective top 50 university and costs over $70,000 a year. For decades it’s been known as a smart and rich (Catholic) kid school; for kids that can’t get into Duke or Notre Dame, which frequently reject Eagle Scouts with perfect stats.

This honestly thread is really, really stupid.

Rich kids are almost always fairly successful. They have good genetics, money, connections, attend the best k-12, dress well, high social IQ, and tend to graduate from college on time. Add in the inheritance from parents and grandparents, and of course they never fall down a class rung.

It’s only a cope by middle class message board dwellers that all these rich kids are dumb, lazy, crash and burn in college, and turn into workshy druggies.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:I'm spending the summer at the beach in south NJ.
I'm surrounded by grads from Villanova, St. Joes, Lasalle, Temple, Drexel etc. I knew them in passing (they're neighbors of my in-laws beach house) but now am immersed in their world.
They're all successful: doctors, business owners, many work in the pharmaceutical industry, etc.
These schools (especially the Catholic ones) have REALLY tight alumni networks. I'm always sitting on the beach next to a group of 3 or 5 families who met at St. Joes or Villanova.
Some are from the area, some came to these schools for elsewhere for college.
They're well-off, happy, successful. Some of them own a beach house, some are renting.

Meanwhile in the fall I"ll return to my DC house. My kids will return to their Big3 high school where they do 4 hours of homework a night in the hopes of getting in somewhere like Chicago
where they can do 4 more hours of homework a night.

Ever leave the DMV and see people (and their kids) living a MUCH nicer life than you are here and then wonder what the heck you are putting your kids through?
4 years of stressing about grades to get into a top university (example again--Chicago, Wash U, Cornell, wherever) which probably has half the quality of life of many other colleges so they can work really hard
for another 4 years? And meanwhile kids all over are living much easier lives and coming out at the SAME place in life.

My kids' course is set. I'm not pulling them out and we're not moving (they're in high school). They'll end up battling it out for a top 30 university admission because that is what is done at their Big3 school.
But if I had a do-over I really think I would.


I live in the DMV and just never drank the kool aid.

Too bad for your kids that you were not an independent thinker, and got caught up in the hype.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:lol. So which is it. OP is hanging out with rich people who are "connected in ways she cannot possibly imagine", whose kids are so set they don't need to think about where they go to college...or OP is hanging out with lowly middle class schmucks?


Middle middle class schmucks. Ocean City is fine, nice -- really! -- but the well to do Philadelphians don't summer there.


They do these days. 1 million gets you a floor of a duplex multiple blocks from the beach. Oceanfront is 5-10 million a floor for a duplex. if this much money for a second home is middle class for you then you live on a different planet then I do. Our DC neighbors who are at at Big3 just spent 8 million on an OCNJ duplex.

Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP, I grew up on one of the nicest South Jersey shore towns, probably very close to where you are spending the summer, and I still have family there. I know exactly the kind of people you see around you, and here’s the thing: your sample is skewed. There are rich people everywhere and who send their kids to every school, and what you’re seeing are the rich people from Philly who went to and are sending their kids to Big Five schools. Not everyone who goes to those schools ends up as rich as the ones you are seeing. Not everyone from Philly has a house at the shore either.

There are plenty of rich people in the DC area who didn’t go to top 20 colleges either.



+1

I grew up near there and there were parents obsessed with T20 schools back in the 80s. Granted it was much easier to get it back then, but it was a given that some kids were going to attend certain schools. We had a bunch head to Ivy League schools.

Many of my NY/Boston friends have an even more intense attitude to college.

The DC area is just like other affluent areas around the US.


I’m the poster who is calling the OP out on this, and I agree with you. I just wanted to add that, while there are plenty of big Catholic families in the Philly area who are not obsessed with the Ivies, it’s only because they don’t have to be. They’re rich and connected and their kids are going to be fine going to a Big Five school. They will be taken care of.

Beach houses in towns like Avalon and Stone Harbor go for $2 million to $10 million plus. They’re much more expensive than the Delaware and Maryland beaches. People own them as second homes, and many are not rented out. These are seriously rich people.

So much for OP’s “regular world.”


OP here. I'm not in Avalon or Stone Harbor but am in OCNJ. Sure, there is money here but you are taking "Jersey Shore" and immediately assuming I mean the wealthiest shores towns in NJ.

Also, i said it above but will reiterate, some of these families I am speaking of come from money but most do not. Some are Catholic but some are not.
Believe what you wish. I am not creating a narrative out of thin air to stir the pot.
There are many kids who achieve first-generation success (as measured by a high level job, high quality of life) without having attended one of the top 50 universities.
I know this runs contrary to the DCUM narrative. But it should make us all feel BETTER! Not worse. Our kids (if they work hard) will be OKAY regardless of where they attend college. I know most of us know this (in theory) but the stress to
achieve admission at one school or another is high around the DMV. At the Big3 (which I mentioned because its my world here and a unique world at that) it can be stifling.


Thanks for clearing that up, OP. Now I agree with you, but only because Ocean City is a step (or two) below most of the shore towns below and above it as well as the Delaware beaches. So, yea, you’re not hanging out with the rich. At all. So, yea, it’s different than your “Big 3” world. But that’s on you. You made your choice.

So, first you were attacking the OP based on facts you invented about where she was staying and the type of people you decided she was hanging out with. Now that you have deigned to agree with her regarding the reality of what she reported (Gee, thanks!), you are attacking her for pushing an academic path for her kids that she know realizes might have been a mistake? Lovely.


You're misunderstanding. OP painted a scenario of rich families summering at a high end beach who all send their kids to St Joe's, suggesting that that goes to show that you don't need top 20 schools for your kids. I don't think you need top 20 schools regardless, but her depiction doesn't jive with reality. The kids are working, she's working, the town is nice but not high end, and the people she is associating with aren't wealthy either. They're just people, and they're also people who -- or whose parents -- bought these houses way back when when the prices were much cheaper.

If she's saying, "you know what? I'm fine with my kids just being people," then she can put her money where her mouth is an put them in a "just people" public school.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:I grew up near Villanova and had an idyllic childhood without the obsession of DC, so know exactly what you're talking about. My husband grew up here, went to Big 3 and an Ivy League school. I begged for years to move to PA where we could live normally, but he would not consider it. For him, it's top 20 for our kids or they have failed. He actually said once, something along the lines of: "that way they never have to be embarrassed about telling anybody where they went to college. They can always hold their head high." I let him know that I have never once felt embarrassed about where I went and did he not realize that I am not remotely impressed by where he went either (I'm actually the main bread winner). It's insane. I hear you.


If you grew up in Villanova with an idyllic childhood, you already had money. So you don’t need a top school or a top job— you can live off your inheritance. People strive to get out of the lower class so they too can buy a home in Villanova and give their kids an idyllic childhood. It’s easier if your kids aren’t competing against these strivers, so please send them to St. Joe’s.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:lol. So which is it. OP is hanging out with rich people who are "connected in ways she cannot possibly imagine", whose kids are so set they don't need to think about where they go to college...or OP is hanging out with lowly middle class schmucks?


Middle middle class schmucks. Ocean City is fine, nice -- really! -- but the well to do Philadelphians don't summer there.


They do these days. 1 million gets you a floor of a duplex multiple blocks from the beach. Oceanfront is 5-10 million a floor for a duplex. if this much money for a second home is middle class for you then you live on a different planet then I do. Our DC neighbors who are at at Big3 just spent 8 million on an OCNJ duplex.



Scroll through these two links and see the difference for yourself. You won't have to go very far to see that there are many, many affordable properties in Ocean City. Stone Harbor? Not so much.

https://www.redfin.com/city/14076/NJ/Ocean-City

https://www.redfin.com/city/18146/NJ/Stone-Harbor
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP, I grew up on one of the nicest South Jersey shore towns, probably very close to where you are spending the summer, and I still have family there. I know exactly the kind of people you see around you, and here’s the thing: your sample is skewed. There are rich people everywhere and who send their kids to every school, and what you’re seeing are the rich people from Philly who went to and are sending their kids to Big Five schools. Not everyone who goes to those schools ends up as rich as the ones you are seeing. Not everyone from Philly has a house at the shore either.

There are plenty of rich people in the DC area who didn’t go to top 20 colleges either.



+1

I grew up near there and there were parents obsessed with T20 schools back in the 80s. Granted it was much easier to get it back then, but it was a given that some kids were going to attend certain schools. We had a bunch head to Ivy League schools.

Many of my NY/Boston friends have an even more intense attitude to college.

The DC area is just like other affluent areas around the US.


I’m the poster who is calling the OP out on this, and I agree with you. I just wanted to add that, while there are plenty of big Catholic families in the Philly area who are not obsessed with the Ivies, it’s only because they don’t have to be. They’re rich and connected and their kids are going to be fine going to a Big Five school. They will be taken care of.

Beach houses in towns like Avalon and Stone Harbor go for $2 million to $10 million plus. They’re much more expensive than the Delaware and Maryland beaches. People own them as second homes, and many are not rented out. These are seriously rich people.

So much for OP’s “regular world.”


OP here. I'm not in Avalon or Stone Harbor but am in OCNJ. Sure, there is money here but you are taking "Jersey Shore" and immediately assuming I mean the wealthiest shores towns in NJ.

Also, i said it above but will reiterate, some of these families I am speaking of come from money but most do not. Some are Catholic but some are not.
Believe what you wish. I am not creating a narrative out of thin air to stir the pot.
There are many kids who achieve first-generation success (as measured by a high level job, high quality of life) without having attended one of the top 50 universities.
I know this runs contrary to the DCUM narrative. But it should make us all feel BETTER! Not worse. Our kids (if they work hard) will be OKAY regardless of where they attend college. I know most of us know this (in theory) but the stress to
achieve admission at one school or another is high around the DMV. At the Big3 (which I mentioned because its my world here and a unique world at that) it can be stifling.


Thanks for clearing that up, OP. Now I agree with you, but only because Ocean City is a step (or two) below most of the shore towns below and above it as well as the Delaware beaches. So, yea, you’re not hanging out with the rich. At all. So, yea, it’s different than your “Big 3” world. But that’s on you. You made your choice.

So, first you were attacking the OP based on facts you invented about where she was staying and the type of people you decided she was hanging out with. Now that you have deigned to agree with her regarding the reality of what she reported (Gee, thanks!), you are attacking her for pushing an academic path for her kids that she know realizes might have been a mistake? Lovely.


You're misunderstanding. OP painted a scenario of rich families summering at a high end beach who all send their kids to St Joe's, suggesting that that goes to show that you don't need top 20 schools for your kids. I don't think you need top 20 schools regardless, but her depiction doesn't jive with reality. The kids are working, she's working, the town is nice but not high end, and the people she is associating with aren't wealthy either. They're just people, and they're also people who -- or whose parents -- bought these houses way back when when the prices were much cheaper.

If she's saying, "you know what? I'm fine with my kids just being people," then she can put her money where her mouth is an put them in a "just people" public school.


+1. It’s all fun and games until the inheritance runs out.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP is spending the ENTIRE summer at the beach in her DH mom’s beach house, telling us don’t worry about our kids they will be fine. Likely many of those relaxed folks also are staying in their parents beach house too.

This is some serious let them eat cake nonsense.


Absolutely. 100 percent.


+1. Is OP even working? WTF? This is the problem when wealth is concentrated. People like OP don’t even know what it’s like to be poor and know that a top school is your golden ticket out of the mess.
post reply Forum Index » College and University Discussion
Message Quick Reply
Go to: