Ever leave the DMV and see successful people who aren't this T20 college obsessed and wonder?

[Anonymous]

Also, there aren’t a lot of Big 3 families who would settle for summer vacations in Ocean City, New Jersey. They’d think it’s beneath them. It’s a solidly middle class resort town. No more, no less. And, yes, you don’t have to go to a top 20 school to achieve a middle class lifestyle. You’re right about that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I grew up near Villanova and had an idyllic childhood without the obsession of DC, so know exactly what you're talking about. My husband grew up here, went to Big 3 and an Ivy League school. I begged for years to move to PA where we could live normally, but he would not consider it. For him, it's top 20 for our kids or they have failed. He actually said once, something along the lines of: "that way they never have to be embarrassed about telling anybody where they went to college. They can always hold their head high." I let him know that I have never once felt embarrassed about where I went and did he not realize that I am not remotely impressed by where he went either (I'm actually the main bread winner). It's insane. I hear you.

[Anonymous]

I don’t think you need to leave DMV to see this. We chose not to send our kids to private schools because we are avoiding this culture. They are at public schools.
But the other thing going on is the regional effect. If you know you want to live in a particular place—be it ohio, Arizona or New Jersey, yes you might as well go to one of the regional schools that has a tight alum network.
But going to a T20 will give you more flexibility. I don’t want my kids getting jobs in the region that I’m from—because I don’t think it is an economically viable region in another 20 years.

[Anonymous]

I know OCNJ well. I grew up near Philly and visit the shore every summer and have family there. It really is a great area, full of nice people in a tight knit environment. People all know each other and are in each other’s business. I don’t know about the academics there but I do wish the DMV could tune it down a bit. I like that this area has so many well educated people but it doesn’t have the blue collar, business owners I’m used to from S. Jersey.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also, there aren’t a lot of Big 3 families who would settle for summer vacations in Ocean City, New Jersey. They’d think it’s beneath them. It’s a solidly middle class resort town. No more, no less. And, yes, you don’t have to go to a top 20 school to achieve a middle class lifestyle. You’re right about that.

Ok, so now you're resorting to denigrating OCNJ?
Currently there are 175+ listing for homes over $2 million.
For what it's worth, we know at least 10 "Big3" families with homes here.
We were at a school event this spring and connected with 2 more who recently purchased.


Clearly there is no winning against the "Top 20 college or bust" DC mentality.
All the best to you.

[Anonymous]

lol. So which is it. OP is hanging out with rich people who are "connected in ways she cannot possibly imagine", whose kids are so set they don't need to think about where they go to college...or OP is hanging out with lowly middle class schmucks?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:lol. So which is it. OP is hanging out with rich people who are "connected in ways she cannot possibly imagine", whose kids are so set they don't need to think about where they go to college...or OP is hanging out with lowly middle class schmucks?

Whichever supports the DCUM argument that "one's children must attend a 20 school or life is over".

[Anonymous]

I’ve always been a striver, social climber, however you want to put it. I guess it’s not surprising I moved to DC and love it! I would totally do big 3 top 20 whatever if possible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also, there aren’t a lot of Big 3 families who would settle for summer vacations in Ocean City, New Jersey. They’d think it’s beneath them. It’s a solidly middle class resort town. No more, no less. And, yes, you don’t have to go to a top 20 school to achieve a middle class lifestyle. You’re right about that.

Ok, so now you're resorting to denigrating OCNJ?
Currently there are 175+ listing for homes over $2 million.
For what it's worth, we know at least 10 "Big3" families with homes here.
We were at a school event this spring and connected with 2 more who recently purchased.


Clearly there is no winning against the "Top 20 college or bust" DC mentality.
All the best to you.

No, I am not denigrating Ocean City at all. I think it’s a nice town. It’s not a wealthy town, though. It’s just not the kind of town that the typical big three family aspires to. If anything I’m denigrating the big 3.

As for the listings you’re referring to, that doesn’t surprise me. It’s the biggest shore town in South Jersey outside of Atlantic City, so you’re gonna see high end listing. Just remember that $2 million won’t even get you a starter home 10 miles south of you. But, yea, I never said Ocean City was a dump.

[Anonymous]

OP is spending the ENTIRE summer at the beach in her DH mom’s beach house, telling us don’t worry about our kids they will be fine. Likely many of those relaxed folks also are staying in their parents beach house too.

This is some serious let them eat cake nonsense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:lol. So which is it. OP is hanging out with rich people who are "connected in ways she cannot possibly imagine", whose kids are so set they don't need to think about where they go to college...or OP is hanging out with lowly middle class schmucks?

Whichever supports the DCUM argument that "one's children must attend a 20 school or life is over".

+1

[Anonymous]

Haven’t read everything but OP, those are solid schools you are talking about. Wash U isn’t massively better than Villanova. Of course, these people are doing well. Of course your kid doesn’t have to go to a T20 to do well. If they want to clerk on the SC or something the whole pedigree thing can help but you can go to Temple or Drexel or Villanova and have a perfectly nice life.

Same could be said for Maryland or JMU or VCU or a range of perfectly respectable schools.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP is spending the ENTIRE summer at the beach in her DH mom’s beach house, telling us don’t worry about our kids they will be fine. Likely many of those relaxed folks also are staying in their parents beach house too.

This is some serious let them eat cake nonsense.

OP here. I am working remotely full-time here while my kids work summer jobs which difficult (or impossible) to get in DC (hard to find ice cream parlor type jobs for a 14 year old in DC).
Yes, it's lovely. But I'm not relaxing on the beach 24/7.

Anyway, speaking of work, about to get on a 1pm call.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I grew up on one of the nicest South Jersey shore towns, probably very close to where you are spending the summer, and I still have family there. I know exactly the kind of people you see around you, and here’s the thing: your sample is skewed. There are rich people everywhere and who send their kids to every school, and what you’re seeing are the rich people from Philly who went to and are sending their kids to Big Five schools. Not everyone who goes to those schools ends up as rich as the ones you are seeing. Not everyone from Philly has a house at the shore either.

There are plenty of rich people in the DC area who didn’t go to top 20 colleges either.

+1

I grew up near there and there were parents obsessed with T20 schools back in the 80s. Granted it was much easier to get it back then, but it was a given that some kids were going to attend certain schools. We had a bunch head to Ivy League schools.

Many of my NY/Boston friends have an even more intense attitude to college.

The DC area is just like other affluent areas around the US.

I’m the poster who is calling the OP out on this, and I agree with you. I just wanted to add that, while there are plenty of big Catholic families in the Philly area who are not obsessed with the Ivies, it’s only because they don’t have to be. They’re rich and connected and their kids are going to be fine going to a Big Five school. They will be taken care of.

Beach houses in towns like Avalon and Stone Harbor go for $2 million to $10 million plus. They’re much more expensive than the Delaware and Maryland beaches. People own them as second homes, and many are not rented out. These are seriously rich people.

So much for OP’s “regular world.”

OP here. I'm not in Avalon or Stone Harbor but am in OCNJ. Sure, there is money here but you are taking "Jersey Shore" and immediately assuming I mean the wealthiest shores towns in NJ.

Also, i said it above but will reiterate, some of these families I am speaking of come from money but most do not. Some are Catholic but some are not.
Believe what you wish. I am not creating a narrative out of thin air to stir the pot.
There are many kids who achieve first-generation success (as measured by a high level job, high quality of life) without having attended one of the top 50 universities.
I know this runs contrary to the DCUM narrative. But it should make us all feel BETTER! Not worse. Our kids (if they work hard) will be OKAY regardless of where they attend college. I know most of us know this (in theory) but the stress to
achieve admission at one school or another is high around the DMV. At the Big3 (which I mentioned because its my world here and a unique world at that) it can be stifling.

Thanks for clearing that up, OP. Now I agree with you, but only because Ocean City is a step (or two) below most of the shore towns below and above it as well as the Delaware beaches. So, yea, you’re not hanging out with the rich. At all. So, yea, it’s different than your “Big 3” world. But that’s on you. You made your choice.

So, first you were attacking the OP based on facts you invented about where she was staying and the type of people you decided she was hanging out with. Now that you have deigned to agree with her regarding the reality of what she reported (Gee, thanks!), you are attacking her for pushing an academic path for her kids that she know realizes might have been a mistake? Lovely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I grew up on one of the nicest South Jersey shore towns, probably very close to where you are spending the summer, and I still have family there. I know exactly the kind of people you see around you, and here’s the thing: your sample is skewed. There are rich people everywhere and who send their kids to every school, and what you’re seeing are the rich people from Philly who went to and are sending their kids to Big Five schools. Not everyone who goes to those schools ends up as rich as the ones you are seeing. Not everyone from Philly has a house at the shore either.

There are plenty of rich people in the DC area who didn’t go to top 20 colleges either.

+1

I grew up near there and there were parents obsessed with T20 schools back in the 80s. Granted it was much easier to get it back then, but it was a given that some kids were going to attend certain schools. We had a bunch head to Ivy League schools.

Many of my NY/Boston friends have an even more intense attitude to college.

The DC area is just like other affluent areas around the US.

I’m the poster who is calling the OP out on this, and I agree with you. I just wanted to add that, while there are plenty of big Catholic families in the Philly area who are not obsessed with the Ivies, it’s only because they don’t have to be. They’re rich and connected and their kids are going to be fine going to a Big Five school. They will be taken care of.

Beach houses in towns like Avalon and Stone Harbor go for $2 million to $10 million plus. They’re much more expensive than the Delaware and Maryland beaches. People own them as second homes, and many are not rented out. These are seriously rich people.

So much for OP’s “regular world.”

OP here. I'm not in Avalon or Stone Harbor but am in OCNJ. Sure, there is money here but you are taking "Jersey Shore" and immediately assuming I mean the wealthiest shores towns in NJ.

Also, i said it above but will reiterate, some of these families I am speaking of come from money but most do not. Some are Catholic but some are not.
Believe what you wish. I am not creating a narrative out of thin air to stir the pot.
There are many kids who achieve first-generation success (as measured by a high level job, high quality of life) without having attended one of the top 50 universities.
I know this runs contrary to the DCUM narrative. But it should make us all feel BETTER! Not worse. Our kids (if they work hard) will be OKAY regardless of where they attend college. I know most of us know this (in theory) but the stress to
achieve admission at one school or another is high around the DMV. At the Big3 (which I mentioned because its my world here and a unique world at that) it can be stifling.

Thanks for the perspective, OP. I appreciated your post and response.