Ever leave the DMV and see successful people who aren't this T20 college obsessed and wonder?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes. And contrary to the PP who said in the DMV it's all MC and LMC people trying to advance their kids -- people do this differently in other parts of the country. Even when they are LMC or MC and trying to help their kids climb an income ladder. In fact, in many parts of the country, the focus for college is on finding a way to get a good education that will get you the credentials you need to create a stable and financially rewarding career, without simply buying into prestige rankings or name recognition.

A major difference, though, is that DC has an extremely credential-focused economy and there is a perception that a degree from a "top" school is the only way to stand out in a sea of graduates from the Ivies, top/nationally recognized public flagship, and elite/highly competitive SLACs. Outside the DMV, the calculus is very different. Going to a T20 for its own sake might impress people, but it's not automatically considered the best (or only good) option. Lots of terrific state flagships, as well as smaller state schools that have well-respected departments in specific specialties, many of which have pipelines into industry in those states, including plenty of high-paying international companies and firms.

One thing I've noticed outside the DMV is that people, even young people, tend to view entrepreneurship as a more accessible possibility than here. And in many ways it is more accessible. Start up costs for a new business in the DMV can be daunting, and the market can be competitive. But that's not true elsewhere. I also think that the further west you live, the stronger the idea that you make your own way through life and in your career, rather than simply going to the "right" schools and having the way paved for you by your credentials.

Well said. I co-sign all of this.

This, along with OP’s observation, is part of why we left the DMV before DC went to HS, and we are so happy we did.

[Anonymous]

As a parent of two kids both very recently graduated from a top private school in Manhattan, the intensity of so many to get into a top 20 college is just crazy and mind boggling. It's like a feeding frenzy. I think many of these parents are trying to live their lives through their kids.

[Anonymous]

It really is about fit. My nephew, a recent graduate of Harvard, did not enjoy his experience there. He rarely talks about Harvard unless asked, and it's quite obvious he didn't enjoy his experience there even though he graduated summa cum laude. He feels that his parents "forced" him to go to Harvard (because it's Harvard) and to this day he has a somewhat strained relationship with them as HIS first choice was a intellectual small liberal arts college.

[Anonymous]

I’m from NY and went to school in Boston. We live in VA and feel like most people don’t care much about colleges or not as much as they do in NY and Boston.

Most people in Va seem to send their kids to public (UVA, W&M, VT). I either meet Harvard Law type people or others who are just like the people mentioned in OP’s post.

[Anonymous]

Move to W. Virginia. Less competition.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, I live in a state where people are not so intense about all of this. It sounds miserable and I’m not convinced any of it is worth it.

[Anonymous]

The trajectory to success is not as limited as those in global cities might believe. I know a ton of successful people who went to state schools, public k-12, etc etc. The notion that you have to check off boxes from some very rigid checklist in order to Win at Life (TM) is just absurd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It really is about fit. My nephew, a recent graduate of Harvard, did not enjoy his experience there. He rarely talks about Harvard unless asked, and it's quite obvious he didn't enjoy his experience there even though he graduated summa cum laude. He feels that his parents "forced" him to go to Harvard (because it's Harvard) and to this day he has a somewhat strained relationship with them as HIS first choice was a intellectual small liberal arts college.

The people I know who went to Harvard never say it was a fabulous experience. One in particular thought the grad school he attended (Chicago) was more rigorous and interesting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It really is about fit. My nephew, a recent graduate of Harvard, did not enjoy his experience there. He rarely talks about Harvard unless asked, and it's quite obvious he didn't enjoy his experience there even though he graduated summa cum laude. He feels that his parents "forced" him to go to Harvard (because it's Harvard) and to this day he has a somewhat strained relationship with them as HIS first choice was a intellectual small liberal arts college.

The people I know who went to Harvard never say it was a fabulous experience. One in particular thought the grad school he attended (Chicago) was more rigorous and interesting.

I think more importantly, it just wasn't a good fit for him. Many go to Harvard because of its name and connections.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It really is about fit. My nephew, a recent graduate of Harvard, did not enjoy his experience there. He rarely talks about Harvard unless asked, and it's quite obvious he didn't enjoy his experience there even though he graduated summa cum laude. He feels that his parents "forced" him to go to Harvard (because it's Harvard) and to this day he has a somewhat strained relationship with them as HIS first choice was a intellectual small liberal arts college.

The people I know who went to Harvard never say it was a fabulous experience. One in particular thought the grad school he attended (Chicago) was more rigorous and interesting.

Never heard. Chicago ROI is horrible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'll give you another story.

I grew up solidly middle class. My parents were lower-middle class. When my sibling and I graduated from T10 universities, the entire trajectory of our family changed for the better. We are now solidly upper/upper-middle class, in extremely well-paying, "prestigious", creative white collar jobs, and I'm 100% positive that my sibling and I were only able to achieve our present stature because of where we went to school.

Some of us don't have the privilege of going to a no-name school and coasting off of our parents' connections and networks (or institutional knowledge).

This is the exact reason top schools are seeking first Gen and URM. Those are the kids that studies show benefit most from an Ivy (or the like) education.

DH and I are URMs, and one of us is First Gen, and this 100%. Changed the trajectory of our lives. We will likely want the same for our children, as the world is less kind to POC.

The advice on this thread is for people who are already generationally educated.

[Anonymous]

OP, it’s not “the DMV” - it’s the choices you are making.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kid got into a T30 school, but chose #49 school.

LOL- they will be just fine. My kid got into Cornell and choose UMD and they have great intern options and money left for grad school😀

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid got into a T30 school, but chose #49 school.

LOL- they will be just fine. My kid got into Cornell and choose UMD and they have great intern options and money left for grad school😀

+1

Yeah, but the DMV social climbers don't understand that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm spending the summer at the beach in south NJ.
I'm surrounded by grads from Villanova, St. Joes, Lasalle, Temple, Drexel etc. I knew them in passing (they're neighbors of my in-laws beach house) but now am immersed in their world.
They're all successful: doctors, business owners, many work in the pharmaceutical industry, etc.
These schools (especially the Catholic ones) have REALLY tight alumni networks. I'm always sitting on the beach next to a group of 3 or 5 families who met at St. Joes or Villanova.
Some are from the area, some came to these schools for elsewhere for college.
They're well-off, happy, successful. Some of them own a beach house, some are renting.

Meanwhile in the fall I"ll return to my DC house. My kids will return to their Big3 high school where they do 4 hours of homework a night in the hopes of getting in somewhere like Chicago
where they can do 4 more hours of homework a night.

Ever leave the DMV and see people (and their kids) living a MUCH nicer life than you are here and then wonder what the heck you are putting your kids through?
4 years of stressing about grades to get into a top university (example again--Chicago, Wash U, Cornell, wherever) which probably has half the quality of life of many other colleges so they can work really hard
for another 4 years? And meanwhile kids all over are living much easier lives and coming out at the SAME place in life.

My kids' course is set. I'm not pulling them out and we're not moving (they're in high school). They'll end up battling it out for a top 30 university admission because that is what is done at their Big3 school.
But if I had a do-over I really think I would.

I grew up in that world. I graduated from Public High School and attended a SLAC, not in the top 100, I still went to an excellent grad school, top 25 in its field, and earned a PhD. I make a very comfortable salary. That is why I am not obsessed with private school, I know that DS will receive a good education in Public School because the schools in FCPS are good to great. I know that I am an involved parent and if I think he needs something different then Public School that I will look at moving him. We support his interests and activities. I know from my own experience, and y families experience, that you can do amazing things and be very successful without attending a prestige school.

We are more focused on DS being exposed to a variety of activities (sports, music, and academic) and enjoying his childhood.

You don't have to put your kid through the wringer. You are choosing to run the rat race with your kid.

+1