Ever leave the DMV and see successful people who aren't this T20 college obsessed and wonder?

[Anonymous]

Send our kids to public high school. Not willing to go into debt for college as we have GI Bill. Post-military 450k HHI. Hoping one will follow in footsteps of spouse and go to a military academy. Absolutely mystified by the cutthroat parents here, as we have lived many places and nothing compares - and we have met and are friends with so many successful people that went to colleges that would disgust many on these boards. I think the perspective we gained from our many moves absolutely make us a lot more laissez-faire about college and our kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I grew up near Villanova and had an idyllic childhood without the obsession of DC, so know exactly what you're talking about. My husband grew up here, went to Big 3 and an Ivy League school. I begged for years to move to PA where we could live normally, but he would not consider it. For him, it's top 20 for our kids or they have failed. He actually said once, something along the lines of: "that way they never have to be embarrassed about telling anybody where they went to college. They can always hold their head high." I let him know that I have never once felt embarrassed about where I went and did he not realize that I am not remotely impressed by where he went either (I'm actually the main bread winner). It's insane. I hear you.

FWIW, there are a number of T20 alum in this bracket who cleave onto their BAs as they feel they have nothing left to brandish - they are average professionals making far less than their parents (in proportion to current costs for housing, etc) while working more hours to do it. I've now started replying when getting the shade about attending a school they've "never heard about" - "well, either my life has turned out spectacularly or yours hasn't given that we are now in same milieu."

Seriously, this is brilliant. I am going to use this on my friend - if I have to hear him talk about Cornell one more time I’m going to blow a gasket!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It really is about fit. My nephew, a recent graduate of Harvard, did not enjoy his experience there. He rarely talks about Harvard unless asked, and it's quite obvious he didn't enjoy his experience there even though he graduated summa cum laude. He feels that his parents "forced" him to go to Harvard (because it's Harvard) and to this day he has a somewhat strained relationship with them as HIS first choice was a intellectual small liberal arts college.

The handful I know who did not enjoy Harvard, Princeton and Cornell were hooked applicants who clearly did not measure up. They seem to have zero friends from college. That said, they all have cushy six-figure no show jobs, so I guess it worked out professionally.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Send our kids to public high school. Not willing to go into debt for college as we have GI Bill. Post-military 450k HHI. Hoping one will follow in footsteps of spouse and go to a military academy. Absolutely mystified by the cutthroat parents here, as we have lived many places and nothing compares - and we have met and are friends with so many successful people that went to colleges that would disgust many on these boards. I think the perspective we gained from our many moves absolutely make us a lot more laissez-faire about college and our kids.

If you are worried about going into debt on a $450k HHI sending your kid to college, you are bad with money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I grew up near Villanova and had an idyllic childhood without the obsession of DC, so know exactly what you're talking about. My husband grew up here, went to Big 3 and an Ivy League school. I begged for years to move to PA where we could live normally, but he would not consider it. For him, it's top 20 for our kids or they have failed. He actually said once, something along the lines of: "that way they never have to be embarrassed about telling anybody where they went to college. They can always hold their head high." I let him know that I have never once felt embarrassed about where I went and did he not realize that I am not remotely impressed by where he went either (I'm actually the main bread winner). It's insane. I hear you.

FWIW, there are a number of T20 alum in this bracket who cleave onto their BAs as they feel they have nothing left to brandish - they are average professionals making far less than their parents (in proportion to current costs for housing, etc) while working more hours to do it. I've now started replying when getting the shade about attending a school they've "never heard about" - "well, either my life has turned out spectacularly or yours hasn't given that we are now in same milieu."

Seriously, this is brilliant. I am going to use this on my friend - if I have to hear him talk about Cornell one more time I’m going to blow a gasket!

People who went to random state U feel perfectly justified to blather on ad nauseum about their football team but if someone mentions Cornell that big old chip on the shoulder gets even bigger.

[Anonymous]

My DC’s friend, a rising senior, was forbidden to include any public university on his college list. Parents went to ND and are status obsessed. I should have realized how narrowly they viewed my (very fine public university) education - just never imagined this kid would have the audacity to say it out loud. Now that they’ve seen the 2022 cycle in action, they are scrambling and deign to consider publics bc they see ND not likely in the cards. They are all over my kid and my alma mater in desperation for info that they wouldn’t have cared a whit about until reality hit them. They would be lucky to be accepted by my or any public. The shallowness and ignorance is stunning. I’m not sure how this advances the conversation but thanks all for listening
PS - OP I enjoyed reading the thread you started, with a lot of good perspectives shared. One thing I will add is that kids today are under so much pressure, that my DC tells me the kids themselves are hugely supportive of one another. They cheer for any acceptance their friends get, they are not status obsessed like many parents. They value happiness. Best to you all and a Happy 4th!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DC’s friend, a rising senior, was forbidden to include any public university on his college list. Parents went to ND and are status obsessed. I should have realized how narrowly they viewed my (very fine public university) education - just never imagined this kid would have the audacity to say it out loud. Now that they’ve seen the 2022 cycle in action, they are scrambling and deign to consider publics bc they see ND not likely in the cards. They are all over my kid and my alma mater in desperation for info that they wouldn’t have cared a whit about until reality hit them. They would be lucky to be accepted by my or any public. The shallowness and ignorance is stunning. I’m not sure how this advances the conversation but thanks all for listening
PS - OP I enjoyed reading the thread you started, with a lot of good perspectives shared. One thing I will add is that kids today are under so much pressure, that my DC tells me the kids themselves are hugely supportive of one another. They cheer for any acceptance their friends get, they are not status obsessed like many parents. They value happiness. Best to you all and a Happy 4th!

There are fine public universities, but if there's no significant difference in cost for me, I prefer private universities.
It's personal preferences, don't get so obsseed with other people's persoanal choices.

[Anonymous]

I don’t care about their personal preferences, it’s an eyeroll not an obsession. The messages entitled parents spread through the community via their children can have an effect on this whole process. Bless them. As I mentioned, the good news is this most recent class of seniors was hugely supportive of one another, despite their parents. My daughter is at one of the top privates - based on her merits, not mine. My son has done very well all around, he will apply to publics and privates. We don’t care, as long as they are happy. The point is the hypocrisy of Philistines.

[Anonymous]

We live in one of those neighborhoods here are are surrounded by the people stressing over which high school is the best option, then which college. DH went to community college then a small no name school. I went to a small no name Catholic college in a different part of the country. We both really liked our college experiences for different reasons and yes, we are living in your same neighborhood. Our kids go to the local publics and as long as they try in school and hand in the majority of assignments, we don’t put any pressure on them. We will support them if they want to go to a community college or any other school. Neither want the pressure cooker experience. You don’t have to do it here either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It really is about fit. My nephew, a recent graduate of Harvard, did not enjoy his experience there. He rarely talks about Harvard unless asked, and it's quite obvious he didn't enjoy his experience there even though he graduated summa cum laude. He feels that his parents "forced" him to go to Harvard (because it's Harvard) and to this day he has a somewhat strained relationship with them as HIS first choice was a intellectual small liberal arts college.

The handful I know who did not enjoy Harvard, Princeton and Cornell were hooked applicants who clearly did not measure up. They seem to have zero friends from college. That said, they all have cushy six-figure no show jobs, so I guess it worked out professionally. [/quote

He was valedictorian of his private HS and graduated Harvard Phi Beta Kappa so measuring up was clearly not the issue

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, do you honestly think the DC area is the only place obsessed with kids going to top colleges? I grew up in Westchester County, NY and NYC. The obsession is super strong in both places.

Interesting perspective, I had the opposite reaction when reading the OP - was she really surprised that there are many geographies outside of the DC area that offer the chance to have a very nice MC/UMC comfortable life, with less competition, pressure, and status-obsession? It's like the people in DC assume that anyone who chooses not to live in NYC, LA, DC, or SFO and not steer their children to the Ivy League is a poor semi-literate bumpkin. Then they happen to stumble across some of these 'mid-tier' city dwellers and are shocked to discover that they are successful, cultured, and *gasp* happy.

Anyway, I do not mean to come across as harsh or sarcastic to the OP, it is an interesting topic which has generated a lot of thoughtful discussion. My children are still quite young, however DH and I have no intention of steering them to an elite private school for either high school or college.

[Anonymous]

Dc went to an out of state state school. Occasionally mentioned here. Most of dc high school friends went to ivies, big name schools, fancy lacs. They all graduated in may, and dc is the only one with a job and a lucrative salary to be able to move out of our house and live by themselves. State school was definitely a good decision in our house.

[Anonymous]

My kid's top choices are Drexel, St. Joe's, Loyola MD, LaSalle, Seton Hall, Manhattan, U of Scranton. He has worked hard in high school but goes to a Catholic HS so doesn't have an inflated GPA. I don't understand the obsession with these top schools but I guess I don't have to. My neighbor is very concerned with name recognition and comments "Where is that?" and "What rank is that?" when I tell her about the schools my son has visited. I feel for her kid who would do well wherever she goes but her mom is too concerned about what people will say when she tells them where her kid goes to school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dc went to an out of state state school. Occasionally mentioned here. Most of dc high school friends went to ivies, big name schools, fancy lacs. They all graduated in may, and dc is the only one with a job and a lucrative salary to be able to move out of our house and live by themselves. State school was definitely a good decision in our house.

They probably majored in humanities art theater etc.
Major is more important for job placement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:From a Big 3, your kid could easily get into those schools and do great, and wouldn't have to kill themselves in high school to get there. The school shouldn't force you to apply to certain schools. Look for fit instead. Sometimes that's at a match or safety school and not a reach.

They don't. At least in the case of Sidwell, they would be a lot happier if people got off the Ivy-or-bust train.