Ever leave the DMV and see successful people who aren't this T20 college obsessed and wonder?

[Anonymous]

I'm spending the summer at the beach in south NJ.
I'm surrounded by grads from Villanova, St. Joes, Lasalle, Temple, Drexel etc. I knew them in passing (they're neighbors of my in-laws beach house) but now am immersed in their world.
They're all successful: doctors, business owners, many work in the pharmaceutical industry, etc.
These schools (especially the Catholic ones) have REALLY tight alumni networks. I'm always sitting on the beach next to a group of 3 or 5 families who met at St. Joes or Villanova.
Some are from the area, some came to these schools for elsewhere for college.
They're well-off, happy, successful. Some of them own a beach house, some are renting.

Meanwhile in the fall I"ll return to my DC house. My kids will return to their Big3 high school where they do 4 hours of homework a night in the hopes of getting in somewhere like Chicago
where they can do 4 more hours of homework a night.

Ever leave the DMV and see people (and their kids) living a MUCH nicer life than you are here and then wonder what the heck you are putting your kids through?
4 years of stressing about grades to get into a top university (example again--Chicago, Wash U, Cornell, wherever) which probably has half the quality of life of many other colleges so they can work really hard
for another 4 years? And meanwhile kids all over are living much easier lives and coming out at the SAME place in life.

My kids' course is set. I'm not pulling them out and we're not moving (they're in high school). They'll end up battling it out for a top 30 university admission because that is what is done at their Big3 school.
But if I had a do-over I really think I would.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm spending the summer at the beach in south NJ.
I'm surrounded by grads from Villanova, St. Joes, Lasalle, Temple, Drexel etc. I knew them in passing (they're neighbors of my in-laws beach house) but now am immersed in their world.
They're all successful: doctors, business owners, many work in the pharmaceutical industry, etc.
These schools (especially the Catholic ones) have REALLY tight alumni networks. I'm always sitting on the beach next to a group of 3 or 5 families who met at St. Joes or Villanova.
Some are from the area, some came to these schools for elsewhere for college.
They're well-off, happy, successful. Some of them own a beach house, some are renting.

Meanwhile in the fall I"ll return to my DC house. My kids will return to their Big3 high school where they do 4 hours of homework a night in the hopes of getting in somewhere like Chicago
where they can do 4 more hours of homework a night.

Ever leave the DMV and see people (and their kids) living a MUCH nicer life than you are here and then wonder what the heck you are putting your kids through?
4 years of stressing about grades to get into a top university (example again--Chicago, Wash U, Cornell, wherever) which probably has half the quality of life of many other colleges so they can work really hard
for another 4 years? And meanwhile kids all over are living much easier lives and coming out at the SAME place in life.

My kids' course is set. I'm not pulling them out and we're not moving (they're in high school). They'll end up battling it out for a top 30 university admission because that is what is done at their Big3 school.
But if I had a do-over I really think I would.

These are the wealthy children of other doctors/business owners, and they are replicating their parents lifestyle.

Those folks who are obsessed with T20 are about advancing their children beyond their own class (in our case, we grew up LMC, are DCUM MC (barely UMC on a good day), and hope for our kids to be UMC and have such luxuries as getting to SAH and have short commutes, etc).

[Anonymous]

I grew up near Villanova and had an idyllic childhood without the obsession of DC, so know exactly what you're talking about. My husband grew up here, went to Big 3 and an Ivy League school. I begged for years to move to PA where we could live normally, but he would not consider it. For him, it's top 20 for our kids or they have failed. He actually said once, something along the lines of: "that way they never have to be embarrassed about telling anybody where they went to college. They can always hold their head high." I let him know that I have never once felt embarrassed about where I went and did he not realize that I am not remotely impressed by where he went either (I'm actually the main bread winner). It's insane. I hear you.

[Anonymous]

Welcome to the world outside the bubble. It's unfortunate you fell in the trap but at least you are having a zeitgeist moment and will get a do over. Maybe when it comes time for college you will steer your kids where they will be happy as opposed to highest ranked school.

[Anonymous]

Show your kids the website below. It might help them realize what you're wishing they knew. The Lists section is especially useful to show teenagers to emphasize the point you're making about your acquaintances at the beach.

https://lesshighschoolstress.com/

[Anonymous]

The upper class Catholic families are very tight. No different from the WASP ones further North. But unless you marry in, you'll never be in.

[Anonymous]

From a Big 3, your kid could easily get into those schools and do great, and wouldn't have to kill themselves in high school to get there. The school shouldn't force you to apply to certain schools. Look for fit instead. Sometimes that's at a match or safety school and not a reach.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm spending the summer at the beach in south NJ.
I'm surrounded by grads from Villanova, St. Joes, Lasalle, Temple, Drexel etc. I knew them in passing (they're neighbors of my in-laws beach house) but now am immersed in their world.
They're all successful: doctors, business owners, many work in the pharmaceutical industry, etc.
These schools (especially the Catholic ones) have REALLY tight alumni networks. I'm always sitting on the beach next to a group of 3 or 5 families who met at St. Joes or Villanova.
Some are from the area, some came to these schools for elsewhere for college.
They're well-off, happy, successful. Some of them own a beach house, some are renting.

Meanwhile in the fall I"ll return to my DC house. My kids will return to their Big3 high school where they do 4 hours of homework a night in the hopes of getting in somewhere like Chicago
where they can do 4 more hours of homework a night.

Ever leave the DMV and see people (and their kids) living a MUCH nicer life than you are here and then wonder what the heck you are putting your kids through?
4 years of stressing about grades to get into a top university (example again--Chicago, Wash U, Cornell, wherever) which probably has half the quality of life of many other colleges so they can work really hard
for another 4 years? And meanwhile kids all over are living much easier lives and coming out at the SAME place in life.

My kids' course is set. I'm not pulling them out and we're not moving (they're in high school). They'll end up battling it out for a top 30 university admission because that is what is done at their Big3 school.
But if I had a do-over I really think I would.

These are the wealthy children of other doctors/business owners, and they are replicating their parents lifestyle.

Those folks who are obsessed with T20 are about advancing their children beyond their own class (in our case, we grew up LMC, are DCUM MC (barely UMC on a good day), and hope for our kids to be UMC and have such luxuries as getting to SAH and have short commutes, etc).

OP here. I beg to differ. If anything, far more in this world have blue collar roots than my world in the DMV. For example, a dad who worked in the construction industry (not as a laborer but not as a company owner or executive) or who was a CPA (not blue collar job but by no means an executive).
They grew up middle class. Real middle class--not DCUM $400K/year middle class.

[Anonymous]

Ugh OP. I escaped that. Glad to be in DC. Never want to go back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The upper class Catholic families are very tight. No different from the WASP ones further North. But unless you marry in, you'll never be in.

Some are in the Catholic bubble which I agree exists. I'm seeing similar networks from Temple too. Heck, even West Chester and Delaware.


Also--I know quite a few examples of people who joined the "bubble" through attending college. Maybe there are a few St. Joes or Villanova grads who only associate with their kindergarten friends
but many I know up here met IN COLLEGE and many are not even Catholic.

Anyway, the DMV seems to have every rationale in the book as to why "attending a top20 college is the only way to health, wealth or happiness." It's simply striking to leave this mindset for a bit.

[Anonymous]

My kid got into a T30 school, but chose #49 school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm spending the summer at the beach in south NJ.
I'm surrounded by grads from Villanova, St. Joes, Lasalle, Temple, Drexel etc. I knew them in passing (they're neighbors of my in-laws beach house) but now am immersed in their world.
They're all successful: doctors, business owners, many work in the pharmaceutical industry, etc.
These schools (especially the Catholic ones) have REALLY tight alumni networks. I'm always sitting on the beach next to a group of 3 or 5 families who met at St. Joes or Villanova.
Some are from the area, some came to these schools for elsewhere for college.
They're well-off, happy, successful. Some of them own a beach house, some are renting.

Meanwhile in the fall I"ll return to my DC house. My kids will return to their Big3 high school where they do 4 hours of homework a night in the hopes of getting in somewhere like Chicago
where they can do 4 more hours of homework a night.

Ever leave the DMV and see people (and their kids) living a MUCH nicer life than you are here and then wonder what the heck you are putting your kids through?
4 years of stressing about grades to get into a top university (example again--Chicago, Wash U, Cornell, wherever) which probably has half the quality of life of many other colleges so they can work really hard
for another 4 years? And meanwhile kids all over are living much easier lives and coming out at the SAME place in life.

My kids' course is set. I'm not pulling them out and we're not moving (they're in high school). They'll end up battling it out for a top 30 university admission because that is what is done at their Big3 school.
But if I had a do-over I really think I would.

I grew up in that world. I graduated from Public High School and attended a SLAC, not in the top 100, I still went to an excellent grad school, top 25 in its field, and earned a PhD. I make a very comfortable salary. That is why I am not obsessed with private school, I know that DS will receive a good education in Public School because the schools in FCPS are good to great. I know that I am an involved parent and if I think he needs something different then Public School that I will look at moving him. We support his interests and activities. I know from my own experience, and y families experience, that you can do amazing things and be very successful without attending a prestige school.

We are more focused on DS being exposed to a variety of activities (sports, music, and academic) and enjoying his childhood.

You don't have to put your kid through the wringer. You are choosing to run the rat race with your kid.

[Anonymous]

Most people I know here just think getting in to a T20 school is very lucky but will probably not happen for their child. We are lucky to have lots of good state schools and other options that are more likely.

Maybe OP is referring the the world of private school kids?

[Anonymous]

OP, there are plenty of us in the DC area who already know this and haven’t bought into the “Big 3” or top 20 or bust mentality. Life is (hopefully) long and I hope my kids continue to learn, have fun and be happy.

[also I am pretty sure I would never be accepted in the group you described — it sounds pretty insular].

[Anonymous]

Yup. My company (Fortune 500, regional but at least 1000 employees) recently updated its website to include short bios for senior leadership. Only 1 person from a top 10 school. The rest were state schools DCUM doesn’t find impressive - Rutgers, UDel, even a Towson alum in the mix.