Ever leave the DMV and see successful people who aren't this T20 college obsessed and wonder?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid got into a T30 school, but chose #49 school.

We are along the same lines as you. they decided they wanted better weather, to be around nice people and be happy. The rest will fall into place.

Our DS did the same. Happiness/Fit over rank every day of the week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's family money that makes it all happen, OP. If you don't have any, it doesn't help have a comfortable life.

This is not true in my lived experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - I am not Catholic but went to a different Catholic school than the ones you listed. The network was amazing, the community was amazing. I am successful and not because I came from parents who were doctors. I received a great education and was able to choose my path forward.

Again, that is not the Philly Catholic school crowd that OP is “summering” with. She’s with rich people who came from rich people. Maybe not all of them but the vast majority. Trust me. I know of what I speak.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I grew up on one of the nicest South Jersey shore towns, probably very close to where you are spending the summer, and I still have family there. I know exactly the kind of people you see around you, and here’s the thing: your sample is skewed. There are rich people everywhere and who send their kids to every school, and what you’re seeing are the rich people from Philly who went to and are sending their kids to Big Five schools. Not everyone who goes to those schools ends up as rich as the ones you are seeing. Not everyone from Philly has a house at the shore either.

There are plenty of rich people in the DC area who didn’t go to top 20 colleges either.

+1

I grew up near there and there were parents obsessed with T20 schools back in the 80s. Granted it was much easier to get it back then, but it was a given that some kids were going to attend certain schools. We had a bunch head to Ivy League schools.

Many of my NY/Boston friends have an even more intense attitude to college.

The DC area is just like other affluent areas around the US.

[Anonymous]

I think OP needs to come up with a better example of the “regular world” than rich Catholic families from Philadelphia spending the summer at the Jersey shore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'll give you another story.

I grew up solidly middle class. My parents were lower-middle class. When my sibling and I graduated from T10 universities, the entire trajectory of our family changed for the better. We are now solidly upper/upper-middle class, in extremely well-paying, "prestigious", creative white collar jobs, and I'm 100% positive that my sibling and I were only able to achieve our present stature because of where we went to school.

Some of us don't have the privilege of going to a no-name school and coasting off of our parents' connections and networks (or institutional knowledge).

I am happy for you. But I'll give you another story. The highest mobility rates do NOT come from the elite schools, but rather "no-name" schools.
https://www.usnews.com/best-colleges/rankings/national-universities/social-mobility

[Anonymous]

Yes. And contrary to the PP who said in the DMV it's all MC and LMC people trying to advance their kids -- people do this differently in other parts of the country. Even when they are LMC or MC and trying to help their kids climb an income ladder. In fact, in many parts of the country, the focus for college is on finding a way to get a good education that will get you the credentials you need to create a stable and financially rewarding career, without simply buying into prestige rankings or name recognition.

A major difference, though, is that DC has an extremely credential-focused economy and there is a perception that a degree from a "top" school is the only way to stand out in a sea of graduates from the Ivies, top/nationally recognized public flagship, and elite/highly competitive SLACs. Outside the DMV, the calculus is very different. Going to a T20 for its own sake might impress people, but it's not automatically considered the best (or only good) option. Lots of terrific state flagships, as well as smaller state schools that have well-respected departments in specific specialties, many of which have pipelines into industry in those states, including plenty of high-paying international companies and firms.

One thing I've noticed outside the DMV is that people, even young people, tend to view entrepreneurship as a more accessible possibility than here. And in many ways it is more accessible. Start up costs for a new business in the DMV can be daunting, and the market can be competitive. But that's not true elsewhere. I also think that the further west you live, the stronger the idea that you make your own way through life and in your career, rather than simply going to the "right" schools and having the way paved for you by your credentials.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think OP needs to come up with a better example of the “regular world” than rich Catholic families from Philadelphia spending the summer at the Jersey shore.

whoosh. I think the point was not that these are "regular people". They're obviously rich. But rather that in the regular world even really rich people recognize that it is NOT necessary to go to a top school to achieve great success.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I grew up on one of the nicest South Jersey shore towns, probably very close to where you are spending the summer, and I still have family there. I know exactly the kind of people you see around you, and here’s the thing: your sample is skewed. There are rich people everywhere and who send their kids to every school, and what you’re seeing are the rich people from Philly who went to and are sending their kids to Big Five schools. Not everyone who goes to those schools ends up as rich as the ones you are seeing. Not everyone from Philly has a house at the shore either.

There are plenty of rich people in the DC area who didn’t go to top 20 colleges either.

+1

I grew up near there and there were parents obsessed with T20 schools back in the 80s. Granted it was much easier to get it back then, but it was a given that some kids were going to attend certain schools. We had a bunch head to Ivy League schools.

Many of my NY/Boston friends have an even more intense attitude to college.

The DC area is just like other affluent areas around the US.

I’m the poster who is calling the OP out on this, and I agree with you. I just wanted to add that, while there are plenty of big Catholic families in the Philly area who are not obsessed with the Ivies, it’s only because they don’t have to be. They’re rich and connected and their kids are going to be fine going to a Big Five school. They will be taken care of.

Beach houses in towns like Avalon and Stone Harbor go for $2 million to $10 million plus. They’re much more expensive than the Delaware and Maryland beaches. People own them as second homes, and many are not rented out. These are seriously rich people.

So much for OP’s “regular world.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think OP needs to come up with a better example of the “regular world” than rich Catholic families from Philadelphia spending the summer at the Jersey shore.

whoosh. I think the point was not that these are "regular people". They're obviously rich. But rather that in the regular world even really rich people recognize that it is NOT necessary to go to a top school to achieve great success.

Because they don’t have to worry about it. They are connected in far more ways than OP knows. OP has no idea. She’s not a full member of that world, and she doesn’t really understand it. I’m sorry, but she just doesn’t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm spending the summer at the beach in south NJ.
I'm surrounded by grads from Villanova, St. Joes, Lasalle, Temple, Drexel etc. I knew them in passing (they're neighbors of my in-laws beach house) but now am immersed in their world.
They're all successful: doctors, business owners, many work in the pharmaceutical industry, etc.
These schools (especially the Catholic ones) have REALLY tight alumni networks. I'm always sitting on the beach next to a group of 3 or 5 families who met at St. Joes or Villanova.
Some are from the area, some came to these schools for elsewhere for college.
They're well-off, happy, successful. Some of them own a beach house, some are renting.

Meanwhile in the fall I"ll return to my DC house. My kids will return to their Big3 high school where they do 4 hours of homework a night in the hopes of getting in somewhere like Chicago
where they can do 4 more hours of homework a night.

Ever leave the DMV and see people (and their kids) living a MUCH nicer life than you are here and then wonder what the heck you are putting your kids through?
4 years of stressing about grades to get into a top university (example again--Chicago, Wash U, Cornell, wherever) which probably has half the quality of life of many other colleges so they can work really hard
for another 4 years? And meanwhile kids all over are living much easier lives and coming out at the SAME place in life.

My kids' course is set. I'm not pulling them out and we're not moving (they're in high school). They'll end up battling it out for a top 30 university admission because that is what is done at their Big3 school.
But if I had a do-over I really think I would.

These are the wealthy children of other doctors/business owners, and they are replicating their parents lifestyle.

Those folks who are obsessed with T20 are about advancing their children beyond their own class (in our case, we grew up LMC, are DCUM MC (barely UMC on a good day), and hope for our kids to be UMC and have such luxuries as getting to SAH and have short commutes, etc).

OP here. I beg to differ. If anything, far more in this world have blue collar roots than my world in the DMV. For example, a dad who worked in the construction industry (not as a laborer but not as a company owner or executive) or who was a CPA (not blue collar job but by no means an executive).
They grew up middle class. Real middle class--not DCUM $400K/year middle class.

And what about their spouse’s family? And seriously, a CPA is generally very comfortable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I grew up on one of the nicest South Jersey shore towns, probably very close to where you are spending the summer, and I still have family there. I know exactly the kind of people you see around you, and here’s the thing: your sample is skewed. There are rich people everywhere and who send their kids to every school, and what you’re seeing are the rich people from Philly who went to and are sending their kids to Big Five schools. Not everyone who goes to those schools ends up as rich as the ones you are seeing. Not everyone from Philly has a house at the shore either.

There are plenty of rich people in the DC area who didn’t go to top 20 colleges either.

+1

I grew up near there and there were parents obsessed with T20 schools back in the 80s. Granted it was much easier to get it back then, but it was a given that some kids were going to attend certain schools. We had a bunch head to Ivy League schools.

Many of my NY/Boston friends have an even more intense attitude to college.

The DC area is just like other affluent areas around the US.

I’m the poster who is calling the OP out on this, and I agree with you. I just wanted to add that, while there are plenty of big Catholic families in the Philly area who are not obsessed with the Ivies, it’s only because they don’t have to be. They’re rich and connected and their kids are going to be fine going to a Big Five school. They will be taken care of.

Beach houses in towns like Avalon and Stone Harbor go for $2 million to $10 million plus. They’re much more expensive than the Delaware and Maryland beaches. People own them as second homes, and many are not rented out. These are seriously rich people.

So much for OP’s “regular world.”

OP here. I'm not in Avalon or Stone Harbor but am in OCNJ. Sure, there is money here but you are taking "Jersey Shore" and immediately assuming I mean the wealthiest shores towns in NJ.

Also, i said it above but will reiterate, some of these families I am speaking of come from money but most do not. Some are Catholic but some are not.
Believe what you wish. I am not creating a narrative out of thin air to stir the pot.
There are many kids who achieve first-generation success (as measured by a high level job, high quality of life) without having attended one of the top 50 universities.
I know this runs contrary to the DCUM narrative. But it should make us all feel BETTER! Not worse. Our kids (if they work hard) will be OKAY regardless of where they attend college. I know most of us know this (in theory) but the stress to
achieve admission at one school or another is high around the DMV. At the Big3 (which I mentioned because its my world here and a unique world at that) it can be stifling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I grew up near Villanova and had an idyllic childhood without the obsession of DC, so know exactly what you're talking about. My husband grew up here, went to Big 3 and an Ivy League school. I begged for years to move to PA where we could live normally, but he would not consider it. For him, it's top 20 for our kids or they have failed. He actually said once, something along the lines of: "that way they never have to be embarrassed about telling anybody where they went to college. They can always hold their head high." I let him know that I have never once felt embarrassed about where I went and did he not realize that I am not remotely impressed by where he went either (I'm actually the main bread winner). It's insane. I hear you.

I went to community college and have an associates degree. I have never been embarrassed about telling anyone that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think OP needs to come up with a better example of the “regular world” than rich Catholic families from Philadelphia spending the summer at the Jersey shore.

whoosh. I think the point was not that these are "regular people". They're obviously rich. But rather that in the regular world even really rich people recognize that it is NOT necessary to go to a top school to achieve great success.

Because they don’t have to worry about it. They are connected in far more ways than OP knows. OP has no idea. She’s not a full member of that world, and she doesn’t really understand it. I’m sorry, but she just doesn’t.

lol. and the people in dc freaking out about OMG TOP 20 schools are working class schmucks?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I grew up on one of the nicest South Jersey shore towns, probably very close to where you are spending the summer, and I still have family there. I know exactly the kind of people you see around you, and here’s the thing: your sample is skewed. There are rich people everywhere and who send their kids to every school, and what you’re seeing are the rich people from Philly who went to and are sending their kids to Big Five schools. Not everyone who goes to those schools ends up as rich as the ones you are seeing. Not everyone from Philly has a house at the shore either.

There are plenty of rich people in the DC area who didn’t go to top 20 colleges either.

+1

I grew up near there and there were parents obsessed with T20 schools back in the 80s. Granted it was much easier to get it back then, but it was a given that some kids were going to attend certain schools. We had a bunch head to Ivy League schools.

Many of my NY/Boston friends have an even more intense attitude to college.

The DC area is just like other affluent areas around the US.

I’m the poster who is calling the OP out on this, and I agree with you. I just wanted to add that, while there are plenty of big Catholic families in the Philly area who are not obsessed with the Ivies, it’s only because they don’t have to be. They’re rich and connected and their kids are going to be fine going to a Big Five school. They will be taken care of.

Beach houses in towns like Avalon and Stone Harbor go for $2 million to $10 million plus. They’re much more expensive than the Delaware and Maryland beaches. People own them as second homes, and many are not rented out. These are seriously rich people.

So much for OP’s “regular world.”

OP here. I'm not in Avalon or Stone Harbor but am in OCNJ. Sure, there is money here but you are taking "Jersey Shore" and immediately assuming I mean the wealthiest shores towns in NJ.

Also, i said it above but will reiterate, some of these families I am speaking of come from money but most do not. Some are Catholic but some are not.
Believe what you wish. I am not creating a narrative out of thin air to stir the pot.
There are many kids who achieve first-generation success (as measured by a high level job, high quality of life) without having attended one of the top 50 universities.
I know this runs contrary to the DCUM narrative. But it should make us all feel BETTER! Not worse. Our kids (if they work hard) will be OKAY regardless of where they attend college. I know most of us know this (in theory) but the stress to
achieve admission at one school or another is high around the DMV. At the Big3 (which I mentioned because its my world here and a unique world at that) it can be stifling.

Thanks for clearing that up, OP. Now I agree with you, but only because Ocean City is a step (or two) below most of the shore towns below and above it as well as the Delaware beaches. So, yea, you’re not hanging out with the rich. At all. So, yea, it’s different than your “Big 3” world. But that’s on you. You made your choice.