Having a hard time coping with being cut out of my sibling's life

[Anonymous]

The most important detail in the thread is "my mother is a narcissist."

OP, your brother is the golden child and you are the scapegoat. Stay away from these people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, it seems like maybe you were the dramatic one. You had a crisis, then relied on your sibling to refer you to a family friend/get the family friend’s advice. It sounds like you’re sibling actually did what you asked (idk why you think “they had no intention of helping you”) you just didn’t like the advice the family friend gave nor the timeliness of it (not your sibling’s fault). And then you freaked out because your time was up, even though you had had 2 weeks to figure it out (your fault). Again, it sounds like your sibling did what they were asked, so I could see them being frustrated with you when you took out your stress/anger on them. The rest of the family still supporting your sibling seems to suggest they don’t think what the sibling did was that bad, either. Your sibling clearly didn’t perform above and beyond like you expected them to (and your hurt feelings are valid if you thought your relationship was stronger/you could rely on them) but maybe you overreacted…?

omg this was FOUR YEARS AGO
it is completely irrelevant whether OP yelled for a reason or with no good reason. the whole family is cutting one person out because of this nothing burger. why can't they all just move on? what kind of family excludes members over stuff like this?

Because it was probably the last straw and OP has been vague about what she actually said or did. She hasn't taken responsibility for not taking care of her legal issues which were probably of her own making in the first place and blames her brother for not hopping to it to solve her self made problems. I'd distance myself from a needy, helpless, vampire like that too. He has his own family and problems and doesn't need his sister bringing him down. There's obviously more to the story.

I’m following this thread since I relate to aspects of it and it’s amazing how posters like you are attacking the OP as a user and vampire even though the OP has clearly stated they don’t ask for help very often. Also, the sibling OFFERED to help and could have rescinded the offer at any time.

And since when is asking for help a crime or being a vampire?!? I read on this forum and elsewhere all the time “ask for help”, “don’t see asking for help as a sign of weakness”, “accept help when offered” …. And then you are bludgeoned and flamed if you do! WTF.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is not your siblings fault. You should have secured an attorney in the meantime, just in case, and you could have switched if your sibling pulled through. But, come on, you dropped the ball and twiddled your thumbs in the midst of your own emergency.

Perhaps. And I regret not getting an attorney right away. I took my sinking at their word and was afraid to seek another attorney after sinking became angry with me for being impatient. I didn’t want them to be angry. Of course now I see the irony of that and regret it deeply.

That's just now how these things works. It's not like a recommendation for a plumber. If you have a crisis you need to act fast, ask multiple people for referrals, do your own research, you have to look out for yourself as an adult.

I hear you and I certainly regret not being more proactive. I was stunned by the crisis and was grateful for the help. It taught me a lesson that I quite literally paid dearly for. And for me, I don't offer help unless I can follow through and/or communicate if I can't deliver the help I promised. With that, the fact that my sibling didn't simply come to me and say that attorney friend couldn't / wouldn't assist is a mystery.

People are flaky. When someone says they can help, or "have a guy" more often than not they aren't going to follow through on that, even family. It's nice if they do, but I wouldn't sit back and wait for the help to come pouring in. If this was a serious legal issue you would probably want to go with a trusted name, someone successful in that area of expertise, not just some rando your sibling knows. Same for any serious medical issues. This situation called for more proaction, which obviously now you are aware. But, again, what exactly did you say or do after this didn't pan out the way you wanted? You must have seriously offended and insulted your sibling over something that was a crisis on your end, not theirs.

This wasn't a "rando" - to the contrary. This attorney friend is well-regarded. Again, the offer was one the sibling made and I could have and would have paid for counsel. My expectation wasn't free legal advice. Again, would do it differently next time.

When my sibling announced that attorney friend said "it's not a thing" - advice that isn't accurate or credible - and time had run out for more substantive advice, I was upset yes. I asked my sibling why they didn't say something earlier if they weren't able to get more substantive guidance. Yes, I was upset, I was in tears and exhausted from a two-week period that was incredibly stressful. My sibling also knew what was at stake - one of the reasons they offered to assist initially.

To your point that it was a crisis on my end, yes it was. My sibling offered to help - I didn't ask for help initially. If the roles were reversed, I would want to help my sibling in a time of crisis. While my sibling doesn't owe me anything, I've also been there for them during numerous crises in their lives. I rarely - if ever - ask for help from them.

for the love of everything holy, just say "he" and "my brother" Stop with the "they" and "my sibling"...it's crazy-making. you already slipped up and did so in a previous post anyway. sigh.

What is your problem? You are having a very exaggerated response to a non-issue. Crazy-making!?! OPs post are just fine, I didn't even notice they didn't reference gender until your bizarre reaction.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is it possible that you have too many crisis situations and the sibling felt you were the toxic one? Have you tried to make amends?

Exactly this is way too much drama. OP can see the other family on other days, or travel to see them. Cut the losses with the sibling and put all that effort into friends, kids, etc.

I feel like a lot of this is self inflicted.

[Anonymous]

OP it's hard but I would suggest take a long break from these people and focusing on healing the parts and patterns in you affected & created by abuse. After that you will feel neutral and either be fine to see them once and awhile, or decide to no longer engage at all.

You can't wish them into changing. Spend a little time with grief but the reality is this IS your family. You will feel better accepting that and not mourning who they aren't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, it seems like maybe you were the dramatic one. You had a crisis, then relied on your sibling to refer you to a family friend/get the family friend’s advice. It sounds like you’re sibling actually did what you asked (idk why you think “they had no intention of helping you”) you just didn’t like the advice the family friend gave nor the timeliness of it (not your sibling’s fault). And then you freaked out because your time was up, even though you had had 2 weeks to figure it out (your fault). Again, it sounds like your sibling did what they were asked, so I could see them being frustrated with you when you took out your stress/anger on them. The rest of the family still supporting your sibling seems to suggest they don’t think what the sibling did was that bad, either. Your sibling clearly didn’t perform above and beyond like you expected them to (and your hurt feelings are valid if you thought your relationship was stronger/you could rely on them) but maybe you overreacted…?

omg this was FOUR YEARS AGO
it is completely irrelevant whether OP yelled for a reason or with no good reason. the whole family is cutting one person out because of this nothing burger. why can't they all just move on? what kind of family excludes members over stuff like this?

Because it was probably the last straw and OP has been vague about what she actually said or did. She hasn't taken responsibility for not taking care of her legal issues which were probably of her own making in the first place and blames her brother for not hopping to it to solve her self made problems. I'd distance myself from a needy, helpless, vampire like that too. He has his own family and problems and doesn't need his sister bringing him down. There's obviously more to the story.

I’m following this thread since I relate to aspects of it and it’s amazing how posters like you are attacking the OP as a user and vampire even though the OP has clearly stated they don’t ask for help very often. Also, the sibling OFFERED to help and could have rescinded the offer at any time.

And since when is asking for help a crime or being a vampire?!? I read on this forum and elsewhere all the time “ask for help”, “don’t see asking for help as a sign of weakness”, “accept help when offered” …. And then you are bludgeoned and flamed if you do! WTF.

WTF indeed. When you ask for help and someone offers but then you call, harass, and harangue them to hurry up because you are on a deadline, then, you are the a-hole. If you want something done right, do it yourself. If should have been obvious that the clock was ticking and OP needed to put her big girl panties on and clean up her own mess. Would have been nice to get help, but again, it's her life and problem and she's ultimately responsible. What would you do if someone went off on you when you didn't help fast enough to clean up a mess of their own making?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, it seems like maybe you were the dramatic one. You had a crisis, then relied on your sibling to refer you to a family friend/get the family friend’s advice. It sounds like you’re sibling actually did what you asked (idk why you think “they had no intention of helping you”) you just didn’t like the advice the family friend gave nor the timeliness of it (not your sibling’s fault). And then you freaked out because your time was up, even though you had had 2 weeks to figure it out (your fault). Again, it sounds like your sibling did what they were asked, so I could see them being frustrated with you when you took out your stress/anger on them. The rest of the family still supporting your sibling seems to suggest they don’t think what the sibling did was that bad, either. Your sibling clearly didn’t perform above and beyond like you expected them to (and your hurt feelings are valid if you thought your relationship was stronger/you could rely on them) but maybe you overreacted…?

omg this was FOUR YEARS AGO
it is completely irrelevant whether OP yelled for a reason or with no good reason. the whole family is cutting one person out because of this nothing burger. why can't they all just move on? what kind of family excludes members over stuff like this?

Because it was probably the last straw and OP has been vague about what she actually said or did. She hasn't taken responsibility for not taking care of her legal issues which were probably of her own making in the first place and blames her brother for not hopping to it to solve her self made problems. I'd distance myself from a needy, helpless, vampire like that too. He has his own family and problems and doesn't need his sister bringing him down. There's obviously more to the story.

I’m following this thread since I relate to aspects of it and it’s amazing how posters like you are attacking the OP as a user and vampire even though the OP has clearly stated they don’t ask for help very often. Also, the sibling OFFERED to help and could have rescinded the offer at any time.

And since when is asking for help a crime or being a vampire?!? I read on this forum and elsewhere all the time “ask for help”, “don’t see asking for help as a sign of weakness”, “accept help when offered” …. And then you are bludgeoned and flamed if you do! WTF.

WTF indeed. When you ask for help and someone offers but then you call, harass, and harangue them to hurry up because you are on a deadline, then, you are the a-hole. If you want something done right, do it yourself. If should have been obvious that the clock was ticking and OP needed to put her big girl panties on and clean up her own mess. Would have been nice to get help, but again, it's her life and problem and she's ultimately responsible. What would you do if someone went off on you when you didn't help fast enough to clean up a mess of their own making?

while agree that, four years ago, OP needed to pursue other solutions and not wait for her brother's lead to pan out, it is vicious to cut off a sibling over this and, even more so, to tolerate a child who cut off contact with one's other child over this. if one of my children wanted to cut off their siblings over such minor (relatively speaking, especially after several years) event, I would absolutely not tolerate it. as I said, at this point, it is completely irrelevant who was to blame for the event from four years ago. the person who still holds the grudge and excludes a family member and her kids because of it, is the evil one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, it seems like maybe you were the dramatic one. You had a crisis, then relied on your sibling to refer you to a family friend/get the family friend’s advice. It sounds like you’re sibling actually did what you asked (idk why you think “they had no intention of helping you”) you just didn’t like the advice the family friend gave nor the timeliness of it (not your sibling’s fault). And then you freaked out because your time was up, even though you had had 2 weeks to figure it out (your fault). Again, it sounds like your sibling did what they were asked, so I could see them being frustrated with you when you took out your stress/anger on them. The rest of the family still supporting your sibling seems to suggest they don’t think what the sibling did was that bad, either. Your sibling clearly didn’t perform above and beyond like you expected them to (and your hurt feelings are valid if you thought your relationship was stronger/you could rely on them) but maybe you overreacted…?

omg this was FOUR YEARS AGO
it is completely irrelevant whether OP yelled for a reason or with no good reason. the whole family is cutting one person out because of this nothing burger. why can't they all just move on? what kind of family excludes members over stuff like this?

Because it was probably the last straw and OP has been vague about what she actually said or did. She hasn't taken responsibility for not taking care of her legal issues which were probably of her own making in the first place and blames her brother for not hopping to it to solve her self made problems. I'd distance myself from a needy, helpless, vampire like that too. He has his own family and problems and doesn't need his sister bringing him down. There's obviously more to the story.

I’m following this thread since I relate to aspects of it and it’s amazing how posters like you are attacking the OP as a user and vampire even though the OP has clearly stated they don’t ask for help very often. Also, the sibling OFFERED to help and could have rescinded the offer at any time.

And since when is asking for help a crime or being a vampire?!? I read on this forum and elsewhere all the time “ask for help”, “don’t see asking for help as a sign of weakness”, “accept help when offered” …. And then you are bludgeoned and flamed if you do! WTF.

WTF indeed. When you ask for help and someone offers but then you call, harass, and harangue them to hurry up because you are on a deadline, then, you are the a-hole. If you want something done right, do it yourself. If should have been obvious that the clock was ticking and OP needed to put her big girl panties on and clean up her own mess. Would have been nice to get help, but again, it's her life and problem and she's ultimately responsible. What would you do if someone went off on you when you didn't help fast enough to clean up a mess of their own making?

I think you’re projecting a ton onto the OP that they didn’t do. Don’t recall the part, for example, where they harassed the sibling or told them to hurry up. Also the OP suggested they find their own attorney and it sounds like backed off that when the sibling got angry.

Yes, of course, clean up your own mess but isn’t the idea of asking for or accepting help that you get help. It’s crazy that we preach that people accept help or ask for help and then, in the same breath, tell them to do it themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:sorry, but I can't get through your post. your determination to keep gender out of it and not offer any specifics makes it super hard to follow.

I agree. Can you try again just using normal language? What was the time sensitive crisis? Have you tried writing to your sibling? Have you tried asking these family members that are in touch if there is an opening for you to reconnect with your sibling?

I haven't tried writing to my sibling, no. I texted them once when our mother experienced a medical emergency and was brought to the ER and never heard back. I reached out at that time to another family member to ask if they could relay the message and then learned from that family member that my sibling has blocked my number - something apparently well known to members of the family other than me.

I was told by this family member that my sibling had put my email address in "junk/delete" status. The sibling apparently told this family member that even if I was dying of cancer they would not want to hear from me again. So, with that, I have not reached out.

I've also avoided bringing this topic up with my family - to inquire, as you suggest, about an opening - because I believe it would make people uncomfortable and/or that it would spur gossip / drama that I'm trying to avoid.

It's apparent that there is much more to this story than you are telling us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, it seems like maybe you were the dramatic one. You had a crisis, then relied on your sibling to refer you to a family friend/get the family friend’s advice. It sounds like you’re sibling actually did what you asked (idk why you think “they had no intention of helping you”) you just didn’t like the advice the family friend gave nor the timeliness of it (not your sibling’s fault). And then you freaked out because your time was up, even though you had had 2 weeks to figure it out (your fault). Again, it sounds like your sibling did what they were asked, so I could see them being frustrated with you when you took out your stress/anger on them. The rest of the family still supporting your sibling seems to suggest they don’t think what the sibling did was that bad, either. Your sibling clearly didn’t perform above and beyond like you expected them to (and your hurt feelings are valid if you thought your relationship was stronger/you could rely on them) but maybe you overreacted…?

omg this was FOUR YEARS AGO
it is completely irrelevant whether OP yelled for a reason or with no good reason. the whole family is cutting one person out because of this nothing burger. why can't they all just move on? what kind of family excludes members over stuff like this?

Because it was probably the last straw and OP has been vague about what she actually said or did. She hasn't taken responsibility for not taking care of her legal issues which were probably of her own making in the first place and blames her brother for not hopping to it to solve her self made problems. I'd distance myself from a needy, helpless, vampire like that too. He has his own family and problems and doesn't need his sister bringing him down. There's obviously more to the story.

I’m following this thread since I relate to aspects of it and it’s amazing how posters like you are attacking the OP as a user and vampire even though the OP has clearly stated they don’t ask for help very often. Also, the sibling OFFERED to help and could have rescinded the offer at any time.

And since when is asking for help a crime or being a vampire?!? I read on this forum and elsewhere all the time “ask for help”, “don’t see asking for help as a sign of weakness”, “accept help when offered” …. And then you are bludgeoned and flamed if you do! WTF.

WTF indeed. When you ask for help and someone offers but then you call, harass, and harangue them to hurry up because you are on a deadline, then, you are the a-hole. If you want something done right, do it yourself. If should have been obvious that the clock was ticking and OP needed to put her big girl panties on and clean up her own mess. Would have been nice to get help, but again, it's her life and problem and she's ultimately responsible. What would you do if someone went off on you when you didn't help fast enough to clean up a mess of their own making?

while agree that, four years ago, OP needed to pursue other solutions and not wait for her brother's lead to pan out, it is vicious to cut off a sibling over this and, even more so, to tolerate a child who cut off contact with one's other child over this. if one of my children wanted to cut off their siblings over such minor (relatively speaking, especially after several years) event, I would absolutely not tolerate it. as I said, at this point, it is completely irrelevant who was to blame for the event from four years ago. the person who still holds the grudge and excludes a family member and her kids because of it, is the evil one.

Isn't the more likely story that this was the last straw? OP admits she "yelled" but for some reason won't admit what she said. Again, likely because it's unflattering. I think you need to read between the lines here because it doesn't all add up. Otherwise her brother is totally insane and then why would she want to reconnect anyway? If you believe OP at face value, I think that's naive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, it seems like maybe you were the dramatic one. You had a crisis, then relied on your sibling to refer you to a family friend/get the family friend’s advice. It sounds like you’re sibling actually did what you asked (idk why you think “they had no intention of helping you”) you just didn’t like the advice the family friend gave nor the timeliness of it (not your sibling’s fault). And then you freaked out because your time was up, even though you had had 2 weeks to figure it out (your fault). Again, it sounds like your sibling did what they were asked, so I could see them being frustrated with you when you took out your stress/anger on them. The rest of the family still supporting your sibling seems to suggest they don’t think what the sibling did was that bad, either. Your sibling clearly didn’t perform above and beyond like you expected them to (and your hurt feelings are valid if you thought your relationship was stronger/you could rely on them) but maybe you overreacted…?

omg this was FOUR YEARS AGO
it is completely irrelevant whether OP yelled for a reason or with no good reason. the whole family is cutting one person out because of this nothing burger. why can't they all just move on? what kind of family excludes members over stuff like this?

Because it was probably the last straw and OP has been vague about what she actually said or did. She hasn't taken responsibility for not taking care of her legal issues which were probably of her own making in the first place and blames her brother for not hopping to it to solve her self made problems. I'd distance myself from a needy, helpless, vampire like that too. He has his own family and problems and doesn't need his sister bringing him down. There's obviously more to the story.

I’m following this thread since I relate to aspects of it and it’s amazing how posters like you are attacking the OP as a user and vampire even though the OP has clearly stated they don’t ask for help very often. Also, the sibling OFFERED to help and could have rescinded the offer at any time.

And since when is asking for help a crime or being a vampire?!? I read on this forum and elsewhere all the time “ask for help”, “don’t see asking for help as a sign of weakness”, “accept help when offered” …. And then you are bludgeoned and flamed if you do! WTF.

WTF indeed. When you ask for help and someone offers but then you call, harass, and harangue them to hurry up because you are on a deadline, then, you are the a-hole. If you want something done right, do it yourself. If should have been obvious that the clock was ticking and OP needed to put her big girl panties on and clean up her own mess. Would have been nice to get help, but again, it's her life and problem and she's ultimately responsible. What would you do if someone went off on you when you didn't help fast enough to clean up a mess of their own making?

I think you’re projecting a ton onto the OP that they didn’t do. Don’t recall the part, for example, where they harassed the sibling or told them to hurry up. Also the OP suggested they find their own attorney and it sounds like backed off that when the sibling got angry.

Yes, of course, clean up your own mess but isn’t the idea of asking for or accepting help that you get help. It’s crazy that we preach that people accept help or ask for help and then, in the same breath, tell them to do it themselves.

The help required here was simply "can I have the name and number of your fabulous lawyer friend" and make the call yourself. I would realize other people have their own life, job, responsibilities and its too big a favor to ask when this is something time sensitive for me. Not all favors and requests for help are reasonable. I think it's weird to call a lawyer on behalf of someone else, wouldn't they ask a lot of questions and need information or ask to set up an appointment? How does that work when you're not the person involved?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:sorry, but I can't get through your post. your determination to keep gender out of it and not offer any specifics makes it super hard to follow.

I agree. Can you try again just using normal language? What was the time sensitive crisis? Have you tried writing to your sibling? Have you tried asking these family members that are in touch if there is an opening for you to reconnect with your sibling?

I haven't tried writing to my sibling, no. I texted them once when our mother experienced a medical emergency and was brought to the ER and never heard back. I reached out at that time to another family member to ask if they could relay the message and then learned from that family member that my sibling has blocked my number - something apparently well known to members of the family other than me.

I was told by this family member that my sibling had put my email address in "junk/delete" status. The sibling apparently told this family member that even if I was dying of cancer they would not want to hear from me again. So, with that, I have not reached out.

I've also avoided bringing this topic up with my family - to inquire, as you suggest, about an opening - because I believe it would make people uncomfortable and/or that it would spur gossip / drama that I'm trying to avoid.

It's apparent that there is much more to this story than you are telling us.

+1000

This is why I always question therapy. They’re only getting one side of the story.

[Anonymous]

OP -- look around you and see if this is a pattern. Is it just your family that has issues with you? have friends and others distanced themselves from you? I agree with prior posters that you are painting yourself as a victim --- it's sooo hard to step back and see the big picture and especially if you are around anyone that enables your victim narrative.

Why is everyone hanging out without you? Is it really them or is it you? You seem to be the common denominator.

Can you make amends? Can you sincerely do some soul searching and figure out why people distance themselves from you?

I really wish you peace and happiness.

[Anonymous]

there is no evidence that “everyone is hanging out” without OP, only that her family is. not a good sign but hardly a definitive proof that OP is the problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, it seems like maybe you were the dramatic one. You had a crisis, then relied on your sibling to refer you to a family friend/get the family friend’s advice. It sounds like you’re sibling actually did what you asked (idk why you think “they had no intention of helping you”) you just didn’t like the advice the family friend gave nor the timeliness of it (not your sibling’s fault). And then you freaked out because your time was up, even though you had had 2 weeks to figure it out (your fault). Again, it sounds like your sibling did what they were asked, so I could see them being frustrated with you when you took out your stress/anger on them. The rest of the family still supporting your sibling seems to suggest they don’t think what the sibling did was that bad, either. Your sibling clearly didn’t perform above and beyond like you expected them to (and your hurt feelings are valid if you thought your relationship was stronger/you could rely on them) but maybe you overreacted…?

omg this was FOUR YEARS AGO
it is completely irrelevant whether OP yelled for a reason or with no good reason. the whole family is cutting one person out because of this nothing burger. why can't they all just move on? what kind of family excludes members over stuff like this?

Because it was probably the last straw and OP has been vague about what she actually said or did. She hasn't taken responsibility for not taking care of her legal issues which were probably of her own making in the first place and blames her brother for not hopping to it to solve her self made problems. I'd distance myself from a needy, helpless, vampire like that too. He has his own family and problems and doesn't need his sister bringing him down. There's obviously more to the story.

I’m following this thread since I relate to aspects of it and it’s amazing how posters like you are attacking the OP as a user and vampire even though the OP has clearly stated they don’t ask for help very often. Also, the sibling OFFERED to help and could have rescinded the offer at any time.

And since when is asking for help a crime or being a vampire?!? I read on this forum and elsewhere all the time “ask for help”, “don’t see asking for help as a sign of weakness”, “accept help when offered” …. And then you are bludgeoned and flamed if you do! WTF.

WTF indeed. When you ask for help and someone offers but then you call, harass, and harangue them to hurry up because you are on a deadline, then, you are the a-hole. If you want something done right, do it yourself. If should have been obvious that the clock was ticking and OP needed to put her big girl panties on and clean up her own mess. Would have been nice to get help, but again, it's her life and problem and she's ultimately responsible. What would you do if someone went off on you when you didn't help fast enough to clean up a mess of their own making?

while agree that, four years ago, OP needed to pursue other solutions and not wait for her brother's lead to pan out, it is vicious to cut off a sibling over this and, even more so, to tolerate a child who cut off contact with one's other child over this. if one of my children wanted to cut off their siblings over such minor (relatively speaking, especially after several years) event, I would absolutely not tolerate it. as I said, at this point, it is completely irrelevant who was to blame for the event from four years ago. the person who still holds the grudge and excludes a family member and her kids because of it, is the evil one.

Isn't the more likely story that this was the last straw? OP admits she "yelled" but for some reason won't admit what she said. Again, likely because it's unflattering. I think you need to read between the lines here because it doesn't all add up. Otherwise her brother is totally insane and then why would she want to reconnect anyway? If you believe OP at face value, I think that's naive.

I am already pricing this in. I am assuming that OP said something unflattering about her SIL. The problem, as I see it, is not so much the brother but the parents. They are not supposed so side with one child so egregiously no matter what was said.