Going no screens on a vacation

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The correct response is “okay, have fun, can you text me the main desk number so I can get in touch if there’s an emergency?”

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are calling too much. It is unreasonable to expect to talk to your adult son during his vacation with his wife. Talking once a week to an adult child is more normal—maybe 2-3 times a week. The frequency you mention is more normal for middle aged kids with elderly parents where the kids want to make sure mom has not fallen down and feels bad she is bored and has no life. It’s nice you have a close relationship with your son. Maybe call him during the work day so you’re not stealing time from his wife?

I'm going to ask my son over the phone before they go on vacation if I can at least call him in the morning 2x a week.

Then you are going to create problems between you and your DIL. You are also going to create problems between your son and his wife and put him in a horrible position. But I’m guessing you don’t care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are calling too much. It is unreasonable to expect to talk to your adult son during his vacation with his wife. Talking once a week to an adult child is more normal—maybe 2-3 times a week. The frequency you mention is more normal for middle aged kids with elderly parents where the kids want to make sure mom has not fallen down and feels bad she is bored and has no life. It’s nice you have a close relationship with your son. Maybe call him during the work day so you’re not stealing time from his wife?

I'm going to ask my son over the phone before they go on vacation if I can at least call him in the morning 2x a week.

Then you are going to create problems between you and your DIL. You are also going to create problems between your son and his wife and put him in a horrible position. But I’m guessing you don’t care.

1. I think DIL knows her MIL by now, so I don’t think any new strain will start there.
2. I think this MIL is the one that loves her nieces and nephews like they’re her own.
3. Nothing wrong talking to your child daily if they like to.
4. DIL doesn’t have ownership of her husband regarding him talking to his own mother
5. Son and DIL can both ask/enforce a phone free vacation to each other. Meeting each other’s needs is part of marriage.
6. Maybe they can take MIL to vacation with them. They can all sleep together in case mamma is scared of the dark.

[Anonymous]

Op what's the worst thing that can happen with not talking to him every day. You will miss him.

Why are you so focused on what you want to the detriment of what they want. Is it because you think it's only DIL that wants this or you don't want to be told what to do by DIL. You wouldn't mind if your son asked but you don't care enough to listen to your DIL.

Surely you are adult enough to be able to occupy your time for two weeks while they go away. It's not forever. How can this be so hard. You sound enmeshed with your son if you can't be out of touch for two weeks.

Honestly best holiday for me was in Africa for two weeks with no cell reception, bliss. Let them enjoy their time away to unwind and relax. You are being selfish, it isn't all about you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are calling too much. It is unreasonable to expect to talk to your adult son during his vacation with his wife. Talking once a week to an adult child is more normal—maybe 2-3 times a week. The frequency you mention is more normal for middle aged kids with elderly parents where the kids want to make sure mom has not fallen down and feels bad she is bored and has no life. It’s nice you have a close relationship with your son. Maybe call him during the work day so you’re not stealing time from his wife?

I'm going to ask my son over the phone before they go on vacation if I can at least call him in the morning 2x a week.

Then you are going to create problems between you and your DIL. You are also going to create problems between your son and his wife and put him in a horrible position. But I’m guessing you don’t care.

I suspect OP is secretly rooting for them to get divorced.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are calling too much. It is unreasonable to expect to talk to your adult son during his vacation with his wife. Talking once a week to an adult child is more normal—maybe 2-3 times a week. The frequency you mention is more normal for middle aged kids with elderly parents where the kids want to make sure mom has not fallen down and feels bad she is bored and has no life. It’s nice you have a close relationship with your son. Maybe call him during the work day so you’re not stealing time from his wife?

Talking to his mom is not “stealing time” from his wife. It may be annoying, but that may be a husband problem, if the calls are when he is at home.
On the other hand, OP, the fact that you posted about this sounds like you are addicted to the current dynamic.
Personally, I don’t wanna spend my vacation talking on the phone. But I would text my folks every few days to say we are still having fun and we are ok.
I talk to my parents almost everyday, I am middle aged and they are 70’s but not feeble and half the time they are busy about to go out.

The problem isn't the OP talking to her son everyday for a few minutes it's that when she's told her son and his wife are unplugging for 2 weeks that she throws a fit and can't handle not being able to talk to him for 2 weeks
That screams enmeshment issues to me. Again this isn't a 12 year old boy that she needs to be in contact with everyday on vacation to make sure he is ok and that he is behaving himself he is a grown married man.

The OP didn't indicate any health issues she may have as a reason to need to be able to talk to her son everyday while on vacation. I truly don't see OP's problem here. It speaks to her enmeshment issues or that she may not have a lot going on in her life or have an active social life that this is so devastating to her.

Huge difference between talking to your child everyday because you want to and then the extreme of not being able to live your life because you can't talk to your son everyday. It sounds like OP may be lonely or trying to use her son to fill a void in her life.

OP I wanna kindly suggest maybe spending some quality one on one time with your own SO if you have one or even do something for yourself see some friends. Something to make the time to by faster and to occupy your time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The correct response is “okay, have fun, can you text me the main desk number so I can get in touch if there’s an emergency?”

This.

+2 This is exactly what people did in the old days. As in, for several generations. And that phone number was only used if there was an illness or death in the family that would prompt the people to cut their vacation short. OP, how old are you? Surely you remember this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are calling too much. It is unreasonable to expect to talk to your adult son during his vacation with his wife. Talking once a week to an adult child is more normal—maybe 2-3 times a week. The frequency you mention is more normal for middle aged kids with elderly parents where the kids want to make sure mom has not fallen down and feels bad she is bored and has no life. It’s nice you have a close relationship with your son. Maybe call him during the work day so you’re not stealing time from his wife?

I'm going to ask my son over the phone before they go on vacation if I can at least call him in the morning 2x a week.

Then you are going to create problems between you and your DIL. You are also going to create problems between your son and his wife and put him in a horrible position. But I’m guessing you don’t care.

1. I think DIL knows her MIL by now, so I don’t think any new strain will start there.
2. I think this MIL is the one that loves her nieces and nephews like they’re her own.
3. Nothing wrong talking to your child daily if they like to.
4. DIL doesn’t have ownership of her husband regarding him talking to his own mother
5. Son and DIL can both ask/enforce a phone free vacation to each other. Meeting each other’s needs is part of marriage.
6. Maybe they can take MIL to vacation with them. They can all sleep together in case mamma is scared of the dark.

No one says there is anything wrong with talking to your child daily it's that when MIL is told not to call or text for 2 weeks because her son and his wife are unplugging on vacation that it's an issue.

It isn't about ownership here again you all need to read because it very clearly stated that DIL said they are unplugging from everyone including her own family as well so this isn't a case of her telling her husband solely not to talk to his own mother. DIL probably just figured it would be easier to do convey the message herself because maybe she knows her husband won't do it or he forgets. Men can be dumb sometimes

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op what's the worst thing that can happen with not talking to him every day. You will miss him.

Why are you so focused on what you want to the detriment of what they want. Is it because you think it's only DIL that wants this or you don't want to be told what to do by DIL. You wouldn't mind if your son asked but you don't care enough to listen to your DIL.

Surely you are adult enough to be able to occupy your time for two weeks while they go away. It's not forever. How can this be so hard. You sound enmeshed with your son if you can't be out of touch for two weeks.

Honestly best holiday for me was in Africa for two weeks with no cell reception, bliss. Let them enjoy their time away to unwind and relax. You are being selfish, it isn't all about you.

I never understood that mindset that if DIL asks something of MIL she must be controlling or it's not acceptable but then if son asks the very same thing it's ok my dear son anything for you. Either way it shouldn't matter who it comes from they are married and the same message is being relayed. I know this comes as a shock but DIL's feelings matter too. DIL is family so if this is coming solely from her why wouldn't her feelings matter as well?

[Anonymous]

You need to back off before they cut you off completely. They’re adults.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op what's the worst thing that can happen with not talking to him every day. You will miss him.

Why are you so focused on what you want to the detriment of what they want. Is it because you think it's only DIL that wants this or you don't want to be told what to do by DIL. You wouldn't mind if your son asked but you don't care enough to listen to your DIL.

Surely you are adult enough to be able to occupy your time for two weeks while they go away. It's not forever. How can this be so hard. You sound enmeshed with your son if you can't be out of touch for two weeks.

Honestly best holiday for me was in Africa for two weeks with no cell reception, bliss. Let them enjoy their time away to unwind and relax. You are being selfish, it isn't all about you.

I never understood that mindset that if DIL asks something of MIL she must be controlling or it's not acceptable but then if son asks the very same thing it's ok my dear son anything for you. Either way it shouldn't matter who it comes from they are married and the same message is being relayed. I know this comes as a shock but DIL's feelings matter too. DIL is family so if this is coming solely from her why wouldn't her feelings matter as well?

I agree with you, the DILs feelings should matter. However it's OP who has posted that she wants to hear it from her son, which I find interesting. Why, why does the message have to be conveyed from him for her to believe it. Speaks of major issues in these relationships.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op what's the worst thing that can happen with not talking to him every day. You will miss him.

Why are you so focused on what you want to the detriment of what they want. Is it because you think it's only DIL that wants this or you don't want to be told what to do by DIL. You wouldn't mind if your son asked but you don't care enough to listen to your DIL.

Surely you are adult enough to be able to occupy your time for two weeks while they go away. It's not forever. How can this be so hard. You sound enmeshed with your son if you can't be out of touch for two weeks.

Honestly best holiday for me was in Africa for two weeks with no cell reception, bliss. Let them enjoy their time away to unwind and relax. You are being selfish, it isn't all about you.

I never understood that mindset that if DIL asks something of MIL she must be controlling or it's not acceptable but then if son asks the very same thing it's ok my dear son anything for you. Either way it shouldn't matter who it comes from they are married and the same message is being relayed. I know this comes as a shock but DIL's feelings matter too. DIL is family so if this is coming solely from her why wouldn't her feelings matter as well?

I agree with you, the DILs feelings should matter. However it's OP who has posted that she wants to hear it from her son, which I find interesting. Why, why does the message have to be conveyed from him for her to believe it. Speaks of major issues in these relationships.

Because DIL isn't her own person with her own thoughts and feelings she is simply an extension of her husband her MIL's son.

[Anonymous]

Yikes OP where do I begin? You need help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are calling too much. It is unreasonable to expect to talk to your adult son during his vacation with his wife. Talking once a week to an adult child is more normal—maybe 2-3 times a week. The frequency you mention is more normal for middle aged kids with elderly parents where the kids want to make sure mom has not fallen down and feels bad she is bored and has no life. It’s nice you have a close relationship with your son. Maybe call him during the work day so you’re not stealing time from his wife?

I'm going to ask my son over the phone before they go on vacation if I can at least call him in the morning 2x a week.

Then you are going to create problems between you and your DIL. You are also going to create problems between your son and his wife and put him in a horrible position. But I’m guessing you don’t care.

1. I think DIL knows her MIL by now, so I don’t think any new strain will start there.
2. I think this MIL is the one that loves her nieces and nephews like they’re her own.
3. Nothing wrong talking to your child daily if they like to.
4. DIL doesn’t have ownership of her husband regarding him talking to his own mother
5. Son and DIL can both ask/enforce a phone free vacation to each other. Meeting each other’s needs is part of marriage.
6. Maybe they can take MIL to vacation with them. They can all sleep together in case mamma is scared of the dark.

No one says there is anything wrong with talking to your child daily it's that when MIL is told not to call or text for 2 weeks because her son and his wife are unplugging on vacation that it's an issue.

It isn't about ownership here again you all need to read because it very clearly stated that DIL said they are unplugging from everyone including her own family as well so this isn't a case of her telling her husband solely not to talk to his own mother. DIL probably just figured it would be easier to do convey the message herself because maybe she knows her husband won't do it or he forgets. Men can be dumb sometimes

Agree. I was just saying that there a lot of valid posts, and they can all coexist. Example, nothing wrong with speaking to your grown children daily, and respecting their space at the same time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are calling too much. It is unreasonable to expect to talk to your adult son during his vacation with his wife. Talking once a week to an adult child is more normal—maybe 2-3 times a week. The frequency you mention is more normal for middle aged kids with elderly parents where the kids want to make sure mom has not fallen down and feels bad she is bored and has no life. It’s nice you have a close relationship with your son. Maybe call him during the work day so you’re not stealing time from his wife?

I'm going to ask my son over the phone before they go on vacation if I can at least call him in the morning 2x a week.

Then you are going to create problems between you and your DIL. You are also going to create problems between your son and his wife and put him in a horrible position. But I’m guessing you don’t care.

1. I think DIL knows her MIL by now, so I don’t think any new strain will start there.
2. I think this MIL is the one that loves her nieces and nephews like they’re her own.
3. Nothing wrong talking to your child daily if they like to.
4. DIL doesn’t have ownership of her husband regarding him talking to his own mother
5. Son and DIL can both ask/enforce a phone free vacation to each other. Meeting each other’s needs is part of marriage.
6. Maybe they can take MIL to vacation with them. They can all sleep together in case mamma is scared of the dark.

Google enmeshed relationships.