SAHM’s - anyone successfully convince DH to support their staying home long term?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are more at risk when you are young. The older you are, the more assets you have accumulated and also the more likely you are to get alimony.

Did you read? Even when you get alimony, it’s not enough to live on. Unless you’re married to a gazillionaire, you better continue working to protect yourself.

I am not sure “working to protect yourself” isn’t a wholly depressing way to go about life though. I don’t know that, even if something were to happen to my husband, I would trade the days I’ve had with my daughter away to be in an office so I’d be more financially stable in a hypothetical future. I say this from a place of relative privilege because I have family assets and a degree that would support me and my daughter comfortably if I did need to, but I can’t imagine going to work every day thinking “I’m sacrificing time with my child so if my husband leaves me I’m in a marginally better financial position”

I am the PP who got 3.5mm in divorce and still went to work at 60k. There are no ideal solutions and of course I cherish the years I spent with my son. But sometimes I am asking myself if I could do more to combine work and parenting, like part-time, consulting, non-for-profits with flexible schedules, getting licensed in my field. I did spend a lot of time planning family trips, my exH schedule, contractors around the house (where my exH stayed as I couldn’t afford it).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are more at risk when you are young. The older you are, the more assets you have accumulated and also the more likely you are to get alimony.

Did you read? Even when you get alimony, it’s not enough to live on. Unless you’re married to a gazillionaire, you better continue working to protect yourself.

I am not sure “working to protect yourself” isn’t a wholly depressing way to go about life though. I don’t know that, even if something were to happen to my husband, I would trade the days I’ve had with my daughter away to be in an office so I’d be more financially stable in a hypothetical future. I say this from a place of relative privilege because I have family assets and a degree that would support me and my daughter comfortably if I did need to, but I can’t imagine going to work every day thinking “I’m sacrificing time with my child so if my husband leaves me I’m in a marginally better financial position”

You answered your own question. You have family money. A degree doesn't mean much anymore unless you have the work experience to go with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are more at risk when you are young. The older you are, the more assets you have accumulated and also the more likely you are to get alimony.

Did you read? Even when you get alimony, it’s not enough to live on. Unless you’re married to a gazillionaire, you better continue working to protect yourself.

I am not sure “working to protect yourself” isn’t a wholly depressing way to go about life though. I don’t know that, even if something were to happen to my husband, I would trade the days I’ve had with my daughter away to be in an office so I’d be more financially stable in a hypothetical future. I say this from a place of relative privilege because I have family assets and a degree that would support me and my daughter comfortably if I did need to, but I can’t imagine going to work every day thinking “I’m sacrificing time with my child so if my husband leaves me I’m in a marginally better financial position”

I am the PP who got 3.5mm in divorce and still went to work at 60k. There are no ideal solutions and of course I cherish the years I spent with my son. But sometimes I am asking myself if I could do more to combine work and parenting, like part-time, consulting, non-for-profits with flexible schedules, getting licensed in my field. I did spend a lot of time planning family trips, my exH schedule, contractors around the house (where my exH stayed as I couldn’t afford it).

and there you have it. your lack of self awareness is amazing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are more at risk when you are young. The older you are, the more assets you have accumulated and also the more likely you are to get alimony.

Did you read? Even when you get alimony, it’s not enough to live on. Unless you’re married to a gazillionaire, you better continue working to protect yourself.

I am not sure “working to protect yourself” isn’t a wholly depressing way to go about life though. I don’t know that, even if something were to happen to my husband, I would trade the days I’ve had with my daughter away to be in an office so I’d be more financially stable in a hypothetical future. I say this from a place of relative privilege because I have family assets and a degree that would support me and my daughter comfortably if I did need to, but I can’t imagine going to work every day thinking “I’m sacrificing time with my child so if my husband leaves me I’m in a marginally better financial position”

I am the PP who got 3.5mm in divorce and still went to work at 60k. There are no ideal solutions and of course I cherish the years I spent with my son. But sometimes I am asking myself if I could do more to combine work and parenting, like part-time, consulting, non-for-profits with flexible schedules, getting licensed in my field. I did spend a lot of time planning family trips, my exH schedule, contractors around the house (where my exH stayed as I couldn’t afford it).

and there you have it. your lack of self awareness is amazing.

Could you clarify? What is that I am not aware of?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are more at risk when you are young. The older you are, the more assets you have accumulated and also the more likely you are to get alimony.

Did you read? Even when you get alimony, it’s not enough to live on. Unless you’re married to a gazillionaire, you better continue working to protect yourself.

I am not sure “working to protect yourself” isn’t a wholly depressing way to go about life though. I don’t know that, even if something were to happen to my husband, I would trade the days I’ve had with my daughter away to be in an office so I’d be more financially stable in a hypothetical future. I say this from a place of relative privilege because I have family assets and a degree that would support me and my daughter comfortably if I did need to, but I can’t imagine going to work every day thinking “I’m sacrificing time with my child so if my husband leaves me I’m in a marginally better financial position”

I'm a WOHM, but I have to agree with this. It seems odd to spend most of your waking life protecting yourself against a future that might not happen. It's kind of like doomsday preppers but with a greater time commitment and less fun.

If I were working for that reason, I might almost will a divorce to happen just so that it will have been worth it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are more at risk when you are young. The older you are, the more assets you have accumulated and also the more likely you are to get alimony.

Did you read? Even when you get alimony, it’s not enough to live on. Unless you’re married to a gazillionaire, you better continue working to protect yourself.

I am not sure “working to protect yourself” isn’t a wholly depressing way to go about life though. I don’t know that, even if something were to happen to my husband, I would trade the days I’ve had with my daughter away to be in an office so I’d be more financially stable in a hypothetical future. I say this from a place of relative privilege because I have family assets and a degree that would support me and my daughter comfortably if I did need to, but I can’t imagine going to work every day thinking “I’m sacrificing time with my child so if my husband leaves me I’m in a marginally better financial position”

I'm a WOHM, but I have to agree with this. It seems odd to spend most of your waking life protecting yourself against a future that might not happen. It's kind of like doomsday preppers but with a greater time commitment and less fun.

If I were working for that reason, I might almost will a divorce to happen just so that it will have been worth it.

So why do you work then? Because deep down, you know that 50% of marriages end in divorce and you don't want to be a divorced woman with no resume, no updated skills, and no earning potential.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are more at risk when you are young. The older you are, the more assets you have accumulated and also the more likely you are to get alimony.

Did you read? Even when you get alimony, it’s not enough to live on. Unless you’re married to a gazillionaire, you better continue working to protect yourself.

I am not sure “working to protect yourself” isn’t a wholly depressing way to go about life though. I don’t know that, even if something were to happen to my husband, I would trade the days I’ve had with my daughter away to be in an office so I’d be more financially stable in a hypothetical future. I say this from a place of relative privilege because I have family assets and a degree that would support me and my daughter comfortably if I did need to, but I can’t imagine going to work every day thinking “I’m sacrificing time with my child so if my husband leaves me I’m in a marginally better financial position”

I'm a WOHM, but I have to agree with this. It seems odd to spend most of your waking life protecting yourself against a future that might not happen. It's kind of like doomsday preppers but with a greater time commitment and less fun.

If I were working for that reason, I might almost will a divorce to happen just so that it will have been worth it.

So why do you work then? Because deep down, you know that 50% of marriages end in divorce and you don't want to be a divorced woman with no resume, no updated skills, and no earning potential.

NP. This is so true. My marriage has been going downhill since I was pregnant with my second (she just turned 2). Earlier this year, I was looking at that large 6 year gap on my resume, add to it a few years spent doing nothing during an international assignment we just started, and that's close to 10 years with nothing to show for myself right there. That's unemployable except for Walmart maybe. Luckily I found a super flexible remote position that pays peanuts but at least I get some work history on my resume for whenever my husband blindsides me and I have to go back full-time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are more at risk when you are young. The older you are, the more assets you have accumulated and also the more likely you are to get alimony.

Did you read? Even when you get alimony, it’s not enough to live on. Unless you’re married to a gazillionaire, you better continue working to protect yourself.

I am not sure “working to protect yourself” isn’t a wholly depressing way to go about life though. I don’t know that, even if something were to happen to my husband, I would trade the days I’ve had with my daughter away to be in an office so I’d be more financially stable in a hypothetical future. I say this from a place of relative privilege because I have family assets and a degree that would support me and my daughter comfortably if I did need to, but I can’t imagine going to work every day thinking “I’m sacrificing time with my child so if my husband leaves me I’m in a marginally better financial position”

I'm a WOHM, but I have to agree with this. It seems odd to spend most of your waking life protecting yourself against a future that might not happen. It's kind of like doomsday preppers but with a greater time commitment and less fun.

If I were working for that reason, I might almost will a divorce to happen just so that it will have been worth it.

So why do you work then? Because deep down, you know that 50% of marriages end in divorce and you don't want to be a divorced woman with no resume, no updated skills, and no earning potential.

NP. This is so true. My marriage has been going downhill since I was pregnant with my second (she just turned 2). Earlier this year, I was looking at that large 6 year gap on my resume, add to it a few years spent doing nothing during an international assignment we just started, and that's close to 10 years with nothing to show for myself right there. That's unemployable except for Walmart maybe. Luckily I found a super flexible remote position that pays peanuts but at least I get some work history on my resume for whenever my husband blindsides me and I have to go back full-time.

You did the right thing. Nearly all men I knew from international development field were habitual cheaters. Mine was sleeping with a colleague on his trips for 6 years until he decided to leave for her

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are more at risk when you are young. The older you are, the more assets you have accumulated and also the more likely you are to get alimony.

Did you read? Even when you get alimony, it’s not enough to live on. Unless you’re married to a gazillionaire, you better continue working to protect yourself.

It is when you are also getting multimillions in assets. College funds are complete, multiple properties are paid off, and I'd still get several million in investements/cash/retirement accounts plus whatever alimony. That wasn't true when my kids were little because we hadn't built it up yet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are more at risk when you are young. The older you are, the more assets you have accumulated and also the more likely you are to get alimony.

Did you read? Even when you get alimony, it’s not enough to live on. Unless you’re married to a gazillionaire, you better continue working to protect yourself.

It is when you are also getting multimillions in assets. College funds are complete, multiple properties are paid off, and I'd still get several million in investements/cash/retirement accounts plus whatever alimony. That wasn't true when my kids were little because we hadn't built it up yet.

So an example would be Melinda Gates, which 99.9% of women can’t compare with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are more at risk when you are young. The older you are, the more assets you have accumulated and also the more likely you are to get alimony.

Did you read? Even when you get alimony, it’s not enough to live on. Unless you’re married to a gazillionaire, you better continue working to protect yourself.

It is when you are also getting multimillions in assets. College funds are complete, multiple properties are paid off, and I'd still get several million in investements/cash/retirement accounts plus whatever alimony. That wasn't true when my kids were little because we hadn't built it up yet.

How many million you would get in total? I got $3mm and doesnt feel like I am starving, but I am not thriving either, comparing to my financial freedom when married. If I had a salary of $200K (not $60K due to being SAHM) I would feel about the same after divorce as during marriage

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are more at risk when you are young. The older you are, the more assets you have accumulated and also the more likely you are to get alimony.

Did you read? Even when you get alimony, it’s not enough to live on. Unless you’re married to a gazillionaire, you better continue working to protect yourself.

It is when you are also getting multimillions in assets. College funds are complete, multiple properties are paid off, and I'd still get several million in investements/cash/retirement accounts plus whatever alimony. That wasn't true when my kids were little because we hadn't built it up yet.

So an example would be Melinda Gates, which 99.9% of women can’t compare with.

she worked

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are more at risk when you are young. The older you are, the more assets you have accumulated and also the more likely you are to get alimony.

Did you read? Even when you get alimony, it’s not enough to live on. Unless you’re married to a gazillionaire, you better continue working to protect yourself.

I am not sure “working to protect yourself” isn’t a wholly depressing way to go about life though. I don’t know that, even if something were to happen to my husband, I would trade the days I’ve had with my daughter away to be in an office so I’d be more financially stable in a hypothetical future. I say this from a place of relative privilege because I have family assets and a degree that would support me and my daughter comfortably if I did need to, but I can’t imagine going to work every day thinking “I’m sacrificing time with my child so if my husband leaves me I’m in a marginally better financial position”

I'm a WOHM, but I have to agree with this. It seems odd to spend most of your waking life protecting yourself against a future that might not happen. It's kind of like doomsday preppers but with a greater time commitment and less fun.

If I were working for that reason, I might almost will a divorce to happen just so that it will have been worth it.

So why do you work then? Because deep down, you know that 50% of marriages end in divorce and you don't want to be a divorced woman with no resume, no updated skills, and no earning potential.

NP. This is so true. My marriage has been going downhill since I was pregnant with my second (she just turned 2). Earlier this year, I was looking at that large 6 year gap on my resume, add to it a few years spent doing nothing during an international assignment we just started, and that's close to 10 years with nothing to show for myself right there. That's unemployable except for Walmart maybe. Luckily I found a super flexible remote position that pays peanuts but at least I get some work history on my resume for whenever my husband blindsides me and I have to go back full-time.

Seriously wishing you the best and sending light your way. Self preservation is everything when you’re a woman. Smart choice.

You’re not denying reality like many married women do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are more at risk when you are young. The older you are, the more assets you have accumulated and also the more likely you are to get alimony.

Did you read? Even when you get alimony, it’s not enough to live on. Unless you’re married to a gazillionaire, you better continue working to protect yourself.

I am not sure “working to protect yourself” isn’t a wholly depressing way to go about life though. I don’t know that, even if something were to happen to my husband, I would trade the days I’ve had with my daughter away to be in an office so I’d be more financially stable in a hypothetical future. I say this from a place of relative privilege because I have family assets and a degree that would support me and my daughter comfortably if I did need to, but I can’t imagine going to work every day thinking “I’m sacrificing time with my child so if my husband leaves me I’m in a marginally better financial position”

I'm a WOHM, but I have to agree with this. It seems odd to spend most of your waking life protecting yourself against a future that might not happen. It's kind of like doomsday preppers but with a greater time commitment and less fun.

If I were working for that reason, I might almost will a divorce to happen just so that it will have been worth it.

So why do you work then? Because deep down, you know that 50% of marriages end in divorce and you don't want to be a divorced woman with no resume, no updated skills, and no earning potential.

NP. This is so true. My marriage has been going downhill since I was pregnant with my second (she just turned 2). Earlier this year, I was looking at that large 6 year gap on my resume, add to it a few years spent doing nothing during an international assignment we just started, and that's close to 10 years with nothing to show for myself right there. That's unemployable except for Walmart maybe. Luckily I found a super flexible remote position that pays peanuts but at least I get some work history on my resume for whenever my husband blindsides me and I have to go back full-time.

Seriously wishing you the best and sending light your way. Self preservation is everything when you’re a woman. Smart choice.

You’re not denying reality like many married women do.

Preach sister!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why should he work if you won’t?

OP here - my view is, why should I do everything I do now plus a job? I would be insane to agree to that. He’s not going to magically do half.

He won’t. You are correct. He probably doesn’t even conceive of all you do now on a daily basis that helps him live his life as is. Just as pp doesn’t