Can someone explain the mindset of a cheater?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Again, divorce is your friend. Why do you go on a rant on sexlessness when you don’t have to suffer if you get a divorce? This is what makes you selfish and a narc. Just go find someone younger and new who will love having sex with you. Give your wife respect and a chance for a future that she doesn’t have with you. You’ve got one foot out the door whether you realize it or not. Do your wife a favor and divorce her even if it is not the right time for you.

Divorce helps nobody because nobody is suffering. The sexless wife is happy (stays married + no sex) and the normal libido man is also happy getting sex elsewhere. Why divorce a sexless wife over something so unimportant and trivial as sex? That’s the absolute last thing on her list, something she doesn’t even want, it can’t be any big deal that he does that unimportant thing with another woman. That’s actually a nicer favor to her than divorce: if she wanted that she’d just get one herself.

Not true. It changes the cheater. Over time they are different, judgmental, more likely to explode with anger, stressed, etc. Leading a double life is not easy.

The wife isn’t happy. There is no intimacy in the marriage. That dried up a lot of times because of the way the cheater was in the marriage.

You have no idea what will happen in your AP’s spouse finds out- or your own spouse. They will. Over time, even the best liars get caught.

Do you want exposure? Do you want AP’s husband at your front door?

You are in deep denial.

My friend just typed up a 3-page letter to be sent to the AP's spouse detailing the affair in detail and that this spouse had multiple affairs.

It is being sent 'signature required'.

I agree. You just don't know what will happen or if you are found out. You aren't in control of the person you are cheating with and if they slip up---there goes your life.

It's a risk you take for playing the game.

[Anonymous]

^PLEASE let this letter be addressed to the wife of the cheater on this thread who insists his wife does not deserve to know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Again, divorce is your friend. Why do you go on a rant on sexlessness when you don’t have to suffer if you get a divorce? This is what makes you selfish and a narc. Just go find someone younger and new who will love having sex with you. Give your wife respect and a chance for a future that she doesn’t have with you. You’ve got one foot out the door whether you realize it or not. Do your wife a favor and divorce her even if it is not the right time for you.

Divorce helps nobody because nobody is suffering. The sexless wife is happy (stays married + no sex) and the normal libido man is also happy getting sex elsewhere. Why divorce a sexless wife over something so unimportant and trivial as sex? That’s the absolute last thing on her list, something she doesn’t even want, it can’t be any big deal that he does that unimportant thing with another woman. That’s actually a nicer favor to her than divorce: if she wanted that she’d just get one herself.

Not true. It changes the cheater. Over time they are different, judgmental, more likely to explode with anger, stressed, etc. Leading a double life is not easy.

The wife isn’t happy. There is no intimacy in the marriage. That dried up a lot of times because of the way the cheater was in the marriage.

You have no idea what will happen in your AP’s spouse finds out- or your own spouse. They will. Over time, even the best liars get caught.

Do you want exposure? Do you want AP’s husband at your front door?

You are in deep denial.

My friend just typed up a 3-page letter to be sent to the AP's spouse detailing the affair in detail and that this spouse had multiple affairs.

It is being sent 'signature required'.

I agree. You just don't know what will happen or if you are found out. You aren't in control of the person you are cheating with and if they slip up---there goes your life.

It's a risk you take for playing the game.

People never factor in the AP's spouse whom they have never met and only know as described by their AP. They are often VERY different than they are described to the AP.

So, yeah, watch the f*ck out. I'd never get involved in somebody else's marriage. You never know what they might do to you or your family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Again, divorce is your friend. Why do you go on a rant on sexlessness when you don’t have to suffer if you get a divorce? This is what makes you selfish and a narc. Just go find someone younger and new who will love having sex with you. Give your wife respect and a chance for a future that she doesn’t have with you. You’ve got one foot out the door whether you realize it or not. Do your wife a favor and divorce her even if it is not the right time for you.

Divorce helps nobody because nobody is suffering. The sexless wife is happy (stays married + no sex) and the normal libido man is also happy getting sex elsewhere. Why divorce a sexless wife over something so unimportant and trivial as sex? That’s the absolute last thing on her list, something she doesn’t even want, it can’t be any big deal that he does that unimportant thing with another woman. That’s actually a nicer favor to her than divorce: if she wanted that she’d just get one herself.

Because the poster was talking about evaluating in 10 years the status of relationship. This means that this isn't meant to be a status quo, it's a plan that he hasn't told his wife. This is nasty.

Even if there's no plan, cheating for next 10-20 years means you will emotionally distance yourself and there's a good chance you will develop feelings and so will likely divorce anyway. Why not do it now when you can have respect for yourself and your wife without cheating. Give the wife a chance to make a decision in this situation. That's what is so horrible about this because the wife doesn't get to choose, all decisions are made by this narc guy (cheating, when to divorce, whether to divorce). How dare he make all decisions on their relationship in vacuum.

Your whole premise is just wrong. You portray that a sexless wife somehow does not realize that men need sex. Go read every dating thread in DCUM: you will see (every other post) some warning how to avoid the flood of men who (just?) want sex. Apparently, all women (except you) on planet earth got the memo. Stop insulting the sexless wife's intelligence "oh I did not KNOW that my husband needs sex!!! If only he had TOLD me that!"

Maybe you need to invest more time educating wives-turned-low-libido that, beyond the guaranteed cheating, her choose of sexless lifestyle (decision in a vacuum?) does not bode well for the future of relationship. That is entirely her relationship decision. No vacuum present.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Again, divorce is your friend. Why do you go on a rant on sexlessness when you don’t have to suffer if you get a divorce? This is what makes you selfish and a narc. Just go find someone younger and new who will love having sex with you. Give your wife respect and a chance for a future that she doesn’t have with you. You’ve got one foot out the door whether you realize it or not. Do your wife a favor and divorce her even if it is not the right time for you.

Divorce helps nobody because nobody is suffering. The sexless wife is happy (stays married + no sex) and the normal libido man is also happy getting sex elsewhere. Why divorce a sexless wife over something so unimportant and trivial as sex? That’s the absolute last thing on her list, something she doesn’t even want, it can’t be any big deal that he does that unimportant thing with another woman. That’s actually a nicer favor to her than divorce: if she wanted that she’d just get one herself.

Because the poster was talking about evaluating in 10 years the status of relationship. This means that this isn't meant to be a status quo, it's a plan that he hasn't told his wife. This is nasty.

Even if there's no plan, cheating for next 10-20 years means you will emotionally distance yourself and there's a good chance you will develop feelings and so will likely divorce anyway. Why not do it now when you can have respect for yourself and your wife without cheating. Give the wife a chance to make a decision in this situation. That's what is so horrible about this because the wife doesn't get to choose, all decisions are made by this narc guy (cheating, when to divorce, whether to divorce). How dare he make all decisions on their relationship in vacuum.

Your whole premise is just wrong. You portray that a sexless wife somehow does not realize that men need sex. Go read every dating thread in DCUM: you will see (every other post) some warning how to avoid the flood of men who (just?) want sex. Apparently, all women (except you) on planet earth got the memo. Stop insulting the sexless wife's intelligence "oh I did not KNOW that my husband needs sex!!! If only he had TOLD me that!"

Maybe you need to invest more time educating wives-turned-low-libido that, beyond the guaranteed cheating, her choose of sexless lifestyle (decision in a vacuum?) does not bode well for the future of relationship. That is entirely her relationship decision. No vacuum present.

Listen, I've stopped responding to you because you're a troll. One thing I want to say here to you and any man who thinks like you: instead of me educating wives-turned-low-libido that sexless lilfestyle leads to cheating, why doesn't this generation of fathers start educating their daughters that sex is the most important thing to men in a relationship and men will cheat if there's no sex. I don't understand men's viewpoint as you have previously indicated and so you fathers will do better job in educating your daughters/nieces. You'll be doing your brethren/sons/nephews a favor by educating your daughters on what are men really like. Also make sure to tell your daughters that it's not only about frequency of sex but it's also about new acts/excitement, and that women should never turn a man down for sex (....you know, leads to cheating), and that marriage gets boring and so will likely lead to divorce when kids leave for school. Instead of posting your viewpoints on here, it's better you start with girls in your household. You'll be doing society a favor.

[Anonymous]

It’s very exciting cause it’s so bad

[Anonymous]

why doesn't this generation of fathers start educating their daughters that sex is the most important thing to men in a relationship and men will cheat if there's no sex.

“Start”? It ain’t news. If you think it’s news, you didn’t go to school with guys, you haven’t read any books with men in them, and you haven’t watched any movies or tv shows with men in them. You’ve never spoken with men. You’ve never watched news reports about men.

Or you’ve merely ignored information that’s inconvenient to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Listen, I've stopped responding to you because you're a troll. One thing I want to say here to you and any man who thinks like you: instead of me educating wives-turned-low-libido that sexless lilfestyle leads to cheating, why doesn't this generation of fathers start educating their daughters that sex is the most important thing to men in a relationship

... because that is not true. What is the most important part of an airplane? There isn't ONE, but there are lots of parts which, if removed, cause the plane to crash and burn. Sex is like that: take it away --> crash/burn.

Anonymous wrote:and men will cheat if there's no sex.

This is true, and I thought it was quite clear that you cannot just stop having sex and expect a normal libido person to stick around without cheating. Duh!

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand men's viewpoint as you have previously indicated and so you fathers will do better job in educating your daughters/nieces. You'll be doing your brethren/sons/nephews a favor by educating your daughters on what are men really like.

You seem to be the only one unaware that men need sex

Anonymous wrote:Also make sure to tell your daughters that it's not only about frequency of sex but it's also about new acts/excitement,

Yes, frequency is important but I certainly don't expect new/exciting sex from my wife, not sure where you ever got that idea?

Anonymous wrote:and that women should never turn a man down for sex (....you know, leads to cheating),

Nobody (not I) have ever said such a thing.

Anonymous wrote:and that marriage gets boring and so will likely lead to divorce when kids leave for school.

This thread is not about boring marriages. It's about sexless marriages which (of course) leads to cheating. Start a new thread if you want to talk about boring marriages.

Anonymous wrote:Instead of posting your viewpoints on here, it's better you start with girls in your household. You'll be doing society a favor.

I am of course raising my kids with basic knowledge of how relationships work, and the importance of understanding the core needs of your partner, and the probable consequences if you stop meeting their core needs. My kids are reasonably smart, not geniuses, but they would pretty much agree with everything I've posted on DCUM.

[Anonymous]

I am of course raising my kids with basic knowledge of how relationships work, and the importance of understanding the core needs of your partner, and the probable consequences if you stop meeting their core needs. My kids are reasonably smart, not geniuses, but they would pretty much agree with everything I've posted on DCUM.

There is NO WAY your kids would ever agree that it's ok for you to cheat on their mom. No way. This is just another one of the lies you tell yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Again, divorce is your friend. Why do you go on a rant on sexlessness when you don’t have to suffer if you get a divorce? This is what makes you selfish and a narc. Just go find someone younger and new who will love having sex with you. Give your wife respect and a chance for a future that she doesn’t have with you. You’ve got one foot out the door whether you realize it or not. Do your wife a favor and divorce her even if it is not the right time for you.

Divorce helps nobody because nobody is suffering. The sexless wife is happy (stays married + no sex) and the normal libido man is also happy getting sex elsewhere. Why divorce a sexless wife over something so unimportant and trivial as sex? That’s the absolute last thing on her list, something she doesn’t even want, it can’t be any big deal that he does that unimportant thing with another woman. That’s actually a nicer favor to her than divorce: if she wanted that she’d just get one herself.

Because the poster was talking about evaluating in 10 years the status of relationship. This means that this isn't meant to be a status quo, it's a plan that he hasn't told his wife. This is nasty.

Even if there's no plan, cheating for next 10-20 years means you will emotionally distance yourself and there's a good chance you will develop feelings and so will likely divorce anyway. Why not do it now when you can have respect for yourself and your wife without cheating. Give the wife a chance to make a decision in this situation. That's what is so horrible about this because the wife doesn't get to choose, all decisions are made by this narc guy (cheating, when to divorce, whether to divorce). How dare he make all decisions on their relationship in vacuum.

Your whole premise is just wrong. You portray that a sexless wife somehow does not realize that men need sex. Go read every dating thread in DCUM: you will see (every other post) some warning how to avoid the flood of men who (just?) want sex. Apparently, all women (except you) on planet earth got the memo. Stop insulting the sexless wife's intelligence "oh I did not KNOW that my husband needs sex!!! If only he had TOLD me that!"

Maybe you need to invest more time educating wives-turned-low-libido that, beyond the guaranteed cheating, her choose of sexless lifestyle (decision in a vacuum?) does not bode well for the future of relationship. That is entirely her relationship decision. No vacuum present.

Listen, I've stopped responding to you because you're a troll. One thing I want to say here to you and any man who thinks like you: instead of me educating wives-turned-low-libido that sexless lilfestyle leads to cheating, why doesn't this generation of fathers start educating their daughters that sex is the most important thing to men in a relationship and men will cheat if there's no sex. I don't understand men's viewpoint as you have previously indicated and so you fathers will do better job in educating your daughters/nieces. You'll be doing your brethren/sons/nephews a favor by educating your daughters on what are men really like. Also make sure to tell your daughters that it's not only about frequency of sex but it's also about new acts/excitement, and that women should never turn a man down for sex (....you know, leads to cheating), and that marriage gets boring and so will likely lead to divorce when kids leave for school. Instead of posting your viewpoints on here, it's better you start with girls in your household. You'll be doing society a favor.

Wow, you sure do reveal a lot of your attitudes about sex, and men in this writing. I don't need to tell my daughter those things and most of them aren't true. The ones that are true should be pretty self evident to any reasonably intelligent person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^PLEASE let this letter be addressed to the wife of the cheater on this thread who insists his wife does not deserve to know.

Awww, you would wish that on me? The truth is, she would probably not even react to a letter like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I am of course raising my kids with basic knowledge of how relationships work, and the importance of understanding the core needs of your partner, and the probable consequences if you stop meeting their core needs. My kids are reasonably smart, not geniuses, but they would pretty much agree with everything I've posted on DCUM.

There is NO WAY your kids would ever agree that it's ok for you to cheat on their mom. No way. This is just another one of the lies you tell yourself.

It's a good thing I don't consult my kids about adult relationship matters with my spouse. Do you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
^PLEASE let this letter be addressed to the wife of the cheater on this thread who insists his wife does not deserve to know.
Awww, you would wish that on me? The truth is, she would probably not even react to a letter like that.

You keep undermining your own arguments. First, it was that she must know. Then, you won’t tell her because the situation works for you and you don’t want to upset her. Now, we are back to you saying she wouldn’t even react. If that’s true, then again, why not just tell her and stop the lies? You literally perform mental gymnastics with your circular reasoning to rationalize your cheating.

[Anonymous]

It's a good thing I don't consult my kids about adult relationship matters with my spouse. Do you?

What does their reaction when they find out have to do with consulting them? You said your kids would agree with just about everything you’ve written. You have gone to great lengths to explain why you think you are entitled to cheat on your kids’ mom, and PP pointed out the stupidity of your statement because of course your kids will hate you when they find out and won’t agree with you at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^PLEASE let this letter be addressed to the wife of the cheater on this thread who insists his wife does not deserve to know.

Awww, you would wish that on me? The truth is, she would probably not even react to a letter like that.

Read the last response in the mistress thread. It describes exactly what your wife would think/feel.

She might not have the confidence and self worth to write a letter or confront the OW like this wife, but she sure as hell isn’t going to like it. If she is a stay at home mom, she’s totally screwed since she doesn’t have her own income which would have provided her options.

I feel awful fir her that she’s with somebody like you.