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[quote=Anonymous]The main reason was that we were disconnected as a couple as a result of a trauma that we (*I*) never processed. And so I had this long-suffering resentment and anger toward him that I didn't quite realize (all while wishing he'd somehow die, never come home, or hit me (my personal dealbreaker for marriage)). We were slowly becoming less couple-like. Unconsciously uncoupling, because it certainly wasn't conscious.

So, as that slow decline of our marriage connection happened, had happened, and was firmly in place, somebody found me attractive. And I him. And we spent a good deal of time together out of necessity, and eventually it leaked out that we liked each other. And after some discussion, some debate, we moved on it.

I could cite things like my DH was fat, I didn't like the way he smelled, wasn't attracted to him, he didn't appreciate me -- or at least he didn't voice his appreciation -- he didn't pay attention to me and the children, we were busy, tough times, etc. etc.  But those are all excuses that I don't think hold real weight.

The real reason was that I didn't like my DH any longer and the affair was an option that I wanted. I wanted to make that connection with somebody else that I no longer had in my marriage. I may have been looking for a reason to end my marriage. Albeit a selfish, cowardly way of doing it, but I certainly am not as strong and brave as people think I am from the outside.  From the outside DH and I look (looked) like a happy, successful couple. No problems.

Slight aside: No, I never liked DH's fat body, but that was the package he came in. It wasn't (too much of) a problem until I started to hate him, as well. My attraction to him has always been more mental than physical, and I really regret that now.[/quote]

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