Can't wait to change my surname, but notice many women keeping theirs, is there a reason for this trend?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s very provincial.

Changing your name after marriage is not a common practice world wide. In a lot of instances, a husband and wife sharing a surname signals an incestuous relationship.

However, if you’ve never travelled out of the United Stares, I can see how one could assume this practice is universal. This is no different than a villager from a remote village assuming everyone practices female genital mutilation because it’s all they know.

How is a woman choosing to change her name provincial? If she doesn't know that she has a choice to keep/change her name or if she is forced to change her name that would be one thing. I knew that I didn't have to change my name, my husband didn't care one way or the other if I changed my name, his family didn't care, my family didn't care. I chose to change my name because I wanted to. That is not "provincial" or unsophisticated. It is my preference. My choice. I like my husband's name better than the name I was given at birth. Simple as that.

Did your husband also give serious consideration to changing his name to yours?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women should be independent and make decisions for themselves. Their choices are their own. Unless they choose something I disagree with, like taking their husband’s surname, and then they’re antiquated, stupid, and succumbing the patriarchy.

Being a feminist doesn't mean agreeing with every choice women make. I wouldn't lecture a friend for changing her name, butthe reality is that this is something tgat's only expected from women, never from men, and unlike many other choices, a name change after marriage is only a thing because of a sexist tradition, not because it's practical.

Maybe a woman just wants to do it. Not only should you not lecture a friend, you also shouldn’t think you’re entitled to an explanation or that there is an explanation. Some people just want to do it, others don’t. MYOB.

This is a public board were people share their opinions, and I shared mine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women should be independent and make decisions for themselves. Their choices are their own. Unless they choose something I disagree with, like taking their husband’s surname, and then they’re antiquated, stupid, and succumbing the patriarchy.

Being a feminist doesn't mean agreeing with every choice women make. I wouldn't lecture a friend for changing her name, butthe reality is that this is something tgat's only expected from women, never from men, and unlike many other choices, a name change after marriage is only a thing because of a sexist tradition, not because it's practical.

Maybe a woman just wants to do it. Not only should you not lecture a friend, you also shouldn’t think you’re entitled to an explanation or that there is an explanation. Some people just want to do it, others don’t. MYOB.

Friend, have you ever interrogated why so many women "just want to do it," and why virtually no men ever want to? The idea that everyone is making this decision in a vacuum, just "choosing their choice" is quite...naive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s very provincial.

Changing your name after marriage is not a common practice world wide. In a lot of instances, a husband and wife sharing a surname signals an incestuous relationship.

However, if you’ve never travelled out of the United Stares, I can see how one could assume this practice is universal. This is no different than a villager from a remote village assuming everyone practices female genital mutilation because it’s all they know.

How is a woman choosing to change her name provincial? If she doesn't know that she has a choice to keep/change her name or if she is forced to change her name that would be one thing. I knew that I didn't have to change my name, my husband didn't care one way or the other if I changed my name, his family didn't care, my family didn't care. I chose to change my name because I wanted to. That is not "provincial" or unsophisticated. It is my preference. My choice. I like my husband's name better than the name I was given at birth. Simple as that.

Did your husband also give serious consideration to changing his name to yours?

DP. The whole equal rights situation is that both partners should have the right to keep their birth name, change to their partner's name, or change to a new family name created for the new family. The point of having the right to choose is that there is no right answer for everyone. Calling someone's choice provincial when many people of all walks of life, all demographics, and all regions (whether urban, suburban, rural or truly provincial) have made the same choice is ridiculous.

I know 3 men who changed their names to their wives names for various reasons. Yes, a tiny percentage considering the thousands of married couples that I know, but still they had the choice and they chose. I also know thousands of women who had the choice of what they wanted their name to be after marriage and I know a significant number of all three categories. There is no right or wrong, other than what is/was right for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women should be independent and make decisions for themselves. Their choices are their own. Unless they choose something I disagree with, like taking their husband’s surname, and then they’re antiquated, stupid, and succumbing the patriarchy.

Being a feminist doesn't mean agreeing with every choice women make. I wouldn't lecture a friend for changing her name, butthe reality is that this is something tgat's only expected from women, never from men, and unlike many other choices, a name change after marriage is only a thing because of a sexist tradition, not because it's practical.

Maybe a woman just wants to do it. Not only should you not lecture a friend, you also shouldn’t think you’re entitled to an explanation or that there is an explanation. Some people just want to do it, others don’t. MYOB.

Friend, have you ever interrogated why so many women "just want to do it," and why virtually no men ever want to? The idea that everyone is making this decision in a vacuum, just "choosing their choice" is quite...naive.

+1
Yes, it's your choice, influenced by hundreds (thousands?) of years of patriarchy. Why people can't acknowledge that is beyond me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s very provincial.

Changing your name after marriage is not a common practice world wide. In a lot of instances, a husband and wife sharing a surname signals an incestuous relationship.

However, if you’ve never travelled out of the United Stares, I can see how one could assume this practice is universal. This is no different than a villager from a remote village assuming everyone practices female genital mutilation because it’s all they know.

How is a woman choosing to change her name provincial? If she doesn't know that she has a choice to keep/change her name or if she is forced to change her name that would be one thing. I knew that I didn't have to change my name, my husband didn't care one way or the other if I changed my name, his family didn't care, my family didn't care. I chose to change my name because I wanted to. That is not "provincial" or unsophisticated. It is my preference. My choice. I like my husband's name better than the name I was given at birth. Simple as that.

Did your husband also give serious consideration to changing his name to yours?

DP. The whole equal rights situation is that both partners should have the right to keep their birth name, change to their partner's name, or change to a new family name created for the new family. The point of having the right to choose is that there is no right answer for everyone. Calling someone's choice provincial when many people of all walks of life, all demographics, and all regions (whether urban, suburban, rural or truly provincial) have made the same choice is ridiculous.

I know 3 men who changed their names to their wives names for various reasons. Yes, a tiny percentage considering the thousands of married couples that I know, but still they had the choice and they chose. I also know thousands of women who had the choice of what they wanted their name to be after marriage and I know a significant number of all three categories. There is no right or wrong, other than what is/was right for you.

I didn't call anybody provincial.
Anyways, just because laws are equal doesn't mean that cultural expectations are equal too. Legally, I can choose what kind of consensual sex/ relationship I have, I can choose to stay home or to climb the coorporate ladder, I can choose anything I want, but that doesn't mean that choices are treated equally across gender lines or that gender expectations don't influence which choices I make.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women should be independent and make decisions for themselves. Their choices are their own. Unless they choose something I disagree with, like taking their husband’s surname, and then they’re antiquated, stupid, and succumbing the patriarchy.

Being a feminist doesn't mean agreeing with every choice women make. I wouldn't lecture a friend for changing her name, butthe reality is that this is something tgat's only expected from women, never from men, and unlike many other choices, a name change after marriage is only a thing because of a sexist tradition, not because it's practical.

Maybe a woman just wants to do it. Not only should you not lecture a friend, you also shouldn’t think you’re entitled to an explanation or that there is an explanation. Some people just want to do it, others don’t. MYOB.

Friend, have you ever interrogated why so many women "just want to do it," and why virtually no men ever want to? The idea that everyone is making this decision in a vacuum, just "choosing their choice" is quite...naive.

Nonetheless, it is their choice. Why does it bug you sop much?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women should be independent and make decisions for themselves. Their choices are their own. Unless they choose something I disagree with, like taking their husband’s surname, and then they’re antiquated, stupid, and succumbing the patriarchy.

Being a feminist doesn't mean agreeing with every choice women make. I wouldn't lecture a friend for changing her name, butthe reality is that this is something tgat's only expected from women, never from men, and unlike many other choices, a name change after marriage is only a thing because of a sexist tradition, not because it's practical.

Maybe a woman just wants to do it. Not only should you not lecture a friend, you also shouldn’t think you’re entitled to an explanation or that there is an explanation. Some people just want to do it, others don’t. MYOB.

Friend, have you ever interrogated why so many women "just want to do it," and why virtually no men ever want to? The idea that everyone is making this decision in a vacuum, just "choosing their choice" is quite...naive.

+1
Yes, it's your choice, influenced by hundreds (thousands?) of years of patriarchy. Why people can't acknowledge that is beyond me.

Duh, and so what? Acknowledged. And still people can make that choice. Do you want to take away the choice because you don't like it now?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My sister didn't change her name when she married in her early 30s. She married a nice, successful guy who seemed to check all of the boxes. On paper. But it was so obvious to all of us she never genuinely loved him.

She justified not taking his name with gobbledygook about her career. We didn't buy it.

We were all convinced she subconsciously knew the marriage would not last.

And we were right. They divorced four years later. She remarried a year later...and took her current husband's name!

This is only true for women who see the nane change as a sign of love. Those that see it for what it is: a sexist practice based on the idea that a woman's place is in the shadow of her husband, can keep our names and still have a long lasting marriage.

I disagree with that interpretation for modern times. You may feel that way, but don't put your misogyny onto others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women should be independent and make decisions for themselves. Their choices are their own. Unless they choose something I disagree with, like taking their husband’s surname, and then they’re antiquated, stupid, and succumbing the patriarchy.

Being a feminist doesn't mean agreeing with every choice women make. I wouldn't lecture a friend for changing her name, butthe reality is that this is something tgat's only expected from women, never from men, and unlike many other choices, a name change after marriage is only a thing because of a sexist tradition, not because it's practical.

Maybe a woman just wants to do it. Not only should you not lecture a friend, you also shouldn’t think you’re entitled to an explanation or that there is an explanation. Some people just want to do it, others don’t. MYOB.

Friend, have you ever interrogated why so many women "just want to do it," and why virtually no men ever want to? The idea that everyone is making this decision in a vacuum, just "choosing their choice" is quite...naive.

+1
Yes, it's your choice, influenced by hundreds (thousands?) of years of patriarchy. Why people can't acknowledge that is beyond me.

Duh, and so what? Acknowledged. And still people can make that choice. Do you want to take away the choice because you don't like it now?

DP here, and thank you! I’m quite aware that my decision to take my husband’s name is born out of patriarchy. I did it anyway and I haven’t looked back.

I hope the feminists on this board can support my autonomy here. I should get to choose what’s best for me, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My sister didn't change her name when she married in her early 30s. She married a nice, successful guy who seemed to check all of the boxes. On paper. But it was so obvious to all of us she never genuinely loved him.

She justified not taking his name with gobbledygook about her career. We didn't buy it.

We were all convinced she subconsciously knew the marriage would not last.

And we were right. They divorced four years later. She remarried a year later...and took her current husband's name!

This is only true for women who see the nane change as a sign of love. Those that see it for what it is: a sexist practice based on the idea that a woman's place is in the shadow of her husband, can keep our names and still have a long lasting marriage.

I disagree with that interpretation for modern times. You may feel that way, but don't put your misogyny onto others.

Misogyny is to expect women to change their names when men don't, and to interpret women's decision to keep their names the same way their husbands did as a lack of love or committment on a woman's, but not on a man's part.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women should be independent and make decisions for themselves. Their choices are their own. Unless they choose something I disagree with, like taking their husband’s surname, and then they’re antiquated, stupid, and succumbing the patriarchy.

Being a feminist doesn't mean agreeing with every choice women make. I wouldn't lecture a friend for changing her name, butthe reality is that this is something tgat's only expected from women, never from men, and unlike many other choices, a name change after marriage is only a thing because of a sexist tradition, not because it's practical.

Maybe a woman just wants to do it. Not only should you not lecture a friend, you also shouldn’t think you’re entitled to an explanation or that there is an explanation. Some people just want to do it, others don’t. MYOB.

Friend, have you ever interrogated why so many women "just want to do it," and why virtually no men ever want to? The idea that everyone is making this decision in a vacuum, just "choosing their choice" is quite...naive.

+1
Yes, it's your choice, influenced by hundreds (thousands?) of years of patriarchy. Why people can't acknowledge that is beyond me.

Duh, and so what? Acknowledged. And still people can make that choice. Do you want to take away the choice because you don't like it now?

DP here, and thank you! I’m quite aware that my decision to take my husband’s name is born out of patriarchy. I did it anyway and I haven’t looked back.

I hope the feminists on this board can support my autonomy here. I should get to choose what’s best for me, right?

How are feminists supposed to support you? By giving you a cookie and a pat in the head? Feminists don't have to agree with every decision just because a woman made it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women should be independent and make decisions for themselves. Their choices are their own. Unless they choose something I disagree with, like taking their husband’s surname, and then they’re antiquated, stupid, and succumbing the patriarchy.

Being a feminist doesn't mean agreeing with every choice women make. I wouldn't lecture a friend for changing her name, butthe reality is that this is something tgat's only expected from women, never from men, and unlike many other choices, a name change after marriage is only a thing because of a sexist tradition, not because it's practical.

Maybe a woman just wants to do it. Not only should you not lecture a friend, you also shouldn’t think you’re entitled to an explanation or that there is an explanation. Some people just want to do it, others don’t. MYOB.

Friend, have you ever interrogated why so many women "just want to do it," and why virtually no men ever want to? The idea that everyone is making this decision in a vacuum, just "choosing their choice" is quite...naive.

+1
Yes, it's your choice, influenced by hundreds (thousands?) of years of patriarchy. Why people can't acknowledge that is beyond me.

Duh, and so what? Acknowledged. And still people can make that choice. Do you want to take away the choice because you don't like it now?

DP. Nobody wants to take your choice away, but this is a public board discussing name change after marriage. Some people people have a less than favorable opinion on this and they're expressing.

[Anonymous]

There is no way I was changing my name. Couldn’t convince me otherwise.

[Anonymous]

I think some people feel like it’s a patriarchy thing so they don’t want to participate

Some are known well in a field professionally and feel a name change would be confusing for people

Others are a bit lazy and don’t want to go to the place and fill out the paperwork