Can't wait to change my surname, but notice many women keeping theirs, is there a reason for this trend?

[Anonymous]

My parents have different surnames and I have both of these surnames. I also kept both of them when I got married. I've never witnessed or heard of legitimate issues stemming from spouses or children having different surname, and I don't consider nosy in-laws or acquaintances a real problem.

It never occurred to me to change my surname even though I was aware of the practice. This is a long process and, let's be honest, it's only expected from me because I'm a woman married to a man. Had I been a man or a lesbian nobody would question my loyalty to my partner or wonder about me not having the same name as my future children, or some other bullshit just because I kept my name.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People may think you are a divorcee or a difficult person if you haven't taken the last name. I said the silent part out loud, it does matter

So what if someone is a divorcee?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People may think you are a divorcee or a difficult person if you haven't taken the last name. I said the silent part out loud, it does matter

Not everyone judges as easily as you do. There's plenty of people who keep their last names, and personal preference seems to be the common reason for it.

[Anonymous]

Taking your husband's name in marriage offers a harmonious blend of tradition, practicality, and symbolism, outweighing the potential drawbacks for many couples. This choice, as exemplified by influential women like Hillary Clinton and Melinda Gates, demonstrates that adopting your husband's surname doesn't hinder professional growth or personal identity; rather, it can complement and enrich them.

One of the standout advantages is the ease it brings to international travel, particularly in customs and immigration processes. Families sharing the same surname often experience smoother and quicker procedures, a significant benefit in today's globalized world. This commonality in the family name simplifies the identification process, especially useful when traveling with children.

In daily life, having the same surname as your spouse and children can streamline administrative tasks related to schooling, medical care, and legal matters. It removes the need for additional documentation to prove family relationships, making these often routine yet crucial tasks more straightforward.

Beyond practicalities, adopting your husband's surname symbolizes the unity and commitment within a marriage. It fosters a strong sense of family identity and belonging, reinforcing the familial bonds. This symbolic gesture is a powerful expression of the new life and journey you embark on together as a family.

In essence, the benefits of taking your husband's name — from smoother travel experiences and simplified daily logistics to the symbolic representation of family unity — significantly outweigh the cons. It's a choice that seamlessly blends tradition with modernity, allowing women to maintain their professional and personal identities while celebrating their marital bond and family unity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
So... you do not understand the patriarchal and misogynist undercurrents that led to women being absorbed into their husband's family and home after leaving their father's?

In 2023, you have no idea about any of this?!?




OK. You're stupid. If you actually liked his name better than yours, or yours was too complicated, or associated with an unhappy childhood, in short, if there was a cogent reason other than "OMG, I'm going to be Mrs. Smug Married and marriage is the ultimate social status I've always aspired to!"... people would understand. But actually asking WHY women keep their identities is stupid.

+1

[Anonymous]

I kept my name. I have been married almost 30 years and have a kid in college. Still waiting for these supposed "problems down the road."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Taking your husband's name in marriage offers a harmonious blend of tradition, practicality, and symbolism, outweighing the potential drawbacks for many couples. This choice, as exemplified by influential women like Hillary Clinton and Melinda Gates, demonstrates that adopting your husband's surname doesn't hinder professional growth or personal identity; rather, it can complement and enrich them.

One of the standout advantages is the ease it brings to international travel, particularly in customs and immigration processes. Families sharing the same surname often experience smoother and quicker procedures, a significant benefit in today's globalized world. This commonality in the family name simplifies the identification process, especially useful when traveling with children.

In daily life, having the same surname as your spouse and children can streamline administrative tasks related to schooling, medical care, and legal matters. It removes the need for additional documentation to prove family relationships, making these often routine yet crucial tasks more straightforward.

Beyond practicalities, adopting your husband's surname symbolizes the unity and commitment within a marriage. It fosters a strong sense of family identity and belonging, reinforcing the familial bonds. This symbolic gesture is a powerful expression of the new life and journey you embark on together as a family.

In essence, the benefits of taking your husband's name — from smoother travel experiences and simplified daily logistics to the symbolic representation of family unity — significantly outweigh the cons. It's a choice that seamlessly blends tradition with modernity, allowing women to maintain their professional and personal identities while celebrating their marital bond and family unity.

Here you go, OP: ChatGPT agrees with you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One thing to consider is that it is a PITA to change your last name. Its been years and still once in a while, I will go to, say, book a flight but realize by airline FF account has my maiden name. And no you can't just update your name easily, you have to fill out forms and send marriage certificates. I knew the big things to update, but then there are also a million other things. Such a hassle.

Such a pain. I'm divorced now, and my lawyer didn't tell me before my hearing that the only time to revert back to my maiden name for free was then and there. I had already booked plane tickets, and didn't want to mess with my travel documents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What problems could it possibly cause “down the road”? I’m genuinely asking you.

I didn’t change my name, partly because I have an established professional license and publications in my maiden name, partly because I didn’t want to give up part of my identity while he kept his. Seems an unfair way to start things out. I suggested that both of us change our names (to his mom’s maiden name) and he didn’t want to do that. He also didn’t pressure me to change to his name. I might have changed it at least for personal use if his surname was an easy one, but it’s not (neither is my maiden name). Oh well.

PS - 15 years in, three kids with his surname, and no problems because of it.

Wouldn't it cause problems travelling or with certain documents for a process that you start as a married couple?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People may think you are a divorcee or a difficult person if you haven't taken the last name. I said the silent part out loud, it does matter

If that’s the case, count me in for being a difficult person. 🤣

Not only did I keep my name but get this, my KIDS have MY name and not my husband’s, and we are very happily married, and he is an amazing man.

Don’t buy wholesale what society sells you, and you might just be happier in the long run.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People may think you are a divorcee or a difficult person if you haven't taken the last name. I said the silent part out loud, it does matter

So what if someone is a divorcee?

Choosing not to be publicly known as a divorcee often stems from societal attitudes and personal preferences. The stigma still associated with divorce in many communities can lead to unfair judgments, prompting individuals to maintain privacy about their marital history. Taking a husband's last name in a subsequent marriage can be part of this privacy strategy. It helps in blending seamlessly into societal norms that favor traditional family structures, potentially avoiding stereotypes or biases that might arise from being known as a divorcee.

In professional settings, where biases against divorce might still exist, having a different last name can provide a sense of a fresh start, free from associations with one's past marital status. This can be particularly important for career progression or workplace dynamics.

For parents, adopting a new surname can also be a way to protect their children from potential negative reactions in environments where there's a strong emphasis on traditional family units. It simplifies their identity in social and educational settings, avoiding unnecessary complications or questions about family background.

Additionally, personal beliefs and societal norms play a role. Changing one’s last name after remarrying can be a way to move past the internalized stigma or shame some might feel about being divorced. It allows individuals to redefine their identity and start anew, free from the labels and expectations that might have been attached to their previous surname.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People may think you are a divorcee or a difficult person if you haven't taken the last name. I said the silent part out loud, it does matter

They can think whatever they want. The fact they'd think this about a woman, but not about a man says more about them than it says about me.

[Anonymous]

Are you 60?

Seriously, women have been not changing their names forever at this point.

I wasn't published or have a serious career when I married XH and had my kids. But I didn't like how his last name sounded with mine and we both thought it was a weird tradition (his mom didn't take his dad's). My kids have my last name as their middle, all of them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People may think you are a divorcee or a difficult person if you haven't taken the last name. I said the silent part out loud, it does matter

If that’s the case, count me in for being a difficult person. 🤣

Not only did I keep my name but get this, my KIDS have MY name and not my husband’s, and we are very happily married, and he is an amazing man.

Don’t buy wholesale what society sells you, and you might just be happier in the long run.

Your post speaks volumes, not once did you mention your husband's feelings or thoughts.

[Anonymous]

Seriously, PP, stop putting your generative AI drivel on this page. It's mind-numbing.