Can't wait to change my surname, but notice many women keeping theirs, is there a reason for this trend?

[Anonymous]

As the title says: I'm getting married in a few days in it hasn't crossed my mind to keep my surname. We're going to start a family and I'd love all of us to have the same surname, as we're playing for the same team. My soon to be husband is ecstatic as well that I'm taking his surname. I was aware that women with fancy careers or with research published under their names kept their surnames at higher rates as they had build a name under their maiden surname. However, I started noticing a similar trend among women with less public careers and even homemakers who I know for a fact are married. I can't imagine having a different surname than my children, but it looks like some women see nothing wrong with this. Is there a reason for this? Doesn't it cause problems the road? Just asking out of curiosity.

[Anonymous]

My name is who I am, OP. Why would I change myself? My husband never wanted me to change my name either. Our children have a hyphenated name, to reflect both our families: my husband and I each have a different national and cultural background, so it was important to us. Which means there are three last names in our nuclear family. It doesn't bother us, and it doesn't bother any medical, border control, or government administration of any country in which we hold passports or residency permits.

You seem to have lived under a rock all these years. Women have been keeping their own names and identities for generations. Any man who thinks their wife should change their name is strange and weird, unless he'd be fine changing his name to his wife's if that was her preference.

[Anonymous]

I’ve had my name for a long time. It’s how I know myself. Our child carries his last name and I’m ok with that as it was important to him (her too). He is supportive of my choice and it was entirely not an issue. I get called the wrong name at school occasionally but don’t mind. We’re still all on the same team.

[Anonymous]

What problems could it possibly cause “down the road”? I’m genuinely asking you.

I didn’t change my name, partly because I have an established professional license and publications in my maiden name, partly because I didn’t want to give up part of my identity while he kept his. Seems an unfair way to start things out. I suggested that both of us change our names (to his mom’s maiden name) and he didn’t want to do that. He also didn’t pressure me to change to his name. I might have changed it at least for personal use if his surname was an easy one, but it’s not (neither is my maiden name). Oh well.

PS - 15 years in, three kids with his surname, and no problems because of it.

[Anonymous]

I didn't change my name because I didn't want to. If you want to, you should. Have fun.

But the idea that your DH is "ecstatic" about you taking his birth name, yet you simultaneously cannot understand why anyone would want to keep their birth name, rings very false.

[Anonymous]

One thing to consider is that it is a PITA to change your last name. Its been years and still once in a while, I will go to, say, book a flight but realize by airline FF account has my maiden name. And no you can't just update your name easily, you have to fill out forms and send marriage certificates. I knew the big things to update, but then there are also a million other things. Such a hassle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What problems could it possibly cause “down the road”? I’m genuinely asking you.

I didn’t change my name, partly because I have an established professional license and publications in my maiden name, partly because I didn’t want to give up part of my identity while he kept his. Seems an unfair way to start things out. I suggested that both of us change our names (to his mom’s maiden name) and he didn’t want to do that. He also didn’t pressure me to change to his name. I might have changed it at least for personal use if his surname was an easy one, but it’s not (neither is my maiden name). Oh well.

PS - 15 years in, three kids with his surname, and no problems because of it.

No one cares about your profession maiden name, Hillary Clinton took the last name and she's as lib and professional as they get.

[Anonymous]

it's fine either way, OP. There's nothing wrong keeping your name, combining names or just taking your husband's.

I took my husband's and made my last name my second middle name.

[Anonymous]

People may think you are a divorcee or a difficult person if you haven't taken the last name. I said the silent part out loud, it does matter

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People may think you are a divorcee or a difficult person if you haven't taken the last name. I said the silent part out loud, it does matter

People who think this about women are welcome to find me difficult. I don't try to appease random men who mean nothing to me.

[Anonymous]

So... you do not understand the patriarchal and misogynist undercurrents that led to women being absorbed into their husband's family and home after leaving their father's?

In 2023, you have no idea about any of this?!?




OK. You're stupid. If you actually liked his name better than yours, or yours was too complicated, or associated with an unhappy childhood, in short, if there was a cogent reason other than "OMG, I'm going to be Mrs. Smug Married and marriage is the ultimate social status I've always aspired to!"... people would understand. But actually asking WHY women keep their identities is stupid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People may think you are a divorcee or a difficult person if you haven't taken the last name. I said the silent part out loud, it does matter

In the 21st century? No.

[Anonymous]

I like my name, saw no reason to change. What problems do you think it will cause, OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People may think you are a divorcee or a difficult person if you haven't taken the last name. I said the silent part out loud, it does matter

People who think this about women are welcome to find me difficult. I don't try to appease random men who mean nothing to me.

It's probably a woman who changed her last name.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I didn't change my name because I didn't want to. If you want to, you should. Have fun.

But the idea that your DH is "ecstatic" about you taking his birth name, yet you simultaneously cannot understand why anyone would want to keep their birth name, rings very false.

This. My name is my name. Not changing it.